Chapter 13

Cassian

I wish I could have pushed her to her edge and pulled out all the secrets she was keeping in hiding. Nesta's powers are unknown, deadly, although mesmerizing, it's harmful. Everyone just wants to help her, so that she can help herself and others. Is it that hard to trust us? But who am I kidding it's not about the trust perhaps, she just doesn't want to acknowledge that she has powers. No matter how much she dislikes us immortals, she needs to understand and know that she is the like us now. We are the same. And we need to dig each other the most.

After our heated session of sword defense and attack, which resulted in arguments, bickering and the daily banter. She stopped a bit to huff out some intake of air. "Let's stop here today. You are tired." I say and put my sword back in my case. She is still trying to breathe in a systematic way. "I am not tired. I can do more." She puts a hand on her hips, still trying to catch her breath. She doesn't even want to admit that she is tired. I wonder if her guards would ever let anyone in. And so to make her agree with me I say. "Oh I know, but I am tired. Let's go back."

"Well if you are tired, then, your wish. I mean I can do more." She says a bit coyly and shrugs.

"Why, Thank you for your generosity, Nesta. Shall we head back?" I say trying so hard to hide my amusement. She nods eagerly and I chuckle. Her cheeks redden a bit and I can't erase the smile that stays on my face, until we reach back to the estate. Nesta stays on the patio when we land. Her mind seem to be lost in something she is pondering over. Before I could ask what's up with her she responds. "I am hungry."

I tilt my head. "I'll bring you dinner?" She looks at me and shakes her head. "I want to eat with everyone." My eyes widen. And by the way she is trying to form words in her mouth I can tell not in a good way.

"Look, I am not going to harm anyone, And I don't even want to talk to anyone. I'll just eat and get back here. I want a change of environment. This room makes me retch every time." I take a step towards her, she is so wrong on what I think of her. I know she cares about everyone here, even Naula and Cerridwen. She is just really good at masking it up. I am grinning as I take her hand and we lead our way downstairs.

"I know you won't harm anyone Nesta. Everyone knows that. They'll be in fact quite happy to see you. Especially Feyre and Elain. They kinda always miss you."

She scoffs. She doesn't believe me. Well I can't care at the moment as we turn to the right in the elegant hallways towards the dining. Rhys chokes on his wine, Amren adjusts herself better on the armchair. Azriel stays expressionless and More for some reason seems like she is fuming. But the reaction I am waiting to see is of Feyre. Her eyes are watering as she sees her sister finally get out of the room, Her smile is the widest I have seen since a long time. Elain enters the picture with a cutlery in her hands filled with chicken pie. She almost jumps when she sees Nesta. I grin at both of them. This is priceless.

Feyre stands up reaching over to Nesta, when her gaze drops to our joined hands. Nesta seems to notice the same thing and jerks her hand away. I am gonna get a good round of interrogation with everyone with the way they noticed me flinch and Nesta restless like that.

I warn Feyre to not ask anything to Nestaatleast until she eats something. Feyre nods and everyone tries to act normal. I can't just push Nesta back in the room again. 

One step at a time.

There is an awkward silence between everyone as we settle on the table. I hate weekends these days. Everyone seems to be too busy. Rhys is always with Feyre. Az doesnt want to entertain me,  he is too busy in the study. Mor is working really hard for the exile she is going on some months later. I don't think if she'll go, but I know for sure, she'll not sit here and have Keith and his darkbingers roam around Velaris.

And with  Amren, oh damn I prefer my own company better than her. 

I don't just want but need to let myself indulge in some fun. 

"You haven't eaten yet." Rhys questions as I am still trying to think of ways to make everyone agree if I can participate in the Ramiel. I know a lot is at stake. But I wanna do this.

"Do you think, I can take part in Ramiel this year around?" 

"No." Rhysand, Azriel and Mor say at the same time. I can feel Nesta's eyes on me. 

"You lot know right, that I can go if I want." I raise my brows at the three of them.

"Listen boy, It's not like before. There's too much at stake and I know fellas like me, only grow stronger and deadlier with time. Its too hard this time. If you wanna die this might be the perfect suicide plan." Amren says.

