⫣24⫦ Violent Thoughts

I feel like screaming.

Or hitting someone- preferably myself, because after I had stormed into my room after the most uncomfortable breakfast of all times, I made a shocking discovery: I don't have any of the boys phone numbers!And that means I have no way of contacting them. How could I have forgotten such an essential thing like asking them for their contact?

I practically made them be the only ones who can reach out to me since they know where I live.

It's the weekend, which means I can't even meet them at school. And all I know about the place they live in, is that it's a Junkyard. So for the entire weekend I sit and wait, trying to find something- anything to distract myself with. I try to ignore my parents as best as I can and try to find something that takes my mind off BTS- and tragically fail. I want to hear J-Hopes laughter and Jimin's teasing. I want Jungkook to dare me to a race and to just chill on a sofa with Suga while watching the others joke around. I want to ask RM for advice about how to deal with my family and to make Jin laugh, so I can hear his wind-shield giggle. And most of all, I want to see Taehyung. I want to make sure that pain is no longer in his eyes and see that sparkling glee again which makes me want to do crazy, reckless things. And I want him to kiss me again so I can distract him from all that hurts him. All those emotions which had been so potent, so wretched and screaming when I looked into his eyes.

I want to do that most of all. Want to help him forget. But they don't sneak into my house and they don't call because I haven't given them my number either. On Sunday night I wake up drenched in sweat, rocking my body while holding myself, trying to shake the nightmare. They never existed. I never met Taehyung in the barn, they never took me to the beach or the party and I never knew the feeling of joy and freedom. The moment my alarm clock rings on Monday morning, I'm out of bed like lighting struck me, getting dressed at a mind-boggling speed and run down the stairs, nearly smacking into my mother on the way down. "Lian! No running, we're not in kindergarten." I don't have the nerve to reply. Not Today. I simply push past her and hurry on. I hear my mother's shouting at my rude behaviour, but she is cut off as soon as the front door slams shut. It feels like I can finally breath again. I take the earliest bus to school. I know it's stupid- Taehyung and Jungkook never show up on time anyway. And as expected, I am the first in the classroom. I have no other choice but to sit in wait- waiting again. It seems to take forever for the first students to enter. Eventually, Momo, Tyuzu and Nayeon arrive too, shooting me a confused look."We were wondering where you were. We usually meet up in front of the school. Why are you already here?", Momo asks, but I only shoot her an apologetic look. "Sorry, I arrived really early today and felt like going over biology one more time to make sure I don't mess up the test." Nayeon snorts. "God, you're so diligent. Who cares about a biology test?" Not me. Not any more. After what feels like hours, the teacher enters and starts the class. My eyes keep skipping to the front door and the clock above it. Any time now- any time they would enter. Excitement runs through my body. But with every passing minute it turns into something else. With every tick of the clock like a bomb going off inside my brain, the same feeling as in the nightmare returns stronger and stronger. They were never real- and they are not coming. "Ya! Lian." Momo whispers next to me and I rip my eyes from the door to look at her. "Are you waiting for Taehyung and Jungkook?" I nod and don't have to fake the trace of fear on my face that only grows when I see her smile in response. For some reason, I immediately know I'm not going to like what she's about to say. "Don't worry. I don't think they're coming today. They usually only show up once or twice a week anyway. I already wondered why they showed up the last two weeks without missing out. Let's hope they return to their old habits so they can't bother you as much, okay?" I force out a smile which makes my cheeks hurt, even as I start to feel sick. They truly aren't coming. Did they really just forget about me? Was I nothing but a fun little experiment and now that they have lost interest, I am nothing to them?

The thought sends a strong, sharp pain through my heart any my concentration is all but gone. I have not a single clue what the teacher is blabbering at the front, neither do I care.

