𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟑𝟓

CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE the best of birthday gifts

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"THIS IS THE last time I do you a favour." Ricky's voice travelled from the driver's seat, stopping the car just in front of the Chateau.

My face remained pressed against the cold window, the second bottle of liquor nursed in my arms. The dim street lights blurred my vision that much more, the journey from the car to John B's house looking to be a difficult one to overcome in my state of intoxication.

"I'm sorry for making you hate me." I muttered, the words I spoke becoming increasingly slurred.

"You're an idiot, but I don't hate you. Get out before I change my mind."

I curled my fingers around the metal handle, the night breeze hitting my exposed body once I stepped out of his car. A series of silent thanks came from my mouth before Ricky drove off, leaving me at the foot of the house.

With the glass bottles still firmly in my grip, I stumbled my way onto the front porch, seeing a faint light beyond the closed front door. Every bone in my body was hoping that all 4 of my friends would be sat in the living room, ready to take me back into their caring arms regardless of how much I didn't deserve them.

It had happened many times before, and some gut instinct buried in me knew they'd be fed up one day.

I hit my knuckles softly against the wooden door, opposingly to how I banged on Ricky's no less than an hour ago. Taking another sip of the drink in my hand, I waited in silence for a worried look to meet me on the doorstep. A few moments passed without a single sign of life making its way towards me, alerting them with another knock.

"Guys, it's Cami." I raised my voice slightly, wanting the fact that I was still crying to remain hidden for as long as it could. "Can y'all let me in?"

Not wanting to wait another minute in the cold, I tried unlocking the door on my own, seeing as no one was going to do it for me. The hinges creaked open on my first attempt, allowing me to gain shelter from the darkness looming outside.

My face instantly met with JJ's, confusion coming across me as to why he didn't at least respond to my knocks. A faint click made it apparent that the entrance to the house had closed itself, leaving only the awkward atmosphere between us.

"Did I wake you up?" I asked, staring at the figure perched on John B's couch.

His eyes refused to look into mine, thankfully covering the glossed surface of my cheeks. It felt as if I was having a conversation with a brick wall, his muteness being a sight rather unusual to me. The once-joyous boy I knew was contrasting each personality trait of his I knew, only leading me to the conclusion that something was wrong.

"J, where's everyone else?" I tried my luck at switching the topic of conversation.

"Home." he replied bluntly.

Each piece of the puzzle solved itself the longer I stared at his sunken expression, his solitary stay at the Chateau becoming less of a mystery than it was previously.

"Is it Luke again?"

Luke was a part of May's questionable choice in friends, and the only parent on the island I believed to be worse than mine. I had never paid much attention to him in the past, but his behaviour became apparent in the marks he'd leave on his son's body. I didn't blame JJ for wanting to get away from him, explaining his quietness in an instant.

I gestured to the bottle in my hands once I sat down beside him, placing the bag by my feet. His focus remained on the floor below him, counting the hardwood tiles surrounding his shoes. Noticing his neglect for the booze, I took another extensive sip for myself in an attempt to preserve my drunken high.

"What happened to your new Kook lifestyle, bored already?" he spoke with a tone of voice I couldn't quite register, only appreciating the small talk he had sparked between us.

"Got sick of seeing polo shirts everyday." I made a poor attempt at a joke, not receiving even a hint of laughter from the boy.

My lips connected with the glass again, numb to the taste of the alcohol I had been drinking for hours on end. The gulps I took were almost stuck on autopilot, an endless loop to keep my hurt buried deep.

"You're gonna drink yourself dead one of these days." his head was still tilted down at the ground, not finding the strength to face me.

"Making my mommy proud." I laughed. "Our days are numbered, J, why not make the most of them?"

"I'm sure whoever did that to your neck was certainly making the most of theirs."

I went quiet at the indirect mention of Rafe, every attempt I had made at burying the thought of him proving to be a waste of my time. My body sank into the aged couch, the headache I had from my lack of sobriety amplified by each blunt word he said.

"You're not okay. Please just talk to me instead of being a dick." I sighed.

