053

Y/N

"Sh ..shh..bub—" Lucas wriggles, his diaper irritating his skin— it needs changing.

"Shh... shh....." I rock him gently, he fusses too much—face scrunching, legs kicking.

His diaper’s soaked. Maybe worse. And of course—where is Layla?

I’d told her to bring fresh ones over an hour ago.

But no one moves fast here unless Jeon gives the word.

And me?Can barely walk these days.

My belly heavy—round and tight like a drum beneath my thin nightgown—and every shift inside feels like another reminder: you’re not going anywhere.

WAAHHHH WAAAHHH WAAAAAH —

Damn, where's she?My back hurts from sitting here for so long. I try not to show how tired i am. I have to stay strong for him. "Shh...sh.."I take a deep breath, bouncing him gently on lap— "Shh, it's okay. Layla is coming.. she'll be here soon.."

Exhaustion drags in my bones.Not just physical.It’s deeper—the kind that seeps into your soul when you haven’t slept through the night in weeks, when every breath feels monitored… Even crying has to be quiet so he doesn’t come running like this is some twisted version of care.

Room is too warm.His wails too loud.And those guards? Always outside the door. Watching. Waiting.

Like im dangerous for wanting fresh air.Like feeding his son isn't enough proof I’ll stay tethered here until the end of time…

"Shh, baby—" I murmur again, voice breaking as Lucas whimpers louder—kicking now with real frustration because babies don’t understand politics or prison walls built out of marble and gold…

They only know discomfort…Hunger…Love—or lack of it?And God—I want to give him all three if it means he never becomes like his father...

Knock—Soft.

Thank fuck—she's here.

The door opens slowly—"Layla i told you so long and you—"  I freeze mid sentence—He stands there, holding the diapers?

Lucas squeals as he saw his daddy.

I glance down.Why tf he is here with diapers?And where is layla—"Umh" He clears his throat and steps forward—I clutch Lucas closer.

He steps closer with diapers in hand—Like he isn’t the reason I can’t breathe most nights.

Like he didn’t just threaten me hours ago.Like this kindness means anything—

"The maid gave this to me" he says—voice low, careful.

Layla? Gave… him?

No.That doesn't possible. Not unless he allowed it first.Not unless she was told exactly what to do and when to disappear.

Fucking lies. Like what on earth this time came, when a maid can order around their boss.

Lucas squeals in my lap, reaching up with chubby arms—his little face lighting at the sight of his father…

And he moves closer, Lucas starts making whining noises—I pull him closer to my chest, as if he's a shield.

Tension hangs heavy.

My fingers tighten around Lucas, who coos—squeals, even—those big eyes lock onto his father standing too close now in the soft bedroom light.

And of course—of course—he reaches for him.Trusting.Happy.Because to Lucas, Jeon isn’t a monster.

To him, he’s daddy. Warm hands. Deep voice.I want to hate this too—but I can't… because seeing Lucas happy?It's the only light left here sometimes...

The diapers extends—to me.

A beat.

I snatch them harshly.He doesn't flinch.

Just stands close— breaths, and maybe watching with those dark eyes.

I turn Lucas around.

Lucas giggles—his chubby hands reaching up at the man towering above us both.

Jeon bends—veiny large hands pats Lucas's head."Hey Bud- " he mumbles.His voice sounds different—softer, almost human.

Lucas giggles wildly at him…

And God—I hate how he looks at him..

I slowly unbutton Lucas’s onesie— fingers trembling slightly as he squirms—kicking his legs, reaching toward the towering figure in front—desperate to reach him.

“Aish—stay still!”

Lucas freezes.The words snap out sharper than i meant.

His tiny lips quiver.Eyes well instantly.

My heart stops.

Shit. No. No no no—

I know that look.

And more importantly—I know who saw it.

Slowly… painfully… i look up.Jeon stands there—unmoving. Jaw clenched so tight the muscle jumps beneath his skin. Eyes dark, locked on me with a fire so intense it feels like a blade pressed under my ribs.

He doesn’t speak.Doesn’t blink.Just watches me—the way he stares at me when last time Lucas cried because of me!

He made me apologise—until the boy stopped sobbing and patted me like a forgiving god in diapers.With "You don’t raise your voice at him again."

Now I can't even breathe right under that stare.

Fingers trembling slightly—slowly—I finish undressing Lucas and quickly wipe him clean.

Silence stretches thick—He hasn’t moved an inch since handing over those diapers.Still standing as stone.Doesn’t move back.Doesn’t speak.But that stare? It pins me down more than any grip ever could.

Finally...Fresh diaper fastened snug around little hips…I place him back gently onto my lap—face-to-face…

Lucas doesn't move much now either... eyes downcast... small hands clutching my dress nervously...Maybe scared?Or hurt?

