Chapter 20: The Search

Hong

Three days ago

Hong arrived at the station in his personal car, his heart pounding so hard it felt like it might burst out of his chest.

The morning sun was already beating down on Bangkok, making the air thick inside the small vehicle. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, his knuckles paling from the pressure.

Nut had paid a visit to Est yesterday, and the worry had been eating Hong away like acid.

What if Nut had said something about him?

What if Est had figured out their connection and decided to expose him right there at the station?

Hong's stomach twisted into tight knots.

He leaned forward and rested his forehead against the steering wheel, shutting his eyes for a moment.

Calm down, Hong told himself.

He knew Nut. He was a man of action. If he knew the truth, he would have found Hong by now and confronted him already. He's wasn't the type to play games.

But still, his doubt lingered.

What if Nut was?

What if he'd chosen to stay quiet to trap him?

Hong felt bile rise in his throat. Swear pierced through his skin despite the AC in the car.

But he shook the fear off, and took a deep breath, the scent of leather seats and his own nervous sweat filling his nose.

There was no point delaying anymore.

He had to face whatever was coming— if it was coming.

Wiping his forehead with his sleeve, he stepped out of the car and walked towards the station entrance.

He tried to move with his usual confident stride, but his legs felt too stiff. And his heart would not stop pounding.

He wondered if he'd be able to lie, explain it away.

He wondered if Nut would believe him? Believe his feeling for him were true and he only did what he did so they could be together....

He doubted it though.

And that was somehow even worse than getting caught.

Nut believing all they had was a lie.

Inside, the building buzzed with its usual morning energy— officers chatting over coffee, phones ringing, the clack of keyboards.

Hong's boots echoed on the tiled floor as he made his way to their shared desk in the open office area. When he stopped, he starred at Nut's desk.

He wasn't there.

A deep wave of relief washed over him. But alongside it came an immediate flicker of confusion.

Nut was always here. If he wasn't here, he would let Hong know where he was.

Hong scanned the room quickly, and spotted him across the room by Lego's desk.

Nut was leaning over the back of Lego's chair, one hand casually resting on the edge of it, his body close as he pointed at the computer screen.

Lego was looking up at him, smiling brightly at whatever he was saying.

The sight sent a hot surge of jealousy through Hong. His jaw tightened, so hard it ached.

Nut's easy laugh floated across the room, and Lego's eyes sparkled in response.

Hong didn't like this— this sudden closeness. He wanted to march over and pull Nut away. Wanted to go stake a claim and leave a warning.

But he forced himself to stay calm.

They were just talking.

If he did anything brash, he would only look stupid... and irrational.

Instead, he walked forward and dragged his chair out with a loud scrape, the sound cutting through the office noise like nails on a chalkboard. Then he dropped into his seat heavily and started sorting through a pile of paperwork, though his movements were rough and angry.

He kept his head down, but he could feel the sulk pulling at his face.

A warm hand suddenly touched his shoulder from behind, making Hong jump in his seat, almost knocking over his coffee mug.

Before he could turn to look, soft, familiar lips pressed against his cheek in a quick, secret peck.

Hong's breathing caught. And his heart skipped a beat.

His fingers reached up and touched the spot where Nut had kissed him, still feeling the ghost of the kiss, a rush of warmth spreading across his face.

He glanced around quickly.

Thankfully, no one else seemed to have noticed. The other officers were too busy with their own tasks.

"Hey..." Nut gretted softly, his voice warm and teasing as he moved to stand beside Hong's desk.

"Hey..." Hong replied, unable to hide the smile tugging at his lips or the blush still burning on his cheeks. All his earlier worries had faded in an instant.

He looked up at Nut, taking in the way his boyfriend's eyes crinkled with happiness, soft just at the sight of him.

It made Hong's heart flutter.

"How was your visit to your cousin yesterday?" Hong asked, trying to sound casual even though the butterflies in his belly still fluttered wildly.

Nut smiled even wider, still bent at eye level with him. "It was great, actually. He seems to be doing a lot better. He looked more relaxed than the last time I saw him. Spoke a lot more too."

Hong nodded, relief nearly unsteadying him.

Nut hadn't mentioned anything suspicious yet. "That's good to hear." He said softly. "I'm glad he's okay."

Nut's gaze lingered on him, that smile breaking a little. "Hmm, you okay? You sound a little off."

"What were you doing over there at Lego's desk just now?" Hong asked, trying to keep his tone light... but failing miserably.

"Oh, that?" Nut shrugged easily. "I was just helping him with some profiling on the temple's murders. He needed a second pair of eyes on a suspect's background."

"Hmmm, okay."

Nut stared at him for a beat, pondering at the dullness in his tone. Then his eyes flickered and he chuckled. "Are you jealous?" He asked, voice low and playful, eyes dancing with amusement.

Hong shrugged, looking away for a second, cheeks coloring an even deeper shade. "I'm not that petty..." He paused, then added quietly, "But maybe you should put a little space between you two next time."

Nut laughed then, the sound rich and genuine, filling Hong's ears like music. It eased some of the tension remaining in Hong's shoulders.

Unable to resist, Hong glanced around to make sure no one was watching, then quickly leaned in and stole a kiss from Nut's lips. It was brief but warm, made a soft smacking sound that might have caught a gaze or two.

But it left them both smiling a little stupidly, very youth-like.

Nut's eyes softened again. "I have to go now." He said, straightening up.

"Where?" Hong asked, a hint of worry creeping back in.

"I have some leads to check out on that case. Meeting up with a contact in about twenty minutes." Nut tilted his head. "Do you want to come with?"

Hong's first instincts was to say yes.

Not because he didn't trust Nut but because things were much safer with him by his side. Still, he forced himself to shake his head. "Go ahead. I'll see you later, okay? Be safe."