Rhys continues, "And the warriors would be furious. I literally had to threaten people to back off."  

 Azriel finishes off, "There is no blood rite this time."

I gape at him, "What?" 

"There is no blood rite this time, can you actually hear yourself. The warriors would go crazy." 

Rhys taps his mouth with a napkin, "I know that."  

"How the hell are you so calm about this, and why did I not know this?"

"You were busy, and this needed to paid attention, and I didn't want to burden you with so many responsibilities." He says the last thing looking over at Nesta. 

She is sitting in front of me, simply chewing on a juicy chicken piece, trying hard to not pay any attention but I know where her mind is at. She looks at me beneath those eyebrows, she is so beautiful. Even in a heated argument like this, she can make me forget everything. What is between us, Nesta? 

Mor clears her throat beside me and I give her a look, shifting my gaze back to Rhysand. "I am not burdened by my responsibilities, and I really think you are wrong in cutting of this rite." I push past the chair, standing up. 

"Cassian, sit. Now!" Feyre's voice is a bit edgy but still soft. A command like no one else. She doesn't beg you to listen to her, nor does she cut your throat. She just simply makes you want to hear her out. A High Lady. 

I sit down on the table looking straight at her, not giving a shit that I am being a bit dramatic on the situation. To be honest all I am considering right now is how much nuisance cancelling the rite can create. "Hear them out at least. I know that you enjoy your responsibilities and you wish to indulge in work, more so now that I have stolen your man." She smiles and winks at the last statement at me and Rhys. I shake my head not amused this time and Rhys does the same. Azriel's lips are tightly sealed. It was a good attempt to lighten the mood, but it certainly didn't help.

"Rhys showed me the rite, And I could actually feel its horror. I really think it will be better if this doesn't happen, not when we have already lost so many of our men. This is just gonna be pointless." 

"Feyre, Blood rite gives warrior a chance to risk themselves at the sake of achieving pride and awe in them. For some it's like feeling alive. That mountain reeks of power. And the warriors do too. You can't just stop them. If the rite doesn't happen then far worse things will. We really don't want a civil war in a middle of world crisis. The war left the soldiers buried deep under a joyful, adventurous part of themselves. Just let them have this moment. I don't think we should take this from them. Touching the monolynx gives hope Feyre. Hope that we are such finite units in this infinity of wonders." 

Everyone remain silent for a long time. "Is that how you feel? Alive and Hopeful?" Nesta asks this and the room pauses, there's not even a single movement of their hands. Nesta's eyes are piercing in me, and I meet her stare. "Yes." She nods for a few seconds and goes back to her eating. 

The rest of the dinner is a bore. I know everyone's mind is calculating something or another and I can also sense Rhys and Feyre mind talking to each other. Nesta leaves the room without a word to anyone, My first instinct was to go after her but Feyre and Mor's eyes were on my every movement.  I open the wine bottle and the next thing I know is I am tipsy. 

Uh-oh a little too tipsy, Mor and Feyre are incorrigible drunkards. Mor is fast asleep on the couch, and Rhys is carrying Feyre back in their bedroom as she is still blabbing. I can see Azriel helping Mor to ease back in the couch in a more comfortable position. I make my way up the stairs into my own room, but a small light from the other side of the hallway catches my attention. My legs on their own accord are making their way upto there. 

I push open the door and a large pillow is smacked on my face. "Ow!"

"Cassian? What are you doing here?" Nesta makes her way to me picking up the pillow and putting it back on the bed. I rub my face. "Why would you do that?"

"I didn't know it was you. Natural instincts."

"Your natural instincts can't kill a fly."

Nesta looks taken aback. "Wait, Are you drunk?" I can't stop the giggle that escapes me. "Nope, Nes-tha." I pop both the last letters of the words. 

"Cassian this is not funny, go back to your room." I inch closer to her. Her smell knocks me off my feet. She smells amazing. Whatever the smell is. What's that smell called......? I must be humming while thinking as she flashes her fingers at me. 

"Go back to your room." 

