Chapter 23

Peeta

Katniss. She was standing right in front of me. I realized what I did right before she left. She brought me back.

I watch her be pulled away by the guards. I try to make her stay but I can't bring myself to speak. My hijacked self is beginning to take over again.

I clench my fists, trying to fight it. I can feel it coming back, taking over my brain. I still have a small part of me that loved Katniss. I need to hang on to that. But I can't. The violent wave completely washes over me.

Katniss Everdeen is a mutt. She's nothing but a horrible muttation. She killed everyone. It's her fault. It's all her fault.

Katniss

I had no nightmares last night. I'm surprised, but I think I was too exhausted to have any.

When I wake up the next morning, I jump back somewhat. There is a young girl sitting on the third bed in the room. Her eyes are a crystal blue, almost like Peeta's but darker. Her head is cocked to the side slightly. "Hello," I say.

"Hi," she replies quietly. She looks away, pretending she was never watching me.

"I'm Katniss," I say. I usually don't talk to people, strangers especially, but there's something about this girl that makes me feel safe. 

"I know. Your practically famous," she says. I smile weakly. I look at the wall to my right. It's cream colored, just like every other wall. It's chipped and dusty. "I'm Ruth."

"I heard about that boy. Peeta," she says.

"Oh, yes," I say, pretending that I don't really care much.

"I knew your sister," she says. I look up. Tears begin forming in my eyes but I blink them away. "Well, not really. In 13 we spoke once. She helped my family."

"What happened?" I ask. She sighs.

"We were from 8. My sister and brothers were killed, and my parents and I were injured. We got picked up by a hovercraft and brought to thirteen. They managed to help me because my burns weren't that severe, but my parents died shortly after," she explains quietly.

"I'm sorry. . .Prim was killed in a bombing. And my father in a mining accident in my District. I guess were all on fire," I joke, weakly. My fake smile quickly fades. Ruth doens't laugh. I'm sure she knew how I felt, considering the fact that her entire family is dead too. 

"Do you want to get breakfast? It's a little late, but they don't close for a while," she says.

"Sure," I reply. I stand up and undo my braid. I don't bother to redo it. We walk out of our room together.

***

After breakfast, Ruth goes back to our room. I told her I was going to walk around for a little while. She left without questioning me.

I turn down a random hallway. I remember Bonnie and Twill. I don't think they ever found 13. I wonder if Ruth knew them or their family. Maybe Twill was Ruth's teacher.

I pull at the sleeve of my navy blue shirt. My boots click fairly loudly on the shiny white floor. I'm really looking for the hospital wing, even though I know they'd never let me in.

I do find it after a while. I stand there, staring at the door. I don't touch the doorknob and try to get in. I just stand there, waiting. Waiting for Peeta to walk out and wrap his arms around me. I'm waiting to see his eyes again. 

I boost my confidence enough to reach for the doorknob. Right when I do, the door opens. A little sliver of hope explodes inside me. It isn't Peeta though. It's Gale.

"Katniss?" he asks. I pull my arm away from the door. I glance passed his shoulder, trying to see Peeta. That's stupid though. I'm sure they put him in his own room. I imagine Peeta sitting in a dark room, alone.

"Hi," I say. Gale shuts the door behind him.

"What are you doing here?" he asks. He knows why. 

"Just looking for my mother," I lie. I can see in his eyes that he doesn't believe me.

"Oh, well, I'll leave you to do that." he says. I nod and pretend to leave. After I'm sure he's gone, I open the hospital's door. It's deserted, with the exception of a few patients, either sleeping or too sick to care about what I was doing.

There are three doors. They all had a number beside them. 23,24,25. I assume Peeta is in one of them. There is a tiny square window on each door. 

I stood on my tiptoes and peer in number 23. I cringe at what I see and quickly look away. It's a bald man with horrible looking burns everywhere. I guess these rooms are where the dying patients go. Or the people that can't be near other people. 

In number 24, there are three patients on beds. They don't have anything physically wrong with them, at least nothing I could see. Either they were crazy or they all had the same type of horrible disease. It was probably the disease because a doctor soon entered from the other side wearing a large body suit with a thick helmet.

I brace myself and look through the number 25 window. Peeta. He's sleeping on the bed in the middle of the room. He looks peaceful, normal almost. Besides the wretched bruises.

There is no doctor or therapist. He is tied down to the bed, like before. I have to try again.

I touch the cold metal doorknob, and just barely turn it. Peeta's eyes open. For just a split second they are blue. And then, a horrible, black color. His head turns towards the door. I don't think he can see me.

I know if I walked inside, Peeta would start yelling and they'd take me away again. I have a plan.

Peeta loses interest on the door and turns towards the wall on the opposite side of the room.

I open the door completely and lock it behind me. Peeta turns his head. His face is filled with anger and hatred. "Mutt! Get away from me! Get out!" he yells at the top if his lungs.

"Peeta. Listen," I try to calm him down. I hear footsteps outside of the door.

I walk closer to Peeta, but not close enough for him to do anything. "Get away! Leave me alone!" he yells. "You killed everyone! Everyone's dead because of you! Go away! You killed my family! I have no one because of you stupid mutt!"

His words hurt me, but I try my best to block them out. That is until he said "It's your fault your stupid sister is dead!"

I choke and step back. It is my fault. He is right. Tears fall out of my eyes, one by one.

I hear people shaking the doorknob, trying to get in. I know I don't have much time until they get in. I make myself stop crying and I stand beside Peeta again. He thrashes around, trying to break the restraints. "Peeta!" I yell. "Stop!"

"No!" he spits. 

"Listen to me. I can help you. This is the Capitol's fault. Not mine. You need to listen to me." I say. I try remembering my words I said before. "My favorite color is green, yours is orange. Like the sunset. My favorite food that you make is your cheese buns. You hold me when I have nightmares. You gave me a pearl in the arena. Those are real. This is not real." I'm surprised I remember my exact words.

Blue. His eyes turned blue! "Katniss. . ." He whispers.

"Oh my god! Peeta!" I gasp. I kneel down beside him.

"I don't have much time. . ." He says. I can tell. His eyes begin to get cloudy. But it's strange. They get cloudy but then turn clear again. He is trying to fight it. "Say more. Please." 

"Okay," I whimper. People are banging on the door but I ignore them again. "You say always when I ask you to stay with me. You love to paint, and bake. You planted primrose outside of my house." I'm running out of things to say.

Peeta's eyes stay blue for longer, but it's exhausting him, trying to keep them that way. "I love you. That's real," he mumbles. Then, his eyes turn black again and he's escpaed from my grasp yet again. 

A perfect song for the second half of this chapter: Demons by Imagine Dragons.

Is it just me?

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