Nut nodded, giving Hong's chin a gentle pinch before walking away.

Hong watched him go, his eyes following his confident stride until he disappeared through the station doors.

Then he felt eyes on him.

He turned his head and caught Lego staring from across the room. The moment their eyes met, Lego turned his gaze away quickly, pretending to type on his computer.

Hong's eyes narrowed.

What was that?

Something about that had seemed... off.

Lego had always prided himself on being a lone wolf. He rarely asked for help, always did his job religiously and expected everyone to to the same.

What was he up to?

Hong's mind raced with suspicion, but he quickly pushed it down.

He had much bigger problems right now. William, the triads, the yakuza.

He couldn't afford to get distracted by office drama.

He stood up, the chair scraping again, and made his way to the evidence room towards the end of the building.

The room was cold and dimly lit, rows and rows of metal shelves filled with old case files and boxes. The smell of dust and paper hung heavy in the air.

He pulled out all the folders related to yakuza and triad members operating in Bangkok.

For hours and hours, he sat on the floor, flipping through page after page, his fingers a little murky from dust and sweat.

Names after names, photos, arrest records. There was nothing. All of them were either petty drug dealers or small-time enforcers. There was no real connection that could trail back to the major players he needed.

"Fuck!" Hong muttered under his breath, slamming a file shut. He leaned back against a cold metal shelve, the edge digging into his shoulder.

He felt defeated.

He had nothing solid on the foreign drug dens. William's next move could come at any day, and tensions were already sky-high after Monk Naruchai's death.

The city felt like a ticking time bomb waiting to explode.

Everyone was on edge.

Hong rubbed his face with both hands, exhaustion settling into his bones.

Was there really nothing he could do?

He had tried talking to William before, but that had been futile.

William was stubborn, driven by his own pain and anger.

Hong knew convincing him to stop would be like trying to stop a train from moving with his bare hands.

But still, lives were at stakes. He couidnt give up after one try. He had to do something.

Just as he stood and was about to head back, his phone buzzed in his pocket.

He pulled it out and saw a text from the one person who could end all of this.

Est: Where is William right now?

Hong's heart jumped.

This— this felt like a miracle.

Not even thinking twice, Hong thumbs flew over the screen as he typed the safehouse address and sent it.

He stared at the sent message, a mix of fear and hope growing inside him. He didn't know what would happen when Est showed up at that house.

William was... complicated. He was hard to move, whether through love or frustration.

But Est had a way about him.

Maybe he could reach William where Hong had failed.

Hong slipped his phone back into his pocket and whispered to himself. "I hope this works... For all our sakes."

~~~

Present day.

Hong

Hong drove with both hands steady on the wheel, guiding the car smoothly through the busy Bangkok streets.

Tall glass towers glittered under the afternoon sun, and an endless line of cars, motorcycles, and buses moved besides them. The city noise— honking horns, distant shouts from street vendors, and the low rumble of engines— filled the air outside the windows.

Inside the car, though, everything felt quiet and heavy.

Hong glanced over at the passenger seat, eyes filled with worry.

William was sat slumped there like a broken doll, curling into himself as much as the seat would allow his big frame.

He wore an oversized black hoodie that swallowed him, a stark contrast to the loose light clothing he always wore. His knees were pulled up, and he hugged them slightly, staring at nothing past the glass.

He looked small.

He looked like a stranger.

In the ten years they had known each other, Hong thought had seen William in every mood possible.

He had seen him laugh brightly at a joke or while eating his favorite food, had seen him broken and raging with grief, and had seen him even colder than ice when he planned something dangerous.

He had seen him at his best and his worst.

But never like this.

William looked... sick.

His usually sharp face was pale and drawn, almost gray under the sunlight coming through the window. His eyes had dark bags, and his lips were a worrying purple shade.

He shivered once even though the sun beat down hard from the outside and car's AC wasn't that cold.

He looked completely drained, like someone had sucked all the fire out of him. He was nothing like the vengeful, terrifying man Hong had confronted just days ago— the one that was ready to burn the whole city down.

Hong's chest tightened with a mix of worry and confusion.

What happened to you, Will? He wondered. His focus on the road outside seemed steady, but inside, his mind spun endlessly.

None of this made sense.

The text had come early that morning.

William's number flashed on his phone with only a location pin— a deserted road a few miles away from the safe house.

Hong hadn't asked any questions.

He just grabbed his keys and drove straight there, heart racing the entire way.

When he arrived, William was already there, waiting on the side of the empty road. He was wearing oversized sweats and no shoes, barefoot on the rough ground.

He had nothing on him but his phone.

As he got in and curled in himself, Hong noticed the dirt and small cuts on William's feet right away. He must have walked the entire distance from the house.

The thought unnerved Hong.

When William was settled, he didn't offer a greeting or an explanation. He said only three quiet words, his voice rough and tired."Take me home."

Hong had understood immediately. No other explanation needed.

He simply nodded, started the engine, and began to drive.

And since then, the silence between them stretched long and thick.

Hong kept his eyes on the road most of the time, but he kept stealing glances at his friend with burning questions at the tip of his tongue.

He wanted to so badly ask.

What happened at the safe house?

Did Est come?

Did they fight?

Would the plan still hold?

Had Est actually changed his mind?

If he had, why was he like this?

But he knew William.

When he got like this, asking would get him nothing. William would talk when he was ready— or maybe never.

So Hong kept quiet, even though the questions kept eating at him.

Hong rubbed a tired hand over his face. Between hiding his relationship with Nut, hiding his double identity from Nut. worrying about the triads and yakuza, and now this... he felt bone- deep exhaustion.

His mind felt like it was spinning in endless circles, chasing answers he couldn't catch.

He really needed a vacation.

A real one.

Somewhere far from Bangkok, far from the danger and secrets. Maybe a quiet beach where he could lie down and forget everything for a few days.

Just him and Nut, no drama or bloodshed or revenge plots.

The thought brought a tiny smile to his lips. But it faded just as quick before William noticed.

He couldn't think about that now.

Not in the presence of his very unstable friend here.

William needed him now. So Hong would drive him home, make sure he was safe, and wait.

That was all he could do for now.

Hong shifted into gear and kept driving.

