Chapter 7

So its been a week since that day with Scarlett and the whole truth revealing thing about my life two years ago. And after a long period of having to torture myself not to burst into a raging fire with my family, I decided to go to Dallas to confront them because I can't sit in my room reading all their lies when I tried to get the truth out of them. It kept the fire burning

I keep telling myself maybe they have a good fucking reason for them to just tell me bullshits but I can't seem to stitch together something. I just want to know who I am two years ago. Is that too much to ask? and I believe I have the full right to know that.

So now I'm on a plane with my AirPods stuck in my ears playing some tunes to keep me relax. I should be used to it by now, flying all alone. I've done it so many times but it still feels uncomfortable for me up until now. I really can't explain how it feels but anyways why don't I just try not think about it so then I won't get worked up and besides we're only like 30 minutes away and then this would be fucking over. Lets just focus on the other thing that's been bothering me for the whole entire week.

So, Scarlett gave me Elizabeth Olsen's number after typing in her number as well and its been sitting in my contacts untouched for a week now. She said that if I really want to talk to her, I could just give her a call or text. Well, I do really want to, so badly, but every time I decided to just go with it, I chickened out every single time. Well, she didn't talked to me the first time. What difference does it make if I call her now or shoot her a text. I still haven't got any answers on why is she mad or let alone why did we break up?

I asked Scarlett about that but she told me that Elizabeth really didn't spill anything about the break up. No one knows why we broke up only she does and apparently maybe my family does too. Maybe it was a bad break up because if we were together back then, we could've had something. I don't have photographs of us, or videos, not that I know of, no letters or even things that somehow will support that idea of 'us'.

Its funny and stupid because I really didn't try to google myself or see videos on the internet if there was about me during those times which is the easiest way. I get notifications on tags but I really didn't mind looking at them. I trusted my family enough to just move on with my life and start a new path and all that shit. But little did I know that the missing part of my life was actually the highlight of my existence in this fucked up world and they just took that away from me.

I let out a frustrated sigh and sat back to my seat fumbling with my necklace again. I don't even know where this necklace came from like did I got it when I was still a baby or is there someone who gave it to me, or did I just buy it myself. But then I asked myself why in the hell will I buy myself a bumblebee necklace. Anyway, maybe I would never get the answer to that either. But, this necklace has an importance to it that I have to figure out. I wear this all the time not just because I possibly lost the box and I'm scared to have it laying around because I tend to lose many things because I forgot where I've placed them, but because it makes me feel somehow secure in someway. I've grown to love it and I would be devastated if I would lose it.

I lost my grandmother's ring. Mom said maybe I lost it during the accident and that got me so sad for how many days feeling guilty of being so careless. But I'd like to think that grandma June would still be happy and relieved that I am still in fact alive than be mad and worried about a ring. Well, maybe. But still, its the most important thing that I had.——————"So how's your trip?" Dad asks casually on the drive home. I have been keeping this rage in since I saw them at the airport and I've made it clear that I'm in not in the mood at the moment but obviously my dad still attempts a small talk in attempt to ease up the tension suffocating us in the car.

I didn't respond and just turn my attention outside the window trying to calm myself down. I'm not trying to be rude but I know that they know something is up, so I let my silence know they're in trouble once I've stepped foot into the house. Casey is in New York, mom mentioned it earlier. Well, good thing for her since she won't hear my rants about them lying straight to my face but I will definitely send her a warning later on.

Did I mention I didn't brought anything with me here in Dallas, just a back pack that has my wallet, my passport, a shirt and a tank top, a pair of underwear and a pair of socks and these are just for emergencies because I'm really not planning to stay one night at home after this. I just really want to know the truth, the whole truth and that is my only agenda for today.

As soon as we got home, I drop my bag to the couch and walked straight to the kitchen and grab a glass of water drinking all the contents of it trying to cool off. I'm trying to figure out how would I start the conversation without me bursting into flames immediately.

"Hey, you alright?" Mom asks and I let out a sigh as I placed my glass on the sink. I compose myself before turning around to face her. She has this worried look in her eyes and a suspiciously hint of fear in them. They know what's up.

