Chapter 3

Screaming. That was the only thing I could process. My whole body felt numb as I took in the scene in front of me. My sister lying lifeless on the turf just a few yards away, my mom rushing to her side even when the paramedics tried to pull her away.

I couldn’t get the sound of my mom’s hysterical screaming out of my head. I tried reaching for her to comfort her but she pushed me away roughly.

“It’s your fault! You were the one who was supposed to be out there, not her!” she screamed.

I felt my body jerk slightly as I was jolted awake. I don’t even remember falling asleep. My head was in someone’s lap and I kept my eyes closed, trying to remember where I was. Someone was stroking my hair and I could hear quiet humming. Everything suddenly came crashing down on me in that moment. Me breaking down completely in front of Jessica, telling her everything that happened and why I was here. Oddly enough, I didn’t regret any of it. Jess listened to everything I told her without judgement.

I told her the whole story. My parents own this enormous sport horse operation and always have ever since I can remember. Ever since we were little my sister and I were always competing on our parent’s horses. I loved it but honestly, when I got older I started to feel like we were being used to draw more business. See, my parents had acquired this stallion who they were completely positive would bring them enormous amounts of money in stud fees, but only if he proved to be a successful competitor.

Basically, that’s where I came in. Grace had long abandoned eventing as her sport of choice and had chosen somewhat mellow disciplines for herself. Our parents weren’t happy but in their eyes Grace could do no wrong. I kept competing for my parents but to be honest, I have no idea why. They still treated me like shit after finding out I liked girls. All I wanted was their approval and even as I reached into my twenties I never got it.

My mom wanted me to ride their new stallion in some prestigious event and normally I would have just bit my tongue and done what she said. But at this point I was so fed up with how I was treated I refused. I was called every name in the book of course but Grace intervened as she always did. She was always trying to defend me but it was usually a wasted effort. She volunteered to ride the stallion just to keep the peace.

Needless to say, I wish more than anything I could take it all back. I wish I would have just done what my mom said. Grace was talented with the horses but nothing could have prevented what happened that day. Grace was galloping the stallion toward the finish on the cross country course. They had one more jump to sail over and it was the largest one. I remember watching as he took that final leap, instantly noticing something was wrong. There was no power in that jump. He just broke down and it was too late for Grace to do anything about it. The horse tumbled over the jump at such a force that it snapped his neck. His full weight landed on Grace’s tiny body, killing her instantly.

It’s my fault she’s gone, and as much as Jess tried to convince me otherwise, I didn’t believe her. People say that everything happens for a reason but I see no good reason for my sister to be taken away from me. I knew that my parents wished it would have been me instead of her. They made that perfectly clear. I wasn’t even allowed to attend Grace’s funeral. I was threatened by both my parents and even some of my other family members. That’s when I decided to leave. I packed what I could in two suitcases and drove to the airport. I bought a ticket for the next plane out, not caring if I ended up in Africa or some shit. That first plane just happened to be to London…

“Elena? Are you awake?” Jessie’s voice broke me out of my thoughts.

I didn’t even notice I had started crying again until I opened my eyes and saw the front of Jess’s shirt was wet from me pressing my face against her stomach. I sat up quickly and wiped the tears with my sleeve.

“Shit, Jess I’m so sorry,” I said quickly.

“What are you sorry for?” she asked, confused.

“Just everything. You invited me here for dinner and all I’ve done is sit here and cry,” I said. “God, you must think I’m so fucked up.”

Jess grabbed both my hands in hers so that she could get my full attention. I wasn’t used to people being nice to me. Not at all. My family hated me but here was Jessica, so compassionate toward me even though I was a complete stranger.

“Look, considering the things you told me today I’m surprised you’re not a lot worse off,” she started. “And as for the crying, you don’t have to apologize ever for something like that. It’s all part of healing and if you ever need to talk to someone, well you know where I live and you have my number.”

She smiled toward the end of her speech, trying to reassure me that it really was okay and to be honest, I believe her.

“Thank you,” I said as I relaxed into the back of the couch. “Hey, what time is it? I didn’t even know I fell asleep.”

“It’s about eight o’clock. Why? Do you need to be somewhere?” she asked.

I sighed as I thought about the long walk I had to get home. I didn’t have to go into work until almost two tomorrow but it still takes me forever to get anywhere.

“No, but I should really get going. I’ve got a long walk back home,” I told her.

I started to stand up when I happened to glance out the living room window. Ugh. There was a shit load of snow outside. Great.

“Do you want a lift back to your place, babe?” Jess asked.

I was tempted to take her up on the offer but the roads actually looked horrible. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if Jessica got into an accident because of me.

“No, it’s all right. The roads don’t look to good,” I said.

“Wait,” she said, grabbing my hand as I started to walk toward the door.

I turned around to look at her, confused. She didn’t say anything at first as she bit her lip, looking as if she was trying to think.

“Why don’t you stay the night here? I’ve got an extra room and some clothes you can borrow,” she said pleadingly. “I’d just feel awful about making you walk home in that snow.”

I hesitated for a second as I saw the look in her eyes. It wasn’t the type of look people have when they do something nice just because they feel like they have to. Jess genuinely wanted me to stay and I knew my protests would be useless.

“Jess, I don’t want to intrude or anyth-“

“Will you please just stop thinking you’re undeserving,” she said, seeing right through me. “I want you to stay, Elena. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t like your company.”

She averted her eyes and looked to the ground as if she’s gone all shy on me. How could I say no to that? I couldn’t.

“Okay, I’ll stay but only on one condition,” I stated.

“What’s that?” Jessie asked worriedly.

“Tell me more about you,” I said as I sat next to her on the couch. “I feel like I barely know anything about you.”

A smile spread across her face as she realized how simple my request was. Seriously though, what did she think I was going to ask her?

“Actually give me one second,” she said, jumping up from the couch.

I watched her as she walked quickly into the kitchen to do who knows what. She only kept me waiting for about five minutes when I saw her coming back with a mug of hot chocolate each hand. Okay, she really was the sweetest person.

“This looks amazing, Jess,” I told her as she handed me a cup.

Jess sat next to me on the couch and pulled her legs underneath her so she could face me. She took a sip of her hot chocolate before lowering it to her lap, wrapping her fingers around the cup.

“Okay, let’s talk. What do you want to know?” she started.

A/N  I'm not particularly pleased with this chapter but it'll get better, I promise.

Thank you so much to everyone who has commented/tweeted me. It really helps me to keep wanting to write. And sorry for the slow update, it's been a particularly rough week. I'll try to get another one up in the next day or two.

Also once again if anyone has any questions or something was confusing feel free to let me know.