~~~

Est

One week later.

Est dragged the was cloth over the same spot again, harder this time, jaw tight with determination.

It had been months since William bled on it... months of cleaning already, and yet he still saw it— the faint, barely visible brownish hue that had sunk deep into the gray fabric of his couch, as stubborn as memory.

The people who came here never noticed it— his mom, Bonnie, Daou... Tui. Anyone who did would probably think it was from its age.

But Est knew better.

And that knowing bothered him.

His couch wasn't even a year and a half old and he was already thinking of getting a cloth change, or a complete replacement.

Est sighed warily, wiping off the gathered sweat on his forehead. He kept scrubbing until his arm ached, until the fabric dampened and darkened, but even when it dried, it never matched what it used to be.

Est gave up eventually, letting out a quiet, frustrated sigh.

It had been a nine full days since he had been at William's safehouse.

After his somewhat confession, Est had made a quiet decision.

He was done tying his peace and happiness to any man. There would be no more conflicted feelings, no more hurting himself.

No more living in the shadow of William... or anyone else.

From now on, he would only live for himself.

He'd thrown himself into work.

He sat at his desk for hours, typing away on his computer. And somehow, miraculously, he actually met Daou's deadline. The words now flowed more easily when his mind wasn't clouded by worry. Or uncertainty.

Or dangerous Mafia leaders.

In his spare time, he watched movies alone— light comedies and action films that made him laugh and forget everything for a while. Then in the evenings, he took long walks around his neighborhood, breathing in the warm Bangkok air and listening to the domestic chatter of his neighbor.

Life felt much calmer now.

Simpler.

He still hadn't replied to Tui's text.

Tui hadn't sent another one... or tried to call... or tried to come see him. Every now and then, Est would stare that same text, fingers hovering above the keyboard, mind working up the right response. But the words would fail him and he would put the phone down.

Maybe it was better this way, Est thought.

Their relationship had been doomed from the start. Ending it now would hurt less in the long run.

One day, a soft knock came at the door just as Est busy typing away, his untouched coffee growing cold beside him.

Est paused and turned his head, wondering who it might be. For a moment, he didn't move hoping they would go away. He wasn't really in the mood to see anyone.

But then a second knock came, quieter this time, almost hesitant. His chest tightened. A small part of him already knew who it was.

Est sucked in a slow breath before pushing himself up from his chair. His bare feet padded against the floor as he walked to the door, his hand lingering on the knob for a second before he finally pulled it open.

Tui was stood there, looking utterly despondent. His brown hair was slightly ruffled like he had been running his hands through it too much, and behind his glasses, his eyes looked tired. But he gave Est a weak almost grateful smile.

"Hi." He said, voice breathy.

Est swallowed thickly. "Hi." He echoed.

For a second it was quiet, neither of them moving. Then Est stepped aside and opened the door wider. "Come in."

Tui nodded and walked past him quietly.

Inside, the house felt smaller with his presence, quieter with his silence. It was obvious they both had a lot they had to say to each other, but maybe neither of them knew how to start.

Tui sat down on the edge of the couch, his back straight, grip stiff around the cup of coffee Est had made him.

Est sat across from him, curling his fingers around his own mug, just for something to hold.

The silence stretched endless between them, awkward, heavy.

Tui then cleared his throat, breaking the quiet. "This... tastes good."

Est blinked, almost caught off guard by the compliment. He glanced down at his own cup. "Oh. Thanks." He murmured, rubbing his thumb against the ceramic.

Tui nodded once, but the words clearly weren't what he wanted to say.

A few more seconds passed before Tui suddenly set his mug down on the table. Then he leaned forward, elbows on his knees, hands clasped tightly together. "Est... I'm sorry."

Est looked up at him then.

Tui's voice shook slightly. "I'm sorry for everything that happened. For what I said." He let out a breath, pushing his glasses up with trembling fingers. "I shouldn't have said any of that to you."

Est remained quiet, still.

Tui looked at him then, eyes becoming red behind his glasses. "And no, I don't think there's anything wrong with you." His voice dropped. "I never did."

Est's throat tightened.

Tui swallowed hard before continuing. "I was confused, and I said things I shouldn't have. I can't take them back.... But I meant all I've said before that." He looked down at his hands. "I really like you, Est. I like you so much it scares me sometimes..."

Est's fingers tightened around the mug.

"So if you'll please give me another chance..." Tui said quietly... "I promise i'll be better."

The room went silent after that.

Est just stared at him for a moment, trying to process each word. Trying to breathe through the sudden ache in his chest.

His thumb moved slowly along the rim of his mug again, a nervous habit.

After a long moment, he finally spoke, his voice low, barely above a whisper. "I'm sorry too... for what I said. I didn't mean it."

Tui stared at him.

Est lowered his eyes again, trying to find the right words. "Being alone these past few days..." He started slowly.. "It made me realize something... That I've been lying to myself." Est's voice shook. "And to you."

Tui's face fell, heart crumpling. But still, he stayed silent.

Est let out a weak breath and forced himself to continue. "I do like you, Tui. I really do. You were good to me... you were good for me."

For a second, hope flickered across Tui's face. But when Est looked up, and there was pain all over his own, it dwindled.

"But I'm tired...." Est said, voice cracking. "I'm tired of pretending... that I don't have feelings for him too."

