To Love or to Leave

I could've fallen over in a daze. His smile lit a fire in my heart. His eyes took me in completely. His stature was familiar and protective. He was gorgeous. The man I loved, returned to me after all this time. 

"How?" I gasped, slowly stepping towards him. 

"Yer father sent for me. Told me it was safe to come home." Kaeden spoke softly. His voice steady and firm like I'd always known it. In an instant, my body was pressed up against his, pushing my lips deeply into his.

"Faith..." He moaned against my lips. "I've missed ye." I nodded in agreement, kissing him again and again. My heart was burning for him. My body was up against his and I still wanted more of him. At the same time, my mind couldn't believe he was in front of me. I wished for him night after night for so long.

"Kaeden." I broke away from him, his hands remained on my waist. His beautiful eyes met mine, sending butterflies across my stomach and chest. "Are you going to stay?" I asked, not sure I wanted the answer.

"John Grey said he would fix it to where I can. Everyone thinks I'm dead anyways." Kaeden responded, with a smile. His eyes scanned my face before landing on my lips again.

"What about the others?"

"They'll be alright. They're set up. We found others and made a safe place to call home." He smiled still, brushing a hand across my cheek. 

"I didn't think I'd see you again." My voice cracked slightly as tears built up, burning my throat. 

"Me neither, my dear." Kaeden's eyes scanned my face before he rested his chin on my head, pulling me into his chest. "No need to cry.... I'm here now, Mo ghraidh." (Mo ghraidh means "my love").

Moments passed of us just standing there, taking in each other, holding each other. Our hearts burned for each other. I'd missed him. I'd missed my best friend. I needed him for so long and couldn't have him. No one else had compared to him being by my side over the past months. After a while, we took to the bed, cuddling each other. There we fell asleep in each other's arms. Both of us had a long days ride.

—————————————————————

"No, let her be. She's tired." I could hear Kaeden outside the cabin talking with someone.  

"I don't care, I must speak with Miss Tanner." This voice was different, less harsh to the ear. British. Gray's voice. I quickly leapt out of bed, fixing my hair as I hurried towards the door.

"Lord Gray, leave." Kaeden's voice was stern and forceful.  

"I will only ask you to move your hand once, sir." John also sounded stern. "I may have helped save your life, but I will be swift to take it." At that moment, I yanked the door open, revealing the two growling at each other. 

"Faith, I-" John began. 

"Kaeden, can you give John and I a moment?" I asked, only looking at Kaeden, whose face twisted in confusion. He gave a nod in response and disappeared down the steps of the cabin and off towards my parent's cabin.

"Hi, John..." I smiled, gesturing for him to come into the cabin.

"So Kaeden is indeed back?" He asked, finding the dining table and sitting down.

"Yes..." I sighed, pouring us some glasses of whatever drink my father left behind for us. 

"He's.... What I would expect for a Scot." John scoffed.

"John..." I snapped, turning towards him. "What are you here for?" I handed him the glass of water. 

"I came to ask if you'd come with me... Back to England." He swirled the liquid in his glass. 

"What? Why?" 

"Because I love you, Faith. I've been in love with you since I met you. I thought the last few months of us being together would make you feel the same." He explained, his cold beautiful eyes meeting mine. 

"John, I can't. I'm not in love with you." John had visited me a lot while I still owned the blacksmith shop. We'd been together. But I'd felt nothing like love. He filled the hole of Kaeden for me. I'd felt feelings for him, but I hadn't loved him.

John was no longer seated. Instead, he was in front of me. One hand on my waist, the other on the side of my neck. His lips close to mine.

"Faith, tell me this doesn't make you feel something for me." His voice had softened. His lips melted onto mine, pressing my body against his. John wasn't like Kaeden. I felt safe around both, but with John it wasn't his bodily strength that made me feel safe. It was his mind, his non-physical power, his words. His power in the game of British versus the world. John excited my mind. We could have intellectual debates, deep conversations about politics, things like this. Not to mention, despite his obvious love for men, he knew his way around a woman. My mouth mashed against his as his hand worked my waist. Even though my heart pitter pattered, I pulled myself from him. 

"John, I love Kaeden." I sighed, meeting his eyes. He only nodded, releasing me from his grasp.

"I understand..." John pulled a small smile to his face. "I will leave you two to your happy life." He turned towards the door.

"I'm sorry, John... Maybe in a different life. Maybe if you'd been here before Kaeden. I will always be grateful for you and all your help." He continued out the door, leaving me breathless. 

