32 | ❝ THE WAY TO THE HEART IS THROUGH THE STOMACH... BUT ARE YOU SURE? ❞

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CHAPTER THIRTY TWO

❝ THE WAY TO THE HEART IS THROUGH THE STOMACH... BUT ARE YOU SURE? ❞

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[own storyline]

ROSIE POV

IT WAS HARD FOR HER TO THROW AWAY EVERYTHING THAT WAS TORMENTING HER, ALTHOUGH QUITE LIBERATING. She was tired of her own friend thinking only of herself, as if no one else existed around her. Everyone was worried about her because they cared about her, and what had she done...

"Aren't you overreacting?" Athena asked her, after Buckley had told her, Ian, and the Nash siblings about her conversation with Lissie. "She's been through hell..."

"With all due respect, Athena," she said, calmer than she had with her friend. She had never been so angry with her, but also so deeply disappointed. She had thought their relationship had meant at least a little to Nash, but she was finding that she didn't care about her or anyone else who loved her. "We've all treated her like she was made of porcelain until now. I know she's been through hell, but that's why she needs us to be there for her and support her. And what did she do? She started putting on her masks again! She was pretending everything was fine again instead of telling us! You can't say you disagree with me."

The sergeant sighed heavily. That was a sign to Rosie that she felt the same way.

"You know I love her like a sister, but I couldn't stay silent any longer," the girl said. "What she does about it, is her business, because as you can see, she definitely doesn't need me. She traded me for Buck."

"Rosie, you know that's not true..." Bobby tried to calm her down. He was also angry at Lissie for what she had tried to do, but as a father, he could forgive her anything.

Buckley just shook her head, trying to hold back the tears that were welling up in her eyes again.

"No," she said, her voice breaking. "I can't keep deluding myself that I mean anything to her. Ever since we both got out of the hospital... The only time we spent together was when she came to see Marrie, or when she went to rehab with me the few times. I tried to get her out more often, but she was either somewhere with my brother or ignored my messages. Even yesterday... I texted her to let her know if she needed anything, and she took those damn meds... If only she'd texted or answered that damn phone... I would have dropped everything to help her, but she'd rejected me more than once."

"She didn't want to die," Ian said. "That's why she called Athena..."

"I just don't know what to think about all of this anymore. I should have let it go, but I can't watch the person closest to me destroy herself so completely..."

"Normally, I'd side with Lissie, but Rosie's right," Suzanna said, though it was clearly hard. "We believed everything she told us. We were sure she was starting to get over it. This has to change. We can't make that mistake again, because next time it will end differently."

Rosie nodded and headed towards the hospital exit. At this point, there was nothing keeping her there anymore...

LISSIE POV

ROSIE KEPT HER PROMISE. She'd had enough of her behavior and cut herself off completely. For the first few days after she got home, Lissie tried to contact her. She called, texted, and tried reaching out on every social media platform possible... Until her friend blocked her everywhere.

Well, ex-friend.

Lissie felt it was entirely her fault. She wanted to fix it somehow, but above all, she had to start with herself. If her suicide attempt and what happened afterward had taught her anything, it was that she couldn't keep everything bottled up forever. For a long time, she felt she couldn't show her pain and problems because she didn't want to bother others; after all, they had much more serious issues to deal with. She believed that keeping everything bottled up would eventually make things go back to normal... But that was a mistake.

She needed help.

Jonathan welcomed her back into therapy, practically with open arms. At first, he even apologized for letting her down, for letting it come to this, and suggested she might need to find a new therapist, but she dismissed the idea. She knew him, and though she'd been skeptical for the first few weeks, she'd already told him a few things. She didn't want to start all over again, especially since she felt so good with him.

"Any progress with Rosie?" he asked one afternoon during therapy.

Lissie felt lighter somehow... As if this time, talking about her problems, but being honest about what hurt her, actually helped. She still had good and bad days, but when those first days came, she tried to break down and tell someone close to her. Usually, it was her father and Athena, who listened without rushing her, even when she paused for several minutes because she couldn't find the right words.

"None," she muttered disconsolately, looking into her cup of tea. "I feel like our friendship is effectively over because of me."

"Arguments happen in the best of relationships... Since technology is failing, maybe it's worth resorting to the most traditional solution?"