They forgot about me! "Why are you so gloomy today, Lian?" Nayeon asks when we sit together at the cafeteria. It's loud and noisy and makes me want to get up and walk out, preferably to a place where I can scream. I feel like the air itself is a pressure weighing me down, the relieve I felt when leaving my house long gone. "I just didn't sleep well." I don't even bother to look up from the barley touched food in front of me. Tyuzu starts saying something, but is suddenly interrupted by a high female voice behind me."Hey guys! I'm sorry we haven't spoken in so long. I was terribly busy with planning our next school activity week. How have you been?" I tense as everything in me twists together at the voice. A voice I only heard from afar, but is insistently recognizable. I turn and look up the pretty, brunette girl. She has a face that promises to break boys hearts with fake smiles and pretty lies. Nayeon snorts and shoots the girl a sour look. "Really Lisa? Let's be honest. Since you became class president and started hanging out with X-EXO, you think you are too cool to even talk to us!" I can tell there is history here, but I can't care less. Lisa just shoots her a wide, self-satisfied smile- like the one Hwasa has perfected. But on Lisa, it makes me want to rip it off her face with my nails and then sow it back on the other way. The violent thoughts just keep coming, especially when her pretty brown eyes skip down to me and stay there. "You're Lian, the new girl, aren't you? I'm Lisa, the school's president. Sorry I haven't introduced myself earlier. How do you like Seoul so far?" I smile up at her with big, innocent eyes even as rage trembles through me at remembering the story about what she had done to Jungkook and the others. "Thank you. No problem, I'm sure it's not easy being the president. Seoul is amazing, just a little much at the beginning."God, I just want her to turn around and fall on her pretty face, hoping it hurts. A lot. Tyuzu lets out a humourless laugh. "Please, Lian! Don't be so naïve. Lisa is loving all the attention she gets. She craves it like some drug addict needs his heroin. And as a school president, she should have welcomed you earlier. Just goes to show how she only cares about the reputation, not the actual people."I nearly let out a low whistle at the well spoke words, but I do nothing but smile and let nothing of that rage in me show. "Not everyone is as lazy as you, Tyuzu. And I'm talking to Lian here, not you." Lisa immediately snaps back and then smiles sweetly at me. "If you ever want to hang out with the really awesome people at school, you're always welcome, Lian." I look up at her, not changing my smile even as I feel like throwing her into boiling water and watch her drown and sizzle and- "Thanks. That's nice of you."Okay... I might be a very, very violent person. But unaware Lisa only shoots me a look that tells me she thinks of me as nothing but a little, sweet plaything and I'm so terribly tempted to show her just what I'm really thinking. But then she just laughs, high and melodic and puts a hand on my shoulder. "You're really sweet, Lian. I hope you can make some time." Then she waves at the others and turns with a "see you" and walks away like the school belongs to her. "She's such a bitch." Momo comments when Lisa is out of sight. "And Lian, please don't be so gullible. She cares about no one but herself.", Nayeon immediately adds, shooting me a dismissive look. I nod, trying to push Lisa out of my head. Then I finally decide it's time to go along with the plan which had formed in my head from the moment I found out the boys weren't coming. I clear my throat and turn to them feigning nervousness. "By the way, I wanted to ask you guys something." I take a deep breath, knowing that I will have to careful with the wording or risk sounding suspicious. "I wanted to ask you where BTS lives." Their eyes immediately widen, but I continue before they can grow suspicious. "It's just that I went on a run yesterday and passed this Junkyard. And then I remembers that Momo said that's were they lived- on a Junkyard.I just want to make sure it's not theirs so I don't accidentally run into them." There is a moment of silence and then they just laugh. "God, you're really afraid of them, aren't you?" Tyuzu exclaims. "No worries, Lian. Their Jungkyard is in Guro-Gu, pretty much at the end of town with nothing but industrial building surrounding it. There is no way you'll run into them." Nayeon adds. Relieve floods me, but I only nod sombrely. "That's good," I tell them and continue eating. It's really good. Because now that I found out where it is, I only have to go there and confront them myself.

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Lian got the idea. If you want things to get done, do it yourself! Love a confident woman... can I have a bit of it please?

Hope your enjoying the story so far ;)

Oh, and although I feel like it's obvious: Even though I made some of my favourites the evil guys don't mean I don't love em! Just wanted to say that. GO LISA!