The words cut. Sharp. Brutal.

"Because I do." Est confessed, eyes burning, tears stinging his corner.

Tui was still quiet, and somehow that made things harder.

Est looked away, blinking hard. "I know it's wrong... I really do." His fingers trembled around his mug. "But knowing doesn't make it stop."

His voice broke then, and he pressed a hand his lips to keep from shaking before continuing. "I thought maybe if I was with you... I could hide from it. I thought maybe if I could be with someone better— if I could be with you— then it would go away." A tear slipped down before he could stop it. Then he laughed softly at himself, feeling tired, bitter and a little foolish. "But somehow... it always found its way back."

The house was painfully still. Est wiped at his face quickly and drew in a shaky breath. "Right now... I just don't want to hurt myself anymore..." He looked at Tui. "And I don't want to hurt you either."

Tui's eyes glistened behind his glasses.

Est gave him a small, sad smile. "So I think maybe... I need to learn how to love myself first. Alone."

Tui didn't say anything, but a small sob broke out of him. He nodded once, pulling his glasses off to wipe his tears with his sleeve.

Est heart crushed.

And for one painful moment, he wished things were different. Wished he could have loved Tui the way Tui deserved. Wished loving someone could be simple as it seemed.

Slowly, Est stood, walked over and hugged him. And Tui let him. And they sat there quietly, holding each other.

After a moment of closure, they both rose. Neither of them spoke as Est walked him to the door. His hand rested on the handle, but before he closed it, Tui turned to him.

"Will you be okay?" His voice was small but filled with concern.

Est stared at him for a long moment, pondering. It should have been a simple question.

But not for someone like him.

Still he nodded. "Yes." He answered quietly, a little certain.

Tui hesitated, still hanging around the small step. "Can we... still be friends?"

The question hurt more than Est expected.He lowered his eyes and shook his head gently. "No."

Tui's face crumpled a little.

Est looked at him with tired, honest eyes."Because if you stay... I won't stop trying to hide. And then I'll only bring you down."

Tui stared at him for a long moment, absorbing the truth. Then slowly, he nodded.

He understood.

That somehow made it worse.

Est moved forward, cupped Tui's face gently, and pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. When he pulled back, his voice was barely there. "Goodbye, Tui."

Tui's voice cracked. "Goodbye, Est."

Then he turned and walked away.

Est stood in the doorway watching him until he got into his car, and drove away.

And when his door finally closed behind him, Est leaned against it and shut his eyes.

And the house felt bigger again. And the quiet this time didn't feel empty.

