Chapter 17 - To Trust, Or Not To Trust

The late afternoon sun was low on the horizon and a light autumn mist was swirling over the Hogwarts grounds. Having just finished an exhilarating training session with Cedric, Asha was in no mood to return to the Hufflepuff common room to have Victoria and Maive start lecturing her about the homework she needed to do. Instead, she was strolling through the dewy grass, feeling the crisp, icy air on her cheeks. She could've cast a warming charm, but she liked the sharp feeling of the cold; what was it to be human if not to feel?

She was in the mood for a change of scenery and headed around the side of the castle towards the Quidditch pitch, rather than to the Black Lake and Forbidden Forest.

Asha wasn't a huge fan of Quidditch, but she loved flying. She and Cole had always dreamt of being able to fly. Her first time on a broom was a mixture of absolute joy and heart-wrenching grief for what her brother never got to experience. She didn't own her own broom, but every now and then she would break into the school broom cupboard and borrow a Cleansweep. With the aid of a disillusionment charm, she could swerve between the castle towers and zoom across the lake, dragging her fingertips through the water.

No teams were practising this afternoon and the pitch was deserted. Asha weaved beneath the stands, trying to avoid thinking about how much Cole would've loved Quidditch. Suddenly she heard a shout of laughter, followed by a chorus of 'Ssshhhh!' and 'Shut up, Hamish!'.

There was a distinct smell of smoke wafting between the wooden framing beneath the stands. Asha cast a silencing spell on her shoes and followed the noise around the curve of the stands.

Standing around a waist-high, horizontal support beam was a group of boys Asha immediately recognised.

"Oi!" one of them yelled, having spotted her. The other four spun around.

"Who are you?" demanded a tall, black-hair boy at the front of the pack.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" snarled another. Asha watched in amusement as they all fumbled for their wands. She raised her arms in surrender.

"Woah, chill out," she said, taking a few steps closer, curious to see what they were doing. They pointed their wands threateningly, though none of them fired.

"Stay back! I'm warning you," barked the first boy.

"Calm down," Asha laughed, "I'm not a snitch - no pun intended. You guys are Cedric's friends, right? Is one of you Brad?"

The boys looked at each other, uncertain, then slowly lowered their wands.

"I'm Brad," said the black-hair boy warily, "How do you know Cedric?"

"Family friend," she lied, taking the opportunity to move close enough to see what the group were clearly trying to hide. Asha grinned in amusement at what she saw. "Is that weed? How did you manage to get that into the castle?"

Sitting on the wooden beam was a small tin containing ground cannabis, rolling papers, and a few filters. Next to it was a crumpled, failed attempt at a joint. The beam was speckled with scorch marks.

"I got my Muggle cousin to send it to me by owl. He's got business selling them at his school and asked if I wanted to distribute at Hogwarts. I said I would need to sample it before I agreed to anything," said Brad. Realising Asha wasn't a threat, the other boys had relaxed and put away their wands.

"Move over," Asha smirked. She grabbed a fresh piece of paper out of the tin, creased it, placed a filter at the end and filled the joint. She deftly pinched the paper together and rolled it before licking the top edge and sealing the roll. Without thinking, she poked the aglet of her hoodie drawstring into the open end of the roll before twisting the tip shut. She held the joint between her fingers, lit it with her wand, and passed it to Brad. The five boys were all looking half impressed, half embarrassed.

"You're welcome," she said, turning to leave and calling over her shoulder, "oh and I'd post a lookout if I were you. I bet if Filch catches you he'll start searching the mail."

A few of the astonished boys spoke at once:

"Wait, what's you're name?"

"Where'd you learn to do that?"

"You some kind of pothead or something?"

Asha stopped in her tracks. A sense of dread spread from her face, washing down through her entire body to the tips of her limbs. But she didn't know why.

Eager to get away, she shoved her hands into the pockets of her black coat and continued walking. Even when she was out of sight of the group, she didn't stop. What was this feeling? Her mind felt off; detached and broken; like a record player that kept skipping tracks.

