Chapter 50 - Nothing Happened

A/N: We're doing some hot fanart chapter headers now coz why not! unfortunately it's usually really hard to figure out who the original artist is 😭 but i'll credit them if I can! Luckily this one is giving AI with that muggle ass lookin classroom lmao...

So so sorry for the hiatus my dudes. That's gonna happen sometimes I'm afraid 🥲 Anyone else in the chronic illness club?

Btw during my health crisis, I ordered a Buddhist anthology - that'll fix my soul, mind and life, right? Obvs the most exciting part of that coping mechanism online shop was the pastel highlighters with which I shall pretend to understand meaningful ideas in said Buddhism book 💅

Also I bought my dog a giant (Lilo &) Stitch soft toy to wrestle and she better fakkin like it because it cost wayy to much for her to slobber on it just once 💀

Update: she bloody loves it wooo

Ps I highly recommend an OG Lilo and Stitch movie watch btw - what a classic

*

"I'm starting to wonder if you've decided to kill me after all," Asha said, trailing Severus' tall silhouette. Aside from the pale light of his wand, the winding passage was pitch black. A fitting spot for a murder, really.

She had no idea where Severus was taking her. The crumbling, uneven steps led down from the dungeons, into depths of the castle she hadn't known existed.

Earlier that day in class, when Severus leaned over her shoulder to inspect her potion, Asha had felt him slip something into her pocket.

'Meet here'

That's all the note had said. But she understood. Meet in the dungeons for today's session, not the duelling room.

She was relieved not to have to face that dreaded room quite yet, which was surely thick with the memory of Severus slamming her up against that wardrobe, breathing each other's breath, tasting each other's lips, his body pressing heavily against hers...

Asha jerked to a halt, narrowly avoiding walking straight into Severus' back. He had stopped at a dead end where the passageway steps led straight into a wall.

Severus pressed a hand against the damp stone. A low, resonant grinding filled the tunnel as segments of the wall rotated aside, forming an archway.

Asha gave it a shrewd glance. An entrance to a secret part of the castle, enchanted to respond to his touch? Do all the professors have that privilege? And if not, why does Severus?

They passed beneath the archway and emerged in a huge underground hall lined with shadowy, fluted columns. Severus waved his wand, and all along the walls, sconces burst into life, filling the room with dancing orange light.

"What is this place?" Asha asked, her words echoing off the walls. Between some of the columns were ancient wooden doors, banded in iron.

"I'm not sure it has a name," Severus said. His voice filled the space like fog. "It's a little-known, rarely used part of the castle. The Philosopher's Stone was kept down here in your first year. Each of those doors leads to a network of empty chambers."

"That was true?" Asha said. "All those rumours about Harry Potter and Quirrell and the Stone?"

"Some of them, I expect," Severus replied vaguely. He stood dark and tall, arms at his sides, somehow managing to be more imposing than the columns surrounding him. "Since we won't be duelling today, I decided a change of scene would be... preferable."

Asha's insides lurched. The wardrobe. His mouth... Feeling a sudden urge to flee, she went over to one of the many doors and unlocked it with a tap of her wand. On the other side was a dark, empty room with another door at the opposite end.

"Don't wander off," came Severus' irritated drawl.

Nudging the door closed with her shoulder, Asha crossed her arms. "So is now the bit where you teach me how to cast a Patronus?"

Severus pointed to a spot in the middle of the chamber, and Asha reluctantly wandered over, tugging down her rolled up jumper sleeves. The torches didn't provide much in the way of warmth.

"I take it you've refreshed your knowledge of the charm?" Severus asked.

"I have."

"Then no, I don't expect I'll have to teach you a thing. Proceed."

Dread niggled at Asha's stomach. It felt strangely personal to attempt the spell in front of anyone, let alone Severus. The sooner she could get this over with, the better.

Closing her eyes, she raised her wand. Firelight flickered behind her eyelids. The place smelled of damp stone, turned earth, and a tang of metal.

