Chapter Ten: Running To You

Listening to melancholy music was a vice that Kara reserved for when she was alone.

"Why", by Annie Lennox played in the background.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2fYYmPNwDaNpw1KRSxpQ5H?si=MvKoEpXbT46Muk8n4s4rWA

She did her best to hold it together when she was around other people, but she felt like she was always on the verge of weeping. Hopelessness washed over her and all she could do is look back and regret every decision she had made in the last year.

Kara sat on her couch under a blanket and stared into the fireplace. Tears flowed down her cheeks. She didn't bother listening to the lyrics of the songs she played. She just let the sadness of their voices carry her away. She grabbed her phone and sent Lena a text. She could barely see through her tears. Her vision was blurred and shaky. She had sent her three text messages over the last couple of days, but there was no response.

Lena, I'm sorry. Please call me.

Kara knew Lena needed space, but she was starting to wonder if Lena had completely given up hope. She tried to respect her request for time but now that Lena was engaged, Kara feared time had run out.

***

"I don't know why I didn't think of it before", Alex said to Sam. "She is the only person I know that can get through to Kara. Kar has never gone against her advice and she has always valued her opinion. She was Kara's advisor during undergrad and she quickly became part of the family. I doubt she would ever admit it, but I think Kara loves and respects her more than anyone else in this world. I must have been insane not to think of her from day one. It was hard when she moved to National City, but she has always loved Kara like family.

"Call her."

"Kar might be mad."

"Kara is too depressed to be mad. Listen, we don't have a lot of time. Before we know it, we will be receiving a wedding invitation. We do not want to wait until that happens. Babe, call her."

Alex grabbed Sam close and kissed her with all of the love and appreciation in her heart. She moved a hand to her cheek and caressed it softly. She stared into Sam's big brown eyes and soaked in all of the love she could.

"Thank you baby."

Alex scrolled through her contacts and found her immediately. She hit the call button and the phone began to ring. She hit speaker and held her breath.

Sam looked on as Alex waited nervously for the call to connect.

"Cat Grant", Cat said into the phone loudly.

Alex lit up.

"Hi Cat, this is Alex Danvers. Do you remember me?"

"Of course I do. You're Kara's sister right?"

"Exactly. Listen, I'm so sorry to bother you, but Kara is in a rough situation and I was hoping you might be able to help."

"Of course. What do you need."

"Kara is being stubborn."

"What's new?"

"She needs to do something to be truly happy, but her silly brain is getting in the way."

"Okay, I just poured a cup of tea and I have nowhere to be. Tell me everything."

"About three years ago Kara ended up accidentally meeting the woman of her dreams on Christmas Eve. The woman was stuck in an elevator a few blocks away from Kara's building. She hit the elevator call button and it dialed Kara's office line instead of the building management people in her office building. They talked for hours and built an instant connection."

"Wow. I love that. That is so romantic."

"Two years later, Kar and I were Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve, when by some crazy magical happenstance, her dream woman was standing outside in the snow. They shared a romantic moment and ended up spending Christmas Eve night together."

"Good for Kara."

Alex's breathing became labored and her body shook. Her eyes welled up with tears thinking about what she would have to say next.

"The next morning, Kara was on her way back to my place when she was involved in a horrific accident."

"What? Why am I just hearing about this now?"

"I'm so sorry. Kara was oddly private after the accident. Even after she healed, she was withdrawn. Kara was so ashamed of her progress she refused to let us tell anyone. Anyway, when she came to and saw the extent of her injuries, she decided not to call Lena, that's her dream woman. Lena had been waiting for her to call on Christmas Day and every day after that. Kara was unconscious in the hospital for two weeks, but she could have called Lena the moment she woke up and explained everything that happened. She never called her."

"Oh Kara", Cat said disappointed.

"Kara has spent the last year trying to rehab, but she has suffered setback after setback and now the doctors believe the issue she has with her hip and her leg will be permanent. They told her she could be handicapped for the rest of her life."

"Jesus. My poor Kara."

"Your poor Kara is being a pigheaded idiot."

"What? Why?"

