Love on the Brain

It's quiet in the field where Jade and Tori lay. Neither girl know what to say or to start the conversation. Both girls would agree it's just good to be in the other's presence again. Jade has her arm under Tori and Tori is cuddled into Jade's side. They've cuddled like this before but this time it feels different and magical. Both girls didn't want to let go of the other, they were afraid they'd lose the other again and neither of them wanted to go through that again. It hurt too much the first time.

"I'm sorry," Jade blurts out breaking the silence. Tori looks up at her and Jade practically melts looking into the coffee-colored brown eyes she'd become so fond of. "I shouldn't have reacted the way I did and I'm sorry. I'm just not good with feelings or dealing with emotions."

"Don't apologize. I'm sorry for dropping that bomb on you," Tori said sighing. "I should've kept it to myself."

"I'm glad you didn't," Jade told her holding the younger girl's hand in hers.

"I'm sorry you were blocked on everything," Tori said embarrassed. "It wasn't me, I swear. Trina's being an overprotective older sister and did it."

"That doesn't surprise me," Jade admitted. "She wasn't happy with me and we talked."

"God I'm sorry," Tori said. "I promise I didn't ask her to do that."

"Hey no harm no foul," Jade said a soft smile on her face. "I mean it worked out in the end. We're cool again right?"

"Yeah we're cool," Tori said shivering. She was dumb and didn't bring a jacket with her. It was one of the rare nights in California when it was cold. Jade took pity on the other girl and gave her, her hoodie. "Jade you're going to get cold. Keep your hoodie."

"I'll be fine. I have another one in my car. I just don't want to get up right now," Jade said and Tori nodded accepting the hoodie. The two girls lay in silence once more, each girl having their own inner dialogue.

Tori was happy Jade and her were friends again. She missed Jade and moments like this. It was okay that Jade didn't feel the same way. Tori wouldn't get over her feelings today but time would help her get over it.

Jade was conflicted. She wanted to tell Tori how she felt but was scared Tori didn't feel the same way. Jade wasn't one for articulating her feelings so she wasn't even sure how she tells Tori. Jade could hear Josh and Beck laughing at her for being an idiot. They don't get it though. They don't get Jade's insecurities. Jade tries to ignore her thoughts. She's here now with Tori and that's all that matters. The girl of her dreams is in her arms. They may not be together but being with Tori makes Jade happy. Jade be okay for the rest of her life not being with Tori if Tori was happy. Jade would learn to be content and happy with whoever Tori ended up with. Whatever girl was lucky enough to date Tori, Jade would learn to be okay with it. But she didn't want Tori to have just any girl. She wanted her and Tori to be together and she wanted everything to turn out fine in the end. Jade sighed. Would she really be okay not telling Tori how she felt? Jade was worried. Growing up she was always told she was just like her father. Her dad loved that she was a miniature version of himself. What did the future hold? Would she marry Tori and then one day realize she didn't love her anymore? Jade supposes her parents didn't just wake up one day and decide they didn't love each other. It was a process but Jade was too young at the time to notice it. None of that mattered though. She didn't want to end up like that with Tori. If she and Tori ended up together then Jade would fight with everything in her to keep them together.

"Jade?" Tori said bringing Jade out of her thoughts. Jade looked at Tori's face. Tori's face was full of concern. "You were pretty deep in thought."

"Yeah I'm okay," Jade lied. "Just thinking about my dad."

"Did anything happen?" Tori asked. Jade loved that Tori was always so concerned and always looked out for Jade.

"He found out he's having twins," Jade told her. "And they're both boys." It wasn't what Jade was thinking about but it was information she had found out two days prior. Jade felt guilty when she found out. She was relieved when she found out her dad wasn't having another girl. She didn't feel like she was getting replaced as daddy's princess. It was something her dad called her a lot when she was little and didn't want him to call anyone else that. She knew it was stupid to feel that way. Deep down Jade knew despite everything she loved and missed her father. She often wondered what kind of person she'd be if her parents stayed together. Jade's personality originally stemmed from acting out to get her parent's attention. It didn't work. Her mom was still a workaholic and her dad still only put in minimal effort to be a dad.

Tori just nodded feeling like Jade's thing didn't need a response. She didn't fully understand what Jade was going through. She didn't have the same problems as her but that didn't mean Tori wasn't going to be there for Jade. Jade watched Tori for a second before going back to her own thoughts.

"Thanks for always listening to me rant and shit," Jade told Tori.

"It's not a problem at all Jade," Tori said with a smile. "It's better for you to let it out than keep it in. It hurts more when you keep it in."