Focus.

An icy draught rippled the hem of her skirt against the tops of her knees. She regretted leaving her robes up in the dungeons.

"Well, isn't this just a wonderfully cozy place to conjure my happy memory?" Asha remarked.

"The circumstances in which you will need a Patronus are likely to be far less comfortable than a cold basement," Severus said with that silky tone of reprimand he used so often.

"Now, concentrate," he snapped. "This spell is more mentally taxing than most."

Asha experienced simultaneous impulses to jinx the man and stride over and take his face in her hands. She sighed and closed her eyes again. Come on.

She cast her mind back to the first time she'd flown a broom. Not the flying lesson with Madam Hooch, but the first time she'd really flown. Alone on a stolen school broom, under a remarkably shoddy disillusionment charm.

Raising her wand, she felt the rushing wind, smelled the forest, the lake. She recalled the power, freedom, and thrill of it. The pure joy.

She opened her mouth to speak the incantation. Cole would have loved it...

Shit. And there was the gaping hole in her chest.

Asha lowered her wand and opened her eyes. Severus arched a perfect black eyebrow. Before he could comment, Asha raised her wand again.

Just remember flying, she told herself. Don't think about Cole. He's gone. There's no point wishing it were different.

She recalled the feeling of looping, swerving and diving in the vast, open air. It had been indescribably wonderful. The heady giddiness of it trickled back into her blood. That had been one of the best moments of her life... hadn't it? Yes.

"Expecto Patronum," she said, clear and confident, performing the recommended loop and flick of her wand.

Nothing happened.

Severus didn't bother making a sound, and the silence stretched.

"Well, that seems like a good effort for today," Asha decided. As she made to walk past Severus into the tunnel, he smoothly sidestepped and stopped her with a hand to her shoulder.

"Winters," he said, his bemusement showing only in the downward turn of one corner of his mouth.

His mouth... Asha's shoulder burned with the electricity of his touch. For the hundredth time that week, she recalled the feeling of his lips and tongue and torso. Her body pulsed and she pulled away.

"This is a waste of time," she said. "I tried in my third year, and I got nowhere. I'm not good at happy memories."

Severus looked at her for a long moment, searching her face like she was an unsolved puzzle. Asha willed herself not to blush at the weight of his attention.

Then he tugged crisply at one of his shirt cuffs. "It seems you are going to make me instruct you after all."

*

By the next week, Asha still hadn't produced the slightest puff of mist. Severus had made her practice the wand movement and incantation over and over until it became second nature, allowing her to focus every ounce of her attention on the memory.

"Urgh, I hate this spell!" Asha growled after yet another failed attempt. Something hot and caustic bubbled inside her.

"That attitude is entirely unhelpful, considering what the spell requires," Severus lectured. He had been cold but surprisingly patient with her. "In my experience, the literature puts too much emphasis on the memory. In essence, it's not a memory that the spell requires, but a particular and powerful emotion. The memory is merely a tool to conjure such an emotion."

Asha pursed her lips. She couldn't remember a time in the last decade when happiness hadn't been accompanied by sadness. In her heart, they belonged together. For reasons she couldn't put into words, everything happy was just... inherently sad. The same way the sky was blue.

"Okay," she sighed. "I'm going to try something different." Because there had been a time in her life when happiness wasn't interwoven with sadness. But she hated visiting those memories. They hurt.

Steeling herself, Asha recalled rolling down the grassy park hills with her brother. In her mind, they were about seven, but they'd done it so many times that all the moments merged into one: a summer breeze keeping them cool under the beating sun, their giggling and gleeful squeals seeming to fill the entire, spinning world. One hundred percent joy.

"Expecto Patronum," Asha said, pouring all that feeling into the wave of her wand.

Nothing.

She resisted the juvenile urge to kick a column and instead shoved her wand into her skirt waistband and conjured blue fire in her hand, forcing herself to take some subtle deep breaths.