"She connected with Lena over the summer and they started talking again. Kara has had every opportunity to explain why she never called, but she doesn't wam to ruin Lena's life. She is worried that if she and Lena get together, Lena will have a lesser life because of Kara's handicap."

"That can't possibly be true. What does Lena say about all of this?"

"She doesn't know."

"I understand Kara being pigheaded, but why haven't you stepped in and told her? Why haven't you intervened?"

"Kara would never forgive me if I told Lena. As for intervening, what do you think I'm doing now? Please Cat, please talk some sense into her. She loves Lena, Lena loves her, but Kara's stubbornness is pushing Lena into the arms of another woman. She's engaged and I fear that Kara will never see the light."

"I'll fuel up the jet and I can be there tomorrow. I just have to clear my calendar for the next few days."

"Thanks Cat, I'm really happy you're coming."

"Don't worry Alex. I'll talk some sense into Kara."

"God, I hope so."

***

The next evening, Kara sat in her office. The clock read 11:30 pm. She stared at some blueprints but her mind was on Lena. She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes.

"You know Kara, I always told you to work hard but, 11:30? When do you sleep?"

Kara knew exactly who that voice belonged to. Her eyes popped open and she leaned forward in her chair. She lit up but her eyes filled with tears. She stood up and fumbled for her cane but it dropped to the ground. Cat looked sad for just a moment but then she put on a brave smile. Cat quickly moved to Kara's side and picked up the cane for her. Kara threw her arms around her friend and mentor. She squeezed tight, and suddenly, she began to weep uncontrollably. She took big heaving breaths and just let go.

"Hey sweetie, it's okay. Everything is okay", Cat said uncharacteristically soft. Go ahead and sit down. Come on, slow down your breathing."

Kara pulled back and tried to compose herself.

"Sorry Cat. I just missed you so much and this was totally unexpected."

"Come on. Take a seat and explain to me why you didn't tell me about the accident."

Kara took a few steps back and sat down in her chair.

"I'm sorry Cat. It's been a hard year and I didn't want anyone to see me like this. I am the worst version of myself. I'm in pain all of the time, I'm moody, and I have a very short fuse. Poor Alex has received the brunt of it."

"None of that matters Kara. You know I love you and support you no matter what. Even when you make terrible decisions."

"How are you here?", Kara asked grabbing Cat's hand and smiling.

"Your sister called me and asked me come and see you. She's worried about you."

"She shouldn't have done that."

"She said she was desperate, Kara. She needed me because she needed me to do what I always do."

"What's that?"

"Help you find your way."

"My way is lost. I'm lost."

Cat sat on the edge of the desk and grabbed Kara's hand.

"Kara, you want to feel sorry for yourself. You've suffered terribly both physically and emotionally. You want to drown your sorrows in depressing music and let the woman of your dreams marry someone else. You're being an idiot. I'm fucking Cat Grant. I went from being a University advisor to a billionaire CEO because I NEVER felt sorry for myself. I never allowed destiny to drag me around by the bra straps. No, when shit got messy, I persevered, and I know you will too."

"This is different Cat. I'm in pain. I'm handicapped and that's not going to change. My situation is just different."

"How? Every single time you have wanted something in your life, you have doubted whether you deserved it. The scholarship, grad school, you have never just trusted that you deserved to be happy. You're right. We are different. I see my self worth. You shit on yourself and give up. It's the same with Lena. Kara, it doesn't matter whether you're handicapped or not. You're being foolish. You're making excuses because you don't think you deserve to be happy. That is selfish and misguided. You deserve to be happy and so does Lena. If she's in love with you and you continue to hide this from her, you're taking away her potential happiness. You are removing her choice from her control. Who are you to do that? If you love her, don't be an ass. You need to tell her immediately or you're the villain in this story."

Kara collapsed onto her desk and laid her head on her arms.

Cat put a hand on her shoulder.

"Kara, you need tough love. You need to hear the honest to God truth. It sounds to me like everyone has tiptoed around you in a misguided effort to help you. I will not hold my tongue. You need to call that woman and tell her everything. I mean it. Better yet. Let's go and find her. You need to tell her in person."