"Those words are rich coming from you."

"What is up your ass, JJ?" I turned to face him again, his head still hung at the ground. "Look, you're mad, I get it. Stop taking it out on other people 'cause that's not gonna get you anywhere."

As a presumed result of my words, he shot up from his seat, taking his baseball cap from off his head. He finally placed a single glance at my face, noticing all the events from today mirrored in the dried path of tears.

"I can't stand being around you when you're drunk. You're a fucking carbon copy of May, no wonder why you hate her so much."

"Why are you leaving? Forgive me for wanting to have a normal conversation."

"I'm tired. Goodnight, Camille." he mumbled, walking off to John B's room.

"I love you, J." I toned down my voice, knowing I had made him more mad than he already was.

Nothing.

I chased down our interaction with the final gulps of alcohol, regardless of JJ's comparison of me and May. He had every right to call me out, but the truth didn't stop his statement from hurting. Him and I always had more in common than the rest of the group considering our parental history, and some part of me expected at least an ounce of his understanding for my actions.

I was no stranger to fighting with the group. Kie and I had our fair share of arguments over the same matter, and JJ was most often the one who came to my defence. Hearing the point leave his lips somehow only made it that much harder to hear, but necessary nevertheless.

My bare legs stretched over the leather cushion, the cold of the night catching up to me in the form of goosebumps. To try and preserve as much body warmth as possible, I tucked my arms around either side of my body as my eyes shut themselves.

The touch brought back memories of Rafe once again, and how I had last fallen asleep in his arms. Most nights I couldn't sleep without bringing myself to think of him; a factor that currently brought more harm than good.

Headaches were never easy to sleep off, but they were even more challenging when taking the form of him.

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"Fucking look at her, man. You can't even blame me for being pissed off when she shows up at your door like this."

The sudden sound of various footsteps woke me from my drunken sleep, making it evident that my headache hadn't worn off. My eyes stayed closed as I listened into the conversation, knowing full-well that I was the topic of discussion.

"Where did she even get the money for all this?" Kiara kneeled by the couch, presumably inspecting the only bag of belongings I had brought with me. "Her mom's sick and she's buying booze, my God."

"See what I mean? She doesn't care anymore, so don't blame me for acting the same." JJ spoke from the other end of the room.

"Why did you even let her in?" John B made his presence evident.

"I didn't. She let herself in, I just didn't kick her out."

"My dad was asking why she didn't come home last night, don't think it's fitting for me to tell him if this is the truth."

The female voice that came from where the rest of the group stood made me gain full consciousness in a matter of seconds, recognising it for all the wrong reasons.

"I hope I'm still dreaming, 'cause why the fuck is she here?" I readjusted the small bikini I was still wearing, sitting my body up on the couch.

"Guys, she's awake." Pope made a poor attempt at whispering.

"Good morning to you too. Y'all have fun talking about me?"

They were quick to exchange a series of worried looks between each other, unaware that parts of their discussion were heard. I crossed my legs with an awkward smile, the fact I was the only person sitting down making me feel as if I was being interrogated.

"Why aren't you at Tannyhill?" Kie switched the subject, an understandably false tone of concern in her words.

"Could ask her the same question. Didn't know I was so quick to replace." I looked over at Sarah, seeing her hand linked with John B's.

My statement made me laugh more than it should've, the link back to Amelia and Rafe being one I didn't plan. It was strange just how everything played out, and how someone else stepping in my place was the common denominator.

"I seem to have forgotten the part where I asked for silence as a birthday present. Would prefer an explanation for what the fuck's going on."

I fixed my eyes onto Kie for any sense of reassurance, only for her to tear them back onto the rest of the group. Their mouths moved in an inaudible conversation, the still intoxicated state I was in making me unable to grasp onto what they were saying.

"You guys need to do it, she already hates me." Sarah said under her breath.

The boys and Kie shook their heads in unison, my concern growing by the minute. It felt as if they had complete disregard for my presence, both with their previous conversation and now their actions.