"Can I speak with you and dad in the living room please?" I say in a low tone looking away from her intense stare. Even I don't believe in those worried looks of hers. She was about to say something but I just walk pass her and went into the living room and sat on the couch waiting for them to come and join me.

Thoughts were getting tangled up in my head again as my leg bounces rapidly from the floor so I sat back and fumble with my necklace. Its becoming a habit whenever I feel uncomfortable or anxious about something, some kind of a diversion I guess.

My parents cautiously walked in the room with guilt and confusion plastered on their faces. 'Shannon, you need to calm down' I silently say to myself as they sat on the couch in front of me.

"What's this about Shannon?" Dad said in a serious tone trying to sound as if nothing's going on. I looked at the both of them waiting for them to just spill something, but I got nothing so I started to talk.

"What happened before and during the accident?" I ask surprising myself on how calm that went out.

"We've already talked about this a hundred times-"

"Yes and I've asked you a hundred times. What happened before and during the accident. Tell me the truth."

"Shan-"

"Dad please! Just tell me." I raised my voice a pitch higher. I've never raised my voice to my parents, never. But I can't help it. Dad squinted his eyes on me while mom's eyes are as wide as owl's orbs surprised on my sudden outburst.

"What brought this on? Is that why you're here? Deborah, I told you she shouldn't have returned to LA." What? My brows furrowed in rage and confusion. I was totally lost looking at them as they converse with each other through their eyes. I glanced at mom and she caught my gaze but looks away immediately avoiding eye contact.

"Mom?" I say but she didn't said a word and stayed silent looking at my dad and I was slowly getting annoyed. Why is it so hard for them to just tell me. I groan in frustration getting up to my feet and started pacing back and forth in front of them. I can feel my heart racing in my chest and my hands turning ice cold as I fumbled with my necklace.

"Did you meet someone in LA?" Dad eventually says after a long deafening silence.

"It doesn't matter, I need to know who the fuck I am two fucking years ago." I am beyond pissed right now. My thoughts were running wild inside my head and its making it hurt again. The kind of pain I had when I was with Scarlett. "Now, I'll ask you again one last time, what happened before and during the accident?"

"Shannon stop this now." Dad stood up and walks over to me trying to calm me down with a hug but I was having non of it. I don't need a fucking hug. I need to know the truth. I started pushing my dad away from me but he kept hold of my arms trying to settle me down.

"No, tell me! Tell me please, dad." I say over and over again. Angry tears spill from my eyes as I try to get out of my dad's arms until I got tired and just stopped."Please tell me." I say but this time it sounded more like a plea rather than a demand. I just want to know the truth.That's all I want

"You were depressed" My heart stopped at my mom's voice. I hear dad say my mom's name in a warning tone but I ignored that as I stare at my mom waiting for her to continue.

"Jim she needs to know." She whispers before returning her gaze to me. I can hear the loud beating of my heart as I slowly pull away from dad. "You were depressed, severely depressed that's the main reason we didn't tell you about everything because we were terrified it might go back again." Her voice trembles as I let the words sink into my head.

Depressed. Severely Depressed.

It echoes in my head through the dark nothing. I don't understand what she was saying. Depressed, I don't think I've ever been depressed. I don't feel like it or maybe its just because I forgot how to be.

"I don't understand." I shake my head and dropped down on the couch while my dad sits beside my mom looking at me with worried and cautious eyes like I might do something that is so dangerous and that confuses me even more.

"When you came back home from LA to have a rest after a-a" She stops and looks at my dad.

"A what?"

"A heart attack" What the fuck?

"Wait, a heart attack? Am I sick?" Mom glances at dad once again so I looked at dad. He gives me a sigh which only tells me yes. But I don't feel sick, I easily ran out of breath, yes but that's just because I live in a fucking hill so that's normal. God, I'm so confused.

"You were, but I guess it healed itself when you fell into a coma after the accident." I subconsciously nod at my parents to continue.

"So when you came back, we had good days but mostly bad ones. I know you were depressed, you made that clear to me at the hospital. We gave you your medication every day, it helps but sometime it doesn't and you tend to get lost in these black outs."