It felt like peace.

~~~

Later that evening, during one of his walks, Est saw Bonnie. She was in her usual sparkly pink gym wear, hair loosely tied in a bun.

Est's steps slowed as they came a few feet away from each other. The last time they had seen each other, things had been tense. He had left her place without a single word and after that they had become cold and distant.

Now, awkwardness hung tight between them.

But deep down, Est missed her.

He missed her laughter, her fun loving, bubbly personality, the ways she always made him feel normal.

Without thinking too much, he walked straight up to her and pulled her into a tight hug. His arms wrapped tightly around her, and he held on for a few seconds.

Bonnie stiffened at first, then relaxed. She didn't push him away. Instead, she hugged him back, her hand patting his back softly.

"I'm sorry..." Est whispered against her shoulder.

Bonnie pulled back a little, her eyes becoming soft. "It's okay. I missed you too, idiot."

From that small moment, things slowly fell back into place.

They didn't talk about what had made Est so cold before. Est still refused to mention William or anything that happened.

And Bonnie didn't push.

She respected him— his silence, and that made their friendship feel safe again.

They texted each other all day— funny memes, random thoughts, and silly updates. At night, they had long phone calls that lasted for hours. They talked about their teenage years, old secrets, embarrassing stories, and dreams they had never told anyone else.

It felt like healing for Est.

One weekend, they went out for dinner at a cozy Thai restaurant. The food was spicy and delicious, and they made heart shapes with shrimps, took pictures and laughed until their stomachs hurt.

After dinner, Bonnie invited him for a sleepover at her place.

Est agreed without hesitation.

That night, Bonnie picked 'The Notebook' for them to watch together. Est frowned, sulking.

"It's one of my favorites, Est. You have to watch it with me. I swear I can change your mind about it." She convinced.

Est had seen the movie before and wasn't really a fan of all the dramatic romance, but he rolled his eyes and nodded. "You won't. But for you, I'll try."

They settled on the couch and covered themselves with blankets, a bucket of popcorn between them.

The movie played, the soft glow from the screen lighting up the dark living room.

During the kissing scene in the rain, Bonnie turned towards him. She drew closer, her shoulder brushing his.

Est, clueless as always, just smiled and threw his arm affectionately around her shoulders. He patted her hair gently, like he would with a good friend.

Bonnie looked up at him, pupils shining. Suddenly shy, she bit her lip.

Est cocked a eyebrow in question, slightly confused at her sudden shy demeanor. Then, without warning, she leaned up and pecked him softly on the lips.

Est pulled back, blinked, completely horrified. His eyes widened, and his jaw dropped.

The expression on his face must have been terrible because Bonnie pulled away quickly, her cheeks turning bright red. "OH MY GOD, I'm so sorry!" She said, standing up fast. "I misread everything. It's okay if you don't feel the same. I didn't mean to— I just thought maybe....." She kept on blubbering, words tumbling out one after another, her hands waving nervously.

Est sat back on the couch, mouth still wide open in shock. Then, suddenly, he burst out laughing, shakiing his head, the sound bubbling up from deep inside.

Bonnie stopped talking, looking even more embarrassed. "Why are you laughing? I'm really sorry, Est..."

Est still laughed hard, wiping his eyes. "It's okay, Bonnie."

"Est—"

"Really." Est interrupted, smile widening. "It is... I mean you're really beautiful, and I have the most amazing time with you. But... I'm gay." He told her.

Bonnie's eyes bulged in disbelief at first, embarrassment flooding her face. "Wait, what? You are?"

Est nodded, laughing harder. "Yeah!! How did you not know that?!? Isn't it obvious?"

"NO—" Bonnie choked on the word. "I mean— I knew you might be into guys... but I thought you like girls too." She rubbed her palm on her forehead, laughing with embarrassment now. "Oh Est."

"I don't..." Est still cracked up, holding his belly, voice thick. Then lower, more teasing. "I mean I'd totally be into you if you had like a nine-inch penis for me."

Bonnie burst out laughing too, shock replacing the shame on her face. "I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU JUST SAID THAT!"

Est laughed harder.

"Well... I could always get a strap for you." She teased.

Est shook his head, still smiling. "Hmm, no thank you. Silicone cock is NAWT my thing. I prefer the real deal."

She laughed then, the tension dissolving completely.

It became quiet for a moment after that. Bonnie sat next to him again, her expression shy but curious. "So uhm... does Will have a nine-inch cock?" She asked cautiously.

The question hit Est like a splash of water. His smile slowly faded into a frown, a sharp pang twisting in his chest.

The memories of William rushed in uninvited— his touch, his voice, that intensity in his eyes.

Bonnie noticed the sudden shift in his mood right away. "I'm sorry..." She said quickly, looking guilty. "I didn't mean to bring him up."

Est took a deep breath and forced a small smile. "It's fine. It's fine..." Then hesitantly but much needed, he nodded. "And yes... William does have a nine-inch cock."

Bonnie smiled softly. "You slut..."

Est giggled, a little embarrassed now.

She rested her head against his shoulder again. "Let's just finish the movie, okay? Even if you still hate it, you won't forget today... how I humiliated myself in front of you."

Est giggled, pressing his head against hers. "Best day ever. I'll bring it up when we're sixty years old sipping Margaritas in front of a public pool."

Bonnie's smile deepened.

And for the rest of the movie, they watched in silence.

Est couldn't focus on it anyway.

His mind kept drifting back to William. No matter how hard he tried to move on, the thoughts of him still lingered like smoke.

The next day, Est went back home.

He decided to catch up on chores and started doing the laundry. The washing machine rumbled in the background as he wiped his wet hands on a towel. After that, he sat against his dryer and munched on a bag of chips.

Then a loud knock resounded through the apartment.

Est paused mid-motion.

Who could that be?

He wasn't expecting anyone. Turning the machine off, he listened again.

The knock came a second time, still low, as polite as the first. Est sighed, turned the machine off, and went out of the laundry room towards the door.

He really hoped it wasn't his mom.

When he opened it, the last person he'd expected was stood there.

Pavel.

The tall man gave a small nod in greeting. "Hello, Khun Est."

Est eyed him warily, his body tense.

His eyes did a quick sweep outside— no one else seemed to be with him. Straightening against the door, Est asked. "What do you want?"

Pavel scratched the back of his head, looking a bit uncomfortable. "Can I have a few moments of your time? Please."

Est eyed him for a long second, hesitant. Then with reluctance, he stepped aside. "Come in."

Pavel entered, and Est closed the door behind him.

Turning to look at him, Est asked. "So what can I help you with?"

Pavel exhaled deeply. "Actually... I'm looking for Khun William. I was hoping I might find him here."

Est gave him a baffled look. "Why would William be at my house?"

Pavel gave him a small, awkward smile. "No offense, but it's very obvious that Khun William is... very fond of you."

Est's breathing hitched. His heart gave a sudden lurch. He turned away quickly, trying to hide the blush threatening to creep out. "William isn't here. You can leave now."

Est walked past him to the living room.

But Pavel didn't make a move. "Do you know where he is?"

Est glanced at him, shaking his head. "No... Why would I know that?"

Pavel paused, then spoke, placing each word carefully. "After you showed up at the safe house that day, Khun William decided to end the war. Just like that."

What?

Est stood speechless, his mind reeling. "He... what?"

Pavel continued. "Yes, but after that, he became... different. He didn't want to get out of bed or do anything. He became sick. And Dr Aou put him on medicine. The next day when we checked, Khun William was gone. He'd vanished like smoke."

"What do you mean gone?" Est's voice came out shaky.

"Yes, Khun Est. We couldn't find him in the house or any of the surrounding areas. None of the cars were gone. We have checked his other properties, but he was still no where to be found."

Est's heart started racing. "Maybe he was kidnapped?"

"Honestly, I don't think that was the case..." Pavel admits. "Actually I think he just wanted to be away... from the business for now. The way things ended was... brutal. And though he put on a brave face, I know he was quite shaken."

"By what?" Est questioned.

"I don't think that's important Khun Est... and honestly, it is not my place to say. And while I would like to give Khun William all the time to... recuperate, the war is over now. But the Naga still haven't gotten back into business because Khun William never gave the go-ahead. The yakuza and triads are in the south now. But if word get out that the supply to the central region is still on hold, they might become greedy again. And who knows how much blood he would shed this time."

Est breathed deeply, trying to process everything. "Listen, I know you're a... mafia... whatever and selling drugs keep you fed and clothed. But for people like me, keeping the streets of Bangkok drug free is a good thing. Those things kill people." He said firmly.