"Y'know what, I'll leave. Y'all clearly don't want me here anyway." I stood up from my seat, dizziness hitting me instantly.

"We know about you and Rafe." the blonde girl spat out, surprising everyone with her impulsive words.

My eyes widened in realisation, the depth of the current situation being more severe than I could've ever imagined. In my shock, I fell back onto the couch, biting onto my nails as I attempted to process everything that had just happened.

The secrecy I had spent days wasting myself over had crumbled around me, and it was safe to say I was suffocating in its rubble.

I reached over for another alcohol bottle, unscrewing it's cap as quickly as I could manage. Whilst liquor wasn't the most ideal breakfast, it matched the situation I found myself in perfectly. The best way to fight fire was with fire; particularly the one in my throat that grew with each sip I took.

"How much do you know?" I said blankly, wiping my mouth with the back of my palm.

"Does it even matter? It's Rafe, Cami, anything to do with him is bad news." Kie sighed, both out of frustration and care.

"That's why you were mad at me earlier." I looked up at JJ, "You weren't even gonna tell me?"

"You were drunk."

"That's the excuse for everything, isn't it? Blame the alcohol, like I could've handled it better sober."

"We're not just gonna stand around and wait for you to kill yourself. We want you around us, but that comes with a cost." she continued.

"Cut the bullshit, Kie. Just tell me I'm gonna end up like May or Charlie and get it over with." I threw my head back at the mention of my dad, still finding it hard to process the anniversary of his death on top of everything else happening.

"I'm just gonna say it, seeing as none of you have the balls to." Sarah added herself back into the conversation. "We know you're fucking my brother. And, frankly, we're pissed with good reason."

"I don't give a single shit about your reasoning. Remind me where I asked for your input?"

"Don't shout at her, Camille. She's right." John B intervened.

The act of him defending her made an audible scoff escape my lips, knowing she wasn't in any place to criticise my behaviour. Though I didn't appreciate it, I could understand why my friends were mad- a category she didn't fall under.

"Look at you, so quick to come to her rescue." I sat up straight, my anger becoming prominent in my volume. "What about when I was getting fired on you guys' behalf? I've sacrificed so much for you, all of you, and this is how you treat me?"

I felt my voice strain as tears started resurfacing in my eyes, crying more on this day than I imagined I ever could. The gut instinct I had last night was proving itself to be right, the only downside being it was much earlier than I wished.

"So what if I'm with Rafe? It's fine when it's her, right? God, y'all are so fucking predictable."

"He's not a good person. I don't care what he's led you to believe, you're gonna end up hurt." Kie raised her voice in retaliation.

"What happened to your Freshman grudge, Kiara? Throwing it away all 'cause John B's getting his dick wet?" I continued to shout questions at her, failing to wrap my head around everything going on.

"Like you're one to talk. You're gonna throw your life away for him, sorry that I don't wanna pick you off the ground again. I'm not gonna stand around and watch you change into an awful person and not say anything."

"Right," I laughed bitterly, "since I'm such a liability to all of you, maybe I should leave. That's what you want, isn't it?"

I searched for any form of reassurance in each of their faces, replaced only by anger and stress. My gaze laid on JJ and Pope for a moment longer, thinking their silence could've meant they sympathised with me in the slightest. I was only met with empty expressions from them both, answering my question more than words could.

"Answer me, God dammit!" I stood up, inching closer to Kie. "Say the word and I'll fuck off."

"I want you to leave. We want you to leave." she corrected herself, the change of word further pushing me to tears.

With no hesitation, I gathered all of my stuff from the floor, pushing past anyone who was in my way. I couldn't bare to look any of them in the eye, the act only leading me to cry more. They were the only people I ever felt comfortable opening up to, and now everything had just gone to waste.

I exited the front door with a slam, crashing down completely now that I was out of their sight. As unknown as I was to them, I was equally a stranger to myself. There wasn't a single thing I knew about myself; whether it was relating to my behaviour or where I'd go now that I couldn't stay at the Chateau.

The only thing I knew was that I hated birthdays more than ever before.