"She is in Ireland, Cat."

"I have my jet. Go home, pack a bag and let's go."

Kara chuckled.

"Are you kidding? Sure. We'll just hop a plane to Ireland."

"I'm not kidding, Kara. She deserves an explanation. Maybe she will reject you, but your fear of rejection cannot dictate how you live your life. Kara, you need to be brave. You need to be the hero. Don't let this be the end of you. Let this be the beginning of you taking back control of your life."

Kara beamed through her tears.

"Shit. Why does everything make more sense when you say it? What the hell have I done? Okay. Okay, let's go find her. I love her too much to give up on her or let her give up on me. You're right. I need to go and tell her everything, If she tells me to leave, I will live, but I can't go on with the unknown. Jesus Cat, do you have some kind of superpower or something? How do you always convince me to do things I don't want to do?"

"I like that. I guess that is my superpower. I give people advice and help them see the way to the most positive outcome. Ha! I need a cape."

"Thank you for coming. You have no idea how much I appreciate this. I missed you so much and I finally feel like I'm thinking clearly for first time in a year."

"You should thank Alex."

"She's fast asleep, but I'll call her when we land. Are you sure you're okay doing this?"

"Of course Kara. It's for you and for true love. Alex said you have spent so much time talking about how you are damaged and don't deserve love. You are beautiful, inside and out. You are stunningly beautiful and your flaw, your one flaw doesn't make you broken, it makes you special. Your heart is what she fell in love with. She loved you long before she saw you. I believe in this. I believe in your love. Oh and if you tell another living soul how much of a romantic softie I am, I'll have you 'disappeared' and no one will ever find the body. You understand?" Cat gave Kara the most disarming smile. Kara stood up and wrapped her arms around Cat.

"I feel like an idiot, Cat."

"You are, but you're a sweet idiot. I imagine if Lena sees your sad blue eyes and that sweet soft grin, she will have to forgive you instantly. If she doesn't, she's the idiot. Come on Kara, you have a bag to pack and we have a plane to catch."

***

Kara and Cat sat across from each other on her private jet.

Cat worked on her laptop under subdued light. Her reading glasses were perched on her nose, just as Kara had remembered from the old days.

Kara curled up in the seat and listened to music.

"Run To You", by Lea Michele played.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2SOUTN8rzGAkBr001HqAXe?si=99msSZV4Q8WLfM6_h9Pejg

She stared out the window and ran through every possible scenario in her mind.

She opened a notebook that sat on the seat beside her and began to write.

Lena, my love, my heart,

I need to write this down before I say the words. I need to find the best way to convey to you how I could possibly have screwed all of this up so badly. First, let me say how sorry I am for everything. You have always deserved better than what I gave you. Our night together on Christmas Eve was, hands down, the best night of my life. When I was wrapped in your arms, I felt safer and happier than I have ever felt. When I made love to you, I wanted to weep, because I finally found my home in you. It wasn't just the feeling of being together. It was the miracle that brought us there. What were the chances that after meeting on Christmas Eve, that we would find each other again on Christmas Eve in the snow two years later? What were the chances that you would just be standing there and know me? My heart could have exploded with joy.

The next morning when I was driving to Alex's, an exhausted truck driver crashed into my car and changed my life forever. I know I promised I would call. I know I said I wanted to take you to the airport. I can only imagine how horrible you must have felt when I didn't call. When I thought about your pain, it cut my heart. My injuries were severe. I had multiple surgeries to repair broken bones and internal bleeding. I didn't wake up until two weeks later. I know what you're going to say. You're going to ask why I didn't call as soon as I woke up. I wanted to and then I saw myself. I saw the pile of bandages, blood and broken bones that laid motionless in bed. You and I had just met. I couldn't subject you to that. When the doctors told me the physical therapy and recovery could take over a year, I panicked. I didn't know you that well, but I knew you enough to know that you would have flown back here and been by my side. I knew enough to know that you would have wanted to help me recover and heal, but what kind of love story would that make? When we talked on the phone you sounded young and vibrant. As I laid there in that hospital, I realized I would never feel young and vibrant again.

