Chapter 9

If last night wasn’t confusing enough, let’s fast forward to this morning. I woke up, slightly hung over in Ashton’s bed. Let me list the problems for you. One – why am I hung over? Oh yeah, because I drank one too many lemon drops to save myself from the idiots I call my friends. Two – I don’t know how I ended up in Ashton’s bed. I vaguely remember going back to my room. There were guys there. Two very hot guys that Ashton pulled me away from. That’s sad. And three – why am I still in his bed? Isn’t it his thing to kick me out and make me feel like crap?

Ashton is sound asleep, lightly snoring. I don’t have the heart to wake him up. Honestly my headache is too bad to have him be awake. I nudged him a few times hoping that he would wake up on his own. He grunts but he’s still asleep.

Do I leave? Well, yeah, I should. He hates when girls sleep in his bed. I’ve witnessed that first hand on more than one occasion but I’m pretty sure he put me here.

Yes, he did. He carried me back over his shoulder. I remember him telling me I could stay in Calum’s bed because I locked myself out… again. When we got to his room he put me in his bed. That has to mean something. Or am I wrong?

Then I should stay, right? Yesterday morning he wasn’t too happy when I left him. Most likely because Amy was there and she woke him from his precious slumber.

I poke at his side a few times. If he doesn’t get up from that then I’ll leave. “What?” he whines.

“I need to get up” I mumble.

“Then get up.”

“Um, you’re kind of in my way.” He rolls off the bed, eyes still closed.

“Thank you” I say shyly. “For everything.”

“Don’t mention it” he says with no expression on his face. Is he mad? Is he happy that I stayed all night? Why can’t I like a less complicated guy? Shit, Shane. You don’t like him.

He crawls back into bed and covers himself with the blanket. “Shut the door on your way out.”

I leave the room with a sigh of relief. That wasn’t nearly as awkward or painful as I imagined it would be. No screaming or yelling. I’d say we’re making progress.

********* ************ ****************

I pour another shot and kick it back. It burns going down my throat but tastes so delicious. Lime vodka is my demise.

Adrienne and I are sitting in my common room slowly getting ready for tonight. She’s ready to go. I, however, want to take my time. I’m still in sweats but at least I’m curling my hair.

“Can you please get dressed?” Adrienne pouts.

“It’s only … 8” I look down at my phone. “Calm down.”

“Yes but Keith drinks all the good liquor before the party starts. Remember the good old days when we went there at 7 and took shots of Patron.”

“Sorry my vodka isn’t good enough.” She rolls her eyes as if I wasn’t supposed to be offended by her comment. She goes into my room and I hear her sifting through my closet.

“No, no, no, no. Yes! Perfect. Get dressed whore.”

“Come drink with me first!” I yell back at her.

My quadmates come walking in seconds later. Calum, Luke and Michael follow behind them. “We want to use this room for a movie” Jacy says with an attitude. The whole point of getting ready here was because they were going out to the movies.

I am sitting on the ground, in front of the mirror with a hot curling iron in my hand. I am not getting up. I glare up at them, annoyed that they would even ask me to move.

“Ladies” Calum speaks up. “How about a party instead?” he suggests. Adrienne looks at me and we both burst into a fit of laughter. None of my roommates are the partying type of girls. “Them at a party?” I continue to laugh.

“We’d love to” Jacy replies and I stop laughing from the shock.

“Really?” Danielle whines as if it were a chore or something.

“Perfect” Calum grins and sits down on the couch almost knocking the mirror into my face.

“Now get dressed” Adrienne says for the 5th time tonight. I shimmy into the navy blue dress that Adrienne left on my bed. I only pull it up to under my bra line because I don’t want to get any foundation or eye shadow on my dress.

Luke sits on my bed as I apply my make-up. I haven’t talked to him since the show. I don’t know if you can really count the dinner as talking.

“So where’s Ashton?” I blurt out, immediately regretting it.

“Don’t know” he sighs. I want to ask more questions but I know Luke doesn’t like it when I do. It’s best not to talk to him about Ashton. I don’t want to cause any problems and I genuinely like Luke as a friend.

“I tried texting you about tonight” I say to change the atmosphere in the room.

“Ashton broke my phone.”

“Oh…” I say raising the pitch of my voice hoping that he would explain it further.

“Threw it against the wall. Shattered everywhere” he says like it was no big deal. I swear, the anger issues with that one. What did Luke do that would cause him to throw his phone at a wall?

I swipe on the last bit of lipstick and pull up my dress. “Okay, ready!” I scream out to Adrienne. “How do I look?” I spin around.

“Beautiful” Luke smiles.

“Hot!” Adrienne compliments, standing in the doorway.

The house is packed with people when we arrive. I spot Keith and Frankie in the living room. I sit on the edge of the couch next to Keith. Adrienne brings me a drink and I chug it down quickly.

