Slut

In the silence of early morning I stood in the bathroom, arms wrapped around myself while I stared at the bedroom door I had yet to enter. I've been home for days now and am still living out of the suitcase in the floor of Noah's room. There's something so heavy about looking at my old room. I had told Nick to pack it up and do what he wants with the room, there's no telling what state it's in behind that door.

With a single step forward and an out reached arm I gently pushed the door open. My breath sucked in as my eyes landed on the room. The sunlight just now peaking in through the windows I never put curtains on. Everything was the same, just as I left it. The only remarkably different things were the glossy paper wrapped gifts sitting on the bench at the end of the bed. My hand found it's way to my chest where I felt my heart beating rapidly underneath as I stepped onto the plush carpet of my room. My untouched room felt almost frozen in time; like stepping back inside means I never left, only that isn't true. I don't know how long I'd been standing there when I heard a familiar voice echo from the bathroom. "You alright?" 

I swallowed the lump that had formed in my throat before nodding my head. I heard Noah stepping closer so I turned to face him, catching sight of sleep tossed hair and a chest full of ink. "I thought everything would be different" the words came out as my eyes focused in on the tattoos covering the man in front of me.

"Nick told me what you said, about packing up and all that. We both agreed it shouldn't be done." Noah explained. I felt his eyes on me but I couldn't meet them with my own, not with how glossy my eyes feel and the speed my heart is beating at.

"I thought I was doing the right thing." I gave a half ass attempt at explaining myself. No words would ever be good enough; it's hard to explain yourself when your were wrong the whole time.

"You did do the right thing." My eyes snapped up to meet his now, his gaze was soft and meaningful. "You came back."

"Come on you guys! It's time to go!" Nicholas called from downstairs causing me to pull back from Noah. We had been lip locked for several minutes after Noah entered my room to see me dressed in a black long sleeved skater dress, complete with sheer black lights and black boots. I had watched his expression turn stoic before he approached me, quickly taking my lips with his as his hands snaked around my body, stopping on my ass for a moment before one drew back and gave a sharp pop. I gasped on contact, giving him the opportunity to bite my lower lip. This man has been ravenous since I've been back. Sure we've always engaged in heavy petting and other's activities; but now there's something else to it, a possessiveness possibly.

"We gotta go." I breathed out as Noah attempted to press his lips back to mine. His grip on me tightened when I pulled back again. "Noah, you have a job to do" I gently reminded him. The boys had to be out the door and on their way to a photoshoot and interview for a magazine, Noah seems to have forgotten this.

"Fine" he sighed in defeat, letting his arms fall back to his sides before reaching back out and taking my hand in his and turning for the door. Down the stairs and out the door we went to the awaiting SUV the boys manager had arranged for them for the day. Being the last ones out the door left Noah and I sitting in the third row with Nicholas and Jolly in front of us and Nick in the passenger seat.

Noah insisted I tag along for the day's outing, the boys didn't seem to mind and I couldn't find it in me to say no to Noah. So here I sat in the back of the SUV sitting impossible close to the 6 foot 3 frame of the man that seems to not be able to let me out of his sight. His arm stayed reaching across my lap, holding the outside of my thigh, keeping me in place. For the first time since I got back home Noah seemed capable of holding genuine conversation with others. I'm glad to see him return to himself, even if only for a few moments at a time. While the conversation buzzed through the vehicle Noah still kept a hand on me at all times, along with the many glances he made as if to make sure I'm still here, as if I might disappear without his attention on me.

It feels nice to be this loved, for him to be so enraptured with me. But the guilt of what caused this behavior is beginning to eat away at me. When he's looked away for too long and he turns his head back to me and my eyes lock with his brown puppy dog eyes, it makes my chest ache. I've become so accustomed to his touch I miss it when there isn't a hand on me, or fingers in my hair; then I remember when I missed it most, when I hadn't felt it in forever. Noah had told me to stop apologizing when I first got home, but I still feel the need to say how sorry I am a thousand times over.

"You lost up there?" Noah's voice broke through my train of thought, causing my head to snap to face him. He was looking at me with a soft expression and slight concern showing in his eyes.

"I'm sorry" the words came out quickly. I watched a smile stretch across his as he shook his head before he straightened in his seat and faced forward again. "What?" Now I was the one with concern etched onto my face.

"You have nothing to be sorry for." He said with a quick glance back to me. I opened my mouth to speak, but thought better of it, there's no need to open a can of worms before their interview. "That's what I thought" his said as he squeezed my thigh tightly. His smooth voice, his smart mouth, and his touch were all beginning to weigh heavy on my mind. Add in the steamy make out we had before leaving the house, dirty thoughts were starting to swirl around in my head. I'm sure once the shinny newness of being back home wears off, our sex drives will calm down as well. But as of right now I'm beginning to feel like some sex crazed weirdo. "Are you getting lost up there again?" Noah continued to tease me.

"I can't help it," I sighed with a drop of my shoulders.

"We're almost there, that should keep you out of that little dungeon up there." He said with a gentle nudge into my shoulder.

"I love you" the words came out without thought or prompt, they were more true than they've ever been nonetheless. Noah turned to meet my gaze with a half smirk on his face.

"I love you too," we sat there holding eye contact till the vehicle shifted back as it was placed in park.

I sat in a painfully solid chair in the corner of the highly decorated room where the boys were being interviewed. A video interview, complete with a busty, underdressed host. The boys sat in line on a long black leather couch that sat in front of a wall of framed show posters. The host went through the majority of her interview by her cue cards, just as it seemed the interview was wrapping up the host cut a glance back at me sitting in the far corner, I gave a quick smile before she turned back to face the boys.

"I can't help but be curious, who is your guest you have with you today guys?" She asked with a gesture towards where I sat off camera. Oh fuck, here we go.

Both Noah and Nick opened their mouths at the same time and let out different pitched "uhh" before sharing a laugh. Nick stayed quiet and let Noah answer the question.

"That's Alex, my girlfriend," Noah started. I watched him open his mouth to continue but quickly shut it when the host rattled off another question pertaining to the other guy's significant others. Noah shot me an apologetic look from where he sat, stuck in an interview he looked miserable during. All this time I had flown mostly under the radar with the Bad Omens fan base; now that might get blown wide open. Maybe they'll think it's a different girl and I can go on unnoticed, if only I can get Noah's hands off of me. All this time I hadn't been declared publicly as Noah's girlfriend or Nick's sister. And with the shortness of the host, I'll first be known as the girlfriend, not the sister. Oh, how I wish it was the other way around.