As Severus watched her, a slight uneasiness crept up his throat. "Did you focus on cultivating the emotion behind the memory?" he asked carefully.

"No, I ignored everything you said," Asha replied scathingly. "Of course I did! You know I listen to you! This is a waste of time for both of us. I can't do it. My mind isn't built that way. I know the spell is advanced, but what if some people simply aren't capable of producing a Patronus?"

A strange look crossed Severus' face. Something so fleeting that Asha couldn't be certain she'd seen anything at all. Then his expression returned to its usual blank, stony state. "Experimentation and persistence are all that is required," he replied sharply.

Asha huffed. The blue flames in her hand flared bright. He didn't understand. No one seemed to understand.

Extinguishing the fire in her palm, Asha sat down on the base of a column. As the coolness of the stone seeped through her skirt into the backs of her thighs, she leaned her head back.

Strange, overlapping and concentric circles were engraved into the ceiling, much like ripples on a pond caused by the first drops of heavy rain. It was beautiful, really.

"You can seriously cast a Patronus?" Asha asked quietly.

"Do you seriously think Albus would have requested I tutor you if I couldn't?" Severus replied.

"Then do it."

Severus felt his mouth twitch. He should've been used to it by now, but Asha's nerve still delighted him every now and then.

"Watching me cast a Patronus won't help you in the slightest," he said, folding his arms and leaning a shoulder against an adjacent column. "Again, there's only so much instruction I can offer if you don't explain what you are doing, Winters."

"Tell me your Patronus memories and I'll share mine," Asha said darkly, knowing he would never do it.

Severus held her gaze for a moment, then looked away.

Asha sighed quietly. Her limbs felt heavy. "I feel like this is a test Albus has given me, and I'm failing," she said to the floor.

When Severus didn't answer, she stood up and began pacing. "I don't understand what to do. Every happy childhood memory I have involves something I've lost. So it's not fucking happy anymore, is it!" The blue fire was back in her hand.

Severus hummed thoughtfully.

"What?"

"I see your problem," he murmured, surprising her.

Asha stopped pacing and shot him a doubtful look.

"I do," he insisted. "I'll contemplate it for next week."

"It's not even that useful of a spell," Asha muttered. "Tell me why I shouldn't just give up."

Severus walked up to her, bringing her pacing to a halt. He reached for her arm, his thumb brushing her sleeve before he seemed to think better of it.

"Do not give up," he said with such force it sounded like an incantation.

Asha glanced at his hand, at his frowning lips, at those onyx eyes. Then she disappeared up the passageway without another word.

*

Wrapped in a warm jacket, Asha moved swiftly and silently through the dark corridors of Hogwarts, keeping pace with Severus.

"We're leaving the school," she realised, biting back a grin.

"What did I say about being quiet," Severus snipped. But he could feel Asha smirking at him and couldn't resist glancing sidelong at her.

"Of course, we're leaving the school," he relented. "Why do you think I told you to bring a coat? We're not going through the complicated process of stripping wards just for you."

Over the past couple of weeks, Severus had sensed that their gruelling Patronus sessions were taking their toll on Asha. Not only that, they had stolen her favourite part of the week—duelling.

Hence, Severus had decided the young woman might benefit from a late-night excursion outside the grounds. Besides, with Asha's abilities, apparition may come more naturally to her than a Patronus.

"This mystery destination better involve less stairs than the last," she said in a low voice as they rounded a corner.

"Fewer," Severus corrected.

"What?"

"Fewer stairs."

"Do you enjoy being annoying?"

Severus smirked and opened an unassuming wooden door, gesturing for her to enter.

Two hundred and fifty-six ascending steps later, they stopped at a chained iron gate.

"Why, in Merlin's name, has that not been geocompressed?" Asha panted, unzipping her jacket and stretching the burning muscles in her legs.

"To disuade its use," Severus replied, amusement tinging his voice. One tap of the padlock with his wand, and the chains slithered free, allowing the gate to creak open.