"What do you mean?" Lissie narrowed her eyes.

"Go to her apartment and talk."

Nash sighed heavily. She'd thought about it many times. The only problem was, she was afraid. And she knew that even if Rosie let her explain her behavior, she'd still think she was stupid. And part of her was starting to believe it.

"She hates me... She won't even open the door to me if she sees it's me."

"You don't know for sure, and you won't know until you find out."

Lissie nodded, knowing he was right. It was the simplest solution, and also the one she dreaded most.

"How are your nightmares?" he asked, clearly sensing that the change of subject was appropriate.

"Not much has changed... Why, is this happening?"

"The human body is still a mystery in many ways, especially when it comes to the brain... You've lived in a state of constant survival for a long time, and your body and mind have learned to adapt to this mode. They've forgotten that things used to be different, and now, as you're slowly starting to heal, they're using a defense mechanism."

"That's pointless," she said, exasperated. "I want to heal, but my body won't let me. Great. So my worst enemy is myself..."

"It'll only win if you let it..." Jonathan propped his hands on the armrests of his chair and looked at her more closely. "You're working through a lot of trauma, not just related to Austin... Dealing with something like that is much harder than dealing with a cold. It takes months, sometimes even years... Don't be too hard on yourself. It might seem like you're not making much progress, but you are."

"Is it because you're writing it down in your notebook, or because I've been crying every five minutes for the last few sessions?"

She asked somewhat jokingly, but the truth was that it felt good. Jonathan had the ability to touch on her traumas to the point where she cried a dozen times — the last one not so long ago, before he'd made her tea. She felt like she'd never cried so much before, but there was something liberating about it.

She was finally allowing herself to openly express her feelings.

"Because you're honest. I can tell the difference between what you told me before you tried to take your life and what you're saying now. Above all, I can see that you want help."

WHEN SHE RETURNED HOME, SHE PLANNED TO MAKE DINNER FOR MAY AND HARRY. She even decided that if she made it in time, she'd bake some cake, probably a chocolate chip brownie, since they both loved it.

However, her plans quickly changed when she heard the phone ring and saw Chim's name on the screen. Her heart raced, and a thousand thoughts raced through her head. Something had to happen — otherwise he wouldn't have called her, even if they were constantly in touch. She just didn't know who he was talking about — Marrie or Rosie. If it was Rosie, she probably wouldn't want her to know anything anyway. And Marrie... If it weren't for Chim dropping by the Grant house with the young girl a few times or letting her know when and where they were going for walks, she probably wouldn't have had any contact with her, because Rosie had forbidden Marrie from seeing her.

Lissie understood that. Her friend didn't want her daughter to suffer, even though she personally would never allow herself to hurt Marrie. But she did, so when Marrie worried whether her favorite aunt would ever wake up.

"Chim, what happened?" she asked immediately after answering the call.

"Have you heard from Marrie today?" She felt as if for a moment she'd forgotten how to breathe.

"No... You know that I only see her if you tell me."

"Damn..."

"Chim, what's going on?" she asked in horror.

"Marrie's gone," he told her, and that was enough for her to drop everything and head out the door, grabbing her car keys along the way. "She ran away from school, and we can't find her anywhere. Denny said she didn't tell him anything, so I thought she went to your place..."

"She wasn't here..." She didn't even want to think about how Marrie would manage to get from school to the Grants' house on her own. She knew the address, of course, and she was a damned brilliant child, but the thought of driving halfway across town alone still sent her into a near-heart attack. She had to find her. "I'm going to look for her. I'll check out her favorite spots. She has to be somewhere..."

Lissie opened the door, and only quick reflexes stopped her at the last moment. There, in the front yard, as if nothing had happened, was Marrie, a satisfied, happy smile on her face at seeing her favorite aunt.

"Chim, I'll call you in a moment."

And before she could hear his reply, she hung up. She put the phone in the pocket, put her hands on her hips, and looked at Marrie, who was looking at her with those big, innocent eyes of hers.

"Marigold Melissa Buckley-Han," she said seriously, as she never addressed her beloved niece. "You're in very big trouble."

"That's my name," she replied calmly. "It's good to know you remember it perfectly."

Lissie snorted briefly at her cutting comment.

