Chapter 18: Silent Storms

"As if the world has fallen in loveThe unstoppable sound of my heartbeat acceleratesI jump out of the world I've wandered intoI finally found the answer I was looking forI'm finally able to tell youThe words that sleep deep in my heartI'm looking into your eyes"アイオライト by Itowokashi

❥

With a click, the suitcase shut, trapping not just clothes but also Sho's anxieties. His return should have been joyous, but his face mirrored the storm brewing within. Four days of silence from Takuya, with no response to even the message about his flight, cast a shadow over his mood. Navigating uncertainty was something Sho had grown accustomed to, but this time felt different. He reached for his phone, dialing his neighbor Hagiwara Riku's number, hoping to glean some insights and maybe even a sliver of hope.

"Hello?" Hagiwara's voice came through the phone.

"Riku-kun, it's Sho. Nishigaki Sho."

"Sho! Wow, it's been a while. Heading back already?" Hagiwara's voice conveyed surprise and a hint of excitement.

"Yes, I fly back tomorrow."

"Great God. Finally the next-door apartment won't be so eerily quiet anymore."

Sho, initially caught off guard by the unexpected news, smiled softly. This new information offered a potential explanation, a thread he could grasp onto. "Does that mean Takuya-kun hasn't been home at all?" he asked, his voice tinged with cautious optimism.

"That's the thing," Hagiwara Riku confirmed. "His brother came to pick him up about two months back. We were curious about the reason he left Bullet Train so suddenly, hoping to get some clarity from him. But if you're not returning, there's little chance of him coming back to this apartment, is there?"

The puzzle pieces started falling into place as Hagiwara Riku filled him in. Naoya being the one to pick Takuya up two months ago felt like a crucial detail. Sho understood now: Naoya likely took Takuya directly to their family home, offering a safe space and a shield from any potential fallout of the sudden departure.

"I brought back some treats for everyone! We'll be back at the apartment soon," Sho said, shifting the conversation. He then ended the call and dialed Naoya's number.

"Hello? Nishigaki-kun?"

"Hello, Naoya-kun. It's Nishigaki Sho here. How are things going?" Sho greeted Takuya's little brother. "Just checking in. I was wondering, is Takuya-kun there with you by any chance?"

"Everything's good here," Naoya replied. "My brother is still asleep, you know? It's a bit early for him."

Sho let the answer sink in, piercing together the puzzle of Takuya's whereabouts. "Okay, thanks for letting me know. Did he happen to mention anything about tomorrow? Anything specific?"

"Tomorrow? No, not a word. He hasn't said much at all," Naoya answered, noticing the growing concern in Sho's voice. "Is everything alright? Maybe I should wake him up for you to talk things through."

"I'm a bit worried because my messages haven't been going through for the past few days," Sho admitted. "I was hoping you could let him know my flight arrives tomorrow. It would be a huge help—"

"Did he block you?" Naoya's bluntness cut through the air like a sharp blade.

A soft chuckle escaped Sho's lips, finding the situation both funny and puzzling. "Yeah, I think that might be the case. But honestly, I'm clueless. Maybe he just needs—"

"Nonsense. Time isn't an issue here, he doesn't need time! In fact, it was just plain silly!" Naoya remarked, interrupted Sho's optimistic thought. "Look, send me your flight details through LINE. I'll be at the airport to personally sweep you off your feet and get you to him in a flash!"

The tension melted away, replaced by pure thankfulness. Sho felt a weight lift off his shoulders. "I can't thank you enough, Naoya-kun. I'll send you the details as soon as we hang up. I'm really looking forward to catching up soon, Naoya-kun. Take care!"

"So, how'd the Kusakawa-kun thing go?" Sho's colleague asked, worry peeking through his expression once Sho hung up.

Sho's face relaxed into a sigh of relief as he nodded. "He's safe at his parents' place. I was freaking out, so knowing he's safe is a huge load off my mind. Now I'm just looking forward to seeing him soon."

♡

Golden streams of sunlight filtered through the curtains, waking Takuya like a gentle tap. He tilted his face towards the golden light, its intensity momentarily chasing away the remnants of sleep. "Noonish, I guess," he muttered, pushing himself up with a groan. Throwing off the covers, he went through his morning routine before heading downstairs to find Naoya already halfway through breakfast. A peek at the clock reassured him – no oversleeping, no need for alarm bells.

Takuya broke the comfortable silence of their shared breakfast with a simple question, "Anything on your agenda today?"

Naoya briefly met Takuya's gaze before returning his attention to his pudding, swirling the spoon in the creamy swirl. He didn't directly answer the question, instead throwing one back at Takuya, "Any news about Nishigaki-kun's return?"

"He should be back sometime this week," Takuya's voice dropped low, almost drown out by the spoon's quiet clatter.