“Bub…I—” My voice cracks— “Mama didn’t mean to scare you…”

A single fat tear rolls down his soft cheek—and that's shatter me completely.

I pull him close—he sniffles against my chest but doesn't cry loudly... just clings tighter with one hand while other reaches out weakly—

Toward him again?

Yes…Even after everything...Even now—he wants his father near...

Jeon sees it too—the tiny hand stretching upward instinctively—Still—he says nothing.Just stands there like a statue.

Watching us both with an unreadable eyes.I swallow.Why is he here?Why won't he leave—or speak—or hit something instead of just...staring—

"What do you want?"

Eh—

I look up, his face set in stone, looming, eyes locked on me.

“Wha—wh—what do you mean?"

His eyes closes, Takes a deep breath—like he’s trying to cage something inside.Then— “I asked, what . do . you .want?”

What—What is he even talking about?

I feel smaller by the second. He doesn’t move. Just stands there—tall, rigid, jaw clenched and i can see the muscle jumping beneath his skin.

“What i wa—want?” 

His eyes narrow—

My voice trembles despite how hard I try to steady it. “I…don’t understand—”

"ARE YOU DUMB?"

I glance down—

Tears sting—but I won’t let them fall. Not here. Not now.

A beat. Sharp breaths above.

"I... don't..I... I don't want anything."

"What do you mean you don't want anything?"

One tear rolls down my cheek on Lucas's bald head.

"I checked on Google and it says every woman wants something from their husband, so tell me, what do you want?"

A pause.

Then another. I don't find my voice. Lucas nestled against my chest... tiny body warm... safe...But me?Inside?Everything’s shaking.

Silence heavy.

"Tell me, What do you want?"

I swallow—What in hell he is talking about—

"CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND A SIMPLE QUESTION?"

I flinch  “I— I... I just—"

"DAMN- FU—" He bites off the word abruptly—his chest heaving with barely checked anger.I feel small—so, so small.

He's taking deep breaths—"C-can't you just... tell me what you want?"

Silence deafeningAnd i can't brush him off or… it would be worse.

“I... don’t understand what you want me to say—"

"DAMN, FUCK—JUST TELL ME WHAT YOU WANT NOW—"

"I want to leave."

The words spill out before I can stop them—

Silence.

It's the truth.The most obvious answer.It's the only thing that is true in my life right now.

Lucas stirs against my chest, I hold him tight. My own tears stream down silently—no use to holding them back.

Air thick heavy— it hurts to breathe.

Not even his breathing.Just me... trembling... and Lucas… so small between us.

Slowly—I look up.

He’s still there.

Arms crossed over his chest like armor. Eyebrows furrowed deep—not rage now… something else? Something darker. Tighter. Like he knew I’d say it—but wasn’t ready for.

I gulp-  "I... I just—"

"I can't give you that."

His voice Flat. Final— "Ask for something else." He runs a hand through his hair—slow, rough—and exhales like I’ve asked the worst thing possible… or maybe the truest.

My tears fall faster now—not because I’m afraid, but because he made me say it.

I want to leave.And he won’t let me.

So what’s left?

Do I lie?Do I ask for clothes? Books? Jewellery?

No—he'd give those and call it mercy while chaining me tighter in other ways...

A beat passes.

Lucas shifts gently between us—an innocent weight on my lap.

Jeon doesn't speak.

Doesn't blink or step away— My tears keep falling freely now— And he stands there. Arms crossed. Jaw tight.

I wipe my tears with the back of my hand—he won’t see how broken I am.

I hold Lucas tighter he nestles with a sigh, already half-drowning in sleep, tiny fingers curl around mine like he trusts this world. Like he trusts me to keep it soft.

Slowly—i get up—carry him to his crib. And instantly—loud footsteps behind me.

“I ASKED YOU A QUESTION!”

I walk to the crib—my bare feet silent on cold marble—I place Lucas down slow—careful—not to wake him.He curls into his plush bear, thumb slipping in his mouth with that soft sigh.

"Turn. Around"

I swallow.But i don’t turn. Just stand there by the crib, staring at the peaceful face…Not yet.Let Lucas fall asleep first.Let him dream something good—

Ugh!—I get turned sharply—sharp grip bites into my arm—enough to bruise,  enough that I know: i can't ignore him.

"I. Asked. You. A. Question."

I look down—at floor, at my hands, anywhere but those eyes, —"I... don’t think about anything else right now..."

"Why . Not. Huh?"

His grip tighten around each syllable as if pulling the truth out of me—"Can't you tell your husband what you want?"

My chest tightens.Husband?

I look up at him—  "You're not my husband!"

His eyes harden— "Say this one more time, and..."

"What? You'll do what you've always done with me?"Tears roll down my face—but I don’t wipe them.Let him see.Let him feel it for once.

