Snuff

Deliver me into my fateIf I'm alone I cannot hateI don't deserve to have youOoh, my smile was taken long agoIf I can change I hope I never know- Slipknot

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Siberian Facility; 14 December, 1991

At twenty-one years of age, Tessa had never dreamed that she would be an officer in the ranks of HYDRA. She should have been back in Washington, D.C. partying it up with classmates from college. Instead, she was standing at the base of The Winter Solder's cryostasis chamber, staring up into lifeless eyes almost hidden by a curtain of his dark hair blocking out the orange light from the pod.

It had been two years since her father had forced her Soldier back under, and more hope had died within the purity of the girl she'd once been. That time seemed so long ago, that innocence that had been there before Bogota. Hell, two years ago she had been so much more than she was now, at least when it came to the warmth that had once been inside of her.

Alexander Pierce had broken his daughter that night. He'd crushed her spirit, shattered any dreams she might have had and forced her to return the most important person in her life into his most astounding, private hell. Her father set her toward her next task soon after, giving her an escape from having to feel anything.

She had been away from the facility at least once a month since then, usually when Vasily would drop in for his visits. She had leads to follow, rumors to trace and knowledge to locate.

Someone was synthesizing the serum that had turned Steve Rogers into Captain America, only it was supposedly better than anything Erskine had completed before he was killed in 1943. With this serum, HYDRA could create its own super soldiers, soldiers that could blend in anywhere, speak any language, topple any government and all in the matter of a night.

Only the month before had Tessa discovered who it had been and where it was being kept. While this mission had dealt with much more researching than action, they had a small window to get in, extract the serum in Long Island and eliminate Howard Stark before he could give the serum over to the government.

When Vasily showed up to the base, it was cold and hazy outside, a deep, Siberian winter that left the base frigid inside. With purpose, he headed toward the panel inside where the red book was kept, showing his credentials to soldiers who were new at this facility.

With that hideous book in his vile hands, Karpov made his way back inside the silo about the time that Tessa was overseeing the transfer of The Winter Soldier into the chair. He was shivering and dripping wet from his thaw, but even in his stupor, his eyes showed his fear when he was settled into the device.

"Am I doing this or you?" Tessa's Russian had improved greatly and flowed like second nature now. It had been another escape for her to focus on. Right now, she carefully policed her tone to keep it flat and unfeeling. Already hating that Colonel helped fuel that.

"You'll do it," Vasily said, shoving the book roughly into her hands. "You will be with him on the mission. You will do your job or your father will remove you from the base for good." He'd make certain of it.

That wasn't exactly what she wanted to hear, not that she'd be in the field but that he was making her focus the Soldier for his task. A brow was raised at the mention of her father and her punishment should this time awake be used for more than work.

Vasily didn't scare her anymore. Tessa was well aware of how quickly she could extinguish his life. She wasn't sure she could kill her father, though, no matter how she resented him.

The book was moved to the metal cart beside the chair and next to the mission brief. Icy eyes caught the gaze of one of the soldiers as he went to take up the mouthguard, and the look she gave him froze his blood in his veins. Without a word, he stepped back away from her then watched as she picked it up and slid it between the soft lips that haunted her nightly.

She felt her Soldier shiver as her fingers slipped into his wet hair; he always did. She always outwardly refused to acknowledge it or the ache it now caused by making something constrict around her heart. As she had in years before, Tessa descended into the crackle of the raging storm within her then tenderly guided it into the brain of her oldest friend.

That first goddamn scream... It would forever haunt her, force her to revisit nightmares of these times, these seconds where it was her who caused him to hurt. She would never be able to fully forgive herself.

As quickly as she could, she flicked the switch of his parietal lobe to block his brain from interpreting the pain and flashing it like a welding torch through his body. She calmly, gently aligned his thoughts to those of The Winter Soldier then began reciting the words that would bring him back under her influence.

Involuntary jolts through his muscles made his body jerk against the chair as she slipped around it to eventually face him. The book was taken up, a mental image to attune him to the persona that HYDRA had created. Red leather marred with a black star, an image that would taunt them both and remind them of times they would rather forget.

She watched him look at the book then immediately flick his eyes up toward her own, no recognition lighting up his expression at all.

She told her Soldier good morning, and he was ready to obey.

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Sanction and retrieve with no witnesses had been the words Vasily used when he handed the Asset the mission rundown folder that Tessa had put together. It irritated Tessa that he was giving the order and not her. The way Tessa's Soldier looked from Karpov to her until she nodded instead made the smallest of dark smirks melt over her lips just because it pissed Vasily off. He was losing everything a bit at a time, and he knew it.

She guided The Winter Soldier from the silo and to the door of his room, her arms closing her off with a cross over her midsection. She hardly looked at him, and he hardly looked at her, either. From him there was only compliance. From her he felt tension and emotion, something that was almost palpable between them.

Pausing in her step, Tessa turned toward him and lifted chilly eyes his direction. The color of his eyes wounded her.

