chapter 17 | Without you

"I'm so sorry..." he leaves me on my spot and runs back inside his house.

'JUNGKOOK'S P.O.V'

I slam the door behind me but do not dare to look at her again. What the hell have I done? That cannot be me, I didn't do this. It must be a nightmare.

"Did you do it?" my little brother takes me out of my thoughts, but I glance up at him with my heart pounding me hard in my entire body. He stays sit on the stairs, waiting for me to answer him, when I'm literally on the verge of crying.

"How did she react?" he understands me without even getting any answer. "I...I don't know..." I try to calm myself but feel my heart only speed up the more I replay the moment in my head. "Did you tell her you like her?"

"Yeah but...I left right after..." I bite my lips but lean back on the door. I'm so scared right now, I'm panicking and fearing the days coming.

My little brother, who can perceive all my distress, walks down the stairs with his blanket hugging his body, and he comes up to me to look out the window next to the door. He stays behind the curtains and does not touch them. "She's not here anymore," his eyes glance up into mine. "You should have waited for her answer...now you're going to be stressed out the whole weekend."

"I panicked..." I sigh but take my shoes off. I throw them on the floor but walk up to the sofa, noticing that the towel Miss Han used is still there. "I know you want to take it," he passes by me like E.T in his blanket, knowing me more than I do. I grab it without any shame and bring it up to my nose.

This smells exactly like her. Soft and enticing. My heart is shaking. I keep it in my hold and walk up to the upper floor with Jungeun. I'm so anxious that I don't want to go to school anymore, I don't feel brave enough to face her after this.

She didn't push me away, but this maybe went by so fast that she didn't have the time to think and move.

"What are you going to do?" Jungeun stops at his door and holds onto the handle, but I shrug. "Cry or die..." I walk into my room and close the door behind me. My feet drag me to my bed sluggishly, and I drop myself on it. I hold the dry towel against my face and don't care if I suffocate on it, at least, I'll die with the scent of Miss Han in my nose.

That sounded damn creepy but I don't give a damn.

A sigh escapes me, but someone enters my room. "I'm going to sleep because I'm still feeling a bit sick...all right?" Jungeun speaks in a calm voice, not teasing me or starting a fight. "All right..." I mumble in the fabric. "Don't let me die please," he steps out.

I knew he wouldn't be able to not joke. It's too hard for him to be serious.

Since he's now gone, and that I know he won't open the door again, I let the rush of emotions overwhelm me and pull the towel down to soak my blanket with my tears. I cross my arms over the bed for them to be over my head, and I sob to let it out and not give a damn about how ridiculous I can be. I'm all by myself here, no one will know about this.

•••

4:30 pm.

"Jungkook?" someone shaking me up in a kind manner, startles me, and gets my eyes to open. I squint them at first but figure out my little brother is facing me. "Hm? What's wrong?" I let go of the towel I haven't left. "I don't feel good, and I don't know where mom put the thermometer..."

"Wait..." I force myself to be fully awake since my brother needs me, and I get out of my bed to leave my bedroom and tell him to go back on his bed. I go down the stairs in a fast but careful manner, head to the kitchen, and open the cabinet that keeps all the medical stuff safe.

I grab hold of the thermometer but also take the box of paracetamol, and I get a banana milk in the fridge to make my way back upstairs. I move up towards the opened door and enter the bedroom, landing my eyes on my brother's body that is lying down on the bed. I grab the gaming chair at his desk and roll it to his bedside table, to sit down close to him and put the stuff next to his legs.

"What's wrong?" I take the thermometer and open it to hand it to him. "My stomach is aching...I'm hot but cold at the same time, and I keep on shivering..." he stucks the item in the crook of his armpit, covering his body almost entirely. I pull it down to his hips. "Your stomach is aching?" I look at him but see the same worrying emotions as I saw earlier at school.

He nods, but his facial expression changes. His features only express some fright and pain. "Hey...don't cry, Jungeun," I inch closer to him and pass my hand over his skin to remove the sweat. "It's probably just the flu that you have every year."