When I went to your apartment after those six months were supposed to be over, I had every intention of telling you face to face what had happened. When I found Sam instead, I felt like the magic and destiny that brought us together in the snow was telling me that it was too late and I had screwed up. I am usually pretty level headed, but it felt like a sign. When Sam told me about you and Lana, I was sure that I had lost my chance and it was all over.

Somehow, your brilliant best friend figured out what happened and begged me to tell you, but how could I? You had moved on with someone new. You moved on and found love. I couldn't be the guilt that weighed heavy on your heart. I knew you would feel conflicted, and for what? It was better that you hated me than to be heartbroken all over again. Everyone around me told me I was an idiot. Every day, they hounded me to tell you, accusing me of being a moron or insane. What they didn't know, what they couldn't possibly comprehend, was that I knew that your life would be better without me. I loved you too much to be selfish. I didn't care if everyone thought I was an idiot. Even I thought I was being unreasonable at times and then I would sit and ask myself what kind of life you would have with Lana versus a life with me. With Lana you could have adventure and travel. With Lana you could hike and climb mountains. With me, there would be hospitals and surgeries. There would be handicapped spaces and canes strewn about. You would, no doubt, suffer my anger when I was in pain. You would have to witness me struggling just to stand up. What kind of life would that be?

So, you called. You called me out of nowhere and gave me a chance. You gave me the chance to tell you on my own terms why I never called, why I never showed up to take you to the airport, but how could I? I had no self confidence, zero strength. I wanted to wrap my arms around you and protect you from the villainy of the world, but I could barely stand. How was I going to protect the woman I loved?

So, here I sit on a plane bound for Ireland. How did I get here? My sister. Alex called one of my oldest and dearest friends. We all have one. You know the friend who tells you what you need to hear and never sugarcoats anything? You know the friend who hits you in the shoulder and tells you to stop fucking feeling sorry for yourself? That's Cat. I'm on her private jet flying to you because Cat made me see something I was blind to. Everyone said it, but Cat made it make sense. You never had the choice. This was your love too and I acted like it was just mine to throw away. It was unfair. I would rather you spit in my eyes and hate me than not have the choice to choose love. I spent so much time thinking about how my life was over, but with you by my side, life could have meaning again. I felt ugly and used up, but Cat made me see I am still beautiful. Changed but beautiful. Maybe I would push harder in therapy. Maybe I would feel less pain if I was wrapped in your arms.

I'm on my way, my heart. I'm doing something I never imagined I would be able to do. I'm running to you. I am running to you and I won't stop until I can at least present these facts to you. You deserve the truth. I am sorry it took so long to give it to you. When I spoke to you that first night in the elevator, I thought it was you that was broken. You just kept saying it over and over again. I was wrong. It has been me that was broken all along. It was me that was broken, but I hope that you will at least hear me out.

Lena, I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you with everything I am or will ever be. I just hope you know that every minute of every day that has passed without you has chipped away a piece of my heart. I know that if I can find you and love you, all of those pieces will return and I will feel whole again some day.

Yours, Broken and Beautiful

Kara

***

The smell of the leather from the limousine and the buzz from the champagne, Cat gave Kara for courage, were making Kara's head spin.

"Okay, so you know exactly what you are going to say when you go inside." Cat said . She looked more like a football coach than a woman trying to help a friend. "You've got this, Kara. Just remember to breathe."

"I'm going to apologize. I'm going to tell her I know she is with Lana and I expect nothing. I'm going to tell her everything that happened and beg her forgiveness. I'm going to tell her that I love her and that I don't know how to love if I'm not by her side."

"Perfect. Shit. You look a little buzzed. Close your mouth", Cat said chuckling and slapping Kara's cheeks lightly. She grabbed Kara's jaw and pushed her slack mouth closed. "Come on. We need you relaxed, not dazed."

"Cat, what if she rejects me? What if she tells me to leave her life and never come back?"

"Not knowing is the real tragedy here. If she rejects you, move on. If she rejects you, you have an answer. Not the ideal answer of course, but an answer nonetheless. You're going to do great. You are going to go in there, be beautiful and sweep her off her feet. Don't come back out here until she agrees to marry you and have a thousand babies, okay?"

