Gambling thoughts

Lisa took a deep breath. 'He is right here. Right infront of me. I only have to raise and look.' She kept her head bowed and tightened her eyes shut. Few more seconds, to feel his familiar perfume, that she bought him. The one his favourite ever since.

She has to leave, because if she doesn't, it will be too hard for her. She got to her feet without looking at the fully grownup man still kneeling infront of her.

"Chaeyoungah, let's go" Lisa walked out briskly, followed by Rose.

Yoongi watched her disappeared through the door. He hated himself the most.

Rose opened the door to let Jennie in. They all were in Lisa's suite.

"Mwoya...are we all going to cram in this bed?" Jennie complained as she slid under the quilt next to Lisa.

"Yes!! This is the best!" Rose jumped next to Jisoo and wrapped an arm and a leg around Jisoo.

"Yah.. you are suffocating me." Jisoo complained yet she cannot move Rose's arm even.

Lisa offered them a smile.

"Yah, Lisa, you can't stay like this. You were the most excited about our stay here. If you are going to be moody like this, how can we have fun?" Jennie asked.

"Ani onnie, mian..." Lisa felt guilty. Jennie was right. She was the one asked for a snuggly movie night. But all she could think is Min Yoongi. The man who made her life hell last couple of months. It took so much for her to let go of him and move on. But with one look, he robbed everything from her once again. She hated herself being this gullible and stupid. How can she let him control her over again?

Jennie wrapped her arm around Lisa's shoulder and pulled her towards her.

"Lili, you have to be more strong. You are going to see him many times more. You can't let lose yourself like this, every time he comes infront of you."

"Onnie.. on our way to award show, I was listened to music." Lisa said as she leaned back against the headboard.

Jennie exchanged looks with Jisoo and Rose. "Totally random and unrelated thing to say now, but okay." She said.

"That song came in my mix" Lisa continued.

"Which song?" Jennie asked, still confused of this change of subject.

"The song..." Lisa sighed her eyes staring at the roof. "... the one I did with him."

"Ohh!" Said Jisoo, her voice relaxed.

"Onnie.. that song suddenly make lot sense now. Every word of it makes sense to our current situation, to the point that it is scary."

"Yah!!!" Jennie and Rose said in unison, and Jennie rubbed her own arms to calm the goosebumps.

"Lisa, any song can be applied to any situation if we give meanings to words." Jisoo said calmly.

"Onnie.." Lisa shook her head. "No, this is not like that. It is like, oppa saw this will happen to us the time he wrote it. But do you know what is the scariest?" Her eyes widened yet glistened with tears. "When I saw him today, I exactly knew what goes in his mind. He thinks exactly the same he wrote in song. Onnie.. did you see him? Oppa lost weight. It's too scary that he is punishing himself, yet he doesn't want me in his life. Onnie.. what can I do? Onnie... onnie...!!" She wailed.

Jisoo looked at Jennie, then kept her hand on Lisa's head. She gently stroked her hair. "Lisa, you understand you both don't make any sense to other people, right?" She said softly.

Lisa smiled through the tears.

May be it was a bad idea. Well, it definitely was a bad idea. Who thought the best way to get mind out of something is to watch horror movie of a haunted hotel, while staying in a hotel room? They could hardly sleep last night and they were so lucky the suite was soundproof. They slept in one bed, and only returned to own rooms after sunrise.

The girls choose sleep over the breakfast. Lisa was still sleeping when her phone rang.

She answered the phone, placed it on her ear and dropped her hand to side to continue her sleep.

"Yah! Wake up!" It was Rose from the otherside of line.

Lisa started by the voice, murmured "mmm...?"

"Wake up, palli...! We gotta go."

"I don't have any schedules today"

"We have to meet that friend? Remember? You promised me"

"Friend? Who? Promised?"

"Yeah you did. Just get ready. We don't have time"

An hour later Lisa found her and Rose in an elevator of a different hotel.