"No..." he shakes his head, and the tears roll down. "I can't stand the pain...I vomited...and I can't sleep..." he breaks into tears for the second time today, telling me this is serious and not just something usual. I know him and I know how he would react if this was just the flu, a cold, or something like that.

"I'm going to call an ambulance, all right?" I take his phone since I don't have mine within my reach, and I unlock it. "Where's the pain exactly?"

"In my stomach...it hurts like hell..." he chokes up on his words, but I try to focus on what I have to do without freaking out. As soon as someone picks up the call, I tell them everything in a fast manner to make sure they will be quick and arrive soon.

Once this is done, I hang up but rise from my chair. "Let me check your temperature," I take the thermometer and look at the number. Thirty-eight degrees, Celsius. I don't say anything but put it down. "Can you stand up?" I remove the blanket from him, but at the sight of him struggling while sitting up, I don't think twice before bending over.

"Come here...I don't want you to strain," I sit down on the bed and tell him to get on my back, he wraps his arms around my neck and lets his weight rest on mine, so I put my arms under his legs and get out of here to walk downstairs. I make my way to the sofa and put him down on it to walk up to the front door of the house and open it.

I stay in front of it to make sure I'll be there for the ambulance. "Jungkook..." he wipes his tears away but keeps his eyes away from me. "Don't say anything to our parents...please...I'm sorry for worrying you now...You already have enough problems..."

"What are you talking about?" I do not want to believe his words as his health is way more important than my stupid issues. "You're sick. Do not say that, Jungeun. I don't care about my ridiculous problem."

"I'm going to faint..." he exhales in a shaking manner, his breathing turning unsteady and convulsive. I move up to him and squat down in front of his legs. "Hey, you're not going to faint. You stay with me, try to calm down. Everything is going to be all right, I'm here. Okay?" I do my best to not let myself get crushed by the pain and fear. He's so pale and in a bad condition, I don't know what to do.

He nods to me to show how strong of a boy he is, but the sound of the ambulance makes me take him in my arms without a second thought. I hold him the bridal way and tell him to keep the blanket over his body to go out. The ambulance is parked right in front of our house, so the two men who left the vehicle notice me and run towards me.

They lead us to the back of the vehicle, but I don't let go of my little brother, I get inside and lay him down on the bed. "Are you two alone?" one of them asks me as I can only focus on Jungeun who cannot stop crying. "Yes. Please, just go right now," I hold his hand, but raise my voice without willing to.

The doors close once all the people are inside and the ambulance already gets on the road. "What's your name, buddy?" the man taking care of him prepares some stuff, my eyes getting teary and stinging. It hurts me so much that I can feel the pain affecting me physically. "Jungeun...Please take the pain away..." he begs them but holds onto my hand, the sound of his broken voice making me break down into tears.

"All right, but we need to know where's the pain first. Can you tell us the area that hurts the most?" he speaks in a calm voice to reassure him and do his job well, and my little brother sobs but still answers. "My stomach..."

"What kind of pain is it?" the man pulls the blanket down to be able to grab his top and lift it up. "It's everywhere...I don't know..." he closes his eyes but wipes his tears away, his hand shaking into mine. I take a look at his stomach once the man reveals it, but the sight of it leaves me heartbroken.

"Did something happen to you?" he doesn't show any kind of shock as I just felt all my body shattering into pieces. He connects an intravenous drip to his hand that I don't want to let go of and starts to inject something into his veins. "I...it was at the gym...I fell down but then felt something that hurt me in the stomach..."

"Okay, when did it happen? Was it today? Did you already see the bruises you had?" those words take me aback. He never told me about this, he never showed me those bruises or said he hurt himself. "I...no...I can't remember..." he coughs through his heavy sobs. "Jungeun, why didn't tell me about this?" I cannot keep it to myself, feeling too worried to not talk.

"I'm sorry..." he apologizes but makes me regret my question. I wipe my tears away, but the man taking care of him speaks before I could. "We gave you a pill, so the pain should fade away slowly, okay? Once we'll be at the hospital the doctors will check up on you and they'll take care of this injury, so don't feel scared, we're here to take that pain away from you, all right?"

"Yes..." he listens to him and remains calm.

