Chapter 2

She can't seem to remember us.

It plays in my head over and over again like a broken record. I drop down to the edge of my bed so deep in thought of what Mackie just told me hours ago. He was not joking around or trying to play with me like he always does. I can tell by the way he looked at me, he's serious. I tried to get some more details about their meeting and he said some things. I believe I heard it but it just didn't sink in to me because one thing is screaming in my head.

She can't seem to remember us.

That's impossible. I tell myself, but why would Mackie tell me that. I have so many questions in my head that needs answers and I might not be able to sleep tonight because of that. My plans of starting to move on and not having thoughts of her tonight just thrown into the trash, just like that. Now I fight the urge to do something, anything. Call her mom, well that would be strange and awkward since we haven't spoken in two fucking years. Her friends, well that would just reveal my secret of still loving her after a long time.

"Fuck" I curse under my breath getting more and more bothered by the situation. Now I glance around hoping to find some kind of answers to my questions and my eyes landed on my desktop. I tell myself no. But then my eyes keep darting at my computer calling me in some way. But I close my eyes and shake the thought in my head. Its been a long day and I'm pretty tired. Maybe I just need to clear my head.

I let out a huge sigh and got up to get ready for bed even though I'm still thinking about it right at the moment. I went for a bath to try and take her off my mind and somehow not to overthink things. I used my mind tricks to distract myself from her. describe something or just say something. I started saying things I see in my bathroom out loud like shower, towels, sink, bath tub and it goes on and on. It repeats when I ran out of things to say. I find it helpful because as my mind is thinking it, I could also hear myself saying it. It was kind of working but just for a moment. Because as soon as I was dressed and ready for bed, I get a glimpse of my computer again and it just comes rushing back to me again.

"No Lizzie, you've done it for almost two years you can't just throw all of that effort away." I say to myself as I avert my eyes from my computer and started getting under the covers. Maybe Netflix would take my thoughts away from her. I grab the control and turn the TV on and put some random series on Netflix. To be honest, I don't even want to watch TV. I want to watch something else maybe her videos. Fuck! Why can't I take her off my mind.

"You know what, Fuck it! I can't torture myself like this." I turned off the TV and get off the bed storming to my computer and turn it on. I wait impatiently for it to finally open, my stomach churning at my level of anxiety right now. I need to know what happened to her for the last two fucking years because If I don't get anything right now, I will be forced to call Kevin and ask him myself. I'm pretty sure he has a clear idea on what happened to her.

As soon as my desktop appears. I went straight to the internet and to YouTube. I literally shouldn't be doing this and if the twins were here they would've thwacked me in the head or something again. So I'm really thankful I've moved out and I can do whatever I want right now.

"nowthisisliving" I say to myself typing the familiar name on my keyboard before hitting enter. And there she is. My heart starts beating loudly in my chest as my hands had gone sweaty and cold. I clicked on her channel and see the last upload. I felt a little more anxious when I saw that she just uploaded  2 fucking days ago. Oh God, should I be doing this, probably not. But even though, I find myself clicking on that video before it starts to play right before my eyes.

The video starts off with her lying about making another video from her last video which is when she dyed Peach's hair pink and that's when we were still together so now I'm having second thoughts on what Mackie said to me earlier.

'I thought we were going to be in that pandemic for like one month. Its been a year. It's been over a year' She says appearing on the screen and I found myself staring at her with a foolish smile on my face. God, I miss her. She looks the same, healthier than the last time I saw her which I'm really thankful for and more gorgeous than ever. She looks so fine to me. Her hair is not long, not short. Her charming looks, still the same. Her ocean eyes still has its effect on me and its making my heart jump out of my chest every time she would look at me, I mean the camera. One thing I noticed which made my heart flutter in my chest and somehow brought a spark to my eyes, is the necklace I gave to her, hanging around her neck.

'I really wanted to film a house tour for you guys cause I moved.' My heart drops all of a sudden upon hearing that. What the fuck? ' I've done a lot. Its been, I think, two years. It's been two years since I posted. Still in LA, I have a new room mate Zoe'

Who the fuck is Zoe? I felt a familiar feeling in my chest. Breaking it down to pieces as I listen to her talk about the things she has been doing. What hurts me the most was she gave up her house, our house. That's our home and she just gives it up for some hot chick singer I haven't even heard of. That's why, I haven't seen her car park in front of her house since I moved in that's because she doesn't live there anymore.

I was expecting a rush of strong feelings for her will come back to me as soon as I do this but now all I can feel is anger, pain and confusion slowly rising up to my head and before things gets worse, I shut off my computer.

What the fuck did I just watched? What the actual fuck did I just watched? I sit here staring at my reflection on my computer not quite sure what to think.