"Young lady, you have a lot of explaining to do," she stepped aside, making room for Marrie to come inside. The girl was inside the house, and a moment later she was sitting on the couch in the living room. "Will you tell me why you skipped school?"

"How do you know that?"

"Because I just talked to your dad..."

"Did you tell him I was here already?"

"I didn't," she announced, and Marrie smiled smugly. "But I will. You know I love you, but you can't do that... Your parents are worried, and I immediately started thinking something might happen to you. How did you even get here?"

"By Uber, what did you think?"

"Where did you get the money for it?"

Lissie knew perfectly well that Marrie received allowance, but the girl didn't bring much money to school herself. Firstly, she always had lunch in her backpack, and secondly, she said she didn't have anything to spend money on during the week. She preferred to save it.

"Denny helped me."

"Denny... And apparently he didn't know anything about it, huh?"

Marrie didn't answer immediately. She dangled her legs on the floor for a moment — she was still too small to fully reach her feet as she sat at the back of the couch.

"Will you tell your parents that he knew?"

"That depends on whether you tell me the reason for your great escape."

"I missed you," she said simply, and Lissie immediately felt the warmth coursing through her entire body. The fact that she had run away and put herself in danger was momentarily pushed aside, because all she could think about was that she only wanted to see her, and that she missed her just as much as she did. "You used to spend every day with me, and now I barely see you once a week... I don't like it."

Lissie fought back the tears welling up in her eyes, then walked over to her niece and crouched down in front of her. She placed her hand on her knee, and Marrie looked up at her.

"Why can't you come over anymore?" the young girl asked, tears welling up in her own eyes. "Mom forbade me from seeing you... I hate her for that."

"Hey, don't say that," Lissie said quickly. "Your mom loves you very much and worries about you."

"No!" she snapped quickly, and Lissie's heart ached. She didn't want Marrie to argue with Rosie because of her. "If she doesn't want me to see you, then I don't have to live with her!"

"Marrie, listen to me," she said firmly, and the girl fell silent for a moment. Lissie sat down next to her, putting her arm around her. "It's not your mom's fault, it's mine... I wasn't honest with her, and she had a right to be angry with me..."

Marrie didn't answer immediately. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and didn't look at her aunt for a moment, as if trying to find a way out of the impasse her family found themselves in.

"Can't you just talk to each other? You were the one who told me that an honest conversation was essential."

Lissie was speechless. She didn't think the young woman remembered something like that, because Nash herself had forgotten it.

"That's true..." she nodded. It seemed she couldn't follow her own advice. "I'm sorry, Little Flower..."

"I just want everything to go back to normal... To how it was in Chicago, when you were both so happy."

Marrie folded her arms across her chest and then rested her head against her body. Lissie sighed softly and kissed her hair.

"You have no idea how much I want this too," she whispered softly.

ABOUT AN HOUR LATER, CHIM ARRIVED TO PICK MARRIE. She had regained her spirits somewhat, and although at first she preferred spending the time with Lissie playing together, Nash insisted they at least use the time to do Marrie's homework. Since she'd already skipped school, and sooner or later there would be consequences for it, at least she could catch up on some of it.

Lissie left the door open, so Chim went in himself. When Marrie saw her father, who looked nervous, she immediately hid behind her aunt.

Chim shook her head, then looked at Nash.

"Thanks for letting me know..."

"No problem," she muttered with a short smile. "I started freaking out too when you told me she was gone. She surprised me and I didn't know anything... I know she did wrong, but don't be mad at her."

"I support Auntie," Marrie said, peeking out from behind Lissie's silhouette, then ducking behind her again as Chim shifted his gaze to her.

"She runs away from school and disappears without a trace... How can I not be angry? We were worried about you."

"Not true," Marrie snapped, more confident this time, stepping completely out from behind Lissie. "If that were the case, Mom would let me invite Auntie home."

"Marrie," Lissie said, looking at her niece. "We talked about this. Don't talk about your mom like that."

"I'm sorry..." Marrie blushed slightly and lowered her head. "Give me that grounding already and I'll be fine. I deserve it."

"Your mom and I will decide on that. Now grab your things and go to the car."

Marrie didn't look happy.

"Of course," she muttered, disconsolate. "She'll ground me for life because she prefers to stay in her room and never come out."