When elevator stopped at their landing they got down. Corridor infront of them run through several doors.

"Are we meeting them in their room? Not in lobby?" Lisa asked.

"Yeah, paparazzi everywhere, it's not good for their privacy." Rose took Lisa's hand and guide her through the corridor.

"Who is this friend again?" Lisa asked.

"There's someone..." Rose looked nervous. Finally they stopped infront of one door and Rose knocked the door. After sometime the door opened.

Lisa's heart skipped a beat. On the other side stood Min Yoongi. His hair disheveled, in white pajama t shirt and blue pants, Yoongi's eyes widened surprise flashing across his face. Lisa turned to look at Rose, as her heart hammering.

"Ch..chaeyoungah...?"

"You have to talk about this. I'll give you guys some space." Rose said, squeezing Lisa's shoulder reassuringly before disappearing around the corner.

Alone now, Lisa felt the weight of the moment settle in. She stepped into Yoongi's room, her heart pounding in her chest. She could feel his gaze following her. Lisa stopped when she reached the middle of the room. Honestly she was not ready to meet him today, she wasn't ready for any of this. Lisa could hear the door closing behind her, and his footsteps approaching her. He stopped few feet away from her.

"I- I didn't expect to see you here." He said in low voice.

"Neither did I." Lisa replied, still turning back to him.

The atmosphere charged with tension. Yoongi enclosed gap between them. "Lisa" it was a mere whisper and his voice sounded concerned. She could feel him, his breath on her neck.

"How is your girlfriend?" She blurted.

"Lisa..."

"You said you were going back to her, right?" Lisa turned around, her eyes blazing. But she was surprised how close he was standing to her. She took a step back.

He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. "I have nothing to say." He looked down.

"Why did you lie to me?"

Their eyes met again.

"Lisa..."

"Oppa, answer me! WHY DID YOU LIE?" Lisa's voice raised, but soon she hated herself for tears coming down.

"Mianhae.. I didn't want to hurt you. I thought if I could help you gain the attention again, it would ease your pain."

Lisa felt the mixture of anger and confusion. "Attention? What do you mean?"

Yoongi bit his lip, he looked at her,  "You were struggling alone, but you never said anything to me. I wanted to be the one who listens to your problems, not your friend, Mingyu."

Lisa looked more confused. "Mingyu? I never told anything to him. Because I never had such problem."

"Lisa, we both know you were in a bad place. I just wanted to get you out of that."

"But using someone else? That doesn't make it better. It hurt me more."

"I know" he admitted, guilt flashing on his eyes. "I thought I was making the right choice. I was trying to protect you in a way"

She shook her head. "You could have just come to me. We could have figured it out together."

Yoongi stepped closer, the distance between them shrinking. "I never stopped caring Lisa, I thought this was the only way to get you back on your feet"

"Back on my feet?" She echoed, hurt flooding her voice. "You think I wanted that kind of help? I just wanted you"

The vulnerability in her words hung in the air, and for a moment they both stood in silence, the gravity of their shared pain settling in.

"I miss you" Yoongi finally confessed, his voice barely above a whisper. "I miss what we had"

Lisa took a breath. "I miss it too" she admitted, her voice softening. "But oppa, it's too hard to trust you after everything. It was like you never believe in me".

"Lisa, I know I messed up. I fucked everything up. I should've been honest. I know it's too much to ask for, but can you give me a one chance?"

Lisa searched his eyes, looking for sincerity. "I need time to process everything. I want to understand why you did what you did, but I can't pretend it didn't hurt me"

Yoongi nodded his head. "Take all the time you need. I'll wait".

After a long pause, Lisa took a step back. "I should.. um.. I should go..."

Yoongi looked at her longingly. His eyes wishing if she could stay, but he nodded.

"Thank you for coming", he said softly, watching her with an intensity that made her heart flutter.

Lisa quickly left the room. It was too much, the confrontation, realisation and even his mere presence. All these were too much for her heart.