"Shower, dress and eat. We leave in two hours," she stated simply and with every knowledge that they were being watched closely. "You can study the mission en route."

Her Soldier nodded his head and disappeared into his room. She turned without ceremony and headed toward her own. Even in the peace of her quarters she couldn't let her guard down. She had a sneaking suspicion that her father had a camera installed outside the door and likely inside as well, though that one would only be accessible by Pierce in Washington. Tessa had already gotten most of their gear ready to go. She could brush up on the mission with her Soldier along the way, work out any ideas that either had about how to partner up best to attack the task at hand. They always worked better together, and they always worked better when they were focused. Perhaps there would be time and privacy afterward to try and unfasten the locks on his mind.

She showered, dressed and ate as well, but she was also the first at the pallet to oversee the loading of their gear into their aerial transport. Vasily would stay behind and hold command of the base while she was away, though he seemed delighted to have her gone so he could do so. He was being far too cooperative on getting things set up for them to leave.

When James -- no, not James: definitely the The Winter Soldier -- came into view, he was burdened with the last of the cargo to go on the transport, his body already dressed for travel. His protective vest, mask and goggles were already inside the crate with the mask that Tesla would wear into the mission and her suit. For now, she was dressed in normal clothing, though her eyes were already heavily lined with their conventional black, smudged out liner.

He glanced at her with a pointed stare when he caught her eyes on him, but he was the first to look away as he went about his tasks. Policing her expression, Tessa moved further into the cargo bay of the transport to check the safety ties on the motorcycle that was stored in the area where the center of gravity of the craft would be.

"Miss Pierce!" It was Karpov, and his voice made her inwardly groan. With a sigh, she headed over to the ramp and looked down at him. "Don't forget."

It was a simple statement as he held up the red book, but he wasn't talking about forgetting the book. He was talking about her keeping herself in check.

Her Soldier watched as she crouched down in front of Vasily and made him continue to hold the book while she got comfortable there, the stance of her crouch wide and her arms dangling over her knees. After a moment, she leaned in close, those icy blue eyes locking with the Russian as a vicious sneer marred her lovely mouth.

"I will turn your insides to ash, Vasily," she spoke in perfect Russian and without fear of reprisal from him. "I am not the girl I used to be. You don't get to toss around threats that you can't back up anymore. You're an easily-replaceable sleeper agent in the crumbling Soviet military." She plucked the book from him finally then pressed it forward until the top corner of the spine was buried against the center of his forehead. "Now, scurry along, ant, before you're found by my boot."

Visibly shaken enough to not know how to respond to that, Karpov stepped one stride back, watched her briefly then turned and raged away from the area. The Winter Soldier's mouth quirked up at one corner, just long enough to be seen by Tessa. Without thinking about it, she briefly smiled in return, but just that pained her further and forced her to turn away.

Steel blue eyes watched her turn away but didn't miss the flash of sadness that lit her eyes when she was heading through the cargo hold and up into the transport to stow the book with her own mission briefing.

At least it was quiet in the cabin. No one else was here yet, and Tessa could allow herself to sit and collect her tormented thoughts and put a bandage around her breaking heart. She thought it had been difficult to stand and watch him in stasis, but this was much worse. She raised her hand up to rub against her forehead, an ache beginning near her right temple that she knew was going to plague her the entire trip.

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The flight had been a little easier for Tess. She sank into the task of going over the mission with her Soldier who seemed to hang on her every word, as he always did. Even as James, he was so attentive to her every word, and he always had been long before that night, that kiss. They weren't alone by any means, but the supporting team with them kept to themselves at the front of the transport, and Tess remained in mission mode the entire time.

The target was someone James had once known, many years before he'd come into Tessa's life, but he hadn't even been told who it was he was after. He was to find the target, apprehend the serum and leave behind no witnesses. The Winter Soldier was cold and calculating right now, and that was probably for the best. He didn't need to remember the man he was being sent to murder. Perhaps afterward they could have time to talk, but it would wait.

When they landed in New York, it was to an empty airfield and a cold, early afternoon sun. The cargo was loaded up into vans to be transported by the crew to the safe house in the hamlet of Islip. It was unassuming and would be a good place for the team to hang back in case they were needed.

The Soldier and Tesla would take care of the task at hand and retire to Brookhaven in the opposite direction. There they would lay low and take in the news that would surely follow. Two days following the assassination, they would all meet back up at the airfield and head to Washington to turn over whatever they found to Alexander Pierce.

It was a good plan, a solid plan.

Tessa and her Soldier stood steadying the motorcycle on the tarmac, watched the transport lift off and fly away. The vans had already left them behind. Since Tess would need to hold onto him, she bore the weight of both bags across each side of her lower back, and The Winter Soldier had a jacket pulled on to hide his left arm.

Without a word, he slung his leg over the main saddle of the bike and turned over the electric starter. As he eased it from its kickstand, Tessa slid into the back of the bench seat. The only outward reaction was The Winter Soldier glancing back over his shoulder as if to see if she was settled.

