𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝟏𝟖

CHAPTER EIGHTEENregret or embarrassment?

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IT WAS NEARING the end of my 8th shift on the Druthers, and exactly 1 week since that night on the mainland.

I hadn't seen Rafe for 7 whole days; not around the house, not on the boat, not at all. At first, I had thought that maybe it was something I had done to him, but after a while I realised that it was just the same as always.

For once in my 17 years of life, I thought I had finally had something with a boy who was different. He had spent the whole day focusing solely on me, and I let my guard down because I wasn't used to that sort of attention.

Things were never meant to happen for my benefit or happiness. From a young age, I had always been taught to value other people before myself- for I would have been nothing without the help of others. It was always the sort of thing I believed, partly because I had to; but partly because it was true.

I don't think there was ever a time in my life where I didn't have to seek help from others. I would try and try endlessly to convince people that I was independent and didn't need help, yet it seemed like I was only ever convincing myself.

There was an art to lying in my eyes. Something about the way you could spin a story to fit your perception appealed to me more than it should've. I wasn't ashamed to be a liar, rather I was proud in some twisted sense.

In this case, I guess I was lying about that night.

When questioned about where I had disappeared to last Saturday, I simply said I had gone to the beach. When asked about the clothes, I said I picked them up from my house. Everyone believed me- it's not like I had done anything particularly bad for them not too.

But with lying came the question; was I pretending that night never happened, or just telling people it didn't?

For once, I wasn't convincing myself enough that it wasn't real. Any time I was embarrassed in the past, I would tell myself that it never happened and all would be solved. Yet some part of me didn't want to let go of what happened.

Rather, some part of me didn't want to let go of him.

As much as I knew he meant nothing to me, I couldn't help but wish that he had at least given me some closure- a warning, even. If he wanted to just fuck me and then fuck me over, he could've said so.

I was used to it, after all.

Instead, he insisted on spending the whole day on me; and only me. I was blind sighted into believing that he cared for me beyond just being another bitch in his bed. From that night in the hospital to the bar, he constantly had me convinced that he cared.

It was my own fault for believing Rafe Cameron ever had the capability to care for someone apart from himself.

I had told him things I hadn't dared to speak about before. He was there for me with May, I cried in front of him, and I even started talking about my dad. I hadn't even told Kiara that much about me, and I classed her as my best friend.

Over this past week, I had been so engrossed in taking a hold of my new life that I had totally forgotten about Kie and the boys. Knowing them, they were probably out fishing or doing some other dumb shit- not a care in the world for me.

I just wished I wasn't scared of vulnerability, because that way maybe they could help me.

It was a stupid thing to be scared of, but one of my biggest fears. Opening up to people and letting them know every small detail of my life freaked me out, and I chose to mask that by lying; like I always did.

Anytime I was ever asked the question 'are you okay', I had the same answer. I would never just say I'm fine, because that's too obvious of a lie. Saying the truth was far off limits, so instead I would just say I felt great.

No one questions you if you answer with enough enthusiasm.

As much as I needed to open up and be vulnerable from time to time, I could never fully let myself. No matter how much trust I held in a person, I would always prefer to stay closed off.

Honesty led to people knowing too much about you. And, when people know too much about someone like me, they leave.

Looks like that was the case with Rafe too.

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"So this is the boat you've been telling me about?" the sound of an unfamiliar man shocked me out of my thoughts. "I'm impressed."

I felt a slight weight on the Druthers as 3 bodies walked on, disrupting both my shift and my daydream. Pretending to look occupied, I bent down to retrieve my box of cigarettes from the table and tucked them into the pocket of my hoodie- hiding the fact that I smoked from the unexpected guests.

"Oh, Camille. I didn't know you were still out here." Ward smiled. "I hope you don't mind the company, just showing these guys around the boat."

My focus moved onto the 2 men standing in front of me. The one of the left was presumably in his mid-40s, not much younger or different to Ward.

The man stood next to him, however, was much younger. He couldn't have been older than 25, as seen by his cleanly shaved face and athletic build.

"I'm Andrew, Ward's brother." the older man reached out to shake my hand as he eyed me up and down. "And this is Noah, my son."

"Don't be a perv, Dad. She's a child."

"I'm 17, and uninterested. I just work on the boat." I flattened my lips awkwardly, returning my focus to cleaning.

Noah raised his eyebrows at my comment, clearly finding amusement in what I said. He let out a sly chuckle, rubbing his hand against his jawline. He possessed an odd resemblance to Rafe, which was understandable considering they were cousins.

"Something bothering you? I can always finish cleaning later."

"The opposite." he smirked.

"Excuse my nephew, Camille. Like father, like son." Ward glared at the pair, clearly indicating for them to tone down their boldness.

"I'll come back later. Enjoy the boat." I tucked my hands into my hoodie and turned away, stopping as my boss raised his hand at me.

"Don't, we'll leave you to it in just a moment."

I took my hands out of my pockets, toying with the loose front bits of my ponytail. My chest rose as I sighed deeply at the thought of having to stay in the company of 3 insufferable Kooks; a task that was hard enough considering I was temporarily living on Figure 8.

"I thought you had a guy working on this boat, Ward." Andrew questioned, still looking at me. "John, right?"

"Yeah, John B. I remember him." Noah added.

Ward's face turned sour at the mention of his ex-employee, obviously not wanting the subject to be mentioned.

"Times change, so do people." he said shortly.

"Speaking of time." the younger man spoke up again, his voice starting to annoy me with how often he was willing to speak. "What time is dinner tonight?"

I furrowed my eyebrows at the mention of dinner. Even though I had only been staying at Tannyhill for a short amount of time, there was never one occasion where everyone sat down to eat together.

"Rose is cooking a family dinner for us." Noah smiled at me, noticing my confusion. "You clean the house too, or just the boat? If so, looks like I'll be seeing you tonight."

"It's at 8pm, Noah. Also, Camille lives with us, so she'll be joining in on dinner."

The news of my required attendance to tonight's dinner baffled me. The family hated me enough, apart from Wheezie. Surely they didn't actually want me there, and the last thing I needed in my state was to sit through a whole meal with them.

Knowing it was a family dinner, I couldn't help but wonder if I'd finally see Rafe again. It's not like I wanted to see him, I guess I just wanted to make sure he was still alive.

Empathy was a natural emotion, after all.

I didn't care for him, I repeated to myself.

I was just an empath.