Kara smiled sweetly.

"Okay."

"Good."

"I guess I better go. It's nine am. She should be inside."

"You're going to do great."

"Hey Cat."

"Yeah."

"I love you."

"Save your love for Lena. You know I hate to feel feelings. Go, get out of here."

Kara smiled and grabbed the letter she wrote for Lena. She opened the limo door and stepped out into the cold Irish air.

"Kara."

"Yeah Cat."

"I love you too. Go get the girl."

"Thanks Cat", Kara said beaming.

Kara turned around and walked towards the building entrance.

Cat reached over and pulled the door closed. She couldn't help but smile. She pulled out her phone and sent a quick text to Alex.

Sorry, I know it's late. Kara didn't get the chance to text you earlier. I just thought you'd like to know that your sister just walked into Lena's office building. She is going to find her and tell her everything. Everything is going to be okay. I'll keep you posted.

***

Alex and Sam laid curled up together on Sam's couch watching an old black and white movie. Alex laid behind Sam and held her hand. She kissed her neck and squeezed her tight.

"I think this is the most relaxed I have ever felt. Can we just stay here forever?"

Sam turned her head towards Alex and kissed her lips softly.

"You'll hear no objections from me, Detective."

"I love it when you call me that."

Alex's phone buzzed in her pocket. Sam felt the vibration and squealed.

"What was that?" Sam asked with giddy delight.

"I just got a text message."

Alex pulled out her phone and read the message. She sat up quickly and reread the text one more time. Sam sat up next to her and looped her arm around Alex's arm.

"Holy shit Sammy, guess where Kara is right now?"

"Where?"

"Walking into Lena's office building. She's going to tell her face to face."

"Oh my God. Wait, this is finally happening? This isn't some cruel joke?"

"Nope. Cat Grant doesn't joke."

"Wow. Okay. We need updates. Tell Cat to keep us posted."

Alex sent a text back to Cat asking for updates. Cat responded quickly that they would be the first to know anything.

A loud knock at Sam's door startled them both.

"Holy Shit! There's so much going on. My God. Who could possibly be at my door this late?" Sam asked standing up.

Alex stood up and stepped in front of Sam.

"It's late baby. Let me get it."

Sam grabbed Alex's hand and smiled.

"I love how protective you are, Detective."

Alex smiled and kissed Sam's lips softly.

Alex looked through the peephole and did a double-take.

"Hey Sam. Lena, she's got long black hair, green eyes and alabaster skin right?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Because she is standing outside your door. I think we have a problem."

***

When Kara remerged from the office building, Cat could see things didn't go well. She pulled out another bottle of champagne. This time, she knew Kara would need the champagne, not for courage, but for the pain.

The limo driver walked around and opened the door for Kara. Kara stepped back into the limo, her face painted with sadness and disappointment. Kara took the seat across from Cat and settled in.

"What happened?"

"I spoke to her assistant. She flew to Metropolis for a meeting. She's not here."

"Jesus. I'm so sorry, Kara."

"Do you see what I mean? Maybe this isn't meant to be."

"She just took a trip, Kara. Don't let this defeat you. We will head back to National City and you can tell her."

"I just can't believe she would come all the way to Metropolis and not tell me. I guess she really is over me."

"Stop. We're going to get on that plane, get you back home, and you are going to tell her everything."

"I left her the letter just in case she won't see me or I chicken out. Her assistant said she would get it when she returns."

"Well, that may have been the bravest thing you've ever done."

"I just hope it wasn't the stupidest thing I've ever done."

***

Sam, Alex, and Lena sat down in the living room. Sam three glasses of wine. Lena shivered, still recovering from the chill outside.

"How are you here? Why are you here, Lena? You didn't say anything about coming home." Sam grabbed Lena's hand and smiled.

"I made a last minute decision to come home. I was feeling stifled in Ireland. I just needed to get away."

"What was so stifling exactly?" Sam asked.

"Everything. I just felt like I couldn't breathe."