Lissie looked at the young girl in surprise, and as she headed into the kitchen, where she'd left her things, she shifted her gaze to Chim.

"What's she talking about?" Nash asked.

"I'm seriously getting tired of both of you..." he muttered angrily. "One worse than the other. You lie to everyone, and Rosie gets angry and acts like a shadow of herself." Chim ran his fingers across his eyes. "She doesn't even go to rehabilitation anymore because she has no motivation."

"What...? Has she gone crazy or something, because now she's the one acting childish."

"What you did affected her," he said calmly. "She pulled you out from trouble, risked everything for you, and this is how you repay her? Why? I know you. Maybe not as well as she does, but I know you must have had a good reason to distance yourself from her like that..."

Chim was right.

"It's complicated..." She glanced at Marrie, who was still packing her things. She was doing it exceptionally slowly, so she could assume she was listening to what the adults were saying half the time.

Lissie grabbed her friend's arm and stepped aside, lowering her voice.

"Rosie was complaining that I spent more time with Buck... Because when I look at him, I don't see him bloody and barely conscious. And with Rosie... I can't shake the image. She's in this state because of me."

"You're smart, and sometimes completely stupid, little captain," Chim muttered, shaking his head. "Why didn't you tell her?"

"She wouldn't let me get a word in edgewise at the hospital... She said what she wanted, and then she left and blocked me. I didn't really have a chance to figure out how to do it."

"Okay, enough of that," Chim pointed at her. "You're coming with us."

"I'm not a child for you to tell me what to do..."

"I'm trying to save your friendship, so there's no arguing. For once, you wouldn't complain..."

"I'm not complaining," she rolled her eyes. "I'm done with this, okay? I'm just saying you have no right to tell me what to do, because I know that." She reached for her purse just as Marrie rejoined them. "You'll drive me home later."

"If you get my girlfriend out of emotional hole, I'll be your chauffeur for the rest of my life."

Lissie let out a short laugh, which made Marrie and Chim smile at each other. They hadn't heard that sound in a while.

"You can regret it. I'm not a miracle worker, and I'm telling you right now, we have to make stop before we go to your place."

"Why?" Chim frowned, starting the car as Lissie typed a message to her step-siblings, saying she'd left the house and therefore wouldn't be found when they got home.

"I won't come empty-handed... We'll stop at the bakery."

"The way to heart is through his stomach?" Lissie simply nodded. "Good plan."

THEY SPENT MORE TIME AT THE BAKERY THAN THEY INTENDED. And that was only because Marrie was helping Rosie choose her favorite cookies and, in the process, trying to sneakily show her the ones she wanted. They somehow managed to outsmart Chim as he didn't even comment on it; they took a bit more of the sweets than intended.

Later, they stopped at the local shop where Lissie and Chim used to meet by chance. She grabbed a tub of strawberry and cream ice cream, and at the entrance to the apartment building, they split up. Chim decided to take Marrie for a short walk, giving them some space to talk.

Lissie wasn't sure if it was such a good idea, because the courage she'd gathered along the way suddenly vanished as she stood in front of Han's apartment door. She promised herself she wouldn't chicken out anymore and wanted to explain this to Rosie, even if she didn't care and decided it wouldn't change anything.

Despite her stress and uncertainty, she rang the doorbell, and after a while, it opened. Rosie stood in the doorway, probably expecting someone completely different, and when she noticed Lissie, she frowned.

"What do you want?" she asked without greeting.

"To talk," she replied confidently. "I brought some pastries and don't think you're getting rid of me."

Rosie shrugged, but nevertheless, she cleared the way into her apartment. Lissie followed her and immediately placed the groceries on the kitchen counter. Remembering exactly what was where, she pulled out the plates and arranged the sweets on them.

"Do you really think a few cookies will fix everything?" Rosie asked, leaning against the stove and folding her arms across her chest.

"No," Lissie replied honestly. "But we can start somewhere."

"No need, because I don't want to hear what you have to say. You had the opportunity earlier. You decided not to take it. Now you can leave everything and go home."

Lissie wasn't discouraged. She had expected that Rosie would be in a bad mood during this conversation and that she wouldn't even want to listen. That's why she was so afraid of this conversation, and if she'd been trying to figure out what to say before, her mind was blank now.

