Effy~ 1

It had been about a month since they made it official. Tess still wasn't quite used to saying it. Even now, the words felt strange in her mouth. Like she was borrowing someone else's life for a while. But she didn't hate it. Not even close.

Most nights, he was in her room. Sometimes it felt like he was part of the furniture — curled up under her duvet, muttering half-dreams, his jeans discarded on her floor like they'd always been there. She liked it, really. The closeness. The way he'd hand her his last crisp without her asking. The dumb songs he made up in the shower.

It was almost... calm. Which was the weirdest part. They'd go on walks at midnight when no one was around. They'd end up on swings in the park, laughing about things that didn't really matter. He made everything feel lighter. Easier.

But it was also starting to scare her.

Because the world wasn't easy. Exams were coming up — looming like some wave, ready to drown her. Her brain was full of blank notes and skipped readings. And then there was the other thing. The big thing. The thing she couldn't talk about without her chest tightening like it was about to explode.

She was still pregnant.

And it was like her body knew even when her brain tried to pretend it didn't. She'd get these sharp, quiet moments during the day — like when she bent down too fast, or caught her reflection and saw the change in her shape — where reality would slam straight into her.

And it had been months, and still they hadn't decided. Not really. They'd talked around it, danced close to it, but nothing clear. It was like a fog hanging over everything good.

That's what led her to Effy.

After her shift at work — her second long shift this week — Tess signed herself in at the mental hospital and made her way through the unfamiliar halls.

She hadn't been here in years. Not since she was fourteen. Michelle had promised they'd go to the cinema, but instead they'd taken the bus to see Cassie. She remembered it more in fragments than anything — Michelle making her swear not to tell mum, the sound of some woman crying down the hall, Cassie clutching Michelle's hand and saying "Do you think we're the same?" and Tess had no idea what she meant.

Tess wondered if that had been the first time she realised the world could tip sideways.

The garden out back was empty apart from a slow, sleepy yoga session in the grass. A nurse was trying to lead it with very little success. One of the patients was lying completely still, face down in the grass like he'd given up. Another was giggling at nothing.

Effy was sitting on a bench nearby, cross-legged, her face tilted toward the sky. She looked... strangely peaceful. Or at least more peaceful than the last time Tess had seen her — curled up in Freddie's arms, shaking.

Tess crossed over and sat beside her.

"Hi," Tess said quietly.

Effy gave her a soft half-smile. "Hey."

They talked for a while. About the place. The staff. The sessions. Effy didn't say much about the treatment — just vague remarks about breathing exercises and "weird memory games" and how Tuesdays were always the worst. But she didn't seem bothered. Just a little bored. Like she was waiting it out.

Eventually, Effy turned to her again. "So. How's the real world?"

Tess hesitated. Her mouth opened, then closed. She looked out at the grass instead. "...Fine," she said. Then shook her head. "Well. I don't know."

Effy watched her, curious. "What do you mean?"

Tess exhaled. "Me and Cook... everything's good. I mean, really good. It's just — it's like we're in this bubble. We stay in, or we go to Naomi's, or we just... lie around doing nothing. And it's almost too good. Like we're forgetting the real problem."

Effy tilted her head slightly.

"It's like we're pretending it's not happening," Tess added, quieter now. "But it is. And soon...soon we won't get a say."

She didn't need to say what it was.

Effy didn't interrupt. She never did.

"I don't know what we're doing," Tess went on, her voice low and tight. "It's all I can think about. It's like it's stuck in my head. On a loop. I try not to think about it and then it's all I think about." She paused. "I mean... is that normal, do you think?"

Effy raised an eyebrow, a slow smile tugging at the edge of her mouth. "You think you're going mad, so you came to see me to see what mad looks like?"

Tess's eyes widened. "No! I mean, no...no."

Effy turned away, mock-serious. "Listen to me very carefully, Tess. You need to get a message to the Doglord of Azerbaijan. He's got my toilet ticket."

Tess blinked. Then laughed. "Oh my God. What are they giving you in here?.. Can I have some?"

Then, Effy spoke, more quietly now. "This whole thing. With the baby. Why don't you just imagine it never happened?"

Tess looked at her sharply. "But it is happening."

Effy shrugged, not looking at her. "Yeah. But if you think like it didn't... maybe it gets easier."

"But...?" Tess frowned. "Am I missing something? You can't just change what already happened. And if I ignore it, then in a few months... well, you know."

Effy was quiet for a long moment. Then finally said something Tess didn't quite understand.

"If you leave something in the dark long enough, it stops trying to be seen. That's how I made mine disappear."

It took Tess a second to realise Effy was serious. Or at least thought she was.