She moved on.

My mind tells me. Well, it looks like it. She wouldn't move houses, have a new room mate or maybe even more than a room mate and let alone make a video of it if she hasn't.

She looks happy

Yea, she did look happy and well. Good for her. Me, still stuck. Every inch of hope that's left in me had shatter to the ground. I couldn't finish the video, I couldn't handle the lump forming in my throat and the rising heat to my head watching that. I now have faced my worst nightmare, slapping me hard right across my face with a sharp sound.

Its over.

Well, It has been over for us two years ago right. Two fucking years ago. Its not her fault really, She has every right to move on and I have the choice too, and I chose her and I just wished and hoped that somehow she will still choose me, us. But maybe what we had isn't just enough for her.

For a second I haven't thought about what Mackie said. She can't seem to remember us. Doesn't she? or is it all an act of her just so she can avoid conversations about us. Well, she might've done a good job on it making Mackie and Seb believe her.

This feels like a break up all over again and it hurts just like it did from the first one, the only difference is, I'm the only one that's hurting. I'm mad, not at her, but to myself. I stayed in our bubble for years too caught up with the thought of us having another chance only to find out she had burst our bubble a long time ago. Why did I even caved in and watch that fucking video. Oh God, this hurts so much.

Angry tears starts to fall down my cheeks as I stood up from my chair and walked over my minibar getting a bottle of vodka and drank straight from the bottle feeling the burning sensation flowing from my throat down to my chest. I shudder at the taste as I made my way to the glass  wall on the side of my bed sliding the glass door that leads to the garden where our spot is, under the huge tree by the lamp post.

I breathe in the breeze as it hits my skin. I need to calm down, I can't have a panic attack right now. I don't really need that right now. I just need to breathe. I sit on the grass as visions of me and Shannon kept flashing right in front of me. This is where everything started, the first picnic, where she found me after Robbie cheated, our first picnic with her mom and where we revealed our relationship to the public, her breakdowns and morning picnics after that. Good or bad memories, they hold a special place in my heart. I remember every single memory and I wonder if she remembers it too.

Does she remember how relieved I was when I saw her after Robbie cheated on me, or how I felt at ease with her the first time she took me here. Does she even remembers this place anymore. I doubt it, because if she does she would've found out that a house stands here already. My house. Just a house but not a home. She's still my home. I curse myself for even thinking that again. I need to get in my head that its over. its fucking over Lizzie. Its a fucking dead end, its time to move on.

But how, I don't know. Fuck this, I should've just gone to bed. I hate this, It hurts so much————————"Hi!" Kathryn and her family stood outside my doorway greeting me with full smiles as soon as I opened the door for them. It's Friday and I've invited them for dinner to make up for lost time and it really good to see them and have them around again.

"Hey, Come In." I step aside so they could go in.

"Oh God, you're house is beautiful." I smile as Kathryn gives me a tight hug and a kiss on the cheek as well as Ethan.

"Lizzie!" Mae literally jumps on me wrapping her legs around me making me chuckle and I had to hold her tight around the waist so she wouldn't fall. Leonard gives me a kiss on the cheek as well before he turns and closes the door for me.

"You two look so nice huh." I say and Mae giggles while Leonard smiles. These two kids have grown close to me since their mom and I started hanging out a lot so I have things in my house that I have just for the both of them so they would have something to do when they are here or if Kathryn badly needs a babysitter, I could really use some company.

"I love this place so much. I love the wooden interior, very cozy in here" I hear Kathryn say as Mae gets down to the ground and just hugs me instead. I look at Kathryn before I scan my eyes around the room.

"Thanks, that really is what I'm aiming for. Would you like something to drink?" Kathryn winks at me making me giggle and roll my eyes at her. Okay, that's wine for her. I glanced at Ethan and he says, "Coffee's good." before smiling at me.Well you can see how these two can be so different yet so in love with each other.

"Alright then." I nod before looking at the kids. "I have some new books for the two of you. Its in the study room go upstairs through the hallway far door to your right, go and check them out while I work at the kitchen is that alright?" Mae pulls away from me almost immediately before sprinting upstairs.

"Thanks Lizzie." Leonard says sweetly before going upstairs following her sister behind because I bet Mae won't find the right door and she will just be checking all the rooms upstairs. I go to the kitchen to prepare some drinks for them when I hear someone following me. I really don't need to look back to know Kathryn just left her husband in the living room just to come here with me.

"You know, you don't have to come and check if I would give you some real wine or not, I don't have fake wine lying around here in the house." I say and she laughs sitting down on the stool by the kitchen island. I joined her giggling while I took some red wine at the bar area and pour her a small amount in a wine glass and slide it to her for her to taste.