"I should let you two catch up", Alex said rubbing Sam's back. She leaned in and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Lena, it was good to see you."

"Please don't go on my account. I'm so sorry to invade this way."

"You're not invading at all babe. Just tell me what's going on", Sam said looking concerned. "You show up in the middle of the night, fresh off a plane, unannounced. This just isn't you."

"Please stay Alex. I'm really sorry. I'm just a bit of a mess."

"Drink some wine sweetie. Drink some wine and take a long deep breath", Sam said pushing the wine glass closer to Lena.

"It's all of this Lana stuff. I knew she was going to ask me to marry her. I knew it in my heart. She asked me in front of her whole family at dinner. What else could I say? I love her. I love a lot about her. I just don't know if I can do this. My heart is just conflicted. You know?"

"I have to ask Lena, does Kara have anything to do with your conflicted heart? Alex ask softly.

"Of course. If only things were different."

"Babe. Kara just walked into your office in Ireland. She was going to Ireland to tell you everything. She got on a plane to win you back."

"Tell me what happened. Sam, Alex, please. One of you needs to tell me something."

Lena's cell phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out.

"What's up?" Sam asked.

"It's a text message from my assistant. He asked me to call. Do you mind?"

"Not at all", Sam said.

Alex smiled and nodded in agreement.

Lena picked up her phone and called her assistant.

Alex and Sam didn't want to be nosey, but they were dying to know what would happen next for the two star-crossed lovers.

"Hey, it's me. Oh really? Yeah. I didn't know she was coming. A letter? Yes. Please send it. Just scan it and I'll read it on my phone. Thanks and thank you for your discretion."

Lena ended the call and set her phone down on her lap.

Sam put a hand on Lena's.

"What happened?", Alex asked warmly. "Is everything okay?"

"She left a letter", Lena said shakily. "I wonder if I'm finally about to get answers."

Lena's phone vibrated on her lap and startled her. She picked it up and clicked on the new email message.

"You know what babe, why don't we give you a minute to read that?"

Sam grabbed Alex's hand and they walked into the bedroom. Sam knew Lena wouldn't want to cry in front of Alex, and she was sure if Kara told her everything, her heart would break.

Alex closed the door, but left it open, slightly ajar. They spoke in hushed whispers.

"I can't believe Lena is finally going to find out everything that happened", Sam whispered softly.

"That's if Kara was completely honest in the letter."

"She flew all the way to Ireland to tell her. The letter has to say something about what happened."

"Did you see her shaking as she was about to open the email? I think she knows in her heart that it wasn't just Kara ghosting her."

"She knew the moment I told her to call Kara that she didn't just ghost her", Sam said peeking through the crack in the door.

"She's so quiet. I don't know what I was expecting to hear. Maybe a gasp or gentle sobs. I hope she's not angry. I hope whatever Kara said, expressed everything the right way."

They heard Lena moving around and then they heard the the front door slam. When they walked back into the living room, Lena was gone.

Alex and Sam stood in the living room completely shell-shocked.

"Shit. I think we lost her", Sam said sadly. She walked to the window but there was no sign of Lena outside.

"No baby, I think Kara just lost her."

***

Kara sat across from Cat on the way home. Cat wore an eye mask and dozed. She offered Kara two Xanax to take the edge off, but Kara wanted to be awake. She wanted to feel. She wondered if she would ever have the strength to look Lena in the eyes and confess how idiotic she had been. She wondered if she would ever be able to tell her just how much she meant to her. Kara knew in her heart that Lena belonged to another, but she didn't care. All she wanted was to tell Lena everything. She wanted to tell her every single word.

Kara stared out the window and wondered where Lena was right at that very moment. She wondered if she even crossed Lena's mind or if she was too consumed with wedding planning. All she knew was that she felt a pull, an intense ache, driving her back to Metropolis. Lena was there, so that was where she belonged. She needed to stand in front of Lena, look her in the eyes, and tell her that a life without her wasn't living at all.

"It's Okay", by Tom Rosenthal played in the background.

https://open.spotify.com/track/2Iyfw8YfKruAagJwGc4G07?si=5eum13c_TZ2ptNZm-N78dg