"Am I supposed to mark my calendar with a giant question mark?"

Takuya mumbled an "Mm-hmm," his appetite seemingly fading.

Naoya frowned, digging his spoon deeper into his pudding. "Did he know you were crashing here?"

Takuya fell silent, the question leaving him speechless. His appetite vanished, replaced by a knot of tension in his gut. He toyed with his food, unsure how to respond. What was he supposed to say? He needed time, time to gather his thoughts before facing the issue.

Naoya refused to drop the subject. He couldn't ignore the elephant in the room. He touched on Takuya's discomfort. "You didn't inform him, did you?" Naoya's voice was sharp with accusation and persistent. "Did you even bother to explain about leaving the group? What was his reaction?" His questions flowed one after another, driven by an intense need to understand. "Honestly, when was the last time you actually spoke to him?"

Takuya lifted his head, his eyes narrowed slightly, meeting Naoya's stare head-on. "Did I miss the announcement for Grumpy Hour? I literally just crawled out of bed." He didn't sugarcoat his frustration, matching Naoya's intensity.

Naoya's sigh hung heavy in the air, unanswered and unwelcome. The silence grew louder, punctuated only by the clatter of plates as Naoya retreated to the sink. He busied himself with washing dishes, a physical outlet for his emotional turmoil.

Witnessing the silent tension between her sons, their mother retreated from the kitchen, leaving them to sort things out on their own. Takuya, unable to withstand the weight of the silence any longer, called out in a hushed voice, "Mama, what's gotten into him? He's acting strange."

Recognizing the need for her sons to handle things themselves, their mother simply offered a knowing look and a shrug. This time, she wouldn't be the peacemaker. "It's time you figured things out for yourself," she said softly, her words a firm but gentle nudge towards self-reflection, before leaving the room and leaving the unanswered questions hanging in the air, heavy like an untouched plate.

♡

Frustration bubbled up inside Takuya as he sighed. At thirty-something, he was still stuck in this silent war with his brother. Naoya had been out all day yesterday, returning surprisingly early this morning. Since then, he'd become a phantom in his own room, only briefly appearing for lunch before vanishing again. While the rest of the family seemed oblivious, but Takuya felt the tension thick in the air, like a weight pressing down on him like an invisible storm cloud.

On his way downstairs to dinner duty, Takuya ran into Naoya in the hallway – perfect timing, considering they both just left their rooms. Naoya, clearly planning to go somewhere, paused under Takuya's inquisitive gaze. "Where are you off to?" Takuya asked, his curiosity sparked.

Naoya offered no response, his expression mirroring the coldness he'd shown Takuya the day before. His hand, clenched around a car key fob, hinted at a need for escape.

"Nao-chan," Takuya said, trying to crack through his brother's cold shoulder. "I need to know where you're going."

The simple "Nao-chan" was like a password, it slipped past Naoya's defenses. It was a nickname reserved for moments of vulnerability, and Naoya's defenses crumbled. "Meeting a friend," he mumbled, his voice rough but no longer guarded.

Takuya, ever the protective big brother, wasn't buying it. He wasn't letting Naoya off the hook. "Who are you meeting? You know you normally hang out with your close friends all day, not slipping out this late. Be back by midnight, no later."

Naoya rolled his eyes, playing it cool. "Not someone you gotta worry about. And last I checked, there's no curfew in this house, right?" He walked past Takuya, leaving the question unanswered and a trail of unspoken emotions in his wake.

Takuya reached the bottom of the stairs, his gaze landing on the closed door where Naoya had just been. Frustration simmered within him as he muttered, his voice laced with disappointment, "So much for a conversation, huh?"

Sensing his frustration, his mother appeared in the doorway. "Seems like loud exits are the new way to say hello around here," she said with a chuckle, giving him a friendly pat. "Well, why don't we focus on making dinner something delicious instead?"

Takuya gave a quick nod, the familiar rhythm of cooking temporarily distracting him. As he worked beside his mother, the tension between him and Naoya hung thick in the air, a charged atmosphere waiting to ignite.

♡

After stepping down from the blinding lights of the boy group, Takuya found himself in the quiet calm of a career break. His body, once pushed to its physical limit, welcomed the rest. Yet, the storm in his mind refused to calm. The fear of Sho's judgement, the possibility of Sho feeling responsible for his departure, was a cold hand gripping his heart. The image of Sho consumed by guilt, their paths diverging after years of shared laughter, tears, and triumphs, was a nightmare replaying in his mind. Their journey together, stretching back too far to count, had forged a bond too strong to sever. Even in this hiatus from the spotlight, his feelings for Sho remained a constant flame, burning bright and true.

