Sunflower

A few days after Tori came out, Jade was feeling a bit envious. She was happy for Tori but she couldn't help but feel a little jealous that Tori was confident enough to come out. Jade knew that it would be fine if she came out. Tori hadn't received any backlash. Her friend group was really supportive of her. Jade wanted that support but couldn't get over her fear. It was a silly thing to be nervous over but staying in the closet made Jade feel safe. She had talked to Beck about it and he assured it she wasn't being dumb. She had been hurt before and was trying to avoid that happening again. It was a defense mechanism and there was nothing wrong with it.

Jade started getting ready for school. She was about to head out when she saw her dad waiting for her. Jade mentally groaned. This wouldn't end well. Jade hated that she didn't get along with her dad. She never really talked about it but she was still grieving over losing her dad. He wasn't dead but he wasn't there all the time anyways.  When she was little and before the divorce she was a daddy's girl. She loved and looked up to him. Those days were long over though. He broke Jade's heart too many times. He missed some important things in her life and he expected her to be okay with it. He wanted to be a father when it was convenient to him and that wasn't fair to Jade or even Josh for that matter.

"Hi Jadelyn," He told her. She rolled her eyes. She hated being called by her full name.

"It's Jade," She corrected him while crossing her arms.

"Your mother and I named you Jadelyn," He told her firmly. "I came to tell you some news."

"You're finally going to leave me alone?" Jade asked. It was harsh but she was hurt.

"Jadelyn," He warned. One thing Jade inherited from her dad was his temper. "My wife, your stepmother, is pregnant."

"Oh good for you. Another kid for you to abandon," Jade said sarcastically.

"I didn't abandon you, I try to be there for you but you won't let me in," her dad told her. "I'm sorry the divorce upset you but you can't take it out on me. I try to be a father."

"You try?" Jade questioned angry tears forming in her eyes. "You were never there when I needed you too."

"Jade-" He started but was cut off from talking by his daughter.

"I'm done with this conversation," Jade told him. "Goodbye James." Jade went back into her house. She didn't want to go to school anymore. She knew it wasn't the best to call her dad by his first name but it felt good.

"So he told you?" Josh asked her. "He told me right before you went out. Sorry I couldn't warn you."

"It's not your fault," Jade told him. "How do you feel about it?"

"I'm not happy," Josh admitted. "It gives me the ick that she's only 24."

"Is it weird I feel like he's replacing us?" Jade asked.

"I feel the same way," Josh told her. Jade was glad that she had her brother during this. It made it slightly easier to handle. At least she had someone going through it with her. "Should we tell mom?"

"At some point," Jade said sighing. "I'm not going to school. Do you want to go get breakfast or something?"

"Sure. I don't feel like going either," Josh said.

Jade enjoyed going to breakfast with her brother. She didn't mean to shut her brother out. She was too caught up in her own feelings to even think about her brother's. She felt guilty about it. He didn't bring anything like that up. Maybe he wasn't as upset about Jade not being there as she assumed. Josh was always the more level headed one.

Vega: Hey. You okay? You didn't come to school today

I'm going through something. Can I pick you up after school? I need to vent

Vega: Of course! I'll tell Trina to go home without me

Thank you

Vega: No problem :)

Jade smiled softly at her phone. Tori was so sweet. Jade still felt guilty for how she treated her in the beginning. She was jealous of Tori. Everyone loved her instantly and she was so talented.

"Who's got you smiling?" Josh asked a small smirk on his face. Jade blushed.

"No one," Jade said. Josh rolled his eyes. The pair finished their breakfast before going back home. They were surprised to see their mom's car at home.

"Why aren't you two in school?" Their mom, Miranda asked. Jade could tell she wasn't mad. She was concerned. The two siblings dove into the story about how their dad was having a baby. Their mother just listened silently.

"I'm sorry kids," Miranda told them. "I wish he would be here more for you guys."

Jade held her tongue. While her mom was the better parent, she wasn't the best either. She was constantly over working herself and was rarely at home with her kids. Jade's parents were the opposite of Tori's parents. Tori's parents were very hands-on and knew about their kids lives. They were the type of family to eat dinner together and have movie nights. Jade wished her life was like that.

Soon it was time to pick up Tori from school. Jade pulled up and saw Tori wave goodbye to Robbie and Cat before getting into Jade's car.

"Hey you okay?" Tori asked when she got in the car her eyes filled with concern.

"I don't know honestly," Jade said sighing. Tori nodded. Jade would talk when she was ready. The two girls rode in silence until they reached Jade's favorite spot.

The two laid in the field again. Tori held Jade's hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She didn't say anything but Jade knew it meant that Tori was there for her.

