Chapter 10

Nesta

"How are you feeling?" Feyre, sitting across me asked, her eyes the same as me stare at my face, trying to decode my solemn expression. I hadn't slept throughout the night, how could I when I felt someone watching me so intently, as if the gaze was enough to say what the words couldn't. I stop writing and look at her. Feyre was a mixture of sweet and spice. A mixture people can't help but fall in love with. She didn't even have to win anyone's heart, she was already in it. She was still looking at me when I thought of answering. "Like I almost killed hundreds of people." She takes my hand, and I flinch, she notices the distaste and leaves it, keeping her own folded in her lap. "It wasn't your fault."

"You don't know that." I challenge her to say otherwise. Everyone thinks I had done it to spite them. I have heard Naula and Cerridwen whispering this the other day when they came to give me food. And I wouldn't even try to defend it. What's the point in that? No one cares. They hated me before, and they'll hate me still. Nothing's going to change.

"It wasn't your fault. I know that and our family knows that. That's enough for now." I scoff. "Your family."

"No, Our family, Nesta. You never gave us a chance to be that way. You always kept your distance. How were we supposed to help you? We were scared for you. And we just felt helpless. Let me help you, Nesta. Please tell me what's going on with you."

"I wish I knew, Feyre. Why are you even trying, why is everyone trying. They aren't supposed to, You aren't supposed to. So back off. I am dead. Elain is dead. Hell even you are dead. Even your mate! What even are we? And there's no family. Not for me. I don't even want one. I know you just came here so that you can ask about my powers, Well I can only tell you, nothing that happened would happen again, you have my word. Now just let me be." I can see the hatred shining through her now. See what she has been hiding. A knowing smile plays on my lips and my soul finally crashes at the sight. She is disgusted by me. I don't say anything and get inside the bathroom. I hear the door rattle outside, as she stomped off. I couldn't care, no matter how much I try to.

Once in, I shed off my clothes, and look at the hot tub of water, I can do this, I take a deep intake of breath and take a step in. I haven't able to even step in a bathtub, since after the cauldron execution. But I am stronger than this. I have always been that way, never let feelings take the better of me, especially not fear. As I slid in, my body is stiff as a rock, I can't make myself relax. Loosing up is like trying to break the bones inside of me. I can feel the mucus arise in the back of my throat again, not again. I quickly stand up and then feel that my legs are locked, just like they were inside the cauldron. As if thorns were pricking my legs, and then a hot fame descending upon it like hot molten lava. I am just panicking. I tell myself again and again that I had passed that thing. That I am here, I faught my way out. I couldn't let myself cry. I don't cry. But I am held captive, I won't escape this time. He won't let me I know. And so I fall in the cauldron, which now was surprisingly cold with a loud thud, swooshing a bit water out. I don't remember for how long I had been sitting like that in the tub, when loud knocks on the door shake me out of my conscience. "Nesta?" I know this voice, its as if the only voice I can ever listen"Nesta, I know you are in there, Answer me." Cassian's voice is so full of anger. What the hell did I do this time? I still don't reply and settle a little more in the tub, my body still feeling strange and scared of the small space.

"I'll break the door Nesta. Come out now!" I only stare blankly at the small circular window at the top. The clear blue sky and tell myself I didn't hear him.

The knocks then abruptly go off. And then he shouts. "Fine then, It was your damn call!" The door breaks open. My breath hitches, there in the open frame is Cassian, standing with all his glory, his Illyrian leathers, his siphons simmering with rage. I don't know how, but I can feel his anger. I see him taking me in, half of me in the water, thankfully but I can still his eyes fixed on the water, as if he can see right pass it. My hands are automatically folded on my chest, covering my breasts. His eyes notice that too. His chest heaves at a very slow rate. As if he is finding it hard to breathe. As he loses the breath he was holding in, my insides clench. No one has ever seen me the way he is now. His eyes are on me, and in the moment I know his body is trying not to reach out to me. But it's the distaste that I sense on him that makes my heart stumble and crush. Oh my ego! I almost feel him dismissing my state, I stand up from the tub. All naked, all of me naked in front of him. I know whats going to hit me as his jaw ticks and his eyes almost seem the type of dark you'd beg to drown in. He clenches his hands at his sides. His gaze is strong but tender. "Like what you see?" My eyes don't leave him. His eyes stare at my lips, then go down my neck, I remove my hands from my chest and leave them on my sides, I see him take it all in my breasts, my taut stomach and my thighs. Just as they descend down in between that private area, my thighs clench tighter. His predating smirk and sly smile undones me. I whip my hair out, tugging the towel from the side and covering myself. "Actually no." His snort is so full of disgust that I want to claw his eyes out for not even having the decency to turn and leave because the prick is still staring. "The show's over Cassian. Move out!" He doesn't budge. And only comes closer. I want to punch him. Maybe I should do it. He won't exactly hit me back. I push him back to walk out but his hands are faster, he grips my wrist twisting me back to the wall, his hands are on either side of me. and for once his eyes finally land on me when he says. "I don't want just your body Nesta." His gaze is so tender, yet so powerful. Everything about him is so strong, and powerful that it almost feels unhealthy. I can't help but drink in his woody scent. I am addicted now, mother help me. I feel so intoxicated that his next words are stumbling in and out through my mind. "But babe, you should have atleast told me before we were gonna have a bath together, I would have rescheduled your training lessons. Poor Lord Owen has no clue what's going in here." Lord Owen? I push him away so forcefully that he stumbles back. He covers me again, looking over his shoulder and then I see the membranous wings outside the window of my bedroom, simply standing. There indeed was another male fae outside and he was in here, like this, We were standing here like this. Oh my, he must have even heard us. Fae ears are the worst thing to possibly happen. His eyes roam over my face and his laugh makes me wince. I swat at him, and push him out. Why did he even barge in like that?