Pavel smiled weakly. "I understand your point, Khun Est. But the streets of Bangkok can never be drug free. If one supply gets cut, another will take its place. The Nagas have always had the central region. A foreign drug den taking its place is a call to war."

Est shook his head, irritation rising. "Then why don't you just continue the supply yourself?"

"Not without permission from Khun William..." Pavel replied with practiced subordination.

Est frowned. "Why didn't you find Hong? Isn't he William's closest friend."

"I can't find Khun Hong. Just like our leader, he is also a ghost."

Est turned away, his thoughts racing. If things happened as Pavel predicted, no one might be able to stop William once the blood shed began again.

Est knew he really shouldn't get involved.

Why was this happening to him? He wondered.

Why did William have to act so out of character for him?

Now no one would ever truly leave him alone. He would never be free.

But still, in the deepest past of his heart, a small part of Est felt touched.

Had William really ended a war just for him?

Was he that important to someone like William?

He shook his head, forcing himself to focus. He remembered the memorials for the dead, the terror Will put the city through.

There was absolutely nothing touching about having a leash on a monster.

But still he had to do something.

If William started another war, all that effort would be wasted. Lives would be lost again.

Est turned back to Pavel. "I can reach Hong."

Pavel's eyes lit up with grateful relief. "Thank you, Khun Est."

Est nodded and grabbed his phone from the couch. He pulled up Hong's number and dialed it.

Hong picked up on the first ring. "Hello?"

Est ignored the civilities. "I need to see you." He said, forcing his voice to something that resembled courteous.

Hong was quiet for a moment. "Fine." He answered with an exhausted sigh. He then gave Est an address to a private meeting room in an hotel. Est wrote it down quickly

"Meet me there in an hour." Hong said and ended the call.

Est dropped his phone and walked over to Pavel, handing the paper to him.

Pavel looked at him, and gave him another weak smile. "I'll get the car ready." He started towards the door.

Est blinked. "Uh— What do you mean ready? I'm not coming with you."

Pavel paused, hand already on the knob. He turned, forcing another weak, but pleading smile. "I'm just a subordinate of Khun William, Khun Est. And Khun Hong is his closest friend. Khun William would have my head if I went to him demanding answers."

Est blinked, unnerved.

Pavel continued. "Please, you have to be the one to talk to him. Khun William regards you both highly. He won't harm you."

Est wanted to scream out loud.

What the fuck was happening?

Who cursed him like this?!?

He was just an ordinary.

A writer!

He wrote the drama, not live it.

He rubbed a tired hand over his face. Sighing heavily, he nodded. "Okay, fine. Wait here while I get dressed." He paused at the second step. "And please drop the 'Khun' it makes me uncomfortable."

That weak smile was still unshifting. But Pavel nodded.

Est went up and changed. After they left the house together.

Together, they drove through the busy streets of Bangkok to the lavish hotel up main town. Tall buildings and luxury cars lined the area.

When they arrived at the reception, and told the receptionist the name Hong had left, the lady sent them up to a private meeting room on the 55th floor.

Entering the large room— Est first, Pavel following closely behind— they found Hong already there, leaning against the table.

He was stood under the soft lights, the sleeves of his black turtle neck rolled up just enough to reveal his wrists, the grey trousers of his suit sitting perfectly on his frame. His jacket lay abandoned on one of the chair.

Everything about him was perfect, precise— silver hair in combed place, his posture straight, expression calm. He looked effortlessly expensive. Untouchable.

When he looked at them, his gaze flickered, clearly surprised to see Est and Pavel together. He let out a short laugh then, shaking his head slightly. "So that's what this is about? Will." His voice was low, amused.

Est brushed him off coldly, ignoring the tease in his tone. "Where is he?" He asked, forgoing any cordial greeting.

Hong was not his friend, so he owed him no courtesy.

Hong leaned back on the table, a smirk on his face. He tilted his head slightly, watching Est with humored eyes. "Wow, you are... demanding, pretty one." He chuckled again.

"I'm not here to play child games with you, Hong."

Hong shrugged, indifferent. "I thought he was so obsessed with you? Shouldn't you know where he is?" He asked, voice thick with amusement.

Est gritted his teeth.

Not at the words— not necessarily.

But something about Hong just ticked his buttons for no reason.

"Or..." Hong continued, tapping his chin slowly. "Maybe you might have overestimated your importance in his life. Don't you think?"

"And yet you came begging me to end your war." Est shot, voice a dagger.

Hong shrugged again. "Desperate times call for desperate measures. I'm actually surprised it worked, though it messed Will up pretty badly. Still, it saved my ass a whole lot of trouble. And I'm grateful for that..." He paused, his eyes still dancing with a mocking gait. "But I'm not telling."

Est stepped forward. "You—"

Hong cut.. "If William thinks he's too attached to you to be influenced by you... and he needs to be away from you, I'll fucking let him, Est. Maybe you should too." His tone was free of humor now, pointed, a clear, cut warning.

Est paused but he was still seething.

Pavel stepped in. "Khun Hong, the drug supply has been stopped. Bangkok is running low on narcotics. You know what happens when dealers don't get their supplies? They find an alternative." He warned. "We need our leader back."

Hong's gaze flicked from Pavel to Est. Then back again.

Est studied Hong carefully.

He'd been laughing before now there seemed to be a small crack in his armor. This was clearly something he hadn't thought about.

"Send Est home... I'll contact you." Hong said, before moving to the tray on a small table to pour himself a drink.

Pavel bowed his head in gratitude, then turned towards Est.

But Est kept staring, peeling away Hong's perfectly put-together layers.

Something was clearly bothering Hong beyond this conversation.

He had a secret.

"Is this what you wanted?" Est asked, voice taunting. "...William breaking apart while you can hide him so you take his place?" He accused, pushing without any certainty, trying to coax a reaction.

It worked.

Hong paused mid-sip, and half turned to look at Est, gaze turning cold, irritation flashing across his face.

"Be careful what you say to me, Est..." Hong warned, his voice low and dangerous. "I am kind to you, but that doesn't mean you get to speak to me however you want."

Est scoffed. "I know snakes like you, Hong..." He pressed, stepping even closer. "I know you lie, you manipulate. You hide behind the mask of doing good, when the truth is... you're only here for your own selfish reasons."

That landed harshly.

Because it was true.

Not what Est was implying— no. But it was very close to him, to the relationship he had with Nut right now— Est's cousin.

Did Est know?

Hong wasn't sure, but it seemed like too much of a coincidence. if Est did, that was a threat Hong couldn't stomach. It snapped something in him.

"I'll kill you." Hong threatened.

He meant it.

He would kill Est... and anyone who tried to get in the way of what he had with Nut.

Pavel quickly pulled out his gun and aimed it point blank at Hong. "Be careful, Khun Hong."

Hong leveled a glare at Pavel in utter disbelief. "What are you doing, Pavel?" He asked, voice still low, edged with warning.

Pavel's finger stayed steady on the trigger. "I'm sorry, but I can't let any harm come to Khun William's lover."

Est looked at him bewildered— both at the term and the reaction.

What the hell?!!!

Hong laughed bitterly, shaking his head. "William will have your head for this."

Est eyed Pavel, then Hong for a minute, still puzzled. But then something clicked in his head. "Not if you're dead." He suggested. Then he flicked his gaze to Pavel. "Shoot him."

The air in room tightened with deadly silence. It was almost as if the furniture, the curtains were at a stand still, holding their breath.

Hong stared in shock. "What?"

"Shoot him. In the head." Est repeated firmly, no doubt in his voice.

Pavel hesitated, finger still steady on the trigger. "Are you sure, Khun Est?"

"Yes." Est said without blinking.

Pavel moved without second thought, pressing the cold barrel of the gun against Hong's forehead. "I'm sorry, Khun Hong."

Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Est halted him. "Stop!"

Pavel stopped, lowering the gun.

Est moved in front of Hong, studying his face carefully. "He's not afraid." He said thoughtfully. "He seems afraid of something else... but not dying."

Est's voice turned cold then, pointed at Hong. "I'm going to find out your secret, Hong. Then i'll ruin you."

Hong scoffed. "Good luck finding, Will." He spat.

Est gave him one long, final look.

Then with a cold smirk, he turned around and left the room. Pavel sheathed his gun and followed after Est.

As soon as the door clicked close, Hong let out a shaky breath. Then he turned to the tray again and reached for the bottle of alcohol, pouring himself a large glass of whiskey. He drank it down fast.

Then he dropped into one of the many chairs by the grand oak table, slumping back, fear gripping his chest like ice.

