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𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫; ˢˡⁱᵍʰᵗ ᵖᵃⁿⁱᶜ ᵃᵗᵗᵃᶜᵏ

"Comfort and peace don't come easy to people like us."

Your eyes opened, waking you from slumber. 

'Today's the day,' you thought, slightly bracing yourself for the mission. 

You started your morning as usual, not really hungover since you didn't even drink that much the night before. Once in uniform, you made your way for breakfast, taking a seat next to Moblit and your squad members. You had your green cloak still folded on the small space next to you. 

You finished your breakfast, fear, and nerves beginning to kick into your system. You ate your food slowly, afraid that the nauseous feeling of fear might begin to haunt you. Once you were done with your meal, you bid farewell to your squad members as you decided to spend some time by the stables. 

Sure, it was still early but you kind of wanted a little peace of mind and you figured you'd get it from the empty field near the stables alongside the small pond. During the whole time you've been there, you sometimes would visit that area for the scenery of nature. 

You stood beside the outer wall of the horse stables, eyes overlooking the blue water. The breeze was light and airy, the trees following the wind's guidance. You let out a deep breath, clearly still nervous and scared of what was to come. 

After a while, people began arriving at the stables to retrieve their houses. You followed suit, deciding that if you were to die that day, then, your eyes had seen enough of nature. Enough to make up for the 30 years that you lacked nature within your vision. 

Maybe not enough, but, it was something, at the very least. And in a life like yours, something counts as everything. 

Taking a deep breath, you walked towards the stables, greeting some of your fellow Scouts as you approach your horse. Gently, you pet it before letting it out to the field alongside you. Not too long after, everyone began moving towards the gate at the Wall. 

A few groups of Scouts were assisting one another in helping to lift the horses from one side of the wall to another. You met up with Hange and Levi, the three of you riding the same lift to get to the top of the Wall. Silence dawned upon you three, each of you readying yourselves for what's to come. 

But the silence was then broken. Not by Levi, Hange, nor you. It was a shout, a call, from someone below. Hange's attention was diverted towards the town below as you all noticed the accumulation of townfolks. 

"HANGE!" The same man from earlier shouted to call the scientist. "GOOD LUCK!" 

"Flegel?" Hange gaped, their voice in a dieblief state. 

"You know him?" You asked, forehead lined with creases of confusion. 

"Yeah," they nodded, eyes dared not to stray away from the crowd below. 

"TAKE IT BACK!" 

"TAKE BACK WALL MARIA FOR US!" 

"THE FUTURE OF HUMANITY IS IN YOUR HANDS!" 

Choruses of cheers echoed through the endless bounds of the blue sky. You knew the Survey Corps always lacked support from the citizens. But the sight you were seeing was extremely wholesome, you could just melt. 

And though you too, were a Scout and thus, one of the ones being cheered on, you didn't feel that way. Instead, you felt as though you were just another normal person watching as the world finally views the Scouts as heroes. But you've never really viewed them like that, either. It's just the person next to you who happened to be your one and only hero. 

"CAPTAIN LEVI!" Someone from the crowd shouted, earning your utmost attention despite not being the one called. "THANK YOU FOR SAVING OUR CITY!" 

You couldn't help but let a small smile conform your face as you and the two walked over to stand with the others. And as it was so obviously played to be, you weren't the only person Levi had saved. 

"YOU ALL COME BACK IN ONE PIECE, ALRIGHT?!" 

"GO AND RECLAIM OUR TERRITORY!" 

"Someone's got a big mouth," Levi muttered under his breath but loud enough that you, Erwin, and Hange heard him. 

"Well, with the commotion we made, of course, they'd find out," Hange replied lowly. 

"The thing is, all the meat we ordered was from the Reeves Company," the Squad Leader next to Hange informed nervously. 

"Damn that Flegel," the man next to him sighed. 

As your ears caught hearing of everything, your heart was beating at a beat of speed. You were beginning to feel much more scared, your human nature of fear slightly overwhelming you. Your breathing was beginning to lose control, your vision almost blurry as you tried to discreetly blink your eyes, a poor attempt at ridding the blur. 

Amongst the cheers of the townfolks, your ears were beginning to hear a shrilling ring. Your head felt light and airy, much like the breeze that morning that the trees danced to. But unlike the trees, you didn't feel like dancing, you felt like throwing up. You felt like fainting. 

Your consciousness felt like it was slowly seeping away. You clenched your fists by your sides in hopes to regain your composure, to earn once more the focus you've always had. Closing your eyes, you began to search for your concentration, for yourself. 

Amidst the chaos your body and mind were creating for you, the skin by your clenched fists met the friction of a slightly rough surface. A touch that you could easily recognize anywhere. A touch that crawled its way into your hand, unclenching your palms before intertwining your fingers. 

Your eyes opened immediately, shock pulsating you when you felt Levi's hand in yours. He gave your hand a little squeeze, just enough that it brought you back. Back to reality, back to yourself, back to the composure you wore before. 

Sure, you were scared. But at least he was there. And he would be there with you. 

A sign of appreciation, you gave him a little squeeze in return. Neither of you paid any more attention to the cheers and loud screams that Levi's squad was letting out in merge with the citizens' voices. 