15 minutes later...

The ambulance men bring my little brother to the emergency, but I stay with him to never leave him alone. I've never faced this type of situation, and I'm about to have a panic attack if no one gets this thing away from him.

As soon as we reach the room, one of the men speaks aloud and some nurses and doctors come up to my brother, they prepare all kind of medical stuff and machines, but a woman takes the oxygen mask and talk to my brother, making him nod but look around. "Jungkook..." he pronounces my name in the mask, so I stomp towards him while breathing hard.

I don't know what is happening, and I'm scared. The only thing I can hear is the mess that my brother's condition is causing, the doctors and the ambulance man are talking, the nurse is taking care of my little brother and setting the machine that will be needed.

"He's not going to fall asleep with that...right?" I ask the nurse in a shuddering voice, and she glances up at me to answer and relieve me. "No, it's just for his airway to make sure he has enough oxygen and can breathe properly."

I look down at him but pass my fingers through his hair, leaving my hand on his pillow to stay in contact with him. I witness this moment without understanding anything but just being frightened. I don't want my little brother to be hurt, I want him to be okay, all the time.

"Jungkook..." the faint voice of Jungeun catches my attention, and I lean over him to listen. "What is it?" I snivel but look into his eyes, holding my tears back as much as I can. "If something bad ever happens...ask Miss Han what I told her today...and...please...tell mom—"

"No," I shake my head and cry even more. "You're gonna be okay, stop talking like that," I refuse to hear those words that are useless. Nothing bad is going to happen. "I love you Jungkook, I love mom and dad too and I'm sorry—"

"Stop saying that, Jungeun...I'm begging you," I glance away to not have to see his features reflecting nothing but pain and fright. "We love you too but there's no need to say it, you're going to be okay and recover."

"Sir, we need you to stay away, please. We're taking care of your little brother," the nurse drags me away in a kind manner, but I keep my eyes on my little brother. "Is he going to be okay? Nothing bad is going to happen...hm?" I sob in front of her, the pain stabbing me in the heart unceasingly as if I couldn't breathe anymore. "We're taking care of him, do not worry."

I squat down and put my arms around my legs, crying and fearing the worse. This day started well but this all went down the more the hours flew by. I want this to stop.

•••

5:30 pm.

The soothing sound of the air purifier fills the room, my arm still crossed on the hospital bed to remain close to Jungeun's body.

I can finally feel good, the doctor told me he's now under medication and that there won't be the need to do any surgery for his abdomen. As he said, he fell and hurt himself, but if it was the truth or what really happened, he wouldn't have waited to be in the ambulance to say it. There must be something behind this, I know it.

The feeling of my phone vibrating again grasps my attention. I slide it towards me and check the message I received from my mother.

< I'm soon here, dad should arrive in short minutes as well❤ ]

[ all right but don't be worried, he's okay now he's just sleeping because of the medications❤ >

< okay, I love you both❤ ]

[ we love you too❤ >

I lock my phone but raise my eyes up once the door gets opened. "Jungkook..." the woman closes the door behind her but walks up to me, my heart racing at full speed. I glance down out of shame and look at my little brother.

"Is he okay?" she asks, bending over his bed but expressing a lot of concern for him. I nod without looking at her. After what happened earlier, I cannot face her anymore, I feel ashamed and too broken.

Unfortunately, I knew she would hear the ambulance and check what was happening, and as expected from her, she reacted in short minutes and called me to know what was happening.

"What did the doctor say?" she doesn't feel uncomfortable to talk to me, so I do it back but keep my eyes low. "He said it was..." I gaze down to the right to remember his words. "Blunt abdominal trauma...or injury..." the sentence that my brother said before I was drifted away from him comes back to my mind. I lift eyes up to Miss Han but fall into hers, deeply. "What did he tell you earlier...?"

She doesn't respond but only shows some odd nervousness. "What are you talking about?" she stares without glancing away, holding her red purse as her chest is exposing her fast breathing. "Jungeun...he told me to ask you—" my words end the question at the feeling of Jungeun moving. I inch closer to him and comb his hair back. "Hey..." all my stress leaves me in a simple second and Jungeun comes back on earth. His eyes go for y/n first, but he then gazes at me.

