Ivy

Noah and I's suitcase sat fully packed and ready to go, out in the hallway beside his bedroom door. We are leaving for tour tomorrow and Noah was just now coming around to his regular self. I felt more at ease now that Noah had calmed down and returned to his standard demeanor; this is especially appreciated ahead of a daunting twelve week long tour. I told myself I was ready, but now, the night before, I feel more flustered than ever about the attention that'll be on Noah and I. After the album release party I was no longer lurking in the shadows as a maybe girlfriend, maybe nothing figure in Noah's public life. I was now a full fledged significant other to the lead of a rapidly rising metal band. The anxiety this brought with it was tremendous.

Lying next to Noah's sleeping frame my mind bounced back and forth with thoughts and problems. The possible scrutinization by fans scared me the most. Sure most of them seemed accepting of our relationship but there's always a few that don't. That was made obvious from what I saw on the internet the morning after the album release party.

Noah's arm tightened around my waist as I fidgeted for the millionth time. "You gotta get some sleep, babe" he said half asleep, clearly stirred awake by me.

The early March sun shined brightly down on us as we filed into the restaurant of Matt's choosing. The whole lot of us, Bad Omens and the crew, piled into the airy atmosphere of the place known for their brunch options. Noah's hand held mine tightly as he led me to walk in front of him as we were escorted to our table, or tables, seeing as it took three long tables put together to accommodate our group. Noah stopped walking when he found where he wanted to sit, I took one step too many, giving Noah the opportunity to tug me back to him where I bounced against his chest. With one hand he pulled a chair out and used the hand that was holding mine to guide me to take a seat before he claimed the seat next to me. The metal chair against the stained concrete floors made an embarrassingly loud sputter when Noah yanked it to be flush with his, our thighs now firmly pressing into one another.

I already felt overly exposed, wearing a spaghetti strap black sundress along with sitting dead center of a crowded restaurant, the last thing I needed was Noah's gaudy show of dominance. Noah who sat to my left reached across my body, under the table to hold my right thigh. I studied his face as he examined the menu in front of him; he has no idea how ridiculous he's been. My gaze drifted to my own menu where words and pictures danced before me, making no sense at all, I was far too preoccupied to focus on reading a menu. The crowd that occupied the table all created a low hum of chatter as everyone read over their menus.

My mind was on the wood grain of the table and the saturation of the stain and gloss, the menu and my surroundings far from the surface of my mind. "And for you?" I heard the words but they didn't compute, there was so much talking around me it all mixed into one annoying voice I was actively pushing away.

"She'll have coffee" Noah's voice broke through my wall of thought. My head snapped up, right as Nick spoke his drink order without having to be called upon. I felt heat rise to my cheeks, now I look like I can't even speak for myself, great. "What's going on up there" Noah's left hand brushed my hair back so he could see my face.

"Uh" I was too overwhelmed to speak, there's to much noise around me I couldn't even process the thought of adding to it. "Nothing" I spit out quickly.

"Alex" he said my name in a disciplinary tone, "You know that's not an answer, right?" He spoke quieter now, close to my ear, as to not be overheard. 

Fuck, I felt caught, trapped, I feel like a frog in a pot of rapidly heating water, not smart enough to jump out and scream that it's all too much. "I'm just overwhelmed" I squeaked out. My finger fidgeted in my lap, twisting and bending till they hurt.

"Do you want to leave?" Noah asked with sincerity, it made my heart melt, but I can't accept the offer. I hate the idea of low whispers throughout the group if Noah and I were to abruptly stand and exit the table without warning.

"No I'll be fine" I lied, I am not fine. An arm divided Noah and I as two coffee cups were sat down at the same time. The waitress had held the cups in the same hand by the handles, as they clinked onto the table the dark brown liquid inside sloshed about and spilled onto the table from one side then the other.

"Sorry about that." She quickly dismissed her fault as she moved on to the next task. Noah moved quickly to dry the mess from the table before it spread too far. I felt my breath hitch from overstimulation. It was starting and I couldn't stop it before it was too late. I haven't had one in so long I thought I was past this. I sucked air in through my nose and slowly pushed it out my lips, trying my best not to be noticed. But there was Noah, the man possibly more in tune with my body than I am.

"Hey, it's okay," he soothed, his hand returned to my thighs under the table and squeezed tightly till I turned my head to look at him. His brown eyes stared back at me, begging me to be okay. I nodded my head slightly before swallowing harshly. I am not okay. Cautiously Noah returned to the conversation at hand while sneaking glances at me every so often.

As I focused on my breathing I let my eyes wander around the large restaurant, large windows filled the walls looking out onto the street to see its view of the four way stop and all the bustling traffic filling it. A long wall of high backed booths sat on the other side of our table the only thing separating us further from the wall being another row of tables.  Two more rows of table sat behind us also bordered by booths. On my second scan of my surroundings my eyes snapped back to a table for odd activity.

Two phones placed against the table, propped up as if recording. I felt my brow quirk as I examined further. Two girls at the table kept shooting quick glances at our table. Oh fuck. I held my breath as I processed the situation.

"Alex" Noah spoke pulling me from my problematic trance.

"Hm?" I turned to face him, biting my tongue to keep from blurting out the useless information I just learned.

"Are you gonna eat? Before it gets cold?" He asked gesturing to the plate in front of me. I looked down to find a plate of french toast, covered in powdered sugar and strawberries. I've been so zoned out this whole time Noah must've ordered for me.

"Yeah" I breathed out as I reached for my silverware, as I unwrapped it, I looked back to the table I had been inspecting, only to see the two girls looking away from our table and bursting into a fit of giggles. My breath hitched again but this time my legs straightened with it. The metal chair pushed back across the floor with a loud screech. I felt eyes on me, hundreds of eyes, at this moment I couldn't care anymore, we've hit fight or flight and my legs have chosen flight. "Excuse me." I pushed out the pleasantry before stepping back from the table and heading for the back of the restaurant where there had to be a bathroom. My legs burned from the speed at which I walked, as I neared the back wall, a waitress pointed to her left, already knowing the mission I was on. Barging through the door I went for the farthest stall and locked myself inside. Peace and quiet at last.