I want to have a good time tonight. Honestly I wouldn’t be here if Adrienne didn’t push it so much. Now I’m here with my old friends, my new friends, and my quadmates that I don’t get along with. Not to mention I have no idea where Ashton is. Not that I care that much but he happens to show up at the worst times and make a huge scene. I don’t want any fights, physical or not.

Keith’s arms around my waist and surprisingly I don’t mind it. Adrienne is sitting on Michael’s lap on the other side of the couch. Jacy and Danielle look so out of place. It’s actually kind of amusing to me. I can tell Calum is into Jacy by the way he’s eyeing her up and down but she doesn’t seem to notice. He’s not going to get anywhere with her but it will be fun to watch him try.

“Let’s play truth or dare” Adrienne suggests.

“Really Ad?” I groan.

“Yes, really. If you don’t want to answer a question or do the dare – drink.” Everyone nods and she starts. “Calum, truth or dare.”

“Dare” he answers.

“Okay.” She thinks hard about it but I guess she wants to start out simple. Usually by the end of truth or dare everyone has made out with everyone. “Go slap that girl’s ass” she points to a girl on the other side of the room that’s talking with her friends.

Calum gets up and does his dare. He slaps her ass and she slaps him hard across the face. This game does have some perks.

A few more people go before it’s Jacy’s turn. “Who was the last person you slept with?” Frankie asks her.

“No one” she admits and a few people gasp.

“Really?” Calum asks, clearly interested in that. She blushes and tries to hide her face. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. I applaud her for that.

A few more people go then it’s my turn. “Shane, truth or dare?” Michael asks.

“Truth” I answer because I’m not in the mood for a dare right now and I can take a shot if I don’t feel like answered.

“Tell us how you really feel about Ashton.” I smile and hold up my shot class, throwing it back. I can’t even be truthful to myself about my feelings for him.

“Adrienne” I smirk.

“Truth” she squints her eyes at me, asking me to give her my best.

“Who’s better in bed, Michael or Frankie?” Her eyes grow wide. I can’t be the only person she told that she slept with him freshman year. Keith laughs and everyone else is just lost. Hey, she’s the one who suggested the game.

“This is awkward” she says, avoiding eye contact with everyone around us.

“Drunk up sweetie” I wink.

When it’s Luke’s turn Keith dares him to kiss Danielle who hasn’t been doing anything the entire game other than answering dumb truth questions. I get that horrible feeling in my stomach. Is it jealousy? I think so because I really don’t him kissing her, which makes absolutely no sense to me.

Danielle isn’t even his type at all. She’s more outgoing than Jacy but not in the same way as me. She’s the leader of the debate club and the president of the student body. And she’s pretty without trying too hard. She has short light brown hair and green eyes. Olive skin and really long legs. She’s hot and I hate that I can picture them being a couple.

Luke accepts his dare. He cups Danielle’s cheek and brings his lips slowly to hers for a quick kiss. I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding.

“Oh, come on” Adrienne groans. “Give her a real kiss” she adds and looks over at me. What did I do to her? Is it because I wasn’t ready when she wanted me to be?

Luke and Danielle are practically making out and I can’t bear to watch. I wonder what it would be like to kiss him with that lip ring. To have those strong, long arms wrapped around my body. No Shane! No you don’t.

“Okay, Keith” Adrienne turns to get his attention. “Truth or dare?”

“Let’s go with truth.” She rolls her eyes, clearly hoping he would say dare.

“Alright fine. Do you want Shane again for just one night?” My eyes immediately fly to hers. How could she ask him that? We are finally friends again and she’s going to make this so awkward but this what we do to each other. We always put the other in these awkward situations and then we laugh about it later.

He lifts up his shot glass. Right before he’s about to take it, he says, “Maybe, for just one night.” I look down at him and smile. Keith and I were good together, for the most part. He has grown up a lot since then.

“Oh good Shane, you pick dare?” Adrienne rushes us along.

“Um, yeah, I guess so.”

“I dare you to make out with Keith. You know, for old times sake.” Both of us glare at her. This is not where I saw my night going. “It’s three shots if you don’t.”

Keith stands up and pulls me to my feet. His hand runs through my hair and cups the side of my neck. I lift my chin to kiss him. I forgot how soft his lips were. I can feel the muscles in his jaw tense as he slips his tongue into my mouth.

“Okay, okay that’s enough” Adrienne says and it takes all my might to pull back from him. When I do, I see him. Like I said, he always shows up at the worst times.

I know he’s mad. His fists are clenched tightly. His mouth is in a hard line. He doesn’t say anything. He just sits on the couch and quietly joins the game.

When we sit back down I move away when Keith tries to put his arm around me again. For some reason I feel like I’m betraying Ashton. I shouldn’t feel that way.