Effy had a peace about her. But it wasn't the safe kind. It was the kind that comes when you've let go of something that maybe you were meant to keep holding onto.

And Tess wasn't ready to let go.

Not yet.

-----

Tess pushed open the front door and paused, keys still dangling in her hand. The house wasn't quiet — it was suspiciously active.

Muffled thumping overhead. Faint floorboard creaks. And... a weird, rhythmic thud-thud-thud.

She frowned.

From the kitchen, her mum's voice drifted through, talking on the phone — low and nosy, that tight politeness she only used when prying for gossip.

Tess's stomach dipped.

Oh, shit. She forgot to lock her bedroom door.

She bolted upstairs, took the last three steps in one go, and shoved her door open—

"Jesus, Cook."

He was in the middle of the room, flicking a football up on his knee with practiced ease, doing casual keepy-uppies like it was second nature.

"I can hear that from downstairs," Tess snapped.

"Yeah? Got a nice rhythm going don't I?" He caught the ball one handed and grinned. "Didn't know you kept a football in your cupboard. What else you got stashed away in there?"

She narrowed her eyes. "You went through my wardrobe?"

"Chillax." He tossed the ball up again, casually. "It was only 'cause your mum came in. Had to improvise."

Tess's stomach dropped again. "My mum came in!?"

He shrugged. "Yeah, she was bringin' washing up. I panicked. Needed somewhere to hide.Then she started lookin' at your bookshelf. Got proper snoopy. Thought she was gonna find me."

Tess groaned, dragging her hands down her face. "I forgot to lock the door this morning."

"Clearly," Cook said, smirking. "You've got way too many clothes by the way. There was barely enough room for me. Found a busted straightener, old Easter egg wrappers, a bunch of singular thongs, and what I think was your Year 9 maths folder. Full-on archaeology dig in there."

Tess gave him a look, then sat down heavily on the edge of her bed, exhaling.

He glanced at her. "You alright?"

"Fine," she muttered.

"You don't look it."

Tess sighed, lying back and covering her eyes with her arm. "I've got exams soon. Like actual exams. And I haven't done anything. Nothing sticks. Everything's just noise. My notes are all useless and everything smells weird and I cried this morning because I got toothpaste on my top. Like, properly cried. Hormones or something, I dunno."

He lay back beside her, hands behind his head, still holding the football against his ribs. "Your proper spiralling ain't you? Soon you'll end up like one of them blokes who screams at pigeons outside Poundland."

She snorted, eyes still shut. "Cheers."

"I could quiz you," he offered.

Tess cracked one eye open. "You failed your GCSEs."

"Exactly. No pressure. Get it wrong and I'll just nod like I know what it means."

She smiled. Barely.

"Come here," he said. "You're lookin' like you're gonna snap in half."

She let him pull her into his arms. Let herself fold into him like something crumpled.

Her chest eased, just slightly.

"You don't have to be alright all the time, you know," he murmured.

She didn't answer. Just pressed her face into his shoulder and closed her eyes.

He glanced sideways, then grinned again. "Still can't believe you had a football in your cupboard. You got a secret past life I should know about?"

Tess shook her head, releasing herself from his arms. "I didn't even know that was in there."

"Shame," Cook said, "You'd make a decent goalie. Got the rage for it."

She laughed, and he tried to catch the ball on his neck, fumbled it, then booted it straight back into her wardrobe.

"Show-off."

-----

Today was her English exam.

The last one. The one she'd been dreading the most.

She should've felt relieved. But all it did was make her feel worse — like everything she'd been keeping barely held together was now threatening to break free, because there was nothing left to focus on but the stuff she'd been trying not to think about.

Her stomach was tight with nerves — that queasy, frayed kind of tight that made it hard to breathe properly. The corridor was buzzing with the usual pre-exam tension: muttering, highlighters being uncapped and recapped a thousand times, someone crying near the toilets.

Tess walked quickly, trying not to feel anything. But the moment she turned the corner toward the exam hall, a sharp stab of pain hit her low in the stomach. It stopped her short.

Her hand flew out to steady herself on the nearest locker.

Maybe it was stress. Maybe it was something else.

She bent over slightly, one hand on her stomach, trying to ride it out, when a voice popped up beside her.

"Tess? Are you alright?"

Doug.

She straightened quickly — too quickly — and forced a smile. "Yeah... I'm fine."

She wasn't feeling fine right about now.

His hands were outstretched like he wanted to help but had no idea how.

"How about you go to the office?" he said. "Have a rest before the exam?"

"No, no. It's fine. I'm fine." She shifted her weight, trying to shake the pain off like a bad cramp.