Just like Alberta, her touch stirred a deep part of him that would always fight to return to her, to hold her, to ache for her. When she wrapped her arms around his waist, his head turned forward again, but stony blue eyes closed at the sense of the approaching storm that overwhelmed his insides.

He paused for only a second before he pulled the clutch lever, shifted into first gear then started them on their way toward the hotel in Brookhaven. From the private airfield that belonged to HYDRA, it was a fair distance to their destination, and early into the ride Tessa laid her cheek against the back of her Soldier's jacket, both to feel him nearer and the block the cold wind from her face.

By the time they arrived, Tess had curled her fingers into the zippered parting of his jacket, fingers brushing his stomach each time the leather was jostled by movement. By the time they arrived, her Soldier was doing everything possible to fully ignore the hurricane loosed within him. He couldn't know that the storm that raged was shared by his handler, too.

She hadn't had him so close to her in what felt like forever. Just holding onto him had been heaven. It had soothed her in a way she had forgotten she needed. It touched the warmth that used to thrive in place of the cold pit that started growing inside of her on that fateful July night.

As soon as the motorcycle began to shift down, Tessa finally straightened and looked around the area where they would be staying. It was quaint, really. Far too quaint. She had grown too accustomed to Siberia and being around dark, dank and cold with very few year-round staff members.

Once the motorcycle was pulled into a space at the most secluded area of the parking area, The Winter Soldier set to shutting off the bike and eased it onto its kickstand. He felt Tessa shift to climb off and eased his titanium arm back with a calibration that accommodated the act to help support her small frame so she could rise and find her footing safely. Much to his delight, she accepted the assistance until she had herself upright.

Tessa stood and uncoiled his bag from across her body. It was heavier than her own, but that was no issue. It was held in place until he was standing and had taken the bag to secure it over her left shoulder.

With little more than an afterthought, Tess sent out that electromagnetic field that would scramble any cameras that were in the parking structure. The further they walked, the more she was convinced that there were no security cameras by where they had parked.

Once inside the hotel the cameras started, but she wasn't so worried about those. They could easily pass off the reason they were staying there. Having the blind spot of the parking structure assured that no one saw how they left the scene or returned to it.

After checking in, The Winter Soldier tossed his right arm over her shoulders and they made their way to the elevator and then up to their floor. The act had never been unusual, so Tessa went with it without a thought and let it continue until they reached their room and slipped inside.

Once in, they set the bags down and went about checking the security of the room, pulling the drapes shut and assuring no one could force their door open. Weapons were drawn, prepared and left in strategic locations around the room.

Each automatically unpacked their clothing, leaving only their spare gear and a change of clothing inside their duffels in case of a hastened check-out. Not a word was said, not even as Tessa went to unload the last of their mission information across the table against the far wall of the room.

They went over it on the flight to Long Island, but it was always worth it to brush up on the plan before following through with it. The Winter Soldier had knocked that into her head where it would stay, over and over and over again. For now, that next time would be tomorrow before they took a dry run over the route they would be taking to get to their target.

It was a solid five minutes before Tessa realized that The Winter Soldier was standing in front of the dresser, his metal arm idly draped over the top of the television there. His hair was mussed from the motorcycle ride, but his expression was softer than it typically was. If she hadn't known better, Tess would have said he looked somewhat concerned about something.

"Yeah?" She raised a slender, honey-colored brow upward in question as her small, slender frame straightened beside the table. It was easier to address him in Russian when they were supposed to be working, so that's what she did.

He regarded her in the quite hush of the heater turning on but eventually did speak up to voice his thoughts. "Have I done something to displease you?"

Tess blinked and her heart crumbled a little upon hearing what was asked. She couldn't stop the frown that touched the corners of her lips like smoke in the night before evaporating from view.

"Why would you ever think you've displeased me, Soldier?"

At this, The Winter Soldier actually took a moment to think about why he would believe she was upset with him. He knew there was an answer there within his searching brain, but he couldn't quite grasp it no matter how hard he fought to do just that. Watching him so conflicted with his own thoughts cinched the noose tightly around her heart again.

"You have never displeased me, Soldier," she was earnest when she stated the words. "I am simply focused on our task. Once we've completed our mission, I will feel a lot better. I promise."

The Winter Soldier had heard her promise before; he was certain of it. Even that was just past the tip of his tongue, though.

He finally nodded his head and set into his typical routine of collecting his night clothes, grabbing his shower kit and heading off to clean up before bed.

The moment the bathroom door was shut, Tessa raised her hand up to press over her eyes, her body sagging against the wall for a moment. She remembered her promise, too. It had been the promise to never let him stay lost and yet that is all she'd been allowed to do for so long. That promise had been broken several times.

How could she return him to who he really was when they had him packaged away until his next mission. There had been so many nights that she had found herself sitting at the base of his stasis pod on the cusp of letting him free but knowing alarms would sound and they would both be punished.

Tessa was a soft, weak little fool.

James would never forgive her.

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Posted: 3 August, 2021