24

The AR emblem glittered across the sky. Traffic buzzed below. It was all routine. A design he was used to. He stood, leaning against the glass adorning his wall.

A meeting, a lunch and an editorial review later he still couldn't find peace. Decision set in the stiffness of his shoulders, Arnav stepped out.

The lighter blazed with a click as his cigar lightened up against the afternoon sun. He frowned, drawing a deep drag into his lungs, hoping to tame him into sanity.

Sanity. There was that word again. It had been weeks since he kept chanting it like a magic charm to himself. A desperate attempt to keep his wits from abandoning him.

"You are here early", Aman walked up to stand by him.

He didn't say a word. He didn't need to.

"Did lightning strike you? Or was Dinesh hallucinating?"

"Don't fool me Aman"

Aman chuckled, shaking his head."You have been different since the day of the book launch. You were fine that day. But the next day, you came late. Dinesh told me you have been looking disturbed. You did something you have never done before. Grading essays? So, not your scene"

"I did it because you were conveniently unavailable"

"Yes, but you didn't need to call the poor guy in the middle of the night-"

"Unbelievable! Is there anything that man keeps from you?", Arnav grunted, snuffing his cigar into a blow of grey.

"Well he could have kept it to himself, had you behaved as usual. But you have been so lost since then. Hell! You were late for today's board meeting "

"I couldn't sleep last night", Arnav dismissed.

"And what is the reason behind this insomnia, Raizada?", he chuckled, quirking a brow up.

Arnav stared at his friend for a beat too long. The deliberation in his head was not fooling Aman and he knew it.

"I am...attracted"

He said nothing, waiting for him to continue.

"It's something I need to get rid of"

"Is this a woman I know?"

"No"

"Never seen you like this. Not even with Lavanya."

Arnav shrugged, his eyes unfocused.

"How did you meet her?"

"I have never met her"

Aman laughed, now thoroughly amused."Did she come to you in a dream? One of those apsaras from those old myths?"

"Her words", Arnav swallowed, "She writes like someone..someone striking an arrow. It feels as if it was written just for you. And it's...unsettling "

"You were attracted to her writing? She sent one of her essays?" Aman straightened up now.

"It was one of those that I had to read. And it-"

"What was it about?"

"Caretaker's needs", Arnav replied dryly.

Understanding dawned in Aman's eyes. A heavy hand fell on his shoulder."So you were..intrigued? You want her to work at AR?"

Arnav swallowed painfully."I..I am attracted to her. As a man is, to a woman"

Aman knew he now had to tread carefully. Arnav's stance was now haggard. His eyes were disturbed. Something deep was underlying whatever he was going through."What's the problem then? No woman has ever refused you . What makes you think she will? Is she married? "

He grimaced, fighting a battle inside."She is nineteen "

Aman smiled, shaking his head."Right. She's still in college"

"I am more than a decade older than her ,Aman"

"I know. So, you know what you need to do"

"Yes I need to get over her"

"Who is this girl? She has made a dent on your mind and heart! Have you even seen her?"

"I saw her, went to that fair where the results were announced"

"So? You have never been dazzled by a beautiful face. That's all you have been surrounded by all your life!"

"She's not just beautiful damn it! She-she.."

Aman raised his hands in surrender."Fine. You were sexually attracted to her. When you shouldn't have been."

"Yes, I shouldn't have been! "

Aman patted his shoulder."Relax man. Attraction is something you have no control of. It's not something you plan with bullet proof data. It's emotions and sexuality all mixed into one. You wanted her before you could question its morality. You are not a bad man-"

"I am, Aman ", Arnav burst out."I am a bad man. I want nothing more than to have her. Have her in a way which is morally unacceptable and socially irresponsible. I just-"He faltered , looking away.