"Black outs?"

"Yea, its when your pupils dilate and you just freeze. Sometimes you would trash everything around or burn things mostly photos, films-"

"Is that why I don't have photos in my room? because I've burned them all?" Mom nods her lips trembling. I looked away, she's going to cry and I hate to see her cry because it would make me feel less angry with them and feel guilty about it and that is just not fair.

"Then another blackout happens but this time you walked out of the house not telling us about it and went straight to your dad's. I don't know how you got there because its a bit far up town." Mom glances at dad so I avert my eyes to him and he continues.

"You came to my house and ask me if you could borrow the car and you said that you were heading to the shops to buy some things but your mom's car broke down. It was strange because you might've took a cab to get to my house. Why don't just take a cab to the shops, but I didn't think much about it so I gave you my keys. But I still had this feeling that something's wrong. It was too late to ask you because you were gone already so I called your mom and when she said she didn't know you went out and said that her car is perfectly fine that's when I knew. That wasn't you I was speaking to."

"So the crash happens" I whispered almost to myself trying to process everything I've just heard. I don't know what to feel to be honest but one thing is for sure. I'm still confused about everything. Mainly, why was I depressed? Was it because of Cari because I just broke up with her or was it because of her?

"Why was I depressed again?" I asked softly. It was silence for a moment until I looked up and catch them whispering things to each other again and I'm so tired to even argue anymore so I said,

"Mom, dad. Please just tell me, come on. I can't take being lied to again please." Its true. I'm sick of it. I'm sick of people lying straight to my face and of all people, its them I didn't expect to so I really can't take another lie from them anymore.

"You and Lizzie broke up" Lizzie, Is that her? I know that's what they call her, Scarlett calls her Lizzie. "Do you know who Lizzie is Shannon?" Dad asks this time and I really don't know how to answer that because maybe the person we're talking about might not be the same person who's on my mind right now so I say,

"I don't know but someone told me I was in a relationship with Elizabeth Olsen?" To be honest, I was expecting them to freak out or something but they just exchanged looks and gives me a nod. So it is true, we were together. Well, I'm just the only one who keeps on denying it actually because I find it ridiculously impossible that I was in an actual relationship with her. But I guess it really is true.

"Why did we break up?" It came out with a sad tone to it. Why, I don't know either and judging by the look on my mother's face, it doesn't look like it was a bad break up.

"You told me what happened before you had a heart attack and I remember you said that you were having these blackouts for quite sometime now. You told me that it happened when you went to Lizzie's mom's house for dinner and punched her brother on the face with no reason." Wait, I think I've probably seen that before and its either in a flashback or in a dream I don't remember. My mind is all over the place right now trying to put together every information I'm absorbing.

"So we broke up because I punched her brother on the face?" Its valid but I don't think that's the reason at all and I was right because my shakes her head in disagreement before letting out a huge breath.

"You said you needed to just fix yourself because you're scared that when it happens again, you might actually hurt her, that she's not safe with you anymore. So you broke up with her" I broke up with her. Is that why she won't talk to me, because I was the one who left. Maybe that was it.

The day goes on with them telling me all the things I did in 2019. They told me about the show I worked on with Elizabeth and I might probably watch it when I get back to LA early this morning since I booked a flight at around 4 am. They also told me about this house that I had back in LA. Mom showed me pictures on her phone and there was this one picture of me and Elizabeth in a place that's quite familiar. Maybe I go there all the time, but parts of it, I would see it in a flashback or in a dream. I asked her to send the photo to me and she did. I need to find this place.

My head is filled with so many questions right now that I don't have the answers and I don't think my parents do too. Questions like, if I was already having black outs before the break up does that mean I was already depressed even before the crash happened? And if so why? Did I get some help or anything? I also have these questions on what was I like two years ago, my career, well obviously my love life is quite unpredictable like I don't fucking know my life in 2019. There were bits and pieces my parents mentioned to me but that was it. They don't actually know everything because they were both here in Dallas and I was in LA and I think there's only one person who can help me with that. And that is her.