The North Wing of Hogwarts was built against the mountainside. The stairway they'd just climbed cut through the rock of the mountain and spat them out high above the castle, amidst a sparse pine forest.

Asha stepped through the gate, out onto the uneven grass. "It's always such a weird feeling to leave the wards," she said. "Like suddenly finding a giant empty space where you'd forgotten anything existed in the first place."

Severus stepped out after her, ignoring the insane impulse to take her by the waist and press his forehead against hers and ask her to describe what magic felt like. "Sometime, you'll have to describe your sense of magic to me in more detail," he heard himself saying.

Asha twisted around and smiled at him. "How would you go about describing a sense?"

Despite it being April, her breath formed silvery clouds in front of her lips. Severus tried and failed not to think about the warmth of her mouth. He clenched his fist around his wand, still not accustomed to lacking control of his mind.

"You've been known to do the impossible," he said lightly, as though it weren't the enticing and entirely truthful statement it was. "I trust you'll come up with something."

As he relocked the gate, Asha turned to admire the view. The lights of Hogsmeade sparkled yellow in the distance, while the black teeth of distant mountains cut into the clear night sky.

The pair trekked across uneven terrain for several minutes, far enough to be out of sight of the passageway. The forest up here was thin and airy, quite unlike the oppressiveness of the Forbidden Forest, and there was no feeling of being watched.

Using her abilities, Asha conjured a suspended ball of silver light for them to work by, while Severus cast various wards around the area. Finally, he conjured two hoops, side by side in the grass.

Asha raised her brows.

"Concentrate on the space in the second hoop and—" began Severus.

"I read the book," she said. "Twice."

"Good. Because I haven't a clue how to teach someone to apparate, besides the three D's rubbish I hear every year." Severus backed up to the edge of the clearing to give Asha some space.

"The book Albus gave me said it's mostly an intuitive form of magic," Asha said. "And techniques like the three D's are just to give beginners the illusion of a framework."

"That sounds accurate. Now. Begin," Severus ordered with a lazy wave of his hand. "Believe it or not, I don't want to stand here all night."

Asha supposed she should've been annoyed by his callous demeanour, but as always, it seemed to have the opposite effect.

"Stop pretending to be grumpy," she said, fighting a smirk.

"Ah, is that why you're fond of me? You think I'm pretending?"

Asha stepped into the left hoop and shot him a sly smile. "Only around me."

Severus swallowed. "Enough."

Asha bit her lip.

Ever since the... event, every teasing remark carried a weighty undertone, and it seemed unlikely they would ever get all of their smooth-tongued, smirking camaraderie back. But Asha wasn't one to admit defeat so easily. Every now and then, she pushed the boundaries.

In contrast, Severus seemed determined to keep his guard up at all times, as if it were the only way to keep things appropriate. But as Asha regarded him, she realised he wasn't doing a great job of it.

Despite his scowl, he was leaning back against a tall pine, arms crossed, one knee bent so his foot rested against the trunk. Severus wouldn't be caught dead standing like that in front of students, or even Albus. In fact, Asha had a niggling feeling that Severus would only feel comfortable standing like that around her. And something about that was deeply... terribly...

"Winters," Severus growled. "You are supposed to be looking at the hoop."

Asha narrowed her eyes at him. The light of her hovering orb cast pine-needled shadows across his features. His jaw flexed. He's uncomfortable, she realised. Uncomfortable with me standing here looking at him.

This upper hand filled her bones with something powerful and calm. She let her gaze linger on him, on the tense grip of his fingers and the downward turn of his mouth. Her heart beat faster. What am I doing?

Stop it. Focus on the task at hand.

Following the instructions she'd memorised, Asha concentrated on the space in the other hoop.

Then she turned on the spot.

Suddenly, she was being squeezed through an inconceivable space. There was a sharp crack, and she appeared in the second hoop. She glanced between the hoops and looked herself over, expecting to find herself splinched.

