⫣39⫦ Choices well made

Soorryy, my crush is making a show again... can't help myself...

______________________________________

"Isn't he just perfect?" My mother exclaims the moment I return to the dinner table. I smile and nod, unable to agree with her more, but for entirely different reasons. "What do you think, darling?" she continues to ask my father, who, for a moment, just stares at his wine glass lost in thoughts. Then he finally glances up with a smile. "He is. I would really like to meet this father of his. His company sounds like it has a promising future. I should look into it some more and maybe we can invite them over as well next time." The answer doesn't surprise me the least bit. Of course he would like to meet this rising, influential company owner, using my involvement with his son for his own benefits. I grin to myself on the inside, knowing the reason for the boys absence at school these past three days. They've been working like crazy on the fake website. I looked it up myself, and there's not a single fault in it.

It seems like Suga has spent a good deal teaching the others some basic know-hows in internet hacking and computer science and together they managed to create a company out of the blue.

Even my father, whose job includes explicit research will not find anything amiss or suspicious. "Do you think he would like to come again?" I ask shyly, like it's something I really wanted but wasn't sure about. My mother laughs loud and melodic. "But of course he would, honey. He looks at you like he has already fallen For You. And you are doing great, sweetie! Just keep this up, and he'll surely be back with his parents." I make my face transform into a bright, happy smile at the idea, while my insides are twisting with every passing second. I wonder if Taehyung is already in the office and whether he was able to turn off the alarm. It must have been two minutes by now, right? What if something happens and the alarm goes off? How will I explain that to my father? Can I distract him long enough for Taehyung to get away? I make sure my shaking hands are hidden on my lap beneath the table."But isn't this a bit too fast, Heejin?" my father suddenly speaks up, looking like he's struggling with a dark thought. "I mean we only just met him. We should find out a bit more about his family and his reputation. We can't give our daughter to just anybody." I just sit there, still and blinking, wondering if he ever even listens to the things he says. Like I'm his property and he has any say to whom he can give me to. Like I am some object to be given away. And then expects me to agree with his choice with a smile and a nod like the good, little girl I'm supposed to be. "Kwang-Sun, darling," my mother murmurs sweetly. "You are not a woman like me and Lian. We know when someone is a good match for us. And I have a really good feeling about Jae-Min. I think he would be perfect for Lian: kind, rich and ambitious. He can give her a great future." My father glances up at her and the darkened expression disappears, replaced by a gentle smile. "I know, darling. I'll just look him up a little, just to make sure. And then we can invite him for another dinner." She nods, just like the pretty doll she is and it makes my skin tingle with anger. I realize that my mother is all that I never want to be: obedient, superficial and composed. No thinking on her own, only lead by the opinions of a man. And my father- every time I look at him, I'm reminded that all that love and admiration I once felt for him, has turned into cold hatred. I feel nothing else for him now. I only want to see this man loose everything he has gained thought his illegal, heartless actions. And in the end, I want him to know it was me- his own daughter who ruined him. Maybe that makes me a monster too and just as heartless, but I don't care. Namjoon found the redemption for his brother's suicide in raising and helping the boys of BTS.I will find my redemption- and my forgiveness, when my father is behind bars, paying for his crimes. All that goes through my head when a voice suddenly fills the room. "You have a beautiful house, Mr. and Mrs. Cheol." My head snaps to Taehyung, standing in the door frame, smiling innocently, like he didn't just break into a highly secured office. He bobs his head once, almost unnoticeable, but I get the message: mission succeeded. I keep my back straight and my breathing calm, even as relieve floods me like a tidal wave. We've actually done it! "Oh thank you. But I told you, Jae-Min, do call me Heejin.", my mother purrs, already gesturing for him to sit again. "It's time for desert, don't you think?" Taehyung shoots her a brilliant smile while taking his place by my side again. Dessert is served and Taehyung continues to wrap my parents around his fingers, misleading them in the most artful way I've ever seen.

It makes me love him all the more. And that's what this is, I realize.

I love Taehyung.

I have since that moment he made me jump from that cliff and he opened my eyes to who I really am.

I love him more than myself, because without him, there would be no 'me' to Begin with. I don't care if my parents see that love in my eyes as I keep glancing at him. Quite the opposite.

Every time I do, my mother's smile turns a bit brighter and my father asks Taehyung more about his family, only to be fed more pretty lies. They even join us at the door when it's time to say goodbye. I'm not ready to let him go again so soon, but I know I have no other choice. So we exchange pleasant goodbyes and a quick kiss to my cheek, that makes me blush even though his hands were in some very intimate places earlier. "You still have my phone number, Lian?" He asks when he is already a few steps down the front porch. I put on a brilliant smile. "Of course. And my father bought me a new phone just yesterday." "I would love to hear from you soon then?" He continues to ask politely and I do my best impersonation of an excited teenager whose crush just asked her out. "Of course. I would really like that too." His answering smile is almost brighter than the sun itself, and makes my stomach feel like a thousand Butterflies have been set loose inside. He waves one last time before heading for his car. I glance up at both my parents, sending off the boy who would help me destroy them- both with a smile on their face.