The sun was nearly behind the mountains now, and the mist had grown heavy. The open-air and biting chill were no longer a comfort to Asha. The whole world suddenly felt unfamiliar and surreal. She quickly found herself at the bottom of the castle steps. Maybe if she got back to her common room and her silly, normal friends, this feeling would stop; things would feel stable again.

She hurried up the stone steps into the Entrance Hall, barely noticing what was around her. She fought to apply logic. What had triggered this? What was it the boys had yelled? Her stomach flipped. 'Where'd you learn to do that?' It was a reasonable question. Why did it make her whole body ring with panic?

THUD!

Asha vaguely registered she had crashed into someone.

"Sorry," she mumbled, desperate to keep moving; to find some form of relief from whatever this was.

"For Merlin's sake! Watch where you're- ... Winters?" Snape's familiar deep voice was just enough to adequately catch Asha's attention.

The potions master had immediately registered that something was off. Asha's face was drained of colour. She was tense and her eyes were flashing with something he couldn't put his finger on. At the sound of his voice, she turned.

"What's wrong?" Snape demanded quietly (there were other students nearby, moving through the corridor).

Asha looked him in the eye and hesitated. A rapid-paced internal battle was taking place; it felt like he was a life raft in the middle of a raging ocean storm, but her brain was screaming not to let him any closer to her than he already was - he already knew too much about her.

Snape saw the moment of hesitation and subtly, yet swiftly, grabbed her by the arm and forcefully lead her into the nearest empty classroom. He released her and closed the door. In the background of her buzzing brain, Asha heard him murmur 'Muffliato'.

She suddenly felt dizzy and sank into the nearest chair, resting her elbows on the desk and her head in her hands. She was trying desperately to figure out what was happening. Snape pulled up a chair and leaned forwards, his arms on the desk.

"What is happening, Asha?" he asked quietly.

"Shut up!" she said desperately (and a lot louder than she had intended). Snape slowly leaned back in his chair and waited.

To Asha's relief, she sensed Snape retreat. She steadied her breath and attempted to process her mind's racing subconscious thoughts. Where had she learned that? And there, right in front of her, was the crux of the problem. She hadn't... But she must have. Every time her mind tried to wander back to her past, it jerked away. It was like her mind wasn't her own, and some eight-year-old with a joystick was yanking it around. Something was sparking in her memory but she couldn't put her finger on it; like when a word is on the tip of your tongue but you can't quite reach it. It was a terrifying feeling. And it was just more evidence that something about her was wrong. Something in her was broken.

Asha didn't know how long it was before she looked up - it could have been twenty seconds or twenty minutes. She brushed her dark hair out of her face, rested her arms on the desk, and looked into the inscrutable face of the man opposite her. He was watching her carefully.

"I'm fine," she lied. He ignored this, continuing to survey her. Asha found his strong, anchored and highly controlled demeanour calming.

"Thanks," she said blankly.

"For what?" he demanded.

Asha shrugged, irritated that he couldn't just leave it. He paused, looking at her and thinking. Then he opened his mouth and spoke very slowly and quietly.

"Tell me what you are thinking."

Asha gave a short, derisive laugh. No way. She bit her lip, smirked sardonically and glared at him, shaking her head at the ludicrousy of the suggestion. How would she even explain it? He would not understand, he would not be able to help, and he would probably tell fucking Dumbledore.

Snape pursed his lips in vexation. His black eyes bore into hers. Asha's mind was totally scattered and she didn't have time to break eye contact. She felt a dull pressure at the base of her skull and images of the group of boys and tin box flashed in front of her eyes. She heard the boy yell 'Where'd you learn that?' and experienced the flood of dread. Then there was a sharp flash and crack like static electricity and Snape grunted, stumbling from his chair. He stuck out an arm to brace himself on a nearby desk, while the other clutched his head.

"What did you just do!" he snarled. Asha jumped to her feet, startled.

"N-nothing! I didn't do anything!" she yelled, half shocked, half angry that he had once again used Legilimency on her. "Serves you right," she snapped. Snape quickly recovered himself and straightened up.

"Winters, I can't help you if you don't let me!"

"I don't need any help!" she fired back. "Besides, anything I tell you will just end up in the hands of Dumbledore, won't it?"

Snape suddenly looked very angry.