Doug blinked. "Oh..."

Another pang. Sharper this time.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep. Fine." she blurted. Then scrambled for something that made sense. "I mean, it's probably just... just my period."

She racked her brain. That was the most believable thing, so she said it.

"Oh yes — the... right. The menstrual... er... the divine mysteries of the female anatomy," Doug said, nodding solemnly.

Tess stared at him, blank.

Doug blinked again. "Do I sound like a complete twatting idiot sometimes?"

"Errr... no?" she offered. "We all like you, Doug. Really."

He seemed genuinely touched. "Well, thank you."

A beat passed and Tess didn't move any closer to the exam hall.

"Are you going to go into your exam?"

"...Right," she muttered. "In a minute."

Doug hovered. "It'll be over before you know it. A couple of hours, and then you're free."

"I just..." she hesitated, pressing her fingers to her forehead. "I just know once I get in there I'll start panicking. Like, properly. My brain's already fried. And my body's—" she stopped. "It's like, everything's going wrong at the same time. And I can't keep up."

Doug gave a gentle nod. "We're here to help, you know. However we can."

Tess looked at him doubtfully.

"I once danced to help a girl through an exam," Doug added, with a faint smile.

Tess blinked. "You danced?"

"Disco stylee. It was what she needed."

She exhaled — almost a laugh. Almost.

Doug tilted his head. "What do you need, Tess?"

She looked away.

"I need to know it's not all gonna fall apart," she said quietly. "I need to know he won't disappear again. That I won't screw this up. I need someone to tell me it's gonna be okay. I need someone to mean it— Because I'm terrified."

Doug went quiet.

She expected him to stumble over something reassuring. He didn't, not at first.

Then he said, "I think... the fact you're still standing here, even with all that — that says something. Life's messy. But it doesn't mean you'll mess it up. And no matter how scared you are now... it won't always feel like this."

Tess swallowed, her throat tight.

"Can you guarantee that though?"

Doug gave her a soft smile. "No. But I'll believe it for you, if that helps."

Tess didn't reply right away. Then she gave a small, shaky nod. "Yeah...thanks."

And then she walked in.

----

The shower was running loudly.

Tess sat on the closed toilet lid, arms folded, tapping her fingers against her leg as Cook belted out some made-up song behind the curtain — completely off-key.

"Can you not?" she called. "Someone might hear you."

He just sang louder, letting his voice crack obnoxiously. She groaned, slumping forward with her face in her hands.

"This is actual torture."

"Oi, you're the one who insisted I needed a wash."

"Yeah, because you stank."

"And now I'm singing! Double win!"

Something clattered behind the curtain.

A plastic bottle of shampoo thunked to the floor.

"Shit. Babe, pass me the soap, will you?"

She picked it up and passed it over the curtain.

"I swear to God, if your hand is anywhere it shouldn't be—"

"Relax, I'm a gentleman."

"Sure."

This had become the weird new normal. Whenever Cook needed a shower and someone else was home — Anna, Paul, Michelle— Tess had to sit in with him to stop anyone from clocking there was a wanted teenager secretly squatting in the house. So now, whenever he needed to shower, she had to babysit the door. Or more specifically, babysit him. At first it was awkward, but now... well, she was getting used to it.

She sighed and leaned back against the wall. "Had my last exam today."

"Big English one?" he replied, voice muffled under the water now.

"Thought I'd feel better when it was done, but it's scarier. Everythings over. Everything's gonna change."

Silence for a moment except for the splash of water.

"Not everythings has to change love."

Tess gave a small shrug, though he couldn't see it. "Doug tried to give me some kind of pep talk. Started rambling about disco dancing and the divine mysteries of the female anatomy and—"

"Yeah, he's a nutter. Miss the bloke though"

"A supportive nutter."

There was a pause, the water still trickling.

"You smashed it though, right?"

"I mean, I don't know, but... I think I did alright."

"Of course you did. You're smart as shit."

Another beat passed. Then, almost sheepishly:

"...I forgot pants."

Tess blinked. "What?"

"Fresh pair. I forgot to bring any."

"You forgot—" She glanced at the small pile of his clothes beside the sink, ruffled through it. "You absolute idiot.

"Please, Tessy," he whined. "Go get me some, yeah? Before my bits start freezing off?"

She gave a dramatic sigh and stood. "Fine. But only because I don't want to hear about your bits again."

Tess darted to her room, rummaging through the drawer he'd been secretly using. Most of his clothes were still stuffed in a gym bag under her bed. She yanked it out, rifled through the half-clean pile, and finally found a pair of boxers that weren't inside out or dodgy, and raced back.

