Chapter 38

I must have managed to doze off for a while because when Jess nudged me awake I was told we were about five minutes from the farm. I stayed cuddled into Jess’s side as I stared out the window, trying to wake up a bit more. I’ll admit, I did miss the endless countryside. There were only endless fields with the occasional house showing up as we drove down the country road that was so familiar to me. Jess seemed to be caught up in the sights as well as she hadn’t looked away from the window since she woke me up. This place was beautiful in all honesty. It’s just some of the memories weren’t and that’s what held the fear and dread in the back of my mind.

When Caleb turned the truck onto the farm’s driveway, that’s when I finally sat up straight. I could feel my heart rate increasing dramatically and I think Jess sensed my nervousness as she took my hand again before shooting me a reassuring look. To be honest, she looked just as nervous as me.

Caleb took his time driving up the seemingly endless winding driveway and I wasn’t sure if I was thankful for it or if that just made my nerves worse. Seeing the empty fields is what broke my heart the most. Every pasture used to be full and now there was nearly nothing left. When the house finally came into view I heard Jess whisper something under her breath which sounded a lot like ‘holy shit.’ I’ll just say, our house is huge. Much bigger than what we ever needed but for whatever reason my parents always found the need to show off that they were rich. It was never really a concern for me to be honest. It’s just what was normal for us.

“Hey, Caleb, could you just give us a second?” I asked him as he cut the engine off.

“Sure thing. I’ll just take your bags up to your room,” he smiled before getting out.

“Is something wrong?” Jess asked as I turned to her. Seemed like a relatively stupid question but I was actually more concerned about her.

“No, but I wanted to make sure you were still okay with all this. You just seem really nervous. As nervous as I am,” I smiled slightly at the end. To be honest I was trying really hard not to just freak out right now.

“I’m just nervous to meet them. They’re your parents, Elena. Of course I’d be nervous about meeting my girlfriend’s parents,” she said. She was pretty unconvincing though. I knew there was something else.

“What is it really? Be honest because I know that isn’t all.” She should know by now that I could see right through her when she was holding things back. “Remember our talk about being honest and communicating with each other?”

She sighed heavily and dropped her gaze slightly as I reminded her. As much as I hold things back, one thing’s for sure: We both needed to start being more open with each other. I linked both our hands together and attempted to catch her gaze in order to encourage her to tell me. When she did finally look up at me, I could see how reluctant she was but she spoke up anyway.

“It’s just… I can’t help thinking about what you told me a while back, before we even got together,” she said quietly.

“What did I tell you?” I asked, tilting my head slightly in confusion. That seemed like such a long time ago now in my mind.

“You’ll think I’m stupid,” she muttered in an annoyed tone. Most likely annoyed at herself I imagine.

“I promise I won’t think you’re stupid. If it’s bothering you then it’s important, not stupid,” I said truthfully.

“When you told me about your ex. Ashley? How you’d broken up with her after your parents disapproved because you didn’t love her enough. It’s been playing on my mind,” she confessed.

That absolutely was not stupid and to be honest I wish she’d have brought this up sooner. I hated that she was sitting here this whole time comparing herself to my ex. Jess was obviously no comparison but I think if I were in her place I would have the same thoughts.

“So you’re afraid that if my parents don’t approve of you, that I’ll break up with you?” I clarified. She nodded shyly, dropping her gaze once again but I lifted a pair of our joined hands to catch her chin, gently tilting her head back up so that she would look at me again.

“Do you have any idea how much I love you?” I told her. “I know I told you that I thought I was in love with the other girl but I know that I am in love with you. Okay? I’m not upset that you have doubts or that you’re scared because I would probably feel the same way. I’ll just have to devote all my time to showing you how much I love you. And if my parents don’t like it, well they can go to hell,” I finished.

Jess smiled slightly and shook her head. “I’m sorry. I know you love me just as much as I love you. I just couldn’t help thinking about it.”

Rather than continue reassuring her, I leaned in and pressed my lips to hers. I felt her unconsciously open her mouth and the feeling of her breath against my lips sent a shiver down my spine. The kiss escalated more than I intended but I couldn’t help but get lost in the sensations for a few moments. When we finally did separate, it was only slightly as she rested her forehead against mine.

“You know,” I whispered. “You’re kind of wrong.” I could feel her forehead crinkle slightly in confusion.

“Wrong about what?”

“I love you more,” I said teasingly and with one last peck on her lips I finally pulled completely away.

“Fine,” she said, amused. “Believe what you want but we should probably go see your parents now.”

We climbed out of the truck then and with one final look at Jess, I took her hand and led her up to the house. I didn’t know how things were going to go once we went in but all I knew was that accepted or not, I was going in with Jess and leaving with her as well.

My mom must have heard us walking up the steps because before I could even make it to the door, she was already there. I’ll admit, she hadn’t really changed a whole lot. Possibly a bit slimmer but all in all still the same. I guess you could say my mom and I had similar features but I always thought I looked more like my dad.

“Elena! I’m so happy you came,” she said as she went to pull me into a hug. I stiffened slightly at the gesture and half returned it. Is it sad I honestly can’t remember the last time my mom hugged me? And now it just felt weird. When she thankfully pulled away she finally saw Jess behind me. “I didn’t know you were bringing someone with you,” she smiled.

“Yeah this is Jessica, my girlfriend,” I told her, knowing her face would drop as soon as I said girlfriend and boy did it ever.

“Oh,” she said flatly. “Well, it’s lovely to meet you, Jessica.” She held out her hand toward Jess to shake whilst Jess politely told her likewise. This probably couldn’t be any more awkward.

“Okay well, can we come in or is my lifestyle banned from the house?” I felt Jess hit me in the back from behind me but I ignored her. Okay, it was rude even for me but my mom needed to know I wasn’t going to take any shit from her anymore.