"He didn't hear or see anything. The estate is always protected with magic."

I nod in understanding. Of course this place is as safely built like the other ones, Rhysand and his inner circle has. I turn to take my dress, while he is still there. I change into Illyrian leathers, the training ones that Cassian must have made Naula and Cerridwen pick. I change in front of him, my back to him, might as well, this idiot isn't going anywhere. He doesn't retort and we walk out finally. The cold air is a balm on my heated body. We walk over to the patio and he says "Ready to roll in the mud, Nes?" I make a vulgar gesture that had him howling again. I roll my eyes and slip at his side as he slids his hands around my waist. He nods at the other Illyrian and we shoot off into the sky.

Cassian

"Oh c'mon you can kick harder than this, I am sure." I am sitting on a wooden trunk, eating an apple, looking at Nesta train, she is feisty, this one. Lord Owen just witnessed this form of hers. The one I call, 'I can kill you right fucking here if I want.' "Oh for Cauldron's sake, Shut your garbage spitting my mouth." I smirk. We have been doing this for over two hours now, the day is melting hot, sun's overhead and she hasn't stopped. She has been kicking the rug since the last 15 or so minutes when Owen finally declined to hold it up for her to throw punches at cause she always ended up hitting him instead. When I offered to hold it up she roared at me. Freaking roared. I look at Owen taking in her form and snarl because I know what he is appreciating, Nesta is in the Illyrian leather, her leggings are tight against her long legs, her hair braided to one side, and small tendrils of them are over her face, her neck is glistening with sweat, her build is exquisite. I still can't find words to how I can describe her enigmatic form. What I saw earlier had me loosing my mind. I glare at Owen, who is oblivious about how many ways I have just turned him blind in my eyes for looking at Nesta that way. I slid my eyes back to her, I had let her do this punching and kicking today because I knew she needed it. She needed to let out the air. As if Nesta can sense my eyes on her, she turns to look at me, puffing out air, she is tired now. I cross the distance between us, and make her sit down on the ground, I didn't even have to shove, she literally sprawled on the ground. I chuckle and sit down beside her. "Well, isn't this the same garbage mouth, you were devouring a day ago?" I can't help but grin at the way she hides her face away from me so that I don't see her smile. She smiled. Nesta smiled! At me, cause of me! I don't remember being this happier since....a long time. 

 Owen leaves in the late afternoon, After Nesta and him work a bit more on the punching and kicking skills, This time around he doesn't seem frightened and is even joining fully. I can't help but ask Nesta again and again if she's rather want to train with me. But she declines and starts off with Owen.

Now we are hearing sitting on one of the rocks, I am on my 11th apple for the day while she is having her 3rd. We both just sit there in silence. I don't even know if she has acknowledged that I have slid closer to her on the rock, cause if she did, she didn't mind it. So I grin, my eyes twinkling along with stars as the dusk starts to settle.

"What's that mountain?" Her voice startles me. I look at where her eyes are planted and let out a happy sigh. "Ramiel, the sacred mountain, it's not just the heart of Illyria but the whole night court. No one's allowed to go there, except for Illyrians and that too only on the blood rite." Nesta shots me a look that says 'Elaborate.' I straighten. "It's a rite where hundreds of warrior novices take part to reach at its peak without using their magic, their shields or anything. Magic doesn't work there. They can only use their strength. The fae strength. It happens every year, early spring. Me, Rhys and Az were the first ones to touch the onyx monolith at the top, all covered in blood, fully busted, since then, after 500 years, only a dozen have even been able to climb up till the top. It's deadly, More like a suicidal thing but for warrior, it's adventure. I had never ever had felt more alive than I did at that time, when I first touched it." I closed my eyes trying to remember the feeling of the ageless rock. The powerful wind. My whole body felt like as if the veins were gonna pop out because of the overwhelmness." I stop, noticing how quietly Nesta was watching me. "You never tried again?" I snort. "No, It can cause a fight amongst the warriors if me, Az or Rhys even try again. Azriel hates the rite. And Rhys he tries to support me but can't help but agree with Azriel that it's a week of pointless bloodshed. Its just that theres this ravenous hunger, It was there after the first war, and its there now, and I think I need to feel alive this time just to know that I really am. Does that make sense?" I cock my head, my brows raised. "Kinda." She gets up, But I pull her down. "Let's just stay for a few more minutes?" She looks at me, almost opening her mouth to deny, but then settle's down.

The minutes turned to hours, but we didn't seem to mind as we just sat there, She was looking at the mountain while I fixed my gaze at her. Beautiful.

This really took a lot more time than i thought it would take. I literally bawled my eyes off! It's 4 am and i am just writing this stuff down. So, if you liked it please please Vote and Comment and Share, also give me a follow to get updated on the next chapter!! Thank you X