⫣34⫦ Fathers

Pain, stronger than anything I've ever felt explodes in my head.

I think I must have passed out for a moment, because when I open my eyes again, I'm no longer standing.

Shards of porcelain lay around me and dust my clothes.

I see double and my head is a raging beast, sending pulses of sharp pain through my entire body. I'm shaking as I try to clear my vision, blinking rapidly.

All seven boys are leaning over me, their eyes wide in shock and Taehyung next to me, kneeling on the floor as his hands hold my arms- like he caught my fall.

"Are fucking insane?" he yells, rage and fear written all over his features, the veins at his neck standing out angrily.

I finally manage to breath through the pain and actually find myself able to smile up at them.

"Yeah, I think so."

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" RM lets out, throwing his hands in the air in frustration.

"Couldn't you have discussed it with us before you fucking knock yourself out?" Jungkook snaps, but there is worry in his eyes- worry and maybe just a little bit of respect.

I start to laugh, but the pain that erupts as a response has me wince instead.

"Fuck, my head hurts." I grind out, bringing my hand up to the wound, only for it to come away wet and red.

"Yeah. That happens when you hit yourself with a porcelain cup, Lian." J-Hope clarifies.

"How bad is it?"

Jin come kneeling next to me and Taehyung, who still hasn't let go of my arms. He inspects the wound for a moment, then nods.

"It'll need stitches, but it's not that deep. You'll be fine."

I nod and then make a move to stand. Both Taehyung and Jin help me up and I stand on shaky feet, the floor a little unsteady under my feet. I don't let go of either hand.

"Good," I whisper, then take a deep breath for the next step in my crazy, ridiculous plan.

"So, is anyone good with a needle and thread, cause I gotta be home before eight! Don't wanna miss curfew again, do I?"

"Okay, you definitely are crazy!", Suga puffs out.

I level a smile at all of them, and finally, they break out of their shock.

Suga is the first to return it.

"And we kind of love it."

"Yoongi!" Taehyung growls at him in warning. "You want her to get even crazier ideas? Don't encourage her!"

Suga only laughs.

But it's Jin who claps his shoulders with a smile of his own.

"Come on Tae. What she did might be stupid but also fucking brave. And since when do you advice anyone not to do something stupid? You're the fucking king of stupid! Don't make me tell her half the shit you usually pull. "

Taehyung shoots his brother a long look, and then the anger and worry finally leave his face as he returns his eyes to me.

He lets out an exaggerated breath and finally one of those gorgeous smiles forms on his lips.

"You get off on shocking us, don't you?"

"It's becoming an addiction. I don't think I'll be able to stop making you absolutely loose your shit." I deadpan and add an innocents smile and a few pretty blinks.

He groans out loud and hides his face in his hands- I know he's trying to hide his laugh, but I can clearly see his shoulders bounce in a little chuckle.

There's still traces of it when he looks back up and bobs his head at Jin.

"Go stitch her up. I'll get myself dressed as a respectable doctor and make sure Suga writes something halfway understandable on that medical report."

Then he leaves with a shaking head, like I'm absolutely unbelievable.

I watch him go.

"Stop smiling. What you did was still reckless and dumb. And stitching up will hurt- a lot."

Before I have a chance to ask how much exactly, he already leads me to one of the chairs and walks to the end of the room to pull a first-aid kit from one of the drawers.

He looks like a professional as he takes a seat in front of me and starts laying things out on the desk next to us.

"You've done this before, haven't you?" I ask and he looks up with a little sad smile.

"Yeah. I... I kinda learned through trail an error when I stitched myself up as a kid."

My heart aches, almost more than my head as I grasp his meaning."Your father?"

He nods, taking a little sponge and applies it to my temple. I hiss at the pain of something acid burning in the wound but I keep still.

"He was a good talker, my father- always had a prefect explanation for my bruises and broken bones. 'He is a troublesome kid, always getting himself into trouble with the neighbours kid' or 'You wont believe how clumsy my son is, tripping down steps like a toddler'."

Jin shakes his head like he still can't believe how people bought those lies.

"Most of the time his 'punishments' weren't bad enough to send me to hospital though."

"That's a such a wrong thing to say! He shouldn't have hit you at all!"Jin nodded at my little outburst, but his features were complicated, his voice grave and low. "I guess you're right. But back then, I didn't know any better. Getting hit and punched was all I knew. It... it fucks with your mind. At one point, I was convinced I deserved it. Don't worry," he adds when he sees my appalled expression.

"I now know that that's not true. Stitching my own wounds became a habit and I got better at it over time. My first tries... well.." He sits back a little and lifts his shirt only enough so it revealed the skin over his right hip.

I gape in shock when I comprehend what I'm seeing. There, just above his hip bone is a scar. A raised, jagged scar cutting through otherwise smooth skin."How old were you?"

My voice is barely louder than a whisper.

"Seven."I have to close my eyes to hide the horror. Jin let's out a little snort, conveying both hurt and bitterness.

"It wasn't even that deep of a wound to begin with, yet I knew it needed stitching. But I was too afraid to go to the hospital. Too afraid my father would find out about it. So I sneaked some threat and needle from my mother's sewing kid and tried it myself. It hurt like hell. I didn't even use alcohol to disinfect it. Probably the reason why it got infected and caused me more trouble than if I'd left it untreated. But... I got better over time. And now... I wouldn't say I am thankful for it, but I am glad I can help someone who gets hurt. Especially my family. Cause.. well, you now know we don't exactly live the safest life."