The bathroom door was open.

Tess's stomach dropped.

"Mum!" she shouted. "Mum, don't—!"

Too late. Anna had one foot already inside, eyebrows pinched.

Anna turned from halfway inside the room. "I was just going to tell you I'm going to pick—pick up Paul—" She paused, narrowing her eyes. "Hold on. How are you out here and the shower's—"

Tess rushed forward. "Well I know now, okay? Bye!"

Anna held up a hand. "No, hold on. You just left the water running?"

"Yeah. I forgot something!"

"It's been on for over five minutes, Tess." Anna frowned. "Whos in there?"

Tess stood frozen in the doorway, underwear clutched in one hand. "Seriously, it's—"

But Anna shoved past her.

"Mum, no—!"

She yanked the curtain open.

Cook stood there in the towel he'd managed to wrap around himself just in time, hair dripping, covered in shaving cream and grinning like the picture of innocence.

"Hello, Anna," he said brightly. Much to brightly

Tess covered her face and slid down the wall.

"Oh my God."

Anna's jaw dropped.

Then she turned to Tess, voice ice-cold and shaking with fury. "Are you kidding me?"

"Mum—"

"You've had him in our house? All this time?"

"I didn't mean— I just—"

"And you lied to me. Every day. Every single day. Let a-a fucking fugitive walk through my door?"

"Look-"

"You think I'm stupid? You think I wouldn't find out?"

Cook raised a hand, trying to defuse it. "I really wasn't tryin' to cause any—"

"Don't. Say. A word," Anna hissed, eyes burning.

She stared at him like she might actually throttle him. "Shouldn't you be behind bars?"

Cook scratched the back of his head. "Probably."

Anna's nostrils flared. Then she stepped back and pointed sharply toward the door.

"Then disappear. Before I change my mind about letting you walk."

"Can I finish my left side?" He asked unsure, gesturing to his half shaved chest. Anna just stared at him with a disgusted look on her face. He knew the answer

She turned back to Tess, voice low and lethal. "And you—we're going to talk later, young lady. Properly."

The door slammed shut.

—

The silence in the bathroom was deafening.

Steam still clung to the mirror. Water droplets fell from the showerhead. Tess was still on the floor.

Cook let out a low breath. "Your mums a bit of a fire cracker ain't she?"

"Young lady," Tess muttered. "She hardly ever calls me that."

"That's when you know you've fucked it."

He pulled his shirt over his head and stepped into his jeans, still barefoot.

Could've gone worse."

"She literally just caught you half-naked."

He stepped out cautiously, tugging his shirt on, hair dripping. "Still not arrested though. Bit of a miracle."

Tess glanced up at him, eyes tired. "Where are you gonna go?"

"Naom's, I guess."

"You're really running out of places."

He paused, looked at her.

"I know."

She swallowed. "I didn't mean that like... like I don't want you here."

His voice softened. "I know you didn't."

She exhaled, suddenly wishing this moment would stretch just a little longer. Then Cook crossed over to her, crouched, and rested a hand lightly against her arm.

"It'll be fine,"

She looked at him, properly looked. The wet hair, the bruises under his eyes from not sleeping properly, his smile that made her smile.

"Everyone keeps saying that, but it never feels true." She muttered

He leaned in, kissed the side of her forehead — quick, warm, like a goodbye that didn't want to be one.

"You looked after me," he said. "Better than anyone else ever has."

She didn't know how to answer that. So she just nodded.

"I'll grab my stuff."

He turned just before he climbed out.

"Tell your mum I said cheers."

"Not a chance."

He winked. "Didn't think so."

She'd listened to his footsteps vanish down the hall.

The bathroom suddenly felt way too big. Too cold. Too quiet.

And somehow, even with the steam still hanging in the air, Tess already missed him.

----

Tess sat curled up at one end of the couch, knees tucked under her hoodie, staring at the black TV screen like it might give her answers. The hum of the fridge was the only sound. Anna had only stormed out twenty minutes ago but it felt like an eternity waiting for her to come back.

She heard footsteps on the stairs. Not Anna.

Michelle strolled in, barefoot, half-ready to go out, one earring in, mascara wand still in hand. She hovered at the door, grinning like a kid who'd heard something juicy through the walls and couldn't hold it in any longer.

"So..." Michelle started, crossing her arms. "Was that Cook in our bathroom?"

Tess didn't look up. "You heard that, huh."

"I heard Mum screaming bout it."

Tess let out a slow breath, still not looking at her. "Well when she's back she's gonna do a lot more screaming."

Michelle walked in, perched on the arm of the sofa with a bounce. "Seriously though—he's out? As in escaped-prison-out?"