Severus straightened up and took a step forward, staring at her with devouring eyes. "In no world did you just do that on your first attempt," he said, his voice laced with... something.

Ordinarily, Asha might have made a pretentious joke or given a mock bow. Instead, the something in Severus' voice sent a pulse diving through her torso. His eyes—pitch black apart from the dots of reflection of her orb—seemed to consume her.

Severus hastily smothered whatever had flared inside him and forced himself to lean back against the tree. "Again," he drawled. "Back into the first hoop."

There were moments when Severus sensed the formidable power and cunning behind Asha's mild appearance. This was one of them. It wasn't even her flawless first attempt at apparition. It was something unnamable. In her poise. In her eyes. His muscles were wound tight by the way she was looking at him.

"I said, back into the first hoop," he repeated, needing those eyes off him.

Asha watched him, still submerged in that strange state of power and calm. Then she turned on the spot.

Crack!

Severus went rigid with surprise as a figure appeared mere inches in front of him. With no time to reach for his wand, he instinctively seized the pair of arms.

A split-second later, his vicious grip softened as he realised who it was. She teetered forward, and her hands brushed inside his cloak, landing on his chest.

"Oops," Asha breathed. "Missed."

Still holding her elbows, Severus tried to speak, but his breath had become whirling and insubstantial, like water turned to foam upon the crashing of a wave. Alarm bells sounded in his head as her hands pressed against him.

Asha's calm vanished. The rhythmic whoosh of her heartbeat in her ears began to drown out the rustling pine needles. Without warning, her orb of light blinked out, plunging them into shadowed darkness.

There was a moment of perfect stillness, where neither of them moved a muscle, the fog of their breaths mingling between them.

Why the fucking hell did I just do that, Asha panicked, not daring to look up into Severus' face. He was so close. She'd practically apparated into his arms. Intending to drop her hands, she found them sliding down his torso.

Suddenly, her head tingled as she felt his chin brush her hairline. Reflexively, her hands tightened at his waist, gripping the starchy fabric of his blazer.

With a sharp inhale, Severus managed to murmur, "We agreed." His hands were tense on her arms as he fought the visceral desire to caress her. "We agreed we're not—"

"I know," Asha said quietly. "I'm just... a bit dizzy."

And the world was indeed spinning, though not from apparition. Her head felt full of a dangerous mix of helium and darning. She leaned into him further. His scent was fucking intoxicating. Like she'd finally discovered the true air she needed to survive.

Severus held her a little tighter, her coat soft against his palms. "Dysequilibrium is a common side effect when unfamiliar with apparition."

Asha was certain she felt the vibration of his deep voice through her hands at his waist. "You know you can just say dizziness," she said, absorbed by the warm tickle of his breath against her head.

Severus resisted the near-overwhelming urge to wrap his arms around her by tightening his grip. His hands had never been so restless.

"Asha," he warned.

"I'm sure it'll pass," she whispered, consumed by his warmth, his closeness.

When Severus still didn't put an end to this blatant treason of their agreement, she lowered her face until she felt his shirt collar warm against her forehead.

Her hands tingled with the desire to wander. To get to know the firmness of his body through his clothes. Only the dread of bringing the moment to an end held her back.

Severus was paralysed. She has been knocked off-balance by the rapid, uncontrolled apparition, he told himself.

Lies.

No lines were being crossed.

Lies.

Severus observed himself, as though outside his body, as his face lowered that little bit further and his jaw, his cheek, the side of his mouth, pressed against Asha's hair.

The sensation of it sucked him back into himself. Her sweet, familiar aroma. The softness of her hair, dense with fine strands, which he knew to be a mesmerising shade of the deepest brown.

Asha's breath faltered. He had definitely moved closer. He had leaned into her. He wanted it, just as she did.

Ever so slowly, she straightened up against him until she felt the warm bare skin above his collar against her temple. Then she tilted her head until eventually... her lips brushed his neck.