Michael asks Ashton and he chooses dare. “I dare you to kiss Jacy.” Calum glares at him. Calum has made it pretty obvious that he wants Jacy.

Ashton switches places with Frankie. “I’m going to get a drink.” I can’t sit here and watch him make out with my quadmate. I have a worse pain in my stomach than I had before. There is no way I can even watch Ashton kiss her cheek let alone fully make out with her.

This is it. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for. The moment that makes it clear to me that I actually like him. It’s not just some crush. I like him. I want him. I need him.

I want to be able to text him without the fear that he is going to flip out. I want to be able to stroll down to his room just to say hello without him screaming at me for bothering him. I have a strong feeling that he feels the same but something is holding him back. What is he so afraid of? He’s scared that I might hurt him? Or is he more frightened that he might hurt me?

This is too heavy a conversation to be having in my own head at a party. I down my drink and look for an escape. I head for the backdoor when someone pulls me back to them.

“Luke, I’m not in the mood…” I start to say until someone’s lips press against mine. I know they don’t belong to Luke. I would feel his lip ring.My eyes flutter open and Ashton has his arms tight around me. “Sorry to disappoint you. I’m not Luke” he chuckles.

“Where’s Jacy?” I ask harshly.

“I didn’t kiss her” he states.

“Good.”

“Jealous?” he asks with a smirk on his face.

“So what if I am?” I throw out my arms, not afraid to admit that I could be jealous. The only time he wants to kiss me is if he’s drunk.

“I don’t know why you would be. You practically threw yourself at that guy before.”

“Keith? It was a dare” I defend myself.

“Mine was a dare. You were really into it.”

“I was not” I shoot back. “I told you he was my friend.”

“Right” he huffs.

“Are you mad?”

“What if I am?” he throws the words back in my face.

“You have no right to be. It’s not like you’re my boyfriend or anything” the words roll off my tongue before I get the chance to stop them. His jaw clenches and now he’s really mad. His lips turn up into a playful smile. The mood swings with this one.

“I think it’s adorable that you think I’m jealous of that little shit” he points to the living room. Adorable? Is he mocking me right now?

“Fine. Do me a favor?” he nods and I continue. “Don’t drag me away when I go upstairs with him later. I know how much you love to do that.” His eyes grow dark. I definitely hit a nerve.

“Why would I stop you?” I look up at him like he’s an idiot. He needs to stop with these games. This is the exact reason I can’t be honest with him. He will take my feelings and mash them up in a blender.

I walk back to the living room unsure of what I’m going to do. I want to grab Ashton’s hand and leave but I won’t give him that satisfaction. Instead I walk over to Keith, fisting his shirt and pushing him against the wall.

“You sure?” he smiles.

“Stop talking.” I kiss him hard, pouring all my frustration into the kiss. Keith gives in and slips his tongue in my mouth. I don’t care how many eyes are on us. The only set I care about are Ashton’s.

I pull back from Keith and turn to Ashton. “Truth or dare?”

“What?” he laughs nervously.

“Truth or dare” I repeat myself.

"I wasn’t aware we we’re still playing."

“Okay, truth then” I answer for him. “How did that make you feel?”

“Sad” he says with a shit-eating grin. I shake my head at him, confused by his answer. “Sad for him because you’re clearly using him to get a rise out of me.” I take a deep breath and show myself out of the house. I will not put up with his stunts.

“Shane” he calls out laughing from behind me. The crisp fall air wraps around my body making me shiver. I quicken my pace, only wanting to get back to my dorm. To wrap myself in my covers and forget this night ever happened.

Ashton was right and I feel so guilty. I can’t imagine the thoughts I am putting into Keith’s head. I don’t feel that way about him anymore and I hope he doesn’t think I’m leading him on.

“Oh my god, will you just stop?” he groans, angrier now.

“What do you want Ashton?” He turns me around and crashes his lips down on mine. In seconds, I’m crumbling. I’m giving into him and my knees go weak. He pulls away. I can’t even manage to open my eyes. My lips are still parted and I can still taste him.

“I don’t want you with Keith” he breathes, pressing his forehead against mine.

“I don’t want Keith” I admit. “I don’t want you to kiss Jacy. Even if it is just a dare.”

“I didn’t kiss her” he repeats himself from before.

“Now what?”

“Can I go home with you?” I bite my lip and nod my head. He wraps his arm around me to keep me warm. Who knew he was capable of caring about another human like that?

Butterflies start fluttering in my stomach, erasing all the pain of jealousy I had before. I know he’s not mine and I doubt he will ever be. I will take advantage of moments with him that are like this. I know soon that the switch will flip and he will go back to being himself. But for now I will take the little that he’s giving me. To me, it means so much more than someone else giving me their everything.