She knew even more that she had to tell her everything.

"Will you shut up for a second?" Lissie glared at her. "At the hospital, you said whatever you wanted and didn't even let me get a word in. Now it's my turn. Sit down in the chair, because I'm talking now."

Rosie scowled like a child, but obediently sat down in the chair. She placed her hands on her knees and, at first, looked anywhere but at Lissie. She took a deep breath and began to tell the story. And when she did, she felt like she couldn't stop. She poured out everything she'd felt over the past two years since she'd encountered Austin, even how past events had caused her to keep it so secret. She talked about what she'd been thinking while she was being held captive, how she'd felt, hearing Austin threaten Rosie and Marrie, and then seeing her alone when she decided to fall into his trap. What she'd seen before her eyes as they fled, and Rosie struggling to regain her strength, when it was because of her that she had to do it. Until finally, she ended with why she wanted to commit suicide — because even though she denied it, she had to say it outright. She really wanted to do it and only Athena and Seth's reflexes prevented her from doing so.

"You know what's funniest about all of this?" Lissie gave a short, ironic laugh. She wiped the tears from her cheeks and looked at Rosie, who had finally looked up at her at some point. "I'm a paramedic. Or I was... But I don't feel any remorse that he's gone... Sometimes I just have this feeling that I should have stopped, helped him, but I didn't because I was so angry at what he did to you because of me." She paused for a moment, wondering if there was anything else she should have brought up, and then remembered what she'd talked about with Chim earlier. "I didn't trade you for Buck. I spent time with him because it was easier than... Looking at you and seeing you all bloody and motionless."

Rosie didn't answer. She stared at her as if analyzing everything she'd heard. Lissie accepted that this was a lot to digest, but at the same time, she was impatient and wanted to hear from her.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" she asked after a few minutes of silence, unable to bear it any longer.

"But you forbade me..."

Lissie gave a short laugh and smiled almost imperceptibly.

"Now you can..."

"Okay," Rosie replied more confidently. "First of all, I'm sorry for what I said in the hospital. I was upset and angry, not only at you, but at myself... If I had told you earlier that I had once tried something like this myself, maybe it would never have happened."

"No one could have predicted this. You could have just told me earlier, and it would have happened anyway..."

"Secondly, how can you still blame yourself for what happened?" Rosie became indignant this time. "It wasn't your fault. He chose to take revenge on you because of us, and in such a horrible way. He was a sick psychopath, and I'm glad he's dead because it means he'll never touch or hurt you again. Everything he did — it's his fault. Not yours. The fact that this whole situation still haunts you and prevents you from living a normal life makes me hate the bastard even more, and I'd gladly kill him again if I could."

"But he beat you because of me. You had a hematoma because of me. You're fighting to get back to work, which is one of the most important things in your life, because of me."

"It was my decision to go there, and I would have done it any time I knew you were in danger."

"Why?" Lissie quietly asked the question that tormented her most. She and Rosie were friends, but why had Buckley decided to risk everything? "You have Marrie and Chim... Why risk it?"

"I didn't save my own brother... I won't make the same mistake again."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you," Lissie finally confessed honestly. "I thought that if I ignored what was happening, everything would return to normal sooner or later."

"You know it's not that simple..."

"I know now... And... Thank you for what you did. I should have done it sooner, because it was only thanks to you that I got out of that nightmare alive. You saved me, and I wanted to squander that chance."

"You fought, Liss. All the time. He hurt you in unimaginable ways, but he didn't break you completely, and this darkness surrounding you... Sooner or later it will disappear, and many wonderful things await you in life."

Rosie suddenly rose from her chair without the use of her crutches. However, that wasn't what surprised Lissie the most, but that she walked up to her without much trouble on her own.

"Since when have you stopped needing crutches?" she asked in shock, unable to believe what she was seeing.

"I've been practicing without them for a few days... No one knows yet. Except you."

"Rosie..." Lissie took her friend in her arms. Rosie hugged her back, and they both relaxed at the same moment. It was exactly what they needed. "You have no idea how proud I am of you."

"And I of you," Rosie replied softly, kissing her hair. "I'm finally seeing glimpses of my old Lissie."

That sent warmth through her body. This gave her hope.