Each day began with the same agonizing question for Takuya: should he reach out to Sho? The thought of breaking the silence with Sho felt like stepping off a cliff into the unknown, and fear held him captive on the edge. He couldn't deny it: he was scared. The image of Sho's disappointed face after arriving to an empty apartment haunted him. Even as he longed for Sho to make the first move, to bridge the chasm he'd created, the possibility of Sho retreating further into silence filled him with dread.

A sudden knock snapped Takuya back to reality. Was it Naoya? A hesitant smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. His younger brother wasn't exactly talking to him at the moment, Naoya's anger simmering like a storm cloud over their home. Takuya rose from his bed and cautiously approached the door, his steps echoing in the silence, unsure of who waited on the other side.

"Taku-nii, it's past nine. You should get up," Naoya said, his voice soft but firm. He stood there fully dressed and ready for the day. "Don't tell me you pull this 'sleeping beauty' stuff at your apartment too. Does Nishigaki-kun treat you like royalty, making breakfast, coffee, and baths? He is spoiling you rotten." He couldn't help but poke fun, while also checking if something was wrong.

Takuya's irritation grew as his fingers raking through his hair in frustration. "Naoya, seriously, can you give me a break for a few minutes? I woke up, I'm here, end of story. Your complaints can wait."

"Hiding from the world isn't doing you any favors. Come on, get out and do something, anything." Naoya said over his shoulder before heading down.

A part of him rebelled against Naoya's blunt words, but it battled with a surge of raw joy – his brother wanted to talk! He found himself drawn to the stairs, his feet already in motion. But a sudden glimpse out of the corner of his eye stopped him dead in his tracks. A slumped figure against the wall came into focus, and a familiar aroma, carried by the air, hit him like a wave, leaving him breathless and frozen.

Takuya's gaze landing on a sight that ignited a war within him: a mix of longing and fear. He finally saw what he'd dreamt of but tried so hard to avoid. Words wouldn't come, his voice locked in his throat, but his eyes, wide and raw, laid bare the emotions he'd fought so hard to conceal.

"Good morning," Sho's voice sliced through the silence, a jolt that sent shivers down Takuya's spine.

Takuya's heart lurched as his eyes landed on Naoya, perched on the stairs like a silent judge. A knowing smirk played on his lips, a silent accusation before he vanished into the shadows. He watched Naoya walk away, the guilt twisting in his stomach as he amplifying the truth: Naoya knew. His younger brother, the one he'd tried to keep in the dark, had seen right through him.

"Takuya-kun?" Sho's voice, softer than Takuya ever imagined, startled him from his introspective daze.

Takuya straightened instantly, his posture reflecting the strict obedience expected of a soldier. "Yes!" he barked with a sharpness that mirrored his sudden alertness.

A look of worry etched itself onto Sho's face as he gently asked, "Is everything alright?"

Takuya chuckled, but the sound lacked any real amusement. It was sharp and bitter. "Just... Surprised," he admitted. "I wasn't expecting you back today." The unsaid words lingered between them, a presence heavier than any spoken phrase.

"Caught you off guard, huh?" Sho asked, attempting a lighthearted chuckle that came out strained. "Funny thing, I actually texted you about my flight details a few days back. Maybe it didn't go through." He held up his phone, showing Takuya the unread messages on their LINE chat. "So, I called Naoya-kun to give him a heads-up, and he picked me up at the airport, said he hadn't told you." The last sentence hung in the air, a question unspoken but clear.

Takuya let out a defeated sigh, his shoulders drooping under the weight of his actions. Naoya's annoyance, while hurtful, was justified. He had messed up. "Yeah, I hear you," he muttered to Sho, the words tasting bitter on his tongue. "I was just—"

The sentence died on Takuya's lips as Sho's voice cut through the silence, gentle yet laced with a quiet determination. "Why did you block me, Takuya-kun?" His gaze, a mixture of concern and something deeper, pierced through Takuya's defenses.

The moment the question left Sho's lips, Takuya felt a punch to the gut, the air instantly knocked out of him. He'd known it was coming, but the stark reality sent a wave of pain through him. His emotional walls, built brick by brick, shattered under the pressure, leaving him exposed and raw.

The pain in Sho's voice, tinged with self-blame, was almost too much to bear. "Was it something I did?" Sho asked, his voice barely above a whisper. The question echoing in Takuya's mind, stirring a storm of conflicting emotions.

Takuya's head shook rapidly, desperation creeping into his voice, panic flashing in his eyes. "No, Sho, I swear it's not about you. This is all on me, completely." he pleaded, his voice trembling.

The final question, a pinpoint of light illuminating his hidden fears, landed on Takuya like a spotlight. "Were you…afraid of how I'd feel about your decision?" The simple words, dripping with unspoken hurt and confusion, sent a surge of fear through him. Takuya flinched, the involuntary reaction exposing the internal battle raging beneath the carefully constructed facade.