"So, you like it?"

"Oh that is heaven." She says dramatically before sliding the glass back to me for some more, so I did but this time I filled it up a little bit more.

"There you go." I smiled sliding the glass to her once again before returning the bottle of wine to the bar. That's enough for her for now. I can't let her get drunk just right before dinner.

"I really got to tell you Lizzie, you chose a perfect spot for a house. I mean, its very secluded so you can really own your privacy in this place." I smile as I continue to work in the kitchen. I'm almost done with our food and now I'm taking out plates as Kathryn joins me in and helping me around.

"Well, I really need that privacy so bad. It makes me sick with the thought of paparazzis camping outside my house just for a picture and I live alone so that would be terrifying." She hums in response and rolls her eyes clearly annoyed with the idea. Well it is true, the paparazzi can be really invasive and its the first time I've lived alone in a house after how many years. Good thing our spot is very private and invisible to the public eye.

"So, how are you?" She asks in a more serious and concern tone. I was expecting this, because the last time we saw each other after that conversation with Mackie, I wasn't myself anymore.

"I'm fine." Lie. I'm so far from that. But that's normal isn't it, that's part of it. Moving on. She hums in response but doesn't say anything after that. Maybe she'd figured I really don't want to talk about it.

It doesn't matter anymore, after what I just found out maybe I should actually start moving on and forget about her like how she forgot about us.

"Okay" I looked up to Kathryn and saw her eyes looking at me with a questionable worried look. Did I just say that out loud? I feel my blood rush to my cheeks as I look away from her intense stare. Well that's just embarrassing.

"We need to talk about this later. After dinner. Over some Alcohol." She says and I let out a nervous laugh as my thoughts starts spinning around in my head like a hurricane.

"I hope Ethan will be sober by the time you get drunk."

"Oh he will, this is a serious matter honey."

"I'm fine Kathryn. Really." Still lying. God I need to stop fooling myself and other people. She raised her brows at me and raised her hands in defeat.

"If you say so Lizzie. But still we're going to have this conversation later on.I'm fucking serious" She says dismissing the subject and shutting me up. Better get ready for some serious pep talk later on because something tells me this is going to be a long night.————————

"Aww, this is just wow. How the hell did you find this place" I smile as we both sat on the bench facing the breathtaking view of the city.

"Shannon did." I see her head snapped at me on the corner of my eye as I placed my wine glass beside me.  "This place is our spot, mainly there under the huge tree beside the lamp post." I say gesturing to the spot. She doesn't say anything and just look straight at the view. I let silence surrounds us and all we hear are the busy streets of the city and the laughter of the kids running around behind us.

"I watched her last video on the internet." I started. I'm not quite sure of what I'm doing right now but my mouth seems to have a mind of its own. "I found out that, she moved and has a new room mate named Zoe. She's a singer I guess. Do you know her?" I asked and she shakes her head so I shrugged.

"Anyway, so she moved on. She sold her house, our house. Was she that desperate to forget about me to the extent of her selling the house we once lived in together? I don't know, I don't know what to think anymore. My head's all over the place this past few days. I'm sorry."

"Hey" I felt warm hands on top of mine making me look at it before looking up to her as she holds my freezing hand. "Everything will be okay soon. and you don't have to be sorry honey. Its normal to feel hurt and pain because that only proves how much you love Shannon. But-"

"But" I repeat in a whisper. I always hated that word. Its like a reminder that everything good comes with something bad creeping behind it. I look up to Kathryn as I felt my eyes getting welled up with tears and as I blink one tear had escaped so I wiped it off immediately not planning to have a cry in front of her tonight.

"Elizabeth its time. You can't keep up with this forever sweetheart. You deserve so much more."

"I know, I know." I sighed and gave her a small smile. "I'll be fine. It's going to be hard I know but I'll be fine." I breathe and looked at the view to somehow distract myself from the thought of her.

"Hey, if you need someone to talk to. I'm just a call away, you know that right?" I let out a soft giggle and nod at her smiling. Its really nice to have Kathryn as a part of my support system. She really is a sweet heart. "If I couldn't cone to you, then I will let Ethan drop of the kids here so you have some kind of distraction but I warn you it would tire you out all day." She shakes her head and finished up her wine making me laugh.

"I would really love that by the way. I love those two." I giggled and she smiles placing a soft kiss on the back of my hand that she's holding in attempts to somehow make me feel better and it does really.

I know this is going to be hard but I have to try. I can't live with her ghost all my life. She's happy and I'm happy for her even though that happiness doesn't include me or us anymore and I just have to deal with that.