Chapter 101

Katniss

I continue on my walk, forcing myself not to run past the Meadow, District 12's mass graveyard. Prim is buried separately, along with a few other people like Peeta's parents, the Undersees, my father and other mine accident victims, and a couple more that I've forgotten the names of. Either way, I knew a lot of them. Not personally, but I'd seen them at the bakery or in the square from time to time.

I can still see the vile memory of the crunch of a skull under my boot. I killed all of you. I whisper the phrase repeatedly in my head, even after I put a good distance between me and the Meadow.

I pull myself up to a big fork in a tree and shut my eyes. I take in the scent of sweet sap and green leaves and sigh. I lean by head against the dirt covered bark and try to keep myself from falling asleep. I'm surrounded by peaceful quietness, with the exception of an occasional squirrel scurrying up a branch or the soft rustle of leaves.

I try not to think of the guilt I'll have when it comes time to go back to that house. I should feel guilty now, for leaving Peeta and my mother, but right now, it isn't possible. I feel nothing but a sweet sense of calm and relaxation here.

After a while, I open my eyes again to see the sun slowly getting lower in the sky. I'd assume its about three or four. I still have time to watch the sunset. I haven't done that since Gale and I used to hunt, long before the first games. Not like this, anyway.

Suddenly, the urge to sing washes over me. I open my mouth and let out a high note and wait silently for the Mockingjays to pick up on it. I sing a few more notes and the birds decide to follow it.

Then, I start singing a song I dread but love at the same time.

Deep in the meadow Under the willow A bed of grass A soft green pillow

I pause, enjoying the fact that I'm not drowning in my own tears by this point. This song reminds me of Rue, Prim, and Ruth of course. But it also gives me the hope that they are somewhere safe, maybe even together.

Lay down your head And close your sleepy eyesFor when you wakeThe sun will rise

I pause again and wait for the Mockingjays to finish. I debate on whether or not I should finish the song, and I decide against it. The birds finish the melody with a hauntingly beautiful, soft note and we both seem to decide that we're satisfied. I smile softly and watch the sun go down in silence.

Now I only hear the rhythmical sound of frogs chirping and decide it's time to make my way back home.

I shimmy down the the last few feet of the tree and jump to the ground, landing in a pile of crunchy brown leaves. I see a rabbit on the way back, but I decide to leave it be. It scurries off within seconds.

I get polite nods and warm smiles from my people when I get back in town. I can't help but wonder if they heard me screaming a few nights ago. If they ever hear me screaming during a nightmare.

The feeling of guilt is slowly starting to come on, as I look at each and every one of these people and wonder if I killed any of their relatives. Without me, they might still have their brother or sister, mother or father.

I shake my head and keep walking, careful not to meet anymore of their eyes.

I unwillingly open the front door to my home and step inside. No one greets me at the door. Maybe they've decided to leave me alone. I glance into the living room to find it empty of people.

There's a soft murmur of voices coming from the kitchen, though. They must be eating dinner late. They probably tried waiting for me as late as they could, but gave in and decided I wouldn't be back until late.

When I look in at them, there is no food on the table. Haymitch, Gale, Peeta, my mother sit around the table. "I'm not sure what you want me to do-"

My eyes follow the voice my ears just heard. My heart drops like a stone in water. It's Plutarch. The faces of my loved ones turn towards me. "Katniss," Peeta says, sounding out of breath and exhausted.

"What are you doing?" I demand.

"We were just discussing. . .your health," my mother says.

"My health?" I ask bitterly. "What is there to discuss? You can tell me I'm insane. I know that. It won't change anything."

"Katniss, we're trying to help you," Peeta says.

"We? So you're going to let them lock me away, too? I thought at least you would be with me."

"No! Katniss, they aren't locking you away."

"Why shouldn't they? We both know what happened--what keeps happening."

"No, we don't know what happened because you won't tell us! You won't talk to me!"

"I'm sick of talking Peeta! I'm done," I say, throwing my hands up in the air. I make sure to glare at each and every one of them before I march into my bedroom.

Yay! I updated! Sorry it keeps taking me so long, this week was just really busy because I've been working on an audition for a play and it was today (hopefully all goes well) so it should be better now. The only thing is, if I do get cast in the play, that would minimize writing even more :/ Anyways, we can hope for the best! :)