His jaw clenches—"Y/n. Don't!"

Tears stream down my face.

He steps closer. "I asked you a simple thing. And—"

"And I already give you the answer." I jerk back—away from him. "I want to leave!—Isn't that enough?".

"That's not possible"

"Then what? You want me to decorate the lie while your guards watch me pee?"

His eyes darken—not much—but I see it.

"I. Said. It's. Not. Possible"

Of course it’s not—Because he’d rather die than lose control. He moves closer,I step backward—hitting crib. Can't go farther.

"Ask for something more realistic.."

Realistic?—Thats the more realistic thing in my life. A broken laugh escapes me—i shake my head.

He steps closer.  "like Flowers every Sunday?"

A step."A new dress from Paris?"

Another step."Diamond earrings or—"

"I don’t want anything from you." My voice wavers but doesn't break—He's inches away from me.

I wipe tears angrily with trembling fingers— "leave Jeon, I..I... want to be alone—"

"Alone?"—"For how long?"

"I...I don't know"

"That's not an answer"

I glare at him—

Silence.

He doesn’t move—just watches me. Then steps closer.I try to back away—

"Stop—"

"Or what?" His voice drops low—dangerous. "You’ll kill me?"

Another step.

I stumble back—the cold wall meets my spine. No more room."Stop—stop—Jeon—"

He steps closer.Memory flashes—that night, just like this… Tears slide down my face—"leave—l-leave"

He closes the distance—so close now that smoky breath ghosts over my lips, chest pressing mine with undeniable force… trapping me…

That night flashes behind—

The dark.The silence.His hands.Voice saying "you’re mine" like a vow carved in blood.

Just like this… he took everything i couldn’t name…Tears stream down silently—not from pain—but memory. From the awful truth that lives under my skin: I hate him…

And worse?

He knows it too.

One place beside my head, caging me, eyes burn into mine—

"Why do you always say you want to leave?" he whispers, voice rough — "when your body remembers how much you stayed?"

A sob catches in my throat—I turn my face away—but i can see it all.The shame.The weakness.The way I still breathe under his roof. With him this close..

"I...I hate you..." —

He leans.His forehead rests against mine—  "Then hate me properly,"

My chin jerks up—forced to meet his eyes—dark, bottomless, just like that night.

"Move… move back, Jeon—"

He leans in.

"No" I try to pull back—the wall digs into my skull."No—no please—no—"

His lips crash down.I hold my breath—but he doesn’t care.tongue sweeps inside—slow, deep—a claiming that makes me tremble from within.Tears stream fast—not silent anymore—my body limp against the wall…

Kissing him isn’t love.It’s survival.And right now— I can’t breathe through it…

Mouth tastes like smoke and sleepless nights, tears stream nonstop ut it's too late. He tastes me—all of me—One hand cups the back of my neck—pulling me deeper into the kiss—as if  swallowing my every “no” I never got to say out loud...

Lucas whimpers faintly in his crib—but doesn't wake...

Thank god he doesn't wake…

Because this?This is not for little ears or pure hearts…This is what monsters do in marble rooms with locked doors and quiet wives who cry during kisses..

His lips move—slow, deliberate hunger—like he’s reclaiming. Every stroke of his tongue is a reminder.

I stay frozen—eyes squeezed shut—but the tears keep coming, spilling over the corners… silent sobs shaking through my chest.

He tastes it.He always does.

Thumb brushing a tear in mid-kiss…

He finally breaks for air—I gasp “Don’t—” His lips glistening, breath uneven.“Please stop…”

But he doesn’t listen.Instead—he leans again—and this time.Deeper.Rough.A low sound rumbles from his chest, he bites my lower lip hard, i gasp—he pulls back a bit—

“Say...say you want me,” he murmurs— “Say it.”

“no—I—I can't…”

“You can” His hand slides down—from jaw to throat— I swallow-

“You think leaving makes you free?” His whispers deeper than shouting ever could. "But even if i let go....who will protect you out there huh? who will hold our son safe when world eats weak people alive?"

“I’d rather die—” He slams my wrists above head.

"Don't"His eyes flash—dark— One deep , ragged breath —“You’ll never leave.”“And not because i won't let you…” voice cracks “But because...you'll always come back"

And before i could reply - lips crash again - harder this time—tongue, teeth and desperate hands.

"Ughh- pleas-e stop—"

He pulls back—gasping—hot breath trembling over my lips. “This…This is what I want.”

And—he lets go.

Steps back.Tears keep falling.

He leaves—Without another word.

The door clicks shut behind—soft, final.—I pressed against the wall.Still tasting him on my lips.Still the ghost of his hands on my skin…

My legs giving out—I slide down slowly—curling on the cold floor, wrapped my arms tight…

Ruined by him. Again.

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