21 - Break Ups and Snuggles

Aria pov

I wrote down the answer, trying to make my handwriting neater than the scrawl it usually was. Maybe I would get marks for neat handwriting? Seeing as my answers were probably wrong because I couldn't focus. After a while, I gave up on homework, and instead turned my stereo on. I set the music to a soft, background noise, and then began writing in my journal. It was a new one, one Spencer had bought me from a shop when we had gone out together. It had circles and other shapes on the front, and I was filling the pages slowly with my thoughts.

But right now, my thoughts were a mess. The only thing I was certain about was that I wanted to see Spencer right now. But she was probably talking to her parents, or busy studying. I would ring Ezra, but we had broken up today. I knew that it was unfair on Spencer if I continued to see him after declaring my feelings for her, so I had visited Ezra at his apartment.

He had been grading papers, listening to The Fray, and eating leftovers. He seemed excited to see me, and immediately dropped everything to kiss me. But I had broken away, telling him we needed to talk. I had then told him that it wasn't working out, and that we should see other people. I had watched the excited look on his face fall, and instead be replaced by a mask to hide how he actually felt. I had seen the tears threaten to spill, until he told me that it would be best if I left. I had agreed, and gave him a last peck on his lips before walking out for possibly the last time.

I had then sat outside against the wall for ten minutes, crying. I knew what I did was the right thing, but surely if it was right, then it wouldn't hurt so bad?

And that's how I ended up in my room on a friday night, doing homework and attempting to block out the world so it couldn't use my vulnerability against me.

There was a knock at the door, and my mother appeared. She looked like she was trying not to rush in and comfort me, and instead she walked slowly over to the chair in the corner of my room. Her steps were precise, as if she were trying not to rush over. She cleared her throat, taking a seat.

"Ezra told me that you and him broke up. Now I know you are probably sad right now, so unlike your father, I won't start with the patronizing 'it's for the best' speeches." She assured me, using her fingers to make quotation marks. I gave her a small smile, but it probabaly didn't even look like one. Right now, all I wanted was to be alone. To be able to think for myself.

"So was there a reason you ended it? Perhaps another person?" Ella enquired, trying to make it seem like she wasn't prying too deeply. I shook my head.

"I just thought that after so much effort trying to keep the relationship, it wasn't worth it in the end. We had a good time while it lasted." I said truthfully, and felt my heart break at the fact that my excuse was true. I think Ella noticed something was wrong, as she came over to me, sitting on the bed. She opened her arms, and like I did when I was 9 years old, I buried myself in her jumper, and let the tears fall freely.

After a few reassurances that it will get better, and a few more hugs, Ella left to give me some space. So I took my phone and called Spencer. She answered on the second ring, and I felt better when I heard her voice.

"Aria? Are you okay?" She sounded concerned, which made me feel loved. She really loved me.

"I need you, Spence." Was all I could get out, and even then I sounded like I was choking.

"I'll be right there."

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Spencer pov

I grabbed the keys from the kitchen table, and ignored Melissa. She was practically eating us out of house and home, as she was on her seventh bowl of my mum's ice cream. My mum wouldn't be too pleased when she found it was all gone.

I got in the car, and quickly made my way to Aria's house. I honked the horn a few times because it seemed like everybody was taking it super slow when I was in a hurry. Finally, I got there, and was out within seconds.

I rushed up to the front door, knocking on it quickly. Ella answered, looking a little taken aback.

"Spencer? Aria didn't tell me you were coming over." She sounded startled, but then her expression became one of understanding. "She's upstairs." She let me past, and I raced up the stairs to Aria's room.

I composed myself before entering the room. I found Aria sat on her bed, cuddled into a giant teddy bear. Her eyes and cheeks were red from hours of crying, and she looked a mess. I walked over to her slowly, and then climbed on to the bed with her. I opened my arms, and she pushed the teddy to the side before positioning herself to lean into me. I wrapped my arms around her small body, and rested my chin on her head.

"Spence, it's over." She said, her voice calm and composed.

"I know. Same here." I said truthfully. Aria pulled away to look at me. She raised her eyebrow in a silent question, and then voiced her thoughts.

"How did it go? What did you say?"

"I didn't have to say much. He already guessed it." I skipped out the part where A told him I was seeing someone else, leaving me to explain who it was (I had to lie), why I did it (love), and where that left us (awkwardly breaking up).

Aria gave me a small smile, before cuddling back into me. "Stay the night? I just need you here. I sleep better." She said, in a soft voice which made her sound like a scared 6 year old clinging to her mother during a storm.

"What do you want to do?"

"Just hold me." And so I held the small dark haired girl tighter, and she snuggled closer into me. And we listened to the sound of the rain pattering against her windows, and the sound of the soothing background music, and our steady breaths. And I never felt more alive.