~~~

The next few days passed slowly for Est.

He spent most of his time thinking about William.

No matter how hard he tried to focus on his writing or his walks with Bonnie, his mind kept drifting back to the broken man in his oversized sweats who did one good thing and thought he'd lost himself.

William had ended a war for him. Only him.

The thought both warmed and annoyed him. With each day that passed, it annoyed him less, aroused him more.

He had to find him.

One quiet afternoon, Est sat on his couch, staring up at the ceiling, pondering. He thought back to every moment he and William had spent together— that first argument, William's raw appetite, Daou's visit, their lengthy walks, his mom—

Est browed furrowed slightly. He remembered something William had mentioned once in passing.

"I'm a potter. I own a store uptown in Bangkok." William had said casually during their dinner together.

Est thought it had been a lie but...

He sat up straight and grabbed his laptop, pulling up the search engine. He looked up every pottery shop in the uptown area of Bangkok.

There were many fancy ones, loud tourist spots with bright signs and big prices.

But one shop stood out. It had almost no online presence, no flashy advertisement or customer reviews— just a simple website with beautiful photos of handmade pots.

It felt quiet, very personal.

Exactly like William.

Est wrote down the address on a small piece of paper. Then he picked up his phone and dialed Pavel's number, heart racing.

Pavel answered on the first ring. "Hello, Khun Est."