He stops the patting and grabs a little spray can.

"This will numb the spot for a few moments, so I can do the stitching."

I nod, and wince once more as the coldness of the spray makes me tense up.

"Did you ever see him again?" I ask, unable to keep silent.

He frowns for a moment, not looking at me as he prepares the needle and thread.

"Once. He was diagnosed with lung cancer a year after I left. I visited him on his death bed."

He stops his preparing for a moment, like the memory of it is still painfully vivid. I'm almost sorry I asked.

"There were so many horrible things I wanted to say to him. All those years where I would cry myself to sleep and hoped he would finally stop with the abuse and treat me like a real son. But when I saw him lying there, tubes coming out of his body and the beeping of the machine that was breathing for him- I couldn't do it. I realized at that moment, that he was nothing but a weak and pathetic man, and he wasn't worth my anger. For the first time, the world has done me a favour. I wouldn't have to feel guilty over his death. And when he looked at me and said he was sorry, all I did was leave. Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I'm glad he died with regret and shame."

He raises his hands, needle and thread in them, but I stop him, taking them into mine. He looks down at our intertwined hands and then up at me.

"You're all bad boys, Jin, but not one of you is bad person. I don't think I could have done what you did. In the end, you chose to leave it all behind, and that's the best thing you could have done."

He looks at me for a long moment before breaking out into a little chuckle.

"Are you sure your not bipolar? Maybe Dissociative Identity Disorder?Because one moment you behave like a lunatic, knocking yourself out with a porcelain cup and the next you're all smart and understanding and sweet."

I let out a chuckle myself and shrug with my shoulder.

"I guess there are just a lot of sides of me."

"And we see more every day. But seriously, Lian," he adds, wriggling his hands out of mine and bringing them up to my wound again.

"Next time you do something reckless, tell us beforehand. I've had enough near heart attacks because of you. And the boys too."

I drop my head like a good little girl and pout. "Okay, promise."

Jin sniggers and lifts both eyebrows.

"And here I thought you were a good liar."

****

Getting stitches apparently takes only a few minutes. Before I even know it, Jin tells me I'm done and I take a sneak peak over the already printed and somehow legitimized medical record.

"Minor concussion, disorientation and confusion. Mhh, sounds pretty simple."

RM comes to my side, shooting me a long contemplative look.

"Are you sure you'll be able to pull this off, Lian? If you don't want your parents to grow suspicious, you have to put on the act of your life."

I let out a humourless laugh.

"I've been acting all my life, Namjoon, pretending to be this good little girl. And now there is something on the line. Don't worry. I'll be fine. We're getting that phone, one way or another."

He doesn't say anything for a moment and when I check why, I catch the little happy smile on his face.

"What?"

"You called me Namjoon."

I gaze up at him with a tiny confused smile.

"Well, isn't that your name?"

"Yes, but only the boys call me that. Hearing you say it just made me realize that you're really a part of us now. And that makes me happy."

A warm feeling blooms in my stomach, spreading through my entire body.

"In that case I'll think and use your real name every time we're together. Yoongi's and Hoseoks too."

He smiles broadly and then ruffles my hair. I let out a little hiss at the pain that shoots trough my head at that.

"Shit, sorry, I forgot." Namjoon apologizes instantly, but I shake my head.

"Don't worry, I've got thick skin."

"Ha!" he exclaims "that I know." Then he grows a bit more serious.

"Make sure you have a reasonable explanation for everything:Like why you're not wearing your uniform or why it took you so long to reply."

I nod, swallowing hard at the sudden realization of what I needed to do. I couldn't allow a single mistake. To fool my father, I have to be perfect.

"And please don't do anything irrational. We have to be smart about this. For now, just pay close attention to your fathers behaviour and whether there is any moment where he might leave that phone out of his sight even for a few moments. Do not try to get it, Lian- not without a plan first! Convince your parents to let you go back to school tomorrow or the day after so we can meet and figure out our next move."

"Will all seven be there?"

He gives me a little lopsided smile.

"You think I could get them to stay away?"

I grin to myself.

"Am I that irresistible?" I ask, looking up from beneath my eyelashes as I pout.

Namjoon chuckles, but then his features darken again.

"I really fucking hate the idea of you being back in that house, do you know that? It's one of the few places I won't be able to protect you."

His words leave me speechless for a moment, and all I can do is stare at him with an open mouth as a realization shoots through me.

This is the kind of person that should have been my role model.He is the one who deserves my admiration and trust and loyalty and in between one blink and another, I give all of that to him, and more.

I've lost a father today- but I've gained so much more with the seven of them, maybe with Namjoon alone. It makes the pain a little more bearable. With them by my side, I can do it all- I can get through anything. I nod to him, shoving the worries away.

"I can do this, Namjoon."

There is an expression in his face that I can't look away from. A look that tells me he believes in me- and he trusts me.

"Are you ready?" Taehyung's voice suddenly asks from somewhere behind us and both me and Namjoon turn.

At the first glance of Taehyung, I burst out laughing.

He's wearing a blue cardigan over a simple grey t-shirt with a collar, hiding the tattoo beneath. But neither that, not the simple blue jeans is what make me crack up. It's the styled back hair, glistening with hair gel and the thick, black nerd glasses resting on his nose.

"Yeah, yeah, I look like a freaking straight A student who spends all his money on lecture books and fair-trade products. But that's what we're trying to sell, isn't it?"

I finally manage to cease my giggling.

"My parents will love you."

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And if they're already dead, I'll visit them in hell *Muhahahah*