"Are you okay?" my voice echoes through the room in a soft manner. He nods to me. "Yeah..."

"Sure? Don't lie to me, all right?" I put his bangs properly, and he smiles. "I'm sure," his answer relieves me, so I smile back at him and he lays his attention on Miss Han. "What are you doing here...? Don't you have a lot of work?"

"I was...really worried when I saw and heard the ambulance...I couldn't stay home," she speaks to him without looking at me, making me feel uncomfortable now that she's here. To be honest, I don't know if it's shame or pain.

"Kook, can you leave us alone for a minute?" Jungeun replies but makes me feel like he's going to talk about the kiss and my feelings. I hope he won't. I stand up since I don't want to bother him, and I go out of the room with my phone in my hand.

'YOUR P.O.V'

"You can sit down," he smiles at me but gestures me to get on the bed, I do it but make sure I don't bother him. I stay on the edge. "This is because of them, right?" I put my purse down, but he nods to me to not tell a lie. "Jungkook doesn't know about this?"

"He doesn't," he shakes his head. "I said it was because I fell when I was at the gym...I feel bad for lying but...after I saw him being so worried...I didn't want him to know it was because someone hurt me."

I don't say anything about this, knowing the reason why even if I don't agree with it. He made the effort to tell me about this, so I cannot break our promise. "Anyway, I didn't want to talk about that..." he clears his throat but looks for something on his bedside table, he stretches his arm out and grabs the bottle of water. "Do you want me to help you?"

"I just want to elevate the head of my bed," he pats his mattress to search for the remote without making too many moves, I do it for him and prevent him from maybe hurting himself. Once he tells me it's perfect, I stop and put the remote down to let him drink and refresh his throat.

"This is better like that," he smiles and closes the bottle to put it down next to him. "I guess you already know what type of topic I want to broach?" he gives me a confident but kind look, not showing any nervousness or doubt. "Tell me."

"Is he just a student to you?" he goes straight to the point, making me feel like he's way more mature than I am. I totally acted like nothing happened, but I could feel and see how uncomfortable Jungkook was, only because of me. I bring my hands together, tensely. "You can tell me with honesty. I'll tell him. I just don't want him to believe in something that will never happen, so this is better to tell the truth."

"I don't know," I lick my lips but scratch my ear, gazing down and losing my mind the more I think about this kiss. "How do you feel towards him? Like, is it just a student-teacher relationship or you feel close to him?"

"I find him cute," I smile and raise my eyes up to him. "I find him...adorable, and he's not just a student to me. He's the student I spend a lot of time with, he's the one who offered me a gift on my birthday, he's the one who makes me smile when I think about him because he's naturally sweet and lovely. You know...I feel bad for talking like that about one of my students, I'm a teacher, and I know what is wrong, but since you want the truth...I like being with him, when he asks for a private lesson, I know I'm going to have a good time, I'll be respected and he'll make me smile with his clumsiness but also his seriousness, so he's not just a student to me."

"Don't you feel anything when you see him being all shy, stuttering, and losing all his senses once you're close to him?" he sends me more questions that are hard to answer without feeling any guilt. "I do," I let my sincere words out, smiling at the thought of it. "When he kissed me, I didn't expect it at all, I thought he would say something important or hug me again, but I didn't expect him to kiss me, so my body felt a bit frozen on its spot, and at the same time, I felt some butterflies. His lips were so warm...so delicate and all..." I brush my fingers past my cheekbone, feeling the forbidden effect of infatuation taking over me. "And when I hugged him but felt his heart pounding, that was the cutest thing ever..."

"He's really in love with you..." he speaks for his brother. "Like...I'm not even kidding, he talks about you all the time...his mood changes depending on what you do or say to him...he gets shy only when you're around...and I know he cried once he came back home after kissing you."

"I noticed it was more than admiration or appreciation from him, no other student ever acted that way with me, so I understood but tried to ignore it since this isn't allowed," I tell him the truth. "And—" the door opening abruptly interrupts me.