"Pavel, I think I found him. Come pick me up in thirty minutes."

~~~

They drove together through the always busy streets of the city. The shop was tucked away in a quiet corner of uptown Bangkok, away from the main roads.

It looked more like a house than a store.

The building was small, painted soft gray, with green plants climbing up the walls. A wooden sign above the door simply read The Clay Shop.

Est stared up at it and thought it seemed very lazy. Like no thought had been given behind it.

The thought made Est smile...

He could almost picture William deciding to name it that because he was too unbothered to think of anything else.

He pushed the door open, a soft bell ringing above him. Inside, the air smelled of clay, and a faint trace of smoke from a kiln.

The walls were a light grey, and tall shelves lined every wall, filled with high-quality pottery pieces— delicate vases, smooth bowls, and elegant plates that caught the light beautifully.

Everything felt handcrafted with care.

Behind the counter, a beautiful woman sat on a stool, a book in hand. She wore a simple black apron and her hair was tied back neatly highlighting her pretty oval face. She looked up at the bell ring and smiled politely.

"Welcome. How can I help you?" She asked, her voice soft, smile angelic.

Est stepped forward towards the counter, hands holding the marble surface. "Hello. I'm here to see your boss."

She shook her head gently. "He's not here right now. Sorry."

Est paused, almost disappointed. But something made him pause. He looked her straight in the eyes and said. "Tell him it's Est."

"I'm sorry. But he's not here now."

"Then call him..." Pavel insisted. "Tell him it's Khun Est. If he finds out he was here and you didn't call, you might get in trouble."

The woman glanced at Pavel, then back at Est. Her expression changed to something frightful. Hesitantly, she picked up an old telephone from under the counter and dialed a code. It rang three time before it clicked, and spoke quietly into it.

"Hello Sir... A man named Est is here to see you, Sir."

She listened for a moment, nodded, and hung up. Without another word, she returned the phone to its place and then looked at them. "Follow me."

She led them through a closed door next to the counter, then a narrow hallway leading to the back of the shop.

As they moved, the air went from clean to something thicker and warner, the smell of burning coal and clay.

There she gestured at a heavy door and stepped aside. "He's just outside."

Bowing softly, she turned she left them alone.

Pavel moved forward and opened the heavy door that led to the back area. They both stepped out.

And William was there.

He was stood in front of a large kiln, shoveling coal into the fire, muscles rippling.

Est breath caught.

William was wearing protective gear over a simple black t-shirt. And the serpent coiling around his arm peeked out from under the sleeve, the dark ink defined against his pale skin. Ash and soot covered his arms and face and sweat made his longer hair stick to his forehead.

He looked tired but focused, brows furrowed as the orange glow from the fire lit up his sharp features.

Est stepped out into the light, heart racing. As he moved closer, he noticed a small knife resting on a nearby bench.

It was the same knife from that day. The one that had disappeared from his place.

He knew William had taken it.

But seeing it here now, made Est feel a strange mix of feelings— anger, sadness, and something softer he wouldn't dare name out loud.

It was like a piece of them sitting right there in plain sight.

William kept working, not even turning around. He shoveled more coal, the metal scraping loudly.

Without looking up, he spoke first, his voice cold and empty. "You tried to kill Hong."

That name—

Whatever softness Est had been feeling completely faded away. Est shrugged, jaw clenching.. "He deserved it."

William finally paused then.

He set the shovel by the wall and turned slowly. And his eyes met Est's. They were tired but sharp. "Don't do it again." He said firmly.

Est gave a cold laugh. "Oh? You're protecting him now? From me of all people?" He mocked, cocking a brow.

William's jaw tightened. "I'm serious, Est. Do not do that again." He punctuated each word. "The only reason I'm not burying Pavel right now is because he was following your orders." He narrowed a sharp stare to his right hand man.

Pavel bowed his head in fear then, staring at the floor.

William looked at Est again. "Hong is off limits." He said, cold and final.

Est scoffed. "And what about me? Am I off limits too?"

William stared at him for a long moment, but he didn't answer. The fire crackled behind him and smoke curled in the air between them.

"Go home, Est." William said quietly, turning to retrieve his shovel.

Est scoffed again. Moving forward, he grabbed the small knife from the bench.

William watched him but didn't stop him.

"This shit is mine!" Est said, deciding to be petty. He then slipped it into his jacket pocket. "Also pay for my fucking couch. You bled on it!!!"

And without another word, Est turned and walked out the same way he came.

His chest felt tight as he moved. Some parts of him wanted to scream, other parts wanted to cry. The much bigger parts wanted William to get him to stay.

But he kept walking, each step resolute.

William turned to Pavel then, sighing wearily. "Make sure he gets home safely." He ordered.

Pavel nodded and followed behind.

On the drive back, Est sat in the passenger seat, staring out the window.

The streets slowly blurred past him and a knot forming in his throat. He still felt the weight of the knife in his pocket. But it was William's cold dismissal that burdened him the most.

He'd been so foolish.

So foolish to think William had changed. To think he wanted to be better... for him.

His mind kept spinning back to his words— saying Est wanted to be the one to destroy him.

Was that why he kept pushing him away?

Because he thought Est was dangerous. William said he was afraid of him...

Had he meant that too?

Est sighed, then looked up at the rear view mirror.

That was when he noticed it.

A black car was following them.

At first, Est thought it was just another passerby.

But the car started speeding up, getting dangerously close.

Est's body tensed. But he didn't panic. Didn't even try to warn Pavel who also seemed to have noticed the car

This wouldn't be his first time being kidnapped.

He only calmly reached into his jacket and pulled out the knife. The he made a secret upward cut into the hem of his sleeves and slipped it inside, ready to go if he ever needed it.

Pavel watched his movements then opened the dashboard, pulling a gun out and holding it out to Est.

Just at that moment another car from an intersection suddenly slammed into them hard.

Neither of them saw it coming.

Metal screamed, tires screeched, and the car spun. Glasses flew everywhere. Pavel gripped the wheel tightly and tilted it at the last second, barely avoiding a pole.

The crash echoed loudly and soon Est's ears began ringing. He looked over at the bloodied Pavel who was screaming something at him. But Est couldn't hear a thing.

He opened the door and stumbled to his knees out of the car, dizzy and breathing hard. The people in the other car weren't moving. Smoke rose from the wrecked vehicles.

Before Est could stand, a dark bag covered his head. Strong hands gripped his sides. Est didn't try to fight this time.

He could hear the sound of gun shot now.

Not long after everything went black.

__________________________________

Author's notes.

Hi people!!! 👋 Back again with another one.

There's so much to unpack in this chapter. But I think we can all conclude the only normal person in this fic is Nut😭😭😭

WDYM EST TRIED TO KILL HONG?!? Well, in his defense Hong threatened to kill him first😭 That one too has completely gone off the rails... for dick he hasn't even had yet. Wym you're threatening his cousin because of your own paranoia?!? I CAN'T WITH ANY OF THEM.

Pavel is also mad too. Sure your boss is in love with EST but that's HIS BEST FRIEND TOO?!??😭😭😭 USE UR BRAIN. And then let me not even start with Will. That one has been a nutcase from the start.

And Est has been kidnapped... again. Seems like every other day for him. But I guess the threat is much realer this time since it's not his psychotic would-be lover. So i'm actually scared for him.

Chile let me go sip my tea. It's a mad house here.

Hope you liked this one? If you want to connect w me off here, you can dm me on X @mischiefcore. I'd love to hear from you. See you next week.💗💗