Jade let Tori's words sit with her for a second. Tori was right. Letting stuff out did make Jade feel better. Jade knew she feel better if she told Tori how she felt but she still couldn't find it in her. It was a lost cause. Jade was too afraid of rejection to tell Tori how she felt. Jade knew she was being stupid since she knew Tori felt the same way but there was a voice in Jade's head that told Jade not to do this and that the end results would be a disaster. Jade feared that voice was right.

Jade and Tori both realized they were falling more in love with each other as each minute passed. Tori loved that Jade could be vulnerable with her. It made understanding Jade easier. Tori could empathize with the other girl. She had it rough and it seemed like things were constantly going wrong. Despite all of that Jade still managed to make time for Tori and to make her smile. Tori loved being in Jade's presence. Jade realized how much Tori cared for her. Tori would always put herself second to help someone else out. She did it with everyone she knew and Jade admired it. Jade loved so many things about Tori like her smile and eyes.

Tori let out a little yawn ending the silence.

"Alright let me drive you home so you can rest," Jade said standing up and offering a hand to Tori to help her get up.

"I'm not tired," Tori protested. Her body contradicted herself as she let out another small yawn.

"Tori babe you're yawning and it's late," Jade said letting out a little laugh. She ignored her use of the word babe. She was hoping Tori didn't realize. Tori on the other hand heard it and was trying not to blush. Being called babe by Jade just seemed so natural and right. Tori was telling herself it meant nothing. She and Jade were just friends and that's all. The word was just an innocent term.

Tori fought hard to stay awake on the ride home. Jade would take glances at Tori as they drove and smile. Tori, in Jade's mind, was adorable but when she was super tired, she was even more adorable and such a dork. Jade had told Tori she could sleep on the ride home and Jade would wake her up when they got to the Vega household but Tori insisted on staying awake, stating that it wouldn't be fair to Jade if she went to sleep. Eventually, the pair made it to the Vega household where they said their goodbyes.

"Oh I have your hoodie still," Tori said preparing to take off Jade's hoodie and give it back to her. Jade shook her head no and put her hand up to stop Tori.

"Don't worry about it," Jade said. "It's yours now. It looks better on you anyways." Tori blushed and Jade giggled. Sometimes it was so easy to make Tori blush.

"Well, goodnight. Get home safe," Tori said before giving Jade one last hug. Jade smiled. Tori was almost the only person who could hug her and get away with it. The other people were her mom and brother. Jade figured Cat was also an exception but only sometimes. Jade liked when Tori hugged her. Tori's hugs felt warm and Jade felt safe in Tori's arms. It was sappy to think but Jade felt that they fit together like two puzzle pieces.

"Goodnight. Sleep well," Jade said. "I'll talk to you tomorrow." Tori nodded before heading into her house. She was hoping no one was awake and that she could make it to her room safely. She was lucky tonight and made it to her room without being caught. Once making it to her room Tori started getting ready for bed. She was happy that she and Jade were on good terms again. Even though she was in love with Jade and Jade didn't feel the same way, she was glad to be around the goth girl anyways. She liked Jade's company and she knew Jade liked hers as well.

"So how'd it go," Josh asked as Jade walked in the door.

"Jesus Christ you scared me," Jade said. "Why are you awake still? It's late."

"I waited for you," Josh replied shrugging his shoulders. "You didn't answer my question. Did you tell her?"

"No," Jade admitted and Josh frowned. He was hoping his sister finally got the courage to tell Tori how she felt.

"You suck," Josh told her throwing one of the couch pillows at her.

"I know I do," Jade said sighing. "I want to do it though. After being with her tonight I think I'm ready. I keep falling more in love with her. Is that even possible?"

"You're whipped," Josh said laughing. "Never did I think I'd see the day where Jadelyn West is completely whipped for a girl. Especially not a girl she claimed she hated for so long."

"God you're so irritating," Jade said going up to her room.

Jade lay in bed thinking about her and Tori's relationship. She'd been so worried about ending up like her father and mother that she didn't realize she was accidentally pushing Tori away because of it. Jade made a vow. She and Tori wouldn't end up like Jade's parents. Jade had to remind herself she was only similar to her dad, she wasn't him. She wouldn't make the same mistakes he did. She'd learn from him and wouldn't make the mistakes he did. Jade wanted something good in her life and she felt she deserved Tori. Tori made everything better. Jade was finally going to get the courage to tell Tori her feelings. She wasn't going to worry about the what-ifs anymore. She was just going to go for it.

Jade went to sleep that night thinking about different ways she could tell Tori that she loved her. Jade couldn't believe this was finally happening. Tori was finally going to be her girlfriend.

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Chapter title comes from Love on the Brain by Rihanna. 

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