"My dad is having a baby," Jade said after a moment of silence. "And I shouldn't be mad but I am. He was never there for me and now he's going to have another kid. Is it bad I'm jealous of an unborn baby? He missed so much stuff in my life and I shouldn't be upset because it's been years but it still hurts. It hurt being the only girl who didn't go to the father-daughter dance. The worst part was he had promised me that he would be there and he wasn't. He missed a lot of things and now he's going to be a great father to this stupid baby."

Tori just listened to Jade's rant. She couldn't relate to what Jade was going through but she was going to try and comfort her friend as best as possible. It didn't surprise her that Jade started crying. Tori was happy that Jade was able to be vulnerable with her. Tori didn't respond to Jade's rant. She figured Jade didn't need a response. She just needed a safe space to rant and Tori was willing to provide that to her. Tori held Jade close as she cried.

"The worst thing is I keep coming back to this spot," Jade said referencing to the field. "I keep trying to think of the good memories but it just makes me hate him more. I don't want to hate this place."

"We can make new memories together here," Tori said. "Ones that won't make you sad."

Jade didn't respond. She just cuddled further into Tori's side. Tori took that as her agreeing. She didn't need to say anything.

"Tori I really appreciate you," Jade told her. She wanted to say more but couldn't find it in her. Jade had set the rules and had broken her own rule. She fell hard for Tori. She couldn't tell her. Not now at least. Maybe in the future, it would be the right time.

"I appreciate you too," Tori told her. She and Jade had really come far in their friendship. "Thanks for letting me in."

"Tori I-" Jade starts. She wants to tell Tori that she loves her but the words stop before she can even say it. "Tori I want this to be our spot." Its a nice alternative to say. It says the same thing in a way. This spot meant a lot to Jade and being able to share it with Tori was a lot. There was a peaceful silence between the two girls as they looked up at the sky.

"Tori," Jade said. "I think I want to come out."

"Are you sure?" Tori asked. "I'll support you either way. Don't feel like you have to come out."

"I just feel like I'm hurting myself," Jade said. "It's stupid I know."

"Hey," Tori said squeezing Jade's hand. Her brown eyes met Jade's green ones. "Nothing you say or do will ever be stupid. Your feelings are your feelings and there's nothing wrong with that. No one can tell you how to feel because they're not you. No one has been through your situation."

"Tori you seriously are amazing," Jade said a smile on her face. She pulled out her phone and opened up The Slap. It was cheesy to do it the same way Tori did but it was a simple yet effective way.

I want to start this off by saying no I'm not copying Vega. I just don't want to carry my secret anymore. I have a lot of other shit going on in my life that I have to deal with and I don't want this to be one of them. I'm a lesbian and I'm proud of who I am. And if anyone has a problem they can take it up with my fists

Feeling: Confident

"Let me be the first to say I'm proud of you Jade West," Tori said with a soft smile. Jade thought she might combust. Tori was the cutest person ever and it was eating her up alive to not tell the other girl how she felt. She wanted to tell her but she was afraid of rejection. Jade's heart couldn't take another heartbreak.

Eventually, it was time for the two girls to go home. Neither wanted to but Tori couldn't risk being home late again.

"Goodnight Tori," Jade said when she pulled up to the Vega house. She looked at Tori's face and could tell something was wrong. "What's wrong Tori?"

"Jade just please listen," Tori said. "I know we made an agreement not to catch feelings but Jade I like you so much it hurts. I know it wasn't the plan but I'm tired of pretending I don't feel anything. Just please don't hate me."

Jade wants to tell Tori she feels the same but the words don't come out. "Get out of my car." Jade feels awful as she sees Tori get out of her car, tears falling.

Jade cried on the way home. She knows she fucked up. She doesn't know why she couldn't just tell Tori how she felt. She'd hurt Tori's feelings which is not something she wanted to do. But it was done with now and Jade didn't know how to fix it. Once she got home she ended up venting about the whole situation to her younger brother.

"Jade you're the biggest idiot I know," he said. "I love you but you have to go get that girl. You both feel the same. You can't keep hurting yourself just because the world hurts you."

"I don't deserve her Josh," Jade said.

"You deserve happiness," Josh told her. "Why do you think you don't deserve her?"

"Because she's so pure and nice," Jade said. "She's so kind and everyone loves her. She was even nice to me when I wasn't nice to her. She sees the best in everyone."

"Jade you're a good person. You deserve this girl," Josh said. "Go and get her."

Jade thought about it. It was time that she got something nice from the universe. She was ready to go after Tori.——————-Follow me on Twitter @ Jorichansaw Chapter name comes from Sunflower by Post Malone and Swae Lee