And neither of you cared much when Erwin joined in, bringing up everyone's morale for the deadly mission. Neither of you cared because neither of you needed any more morale. 

You already had each other.

Soon, the Commander announced the beginning of the mission in retaking Wall Maria. Everyone mounted on their horses, your locked hands with Levi disconnecting as you part for the beginning of the journey. 

And thus, the horses began moving, carrying the soldiers of the Scout Regiment on their backs, everyone heading towards humanity's victory with risks greater than any they've faced before. 

⤱

"Neither of them is ever scared."

Hours passed since you alongside the Scouts had begun the long journey to Shiganshina. Nighttime arrived, the shine of the Sun onto the soil of the Earth had long been gone. The only light source existing in aid was the shine from the flashlights held in the palms of most of the soldiers. 

To ease the burdens of the animals, the soldiers had begun to walk on their feet, the leash of the horses held closely. You walked within the darkness, the tall trees overshadowing the ground from the moonlight. The further the path took you all, the scarier the woods seemed to be. 

"TITAN ON THE LEFT! EVERYONE HALT!" 

As soon as those words were said, your body froze alongside a few others while some soldiers had their hands ready at their blades. Standing still, flashlights were shone towards the large creature, your eyes wide and big as you witnessed the appearance of the Titan. 

Your fear had returned back at this point. This was the first time you'd seen an actual Titan in front of your bare eyes. Not a drawing, not an illustration, it was real. An ugly, contorted face with off body proportions was what Titans were from what you had in your view. 

'This is what Hange's obsessed with?' You wondered. 

"It's alright, he's fast asleep," Hange assured their soldiers. "This lad must not be one of those new types that move at night," they added, slight interest piquing up. "That's too bad, let him be."

At their instruction, everyone who had drawn out their blades returned the sharp edges of their weapons back into the slots within their ODM gears. Then, the crowd continued the journey as you all walked ahead. 

You were walking near Eren and the others, Hange not too far in front, allowing you to hear of their conversation with Eren though you did not find it in yourself to care much for the topic. Hange was going on, explaining to Eren about the source of moonlight and what it had done to the new type of Titans, referring back to a night when they were bombarded by Titans. 

A night you certainly were clueless about since at that time, you were probably somewhere in the Underground, fulfilling up the supplies for you and the children of the city through the crime of stealing. 

"I hope we capture one someday!" Hange excitedly said, their eyes lighting up with glee. 

You tried to separate yourself from everyone, not too far that you'd get lost or actually divide from your fellow Scouts. And you weren't even sure why you wanted some solitude. Maybe because it was something you were truly used to for the past years, ever since Levi disappeared. 

And within those years, every time your fear would haunt you, you would somehow fix it yourself. You had no idea how you would do it, but after a while, the trembling that shadowed your hands and body would recede. 

Yet for some reason, the fear that was clouding you at the moment was nowhere near gone. And would it ever leave? You were scared of that, too. 

What if the mission failed because you couldn't do your job properly? And to think, despite being a new recruit, you were already tasked with a job alongside the Section Commander and the Squad Leaders. 

And you knew how tough this mission was so everyone had a part to do. But what if your emotions overwhelm you, rendering you useless in battle when you already had a job to do? 

"How are you feeling?" You heard Levi's sudden low voice next to you. 

The sound of your ex-partner brought you back to reality. Your eyes blinked a few times, scanning your surroundings only to realize that you were still walking in the deep forest towards the abandoned town of Shiganshina. But instead of solitude, Levi stood by you. 

"Why are you here? Shouldn't you walk by the front?" You asked, confused but internally grateful that he had come to your rescue. 

"I wanted to check how you were doing," he replied. 

"I'm fine," you lied, though you do somehow feel better than you did before. 

Sure, the fear was still there. But at least your hands had stopped shaking. At least your breathing got under control. At least the haunting thoughts had stopped asking such questions that rid you of your focus and concentration. 

"It's okay to feel scared," he said. 

You wanted to hit him for saying that. You wanted to get angry at him for even thinking that you were scared. But you couldn't. 

Because he was right. He was right and there was honestly no way you could hide the truth about your fear. 

"Do you?" You asked, your voice apparent of nerves, lacking any bitterness. "Do you feel scared right now, Levi?" 

"Yes," he grimly answered. "It's normal to feel scared, especially before a huge mission like this," he said, his tone and words comforting you further than you could ever do to yourself. "Just don't let the fear overtake you-"

"Or you'll be your own victim," you continued, knowing well the words he was about to say as you've heard them multiple times in your life before. "And a victim of fear-"

"Is a victim lacking use," he continued, knowing well the words you were about to say as he's heard you say it multiple times in his life before. 

For some reason, you could feel your heart flutter at the exchange and continuation you two shared. A sense of nostalgia cascaded around your heart, clouding the edges of the fractured pieces with ease. 

You couldn't help the small laugh that escaped you nor could you control yourself anymore as you smiled, gaze lifted to the man next to you. And you certainly couldn't help but admire the complexion you had always found yourself thinking about. 

The lack of moonlight seemed to be of no importance in showing Levi's beauty. And to think -though he had hurt you-, that you were the only person in the world that could have had the luxury of feeling his love.