How could he explain to Aman what he felt? He was hooked when her words poured into his soul. When he found himself driving himself to the fair, it was curiosity and anticipation which drew him there. Just to see her. To have a glimpse of the girl who had him in knots.And when he saw her, he didn't see beauty. He saw expressive eyes, a grin and a nervous hand tucking away her hair behind her ears. Eyes which were not focused on him, spiralling him into an unfounded jealousy. A grin which stretched her lips with her joy. Lips he wanted to crush beneath his own . And a demeanour which tugged at his heart.

There was nothing sexual about the way she carried herself. But he was a scum of a man. There was an uncomfortable truth which had creeped up on him about his observance. He had noticed the sigh of her lips as much as her smile. The curve of her breasts had left him aroused. Her gait had left him wondering how it would feel to grab her waist and drag her against himself.

As a man who had enjoyed his fair share of relationships, Arnav was taken aback with himself. No one had incited him like she had. And he was yet to even have her focus on him. But before he could act on his unwilling desires, the truth struck him hard. She was a young woman and he was significantly older. It couldn't work, it wouldn't work.

But now, as he acknowledged the distress he was in he knew he was in the throes of self destruction.

An old memory assaulted his mind, taking him back to a time he hated revisiting.

--

"Dadi! Tell a story na!" Anjali chirped, setting down into the plush chair.

The elderly woman laughed. Draped in a green sari and dazzling with her pearls, his grandmother looked over at Arnav.

The boy was furiously scribbling down his summer homework.

"Arnav? Won't you join Anjali and me? I'll tell you both a Nawab's story. I must warn you now that both of you are older, this won't be a usual happy tale"

Arnav sighed, walking over to them.

His dadi smiled, happy that both her cherubs were now attentive.

"Once upon a time there was a handsome prince in Lucknow. A nawab who owned a hundred palaces , a thousand gardens and a lakh of horses. He was brave and bold and known to all.

One day when he was out hunting, he came upon a shabby hut. There lived a tiny little witch. She was furious when she saw him because she realised it was he , who was hunting down all her prized animals. So she cursed him! The curse said he would be dwindled by an obsession so consuming he would lose everything he held precious to his heart.

The nawab was arrogant. He had everything but he wasn't afraid to lose his wealth. He knew how to survive in the wild. But he didn't know the witch's magic. So off he went to live his royal life.

One fine day, years later, he was riding his horse down an abandoned road when he stumbled upon a figure draped in white. He helped it up, only to realise that it was a woman! A beautiful young woman who had fainted. He took her to his palace and nursed her back to health. In between his care and her innocence, the nawab fell in love.

But when he told her this, she weeped because she was a temple priestess. She can never marry and was destined to live her life in solitude. The nawab realised in horror that he had to let her go. He was in shambles. The priestess left him in the middle of the night ,afraid to hurt him.

But it was of no use! The nawab was lost and angry . He was so obsessed ,he began begging the temple officials to let him meet the woman he loves. He became a laughing stock because of his obsession.

He squandered away his wealth slowly , being deceived by anyone who promised him they would bring his love to him. So the curse came true after all. He lost everything he held precious to his heart because of his obsession. Fanaa, as we call it in Urdu"

"That's sad , dadi " Anjali said glumly.

Dadi smiled, "It's a tale, beta."

"Could he have fought the curse?" Arnav mumbled.

"Well, I can say he could or couldn't. But it's for you two to find out as you grow up!"

--A tale breezed into the air of their palatial home ages ago had stayed with him. Back then he couldn't understand the nawab. Why would he wager everything away for a woman?

But now like a damn idiot, he was this close to losing his control. He was itching to pull the strings and put himself in her orbit. But he stopped himself. It was a pain but he had to. She was too young and he was better than that.

He was. Wasn't he?

----------

Authors Note:

Song for the chapter: Fairytale by Alexander Ryback

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3zYCYpbVzHk

I'm in love with a fairytale Even though it hurts'Cause I don't care if I lose my mind I'm already cursed

~Love, Feather