"What did he tell you?" He spoke softly but his eyes were flashing dangerously. Asha ignored the question.

"Did you tell him about the wandless magic too?" she asked darkly, matching his low volume.

"Of course not!" Snape spat, "then he would know you were with me over summer."

This answer half surprised her. Asha studied him, trying to gauge what he was thinking.

"In fact," Snape drawled icily, "since you seem to be under the impression that you are the centre of the universe, it may surprise you to hear that I have not talked to the Headmaster about you since last year." Asha narrowed her eyes and stepped closer to him until they were only a few feet apart.

"Why were you talking about me in the first place?" she demanded fiercely. Snape's face contorted with outrage. Despite knowing this student better than any others, he couldn't believe she dared to speak to him in such a way. He leaned forward, lowering his face till it was inches from her own in an act of intimidation. Asha didn't back away.

"Because there is something strange going on with you, Winters." Snape's voice was so low and quiet, it came out as almost a rumbling whisper. "I just know it. Someone is hiding something." Asha felt a rush of fear but she fought to keep her face blank. Somehow, Snape also understood that something about her wasn't right.

"Well, what does our dear Headmaster think?" she mocked, somehow managing to maintain her composure despite her racing heart.

"Albus denies it!" Snape snapped irritably, his voice having suddenly returned to a normal volume. He stepped past her and began pacing the room, his mind whirring.

Asha walked over to the window and leaned on the sill, absent-mindedly looking out over the courtyard. To her confusion, her rush of fear had been followed by a wave of relief. Why? Maybe because her long-held theory was being validated. Or maybe because someone was now facing the unknown alongside her. She took a deep breath.

"I asked Dumbledore if there was something wrong with me, and he brushed it off like it was a silly question," she said slowly, "he was very convincing." Snape snapped out of his muse and looked at Asha intently. "He said I just had more magic in my veins or something, and went off about me doing great things for the good of others or some rubbish like that."

Snape opened his mouth to say something but changed his mind. He leant back against the teacher's desk and folded his arms. His expression was once again unreadable. Asha had been watching him in the reflection of the window but now turned around to face him.

"Do you think he's lying?" she asked cautiously, trying to watch Snape's expression for any small give away. He looked at her suspiciously.

"So, you're not hiding anything?" he said slowly. Asha thought carefully about her response.

"Nothing important," she said firmly. She still did not want anyone to know about her Parselmouth. She didn't quite know why; she just had a strong feeling against it.

Snape had registered that in deciding to share what Dumbledore had said, Asha had chosen to open up to him, even if it was just a tiny bit. But he knew this was a message. She wanted to trust him. So he tried again.

"Will you tell me what happened this afternoon?" he asked carefully. Asha pursed her lips.

"I can't wrap my own head around it, let alone explain it," she said finally.

"Please try," Snape urged.

"Fine," Asha sighed. "It's just, sometimes I know things, and I don't know how. But in the past, it's just been small things and it's never been much of a problem, but today..." she met Snape's eyes and knew that he had seen the memory of her rolling the joint. "I've never smoked weed in my life," she said darkly. Her mouth had gone dry and she felt the familiar thrum of anxiety. "I just got a bit freaked out," she mumbled, returning her gaze to the courtyard. It was now nearly pitch black outside. Snape drummed his fingers on the edge of the desk and furrowed his brows.

"Where did it feel like you were getting the knowledge from? What were you thinking about when you were doing it?" he asked.

"Look, I'm done answering questions!" she snapped, not wanting to dwell on the terrifying truth. She missed Cole so much. He was the only person she could really talk to. The grief threatened to swallow her so she pushed it away and channelled it into anger. "I shouldn't have even told you!" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"Fine," Snape said coldly, "get back to your dorm." He headed for the door.

"Wait, where are you going?" Asha asked urgently, certain he must be making straight for Dumbledore's office to share everything she had confided in him.

"To award detention to multiple sixth years for the possession and use of contraband," he said, pulling open the door.

"No! Please don't-" Asha was cut off as the door slammed shut.

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A/N: I really liked this chapter c: If you're enjoying the story it would mean a lot to me if you pressed that little star!! 🥰