———————— Flashback ——————————

In the months after Murtagh's death, I was a wreck. I was absolutely destroyed. I worked but I barely ate or left the shop for days at a time. I guess my father had spoken to John Gray about it. John started to visit me more and more. At first it was once a week to make sure I had food to eat. Then it gradually grew to a few times a week then every day. We played games together or talked about books we'd read recently. We even discussed my time on the boats as a slave. John and I got into politics, discussions of slavery, heated debates on Scotland and discussed stories of my parents. We talked about everything. He knew me better than most. I guess you could say I fell for him. Over time, we became intimate. We spent nights with each other. 

"How can you even say that? I mean I know you're British, but come on John! That's outrageous to say!" I scoffed, stirring the soup over the fire. 

"How can you not agree? You are British too, Faith." His voice was strong but soft. His hands wrapped around my waist as his lips brushed my neck. John's breath gave me a chill down my spine. His lips finally met my neck, kissing and sucking on my skin.

"I am technically Scottish too, John." I muttered, resting the back of my head on his chest, still staring at the pot of soup. 

"My statement still stands."

"And mine does too. The British have slaughtered my people. There's going to come a time where they slaughter my people here too. I won't side with the British. I will stand with the Scots in the New World, no matter where you or my father stand." I sighed, turning around to look at him. His hands still rested on my hips.

"Then Miss Tanner, I guess we will be enemies on the field of battle." His lips dipped down, brushing against mine. I moaned in response, grabbing the back of his head with my hand. I pulled him down against me, pushing my lips into his. Our mouths fought for control in a fit of passion and anger. His hands explored my shirt, looking for the buttons. We steadily walked towards the pile of furs by the fire, never breaking the bond of our mouths. John's hands pushed me onto the floor, towering over me. He lowered onto me, gripping my neck in his mouth. My body bubbled with heat. 

Finally, my shirt was open and my chest laid bare for him. His eyes fluttered over my body as he unbuttoned my pants. John's mouth found my peak, licking, sucking, kissing every inch of each breast. My pants came off as moans escaped my mouth. His clothes seemed to disappear just as fast as mine. He made a trail of kisses from my chest to my core. His hand remained playing with my breasts as his mouth encapsulated the space between my thighs.

"John." I moaned, arching my back against the furs on the floor beneath me. His tongue dipped into my wet core and his hands rubbed and pulled at the peak of my breast. Heat began to build inside me, pulsating at his movements between my thighs. His mouth flicked and twisted against me. I moaned louder, feeling the waves of pressure building. Suddenly, he stopped, making his way back up my stomach to my face. He smiled at me as I whimpered, upset he'd stopped.

"What?" He laughed slightly, still playing with my breast. "I'm not done with you." He sent chills down my body. I could feel him at my wet core, rubbing against me. His hands pinned mine above my head against the ground. His mouth sucked at my neck again, giving small bites every once in a while. Finally, his shaft found the entrance. He slowly pushed in, as I wrapped my legs around him. I gasped, feeling his full length dip into me. He continued his slow movements as his mouth played with my neck still and his hands pinned mine to the ground. I moaned in frustration. 

John smirked as he picked up the pace. His eyes locked with mine. The heat built back up within me. His grasp on my hands released. His brows furrowed and his breath quickened. My hands found his back and dug into his skin. 

"Faith." He groaned, dipping his head into my neck again, speeding up the pace. My whole body tingled as the pressure in my core started to to spill over. I pulsated against him as a loud moan escaped my lips. Warmth filled my core as he slowed his pace, kissing my neck softly.

————————End of Flashback——————

"Faith." A voice called out to me as I stood in the doorway. "Faith, what did he say to ye?" A firm hand found my shoulder, shaking me. I snapped out of my daze and met Kaeden's eyes. 

"What? Nothing. He's the one that got it cleared for you to come home. That's all." I looked away from him to the ground. 

"Faith... I ken that look. Yer lying to me." He sighed, removing his hand from my shoulder. 

"I'm going to go hunting for some dinner." I quickly made my way to the door, avoiding his gaze.

—————————————————————Author's NoteI apologize for the long wait. I've been so busy with life lately. Hopefully I can get back into writing more as things slow down for me. I hope you all enjoy this twist! I wanted both Kaeden and Gray. And here we are with both! I wrote a longer chapter since I've been gone for so long. Let me know what you think!