"I need you to open up," Sho's voice trembled slightly as he spoke. He was desperately trying to find a way to get through to Takuya, and his frustration was growing with each passing moment. "I remember you saying you wanted to handle things your way, and I respect that completely. Whatever decision you make, I'm here to understand and support you. If this is your path, I'll walk it with you. You've prioritized me over other important things in your life and I won't leave your side, not now, not ever."

A heartbreaking smile played on Takuya's lips, his eyes welling up as they met Sho's with a trembling tenderness. "You think I'm better than I am, so you lift me higher than I can handle, Sho," he admitted, his voice rough with emotion. "You see a hero in me when I'm just someone who relies on you to keep me balanced, someone who's just trying not to trip over his own feet. I'm barely keeping it together. You might be disappointed when I stumble."

Sho's face crumpled in confusion as he followed Takuya into the bedroom. The silence hung heavy, broken only by the sound of their footsteps. Then, with a sudden movement, Takuya flung open the curtains, bathing the room in harsh light, felt almost like a statement, an invitation to see Takuya without shadows.

"Think about it, Sho," Takuya's voice was unsteady, his eyes searching for understanding in Sho's face. "Since we found each other again few years ago, honestly, I haven't always been the best at considering your perspective, have I? I just... stormed back into your life, insisted on living together, kissed you in the open, forced our relationship on the world before you were fully prepared. All these bold moves – were they truly about you, or was I just pushing things in a direction that suited me? What does that make me?"

Sho's eyes mirrored the pain and vulnerability Takuya shared, his concern deepening as he listened intently, his eyes never leaving Takuya as Takuya poured out his heart. The question forming on his lips but swallowed by the weight of shared understanding that blossomed in the silence.

The smile on Takuya's face trembled, his eyes welling up with tears he fought to hold back. "It's always been about me, haven't you realized? My needs, my comfort, everything. When we went separated ways, my friends held up a mirror I couldn't face – I'm lost without you. So, I crawled back into your life, clinging to you like a lifeline. I knew how unhealthy it was, but the fear of your absence consumed me. The same goes for wanting you close - living together felt like securing you, like keeping you permanently by my side, locking you down within my walls. And that public declaration? A desperate cry for certainty, for the world to see what I felt was mine. Now, marriage... it's the same need, to control, to claim you forever. Everything else can crumble, but this? This feels like the one thing I can't live without, the only air I can breathe. I understand if it's too much, but—mmmhh!"

Tears welled in Sho's eyes as he watched Takuya lay bare his soul. He couldn't bear to see him suffer any longer. In a swift movement, he cupped Takuya's face and pressed his lips against his. He silenced him with a kiss, a wordless expression of understanding. Their kiss was a bridge, connecting their hearts and offering solace in each other's presence. The unspoken language of their emotions flowed through the gentle dance of their tongues. Lonely hearts found solace in the press of their bodies, their breaths mingling in a heated dance. The air grew thick with the unspoken desires simmering beneath the surface. Groans, low and guttural, escaped their lips, a primal language of shared desperation and relief. In the tangled mess of limbs and desperate kisses, they found not just physical release, but an emotional catharsis. The insecurities, doubts, and self-punishment – all melted away in the crucible of their shared vulnerability, leaving behind only the raw, unfiltered essence of their connection.

The kiss wasn't just about desire, it was Sho's way of gently shifting Takuya's focus. Sho didn't need the rest of the words; he saw Takuya's pain behind the facade, the need to be the villain in their story. For Sho, Takuya's confession was like a heart laid bare, revealing the cracks and fissures hidden beneath. This kiss was a whisper of hope, a way to guide Takuya away from the path of self-destruction.

Sho's lips pulled away, leaving a void in the air. Takuya's eyes fell, struggle to meet Sho's gaze. Instead, he nestled his face into the crook of Sho's neck, found comfort in the familiar scent of his partner. His breaths were shallow and uneven, his body trembling slightly. "I screwed up, Sho," he rasped. "I'll unblock you after this."

Sho reached out and patted Takuya's back gently, a chuckle softening his voice. "I've been thinking about you lately," he said. "Bullet Train was everything to you, so I know moving on couldn't have been simple. How are you holding up?"

Takuya sighed, a deep weariness in his eyes. "Usually, the stage is where I feel strongest, where I can hide behind the lights and music," he confided. "But this time, it felt different. Everything just came crashing down on me, and I lost control. The tears wouldn't stop coming, it wasn't how I wanted my final stage to go at all."

A gentle hum escaped Sho's lips as he tightened his embrace around Takuya. "I get it," he murmured. "What can I do to make this easier for you right now?"

Pulling away from the hug, Takuya locked eyes with Sho. With a deep breath, he declared, "Marry me."

❥