"You smell like my Poptarts." I say, not being able to control myself, She scrunches her nose in disapproval. "Poptarts?" I nod, grinning. "Rhys' mother used to make us a lot of them. Always more  for me cause she knew they were my favorite." 

Nesta doesn't exactly push me out so I make my way in. I slouch on her bed. "What was your favorite as a kid?" Nesta's eyes are focused somewhere as she thinks of the answer. I can tell it's not a great memory, or maybe it is because she slouches down beside me, taking in the covers and starts telling me.

Nesta

"Cocoa condensed milk with hot baked buns, I was the eldest and I was a little pampered as a child. My mother doted on me. It was like a tradition to have them on every other morning. She loved to bake things and she loved being at home with me." I didn't realise I was smiling but I continued. "I was probably 4 or 5 when I had them for the last time. Elain was almost 2. My mother was too busy with Elain, and then Feyre to make them more frequently, It just ended abruptly." I shrug. 

"Cocoa condensed milk? Do you mean like Hot chocolate?" His eyes widen in excitement. Hot chocolate? "Like milk, chocolate, cream?" I ask

He nods eagerly. "Yeah here, we call it that, and kids love that thing." I nod. Cassian slips in the blanket beside me, "Cassian--" I stop when I notice he accidently sat on one of my books. He picks it up and looks it over, I snatch the book away from him. 

"Don''t ever touch my books." 

"Why now?"

"Just cause." 

He rolls his eyes, "Your reasons are never reasonable." 

"Good, cause you and I have nothing to reason for." 

A whoop of air surrounds the room. A shiver runs down my spine at the cold shilling air. The clouds are literally thundering outside. And I can sense the earthy smell of hail. Another whoosh of air whips past me, and I go over to close the windows. Cassian doesn't even blink at the chillness. 

"You know I never feel the cold, I have had the worst experiences of storms, hailstorms without any clothes on, I think those were the moments that pained me the most when I was young. They have given me even bigger scars than the actual ones on my body. I hate them, I hate storms and lightening. I hate everything that pains me still."

 I was wondering where this was coming from when he spoke. "I was nothing, until Rhys made me his family. His mother was the kindest person I knew. You are surrounded by good people Nesta, don't question their motives." 

"Are you telling me this or yourself?" I know he is tensed about the rite situation and I have seen his eyes gleam when he talked about the feeling of touching it's peak. I know Cassian needs to feel that moment once again. And I also know he respects his friends' opinions so won't go against any of them. And so he is trying to reassure himself that maybe it's for the good.

He doesn't respond and after a while, He looks at the window. Minutes passed like that when I grabbed my book and started reading, I didn't have anything to say and I didn't had anything to do. I don't know how much time had passed when I feel Cassian's eyes on me. His eyes lingering upon my fingers that were holding the book. I look up at his half-smiling face. 

"Read to me something nice, Nesta."

"What, No."

"Please, I want to know what you are reading."

"You are out of your mind."

"No one has ever read to me before. Tell me a good bedtime story." I look over at him, his eyes are so calm and patient. So deep and lovely. I won't mind getting lost in them.

"You want to hear a story?" 

He nods sitting up, tightening the covers around him and me, which makes me unbalance and lean into him. He tucks his hand at my waist, pulling my back on his chest as he overlooks the book from behind my shoulder. I had to turn my head to see him like that, and what I get in response is 'peekabo' that gets me almost giggling out.

I start the story, "There's a saying that sometimes love is not enough to make a person stay with them forever, It requires your soul......................

I feel a little ticklish on my neck and see him breathing close to neck as his eyes stay on the book. 

"Are you paying attention?"

"Mmm-hmm" 

I shake my head and continue. 

The credits for the last two lines surely goes to the person who has made this intriguing picture. Now please don't think I copied the last statements. I didn't. I just worked with the idea of this picture. And because it would seem a bit more unrealistic if i would have added anything else I went with this one. I hope you liked the chapter. If you did. VOTE, COMMENT AND SHARE. There's more to it by the way. Stay connected. FOLLOW me for the next update.