“Of course you can both come in,” she sighed as she held the door open for us.

“You have a lovely home Mrs. Gray,” Jess said as we walked into the living room. She was making such an effort with my mom and I’m glad that she was, but it only guaranteed that I would straight up go off on my mom if she was rude to her.

“Thank you, dear,” she said, surprisingly polite. I kept a hold of Jess’s hand as we took a seat on the couch. My mom sat across from us on the loveseat.

“So where’s dad?” I asked as I took a good look around the room. It was still the same except I’m fairly sure there were more pictures on the wall than there were before, mostly of Grace.

“He’s at the arena teaching a class. He should be done any time,” she said.

“Oh right. I’m surprised there are enough horses to teach a class considering you got rid of them all,” I said bitterly.

“Now, Elena that’s not fair,” she retorted.

“I bet you got rid of Flash first thing,” I said, cutting off whatever she was about to say. I felt Jess tighten her grip on my hand slightly, probably in an attempt to silently tell me to shut my mouth.

“Actually, we still have Flash,” mom said, surprisingly calm.

“What? But you hated him,” I said, not even bothering to hide the shock in my voice.

“He’s yours not mine,” she shrugged. “Grace’s horse is still out there too. I didn’t part with anything that belongs to you two girls.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. Hearing my mom say that wavered my judgement of her slightly but not completely. I still wasn’t convinced that she’d really changed like she claims she has. Still, the fact that she kept Flash actually made me feel a lot better about coming here.

“I’m really happy you came here though, Elena. Honestly. When you said that this wasn’t your home anymore I just thought I’d never see you again,” Mom said sadly.

“Well, I brought my home with me,” I said without really thinking about it. Mom looked at me intensely and I stared back defiantly knowing I probably struck a nerve. I knew Jess was probably staring at me too, possibly trying to hide a smile.

“I’m taking Jess out to the barn,” I said, standing up before anything else could be said. Honestly, if anything was going to be said about my relationship I would rather it be with just me and my mom. The thought of Jess being hurt by any of my mom’s potential comments just filled me with rage and those comments hadn’t even been said yet.

“I really wish you would talk to your mum properly,” Jess said as we made our way across one of the fields. “I think she’s really trying to make an effort to be in your life again.”

I wasn’t thoroughly convinced but I did need to tone down my attitude. I just couldn’t help it! She’s caused me so much pain that the feelings of bitterness just wouldn’t stay away.

“I know,” I sighed. “I’ll try, I promise. It’s just the tone she takes on when I mention you drives me up the fucking wall. I want her to like you but I just feel like her fucked up beliefs are going to get in the way of that.”

“I don’t care about all that. I just want you to reach some kind of middle ground with your mum. I want you to be happy, that’s all.”

I let go of Jess’s hand to wrap my arm around her waist as we walked. The large show barn was in sight now and although I dreaded seeing all the empty stalls, I was excited to be back in there as well. I was especially excited to show Jess what used to be my world.

When we finally did make it into the barn aisle, it was just as empty and impeccably clean as I expected. The cherry wood stalls were polished to near perfection and everything had its place. Something Jess probably appreciated.

Caleb was there already helping some of my dad’s students as they’d finished with their lesson and he shot me a smile as he saw us walk in. I knew all of the girls in the riding class, of course. Some of them were my age and some slightly younger. I swear all their faces paled when they saw me. You’d think they’d just seen a ghost or some shit but I just ignored them as I caught sight of that familiar equine head draped over the same stall he’d always been in. I quickened my pace and pulled Jess right along with me as my excitement grew.

“Jess, meet Flash, the best horse on this farm and no I’m not biased,” I joked. “Flash, this is my girlfriend so be nice to her.”

“Why are you talking to him like a person,” Jess laughed as she cautiously held her hand out to him.

“He likes it,” I told her. “And you never know, they could understand us.” Jess laughed at me again even though I was being completely serious. Jess moved closer to him once she’d realized he wasn’t going to eat her and to my surprise, Flash pressed his head into her chest lovingly. That was something he only ever did with me which I’ll admit made me a bit jealous.

“Flash, no she’s mine,” I frowned. “Why does every male have to flirt with my girlfriend?”

“He’s so beautiful,” Jess said as she ran her hands softly along his sleek neck, ignoring my previous comment. “How come your mum doesn’t like him?”

Flash actually is a gorgeous horse which is a big reason I bought him other than the fact that he’s talented as hell and I knew he'd grow to be fucking huge. He’s technically black but all those striking white spots are what really make him stand out. Honestly, he is probably the nicest horse here all jokes aside.

“It’s a funny story actually,” I started. “I was seventeen when my dad told Grace and me that we could each get our own horse to bring up the way we wanted. We could get whatever we wanted and do whatever we wanted with them.”

“Did your mum not want your dad to get you a horse?” Jess asked curiously.

“No actually she agreed. But the thing is my mom has this bullshit rule that only solid colored horses are allowed in these barns. So when my dad took us to look at some foals from a breeder I picked the only spotted baby they had. He thought it was funny. Mom didn’t.”

“So you were the problem child then,” Jess laughed, still stroking Flash’s neck. I noticed his ears were flickering back and forth as he listened to her talk.

“Yeah but come on you have to admit that was a stupid rule. She just didn’t want me to have a horse prettier than all of hers I bet. She wouldn’t even let him have a stall. She made him stay out in the field and I slept out there with him for days until my dad put him in a stall himself,” I told her, smiling slightly at the memory. “Thank god it was summer.”

Jess was about to say something when a man’s voice started yelling my name from the other side of the barn. I knew it was my dad before I even looked down the aisle.

Well, here we go.

A/N  Let me know what you think and if anything at all ever comes across as confusing feel free to ask questions.