She felt Severus tense beneath her touch. The grip he had on her arms was almost painful. Asha didn't dare actually kiss him. Not even his neck, as much as she burned to. Instead, she just touched her lips to his skin, light as a moth's wings.

They were still standing in the pine forest, the tree at Severus' back. But outside of the two of them, the rest of the world ceased to exist. There was only them, clinging to each other in the starlight.

As Asha breathed against him, Severus gave a tiny shudder and sucked in a breath, causing tingles to erupt across Asha's scalp where his mouth rested. A thrill swept beneath her skin as Severus began to rub her upper arms with his thumbs.

Severus could feel Asha's breath flush against his neck, warm and fluttering, escaping from the corners where her lips didn't quite touch his skin. His heart hammered with equal parts fear and thrill of what he might do in response.

Nothing is happening, he told himself firmly, even as his hands trailed up her shoulders... and her lips shifted on his neck... and he breathed in her hair... and she ran her hands along his sides. Every inch of him was stirring. Wanting more. Fearing more.

This is nothing.

Then his hands were sliding over the contours of her back, running between her shoulder blades, one finger pressing intently down the exact line of her scar.

Asha repressed whatever noise was threatening to spill from her lips as her body fluttered.

Fuck.

She wondered how Severus would react if she started truly kissing his neck. Kissing him how she wanted to. She could practically feel his tongue back in her mouth. Oh, god, do I want that...

But there was the memory.

The utter humiliation of him pulling away from her. The look on his face. His cold, distant voice. His vow that it would not happen again. That it was a severe lapse in judgment.

Horror and a choking fear of losing him rose in Asha's throat.

She pulled away.

Severus rapidly withdrew his arms, his elbows hitting the tree at his back.

"Thanks," Asha murmured hoarsely, looking anywhere but him. The crisp night air rushed to freeze the places on her body where Severus had been. "I'm fine now."

As Asha stepped back from him, she realised her whole body was buzzing with something that, for once, wasn't magic.

She didn't feel like reconjuring the orb of light, especially not when her face was so hot. Instead, she turned on the spot and appeared in the first hoop with a crack loud enough to send a flock of birds exploding from the pines.

In the ensuing silence, Asha fumbled to zip up her jacket. "So, that's apparition, is it?" she asked, keeping the quiver in her voice to a minimum. As Severus regarded her silently, her heart pounded.

"That's enough," he finally growled.

He withdrew his wand, and for a startling moment, Asha was certain he was about to curse her. Then he vanished the practice hoops with two precise flicks and strode past her.

As Severus headed back toward the passageway into Hogwarts, fear tapped at his chest. For a man who prized—and usually attained—a sense of control in all aspects of his life, he was feeling horrifyingly out of control when it came to Asha Winters.

His reins on his internal landscape, on his actions, his handle on the young woman herself... they were all continually slipping from his grasp.

Instead of having his feet planted firmly on the ground where they belonged, Asha evoked in Severus an unfamiliar, terrible feeling of tumbling through space.

Of falling.

*

A/N: I would love to spend another week perfecting this chapter but my perfectionism hella gets in the way of my productivity and I need to stop 😅 I hope you still liked it! Sorry again for the wait x

It's been a ROUGH month - anyone wanna do gratitude with me? I'm grateful foooor 1) Pedro Pascal (I'm moving into a new era of my life where I'm starting to become attracted to conventionally attractive people??? Wild) 2) The health and happiness of the people I love 3) Bread. I. Love. Bread.

Uurgh im procrastinating. Someone persuade me to get up and get ready for bed. Im gonna ask Chat GPT to give me a pep talk lmao

Okay last story - the girlies and I were talking about Robert Irwin and our availability as wives ahaha and then I googled his age and was like holy shit he's only 21 and my fren was like 'about 30 years off your typical demographic then' GIRL

true

*

October edit: still really struggling with illness! Will update as soon as I can ❤️