⫣26⫦ Anger

12:26, 17 June 2023

I stare at the entire thing in anger and disappointment.

There is nothing inside the little building but a little bit of furniture and old documents.

The only thing that really catches my eye, is the large painting of a ballerina against the wall. When I find nothing else, I get out of the building in confusion. What is it with this building? Why let it stand and not make use of it?Something feels off about it.

I walk back to the terrace and look into the windows of the trailers.

There is a little kitchen in one of them and several refrigerators, probably stacked with tons of alcohol. In another there is only a large table, missing some edges and stacked full with empty cans of noodles and other wrappers.

I scrunch my nose: this is such a cliché of an all boys household. The other trailer to the left looks equally messy with a large sofa, a wide flat screen and some game consoles beneath.

I actually do grab a beer from the little table on the terrace. It's warm and I make a face at it- then keep drinking.

I also take one of the cigarettes and light it.

RM was right: it makes me feel rebellious and utterly cool and I don't give a fuck what other's will say about it- except maybe my parents.

Speaking off... I quickly take out my phone and leave my mother a short voice message, saying we had a school project and we needed to do some more research.

She sends one back a minute later, but I don't bother to listen to it- I know all too well what she will say. I decide to resume my exploring instead.

I turn to the seven trailers, their own little houses, no doubt.

All a little bit different- just like them.

I look at them, but don't move from the place on the terrace, taking a long drag from the cigarette.

There's a fine line between being curious and nosy.

It doesn't feel right to invade their privacy like that, going through their personal stuff. Ten minutes already passed, but I found nothing.

On a weird hunch, my gaze skips back to the office building and I narrow my eyes in suspicion. Clearly the boys have spend much time building this place. You can see it in the details everywhere.

The trailers look like old ship containers and the windows and doors must be self made. They even created a sort of living area with the three trailers in the middle where they no doubt spend a lot of time hanging out together.

Why is it then, that they haven't changed anything about that office building? But before I can think about it or take another look inside, I hear the screeching of a gate and the sound of a low and powerful motor.

A moment later, all seven of them appear at the opening.

Time seems to slow down as I watch them approach.

Either they are very self-aware or Hwasa has rubbed off on them with her sense of fashion.

Jimin walks in the front like the little path is his personal runway.

He wears a light pink blouse tucked into bleached grey trousers. A pair of golden, round sunglasses rest on his face and a long earring dangles from his left ear with three short rings pierced to the other.

J-Hope and Jin flank him like he's some sort of celebrity, but looking no less like one themselves.

J-Hope is dressed all in white but with a pair of shiny orange shoes. Jin's blue-white flannel shirt reaches down to his knees and his purple hair is combed back, revealing his forehead.

Suga wears ripped blank pants again and a black and white striped shirt. I've never noticed that he also has tattoos on his arm.

But where Taehyung's are covering the entire arm upwards like vines on a tree and Jungkook's look more like a thrown together mix of various things, creating a distinct artwork, Suga's is simple and utterly powerful.

Three, differently thick black lines circle around his upper left arm like a bracelet. And along the inside of his right elbow is a sentence written in cursive, simple letters.

In The End They'll Judge Me Anyway So Whatever.

It feels like a mirror of how they live. A motto that hits something deep inside me.

RM walks close behind him in black shorts and an oversized grey shirt, intentional holes ripped into it and some loose threads hanging down. And for some strange reason, with a lollipop stuck in his mouth and his hands in his pockets, he finally looks like the intimidating leader of a gang. It brings a smile to my face that drops as soon as my eyes fall on Taehyung next to him.

My legs feel weak just by the way he looks at me, his eyes sparkling with that mischief. His long black hair is falling around his face again and to the back of his neck. He wears light brown, slim-fit suit trousers, and a tight black shirt that show traces of his defined muscles with every step he takes.

And Gods, is he wearing a choker?

I make myself look away from him and to Jungkook trotting behind.

He's all in black, with wide, multi-pocket trousers and an oversized black shirt and I wonder how he can not feel hot in the afternoon sun.

They finally reach me and line up in a half circle in front of me, smug smiles and raised eyebrows and RM opens his mouth to say something. Then shuts it quickly when he sees my expression change.

Because I let them see just what rose inside me since I found out they could have reached out to me this whole time.

Anger.

Oh, I'm fucking furious!

And I make sure they hear it as I explode.

"How dare you! You had my phone number all along and didn't text me or call me? You just left me at home and forgot about me while you had fun? Is this some kind of joke to you? Do you have any idea how that felt?"

They all drop their smiles and look at me in absolute surprise, like this reaction is the last thing they expected.

Taehyung is the first to unfreeze and he takes half a step towards me.

"We thought you might-"

He doesn't get to end his sentence as I step forward too and shove him hard.

The very first time I got physical in my entire life and it feels so good to let the anger out.Taehyung tumbles back three steps, no doubt more because of shock than my strength and shoots me an incredulously look. They all do, but I'm not done. Not by a long shot.

"You don't get to speak, you get to listen!" I whirl to them all and the little savage in me notices how they back away a little, like my anger actually scares them. Them! Freaking BTS!

"You're going to give me all your phone numbers, right now. And I don't care what the hell you are up to- whether it's lying drunk in a corner, in the middle of a dance floor or fucking someone, but you're going to answer when I call, understood? And if you ever presume I do not want to see you, how about you just fucking ask me next time?"

Somewhere in the back of my mind I know that I have no right to demand any of this.I sound pretty much like an obsessive girlfriend with serious abandonment issues. But I don't care. They told me to speak my mind, and this is it!

Silence follows my outburst, accompanied by their stunned expression. My anger slowly ebbs away, but wont leave for good. My breathing evens out and some reality comes back to me. The reality of how I must have sounded.

They will most likely just throw me out now. I should regret it, but I don't. I will never pretend with them. I will show my real self to no one but them.

But they only keep looking at me, until the sound of Suga's voice rips through the air.

"Fuck," he exclaims and I see the beginning of a smile form on his face.

"You are fucking scary when you're angry, do you know that?"

And with that he steps forward, takes the phone out of my pocket and presses a few buttons. Then he hands it back to me, the smile now on full display.

And what I see was nothing but respect- and maybe a little bit of proudness.

"All done," he says.

I swallow, finally managing to get all the rage out of my system.

"So you wont ignore me any more?"

RM reacts with a loud groan.

"God, Lian you are really something."

He rubs his head like it's hurting him to think. Then he nods and looks back up.

"We won't ignore you, not unless you want it."

That finally manages to put a smile back on my face and I raise an eyebrow in a mocking gesture.

"Promise?"

He chuckles, but it's Jin who answers.

"Promise."