****

"Darling!," My mother's voice echoes through the house and I roll my eyes in my room, putting down the pen and paper. I'm not studying like I used to on weekends or any other time I spend at home.

School has taken a very low place in my priority list right now.

I've been drawing. I take one more glance at the sketch I made before yelling down. "I'm coming!" They boys texted me on my new phone the moment I woke up, saying my father charged his phone last night, and Yoongi spend every minute since then going through his stuff.They are thinking of the best way to get me out of the house without any suspicion raised to discuss what he found, but for the last two hours, I haven't heard back from them. I fly down the steps and enter the living room. My eyes fall on my mother first, her back straight, plastered on friendly smile and dressed in a light blue dress. And then they skip to the woman next to her and my eyes widen in surprise.

No way in hell had I ever thought to see Hwasa standing in my house. She's equally well dressed in a red blouse and a knee length, black skirt. There is a secretive glitter in her eyes, looking out through round, nerd-glasses and her long black hair is done up in a simple but elegant pony tail.

Her back is straight and she holds herself like someone who is used to it. I suddenly remember her story about her life and that once upon a time, she was just like me, trapped with a family who expected things of her, yet never accepted her for who she truly is. "You didn't tell me your friend was coming over, Lian?" my mother now says a little accusingly, but I can't rip my eyes away from the woman next to her. Hwasa only lays a reassuring hand on my mothers shoulders as if they are already close friends. "It's not Lian's fault, Mrs. Cheol. I heard there was an incident and she lost her phone when she was robbed. Terrible thing, really. But I didn't have her new number because of it, and so I thought as the president of the math team, I should visit her personally to give her the good news." I almost break out into a laugh: Hwasa, the maths team president? "What good news?" I ask, finally managing to get some control back on my face. "Well, the upcoming competition of course," she announces passionately. "A competition? Lian hasn't mentioned that," my mother immediately replies, skipping her eyes between me and Hwasa, who shoots me a kind smile. "Well, Mrs. Cheol, you see, the competition only allows five students to participate, and we've never chose a member who just joined us to be one of the candidates.So she must not have expected to be chosen. But your daughter is incredibly smart, and she might actually help us win this year. And it would look great in her college application." I watch as my mother practically turns jelly at the words, nodding vigorously. "That sounds amazing. You would love to participate, wouldn't you Lian?" She shoots me a look that tells me she won't accept no for an answer. And gladly so. "Of course! I would love to help you win this year." The enthusiasm coming out of my mouth is not even acted, knowing exactly this is nothing else but one of RM's plans to get me out of the house. And as I expect, Hwasa turns to my mother and explains:

"In order for us to properly train for the competition though, I've decided to create a little math-team weekend where we can sit together and concentrate on practicing against the other strong teams. I really want to win this year- we've come so close last year. Which is why I'm here. I heard you are very protective of your daughter and don't like it when she is gone too long, especially with what happened and I totally understand that. But I really hope you will allow her to go. It's at my parents place and I can send you the address and all the contact details as well if you want. I can assure you though, your daughter is in the best hands." My mother's eyes had widened but the moment Hwasa finishes her request, she already bobs her head. "Of course she can go if the president asks herself, how could I refuse! Go change, Lian." Then she turns back to Hwasa and already starts bombarding her with questions. I decide to get changed as quickly as I can before my mother drives Hwasa crazy enough to explode or let something slip. I finish in less than five minutes, and before I walk back out my room again, my eyes land on the abandoned sketch from earlier. A smile rises up inside me as I quickly pick it up and shove it into the pockets of my jeans. Then I rush down the steps again, all eager and excited to leave this hellhole. "- a really great opportunity." I just hear Hwasa finish as I make it back down. Both women turn and smile when they see me. And for a moment I couldn't be happier for the choice I've made.

Because only one of these women's smiles is real- only one of them is looking at the real me and loves me for who I am.

I walk over to Hwasa's side where I belonged and gift my mother with one of her own fake smiles. "Thank you for allowing this, Mom. I will do my best." "I Promise to take good care of her. And if you want I can give you my phone number and you can call me any time you want," Hwasa adds but my mother waves her off. "I'll have to talk to her father of course, but I don't see why he should be against it. You seem like a responsible young lady, Hwasa.Thank you for allowing my daughter this chance. She will not disappoint you." Hwasa smiles cute and shyly, like she loves the compliment. I, however, am so close to telling my mother that Hwasa is no lady- she's a bad bitch and a hoe and fucking proud of it.

She is the person I really want to be.

We wave her a goodbye and she leads me to the car- none other than the red Porsche. I turn to see my mother at the front door, her eyes wide on the car and her emotions written plainly on her features, even from the distance: jealousy and envy. We get in with one last wave to her. Inside, Hwasa lets out a long, exhausted breath. "Well, your mother is a piece of work!" She starts the car even as I break out in a loud laugh, feeling like she just busted me out of prison. "You have no idea"