Tess gave a tired nod. "He's been staying here. Not all the time. Just after Freddie and J's places fell through."

Michelle's jaw dropped. "And no one noticed? He's been hiding in our house?"

Tess finally looked up. "You're one to talk. You didn't notice either."

Michelle flopped further onto the sofa, laughing in disbelief. "Unreal. I thought you were just sneaking off for shags in the middle of the night. Not smuggling in criminals."

Tess rubbed at her eyes. "Thanks."

Michelle gave her a sideways glance. "Wait... you're not actually upset, are you?"

Tess hesitated. "I was getting used to him being here."

Michelle rolled her eyes. "God. You'll still see him. That is—if he doesn't get caught by the police."

Tess shot her a glare.

Michelle raised her hands. "What? I'm just stating the obvious."

Tess leaned forward, resting her arms on her knees. "You know if they do catch him again, he's done, right? He gets sent away properly. For years."

Michelle went quiet for a moment. "He's legged it before. Probably do it again. He's like a cockroach. Always survives."

Tess shook her head. "It's gotta happen eventually right? I mean how long can he avoid them?"

Michelle paused. "Shit. I don't know."

A silence settled. Tess's gaze dropped to her lap.

"He asked me to be his girlfriend, you know," she said quietly.

Michelle blinked. "What? When?!"

"On my birthday. It wasn't a big dramatic thing. He just said it."

Michelle's mouth fell open. "And you said...?"

"I said yes."

"I mean—don't get me wrong. He's still a complete liability. But..." Michelle shrugged. "I guess I'm... .happy for you."

Tess smiled, just the hum of the fridge and distant traffic outside.

Michelle slid down beside her on the sofa, bumping her shoulder lightly. "He'll be alright."

Tess nodded, even if she didn't feel totally sure. "Hope so."

"You will be too." Michelle grinned, "Well if mum doesn't murder you when she gets home."

Tess snorted. "Piss off."

The door swung open a second later.

Her mum came in fast, keys jangling as they hit the table. Her coat was half-off before her eyes even landed on Tess. Paul followed behind awkwardly, one look at the room enough to tell him this wasn't his scene. He cleared his throat.

"I'll, uh... head upstairs," he muttered.

"Good luck," Michelle said, following him out, mascara wand still in hand.

Silence, again. Except this time it felt heavier.

Anna stood there, arms folded, jaw tight. She didn't say anything straight away. Just stared at her daughter like she was still trying to figure out where to begin.

Then—

"Are you completely out of your mind?"

Tess blinked. "Mum—"

"No. No. You don't get to 'Mum' me right now." Her voice was sharp. "You—you—decided to hide him in this house. In my house!"

"I wasn't trying to—"

"I should've called the police the second I saw him. I should have."

"But you didn't."

"That's not the point!" Anna's voice cracked, frustration spilling out with it. "You've always done stupid things, Tess, always thought you knew better, but this? This is something else."

Tess clenched her jaw. "He wasn't hurting anyone."

"That doesn't make it okay."

"He had nowhere else to go."

Anna threw her hands up. "And that makes it your problem? You just turned 18! You're pregnant! You should be focused on you—on getting your life in order. Not playing house with some boy who's supposed to be in fucking prison."

"He's not just some boy," Tess said, voice low but sharp.

"Oh really?" Anna snapped. "What is he then? Your saviour? Your baby's future father of the year?"

Tess shot to her feet. "He does actually give a shit about me, you know!"

Anna blinked, stunned for a second.

"He's actually been there," Tess said, louder now, arms tense by her sides. "More than you think. More than anyone these last couple months. So yeah, he's messed up. Yeah, he's fucked a lot of things. But he loves me. He's not just some random boy I brought home from a club, alright?"

Anna looked at her, still furious, but something else flickered behind her eyes now. She didn't speak.

"I know it's insane," Tess continued, quieter again. "I know how it looks. But he asked me to be with him. Properly. And I said yes. Because I wanted to."

Anna shook her head slowly. "You wanted to."

"Yeah."

Anna stared at her, breathing hard. Her anger trembled there a moment longer before slowly easing, replaced by exhaustion.

Tess looked down, picking at her sleeve. "Thanks... by the way."

Anna raised a brow.

"For not dobbing him in."

Anna let out a quiet exhale, brushing her fringe from her face. "Don't mistake that for approval."

Tess looked up, a little hurt, a little curious. "You didn't even call anyone. Why?"

Anna's face softened, just a fraction. "Because you're my daughter," she said, quietly. "Not because he deserves anything."

Tess blinked.

"I didn't do it for him," Anna said, firmer this time. "I did it for you."