thirteen

from ivy's perspective

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       Last night when I found out about Remus's secret, I didn't know how to react. Well, I still don't know how to react.

        At first I felt hurt. It felt like he didn't trust me enough to share a huge secret like that. At the same time, I knew I was being irrational. I wouldn't have told anybody if I were him. The amount of controversy that surrounds werewolves is insane. And for what?

        Sirius, James, and Peter already knew and I was sure of it. They're always around him. When Sirius asked me about my opinion on werewolves, I don't think that was a coincidence.

        But now, it's a new day. I had two options: pretend I never found out, or confront him. It's gonna be hard, but I know I have to do the latter.

        I put on my Hogwarts robes, slipping on my skirt and black shoes. I grabbed my hairbrush and brushed my hair. It was finally past my shoulders. Chloe and her friends were still sleeping. They weren't as annoying as I thought they were. I kind of stereotyped them as the annoying popular girls, which in my defense, they kind of are.

        I walked out of the common room and down the corridor, sighing. I really had no clue how to ask Remus about his lycanthropy. Even though I'm not often wrong, I'm still nervous. What if he just happens to have a weak immune system and I only notice around the full moon?

        I spotted James's messy head of hair and decided to walk to breakfast with them. I'm gonna have to talk to Remus soon anyways.

        I walked up to them slowly and said a hello, smiling at the group. They said hi back.

"Remus, it seems as if you're cured from your cold," I said with a smile. He laughed nervously.

"Yeah, I'm feeling much better," He said, shrugging. I've finally realized that he isn't a very good liar. We walked to breakfast and I walked away to where the Ravenclaws were sitting.

I was one of the only ones at the Ravenclaw table, and I decided to take this time to study, like a few others were. It wasn't much help, all I could think of was Remus. I knew I was being stupid. It's not that big of a deal, I really don't give a damn if someone is a werewolf or not. I just don't like asking questions about people's personal life. It's not my place to ask.

Once it got too loud to study, I put away my book. I wasn't very hungry at the moment. Chloe waltzed in and sat next to me. I said a quiet hello and continued to stare at the wall.

"You okay, babes? You look a bit pale." Chloe said as she piled fruit on her plate.

"I'm fine. I just didn't get much sleep last night. I had Astronomy," I said, which was half true. She smiled and muttered an 'okay' as she took a bite of an apple.

When breakfast was over, I walked to Transfiguration and was first at my table. I sat down and got out my notes that were filled with doodles and annotations plus my Transfiguration book. The Marauders strutted in the classroom and sat at their designated seats.

        I smiled at Remus and looked down at my notes. He got out his quill and ink, waiting for class to begin.

Class started and I didn't do very good. I really needed to ask Remus soon, it was getting in the way of focusing. It's not even a big deal at all. Why am I so nervous? Can't I just ask a question?

        After Transfiguration, I walked to potions and sat down. I knew this class was going to be a hot mess. If I can't focus in Transfiguration, I definitely won't be able to focus in Potions. In Potions, everything you do matters. A little too much or too less of one ingredient can make it a disaster.

        Remus walked in and said hello, sitting down next to me. I smiled and got out my Potions book.

        "Today we will be brewing Draught of Peace. This is very complicated and you must pay attention every second! Too much of an ingredient can cause serious consequences! You have an hour. Get started!" Slughorn said loudly.

        Great. Fucking great. This is not the potion I wanted to brew today.

        "I'll get the ingredients," Remus said, jumping up and getting them easily. He sat back down quickly and placed all the ingredients on the desk. I sighed.

        Okay. Focus. You can do this, Potions is your best class.

        I added the powdered moonstone carefully and read the directions three times, which is something I never do. I've always been very quick and half the time I don't read the directions, but right now I'm the complete opposite.

         I noticed Remus watching me with a slightly confused look on his face. I knew if I sped up like I usually do, it would be horrible.

        "Ivy, are you okay? You aren't going as fast as you usually do," Remus said gently as I stirred it, still looking down at the directions.

        "Yeah— I just didn't get much sleep last night," I said, which was true, I wasn't lying. He nodded and watched me for a few more seconds as I added syrup of hellbore.

        "Well you're still doing fine, you're just going a bit slower than usual, which is okay," He reassured me, nodding. I read the next direction and didn't understand a word of it.

        "I'm sorry. We would be done by now." I said burying my face in one hand, stirring with the other as I blinked back tears.

        "We wouldn't be done, you've been working for only thirty minutes." Remus said as I shook my head.

        "I'm still doing bad, I bet it won't even turn blue like it's supposed to," I said as Remus shook his head.

        "Even if it doesn't, I don't care. You've been carrying me in this class this whole year. I'm thankful for that, and if you mess up one time, I'm not gonna hold it against you."

        "Stop being so nice." I stirred the potion. "You're always so nice."

He smiled at me. "You deserve people to be nice to you. You're nice to everyone else."

I let out a harsh laugh. "No I'm not. I'm quiet most of the time, but pretty stuck-up. That's why I get along with Bella and Chloe and Jessica so well."

"I don't think you are," Remus said as I smiled slightly. "You're nice to me."

"It's because I like you. You're great, Remus. You're funny, and smart, and really kind. Have you heard the way I talk about Lily Evans and Amos Diggory? I had a conversation with Lily the other day, and she seemed so nice! I'm awful!" I said, saying the last two sentences much quieter. I added the next ingredient and stirred.

"It's okay to not like people. I still think you're nice. You're incredibly smart. Your grades are better than probably anyone in this school. And you're funny." Remus said as he handed me the powdered unicorn horn. I felt my face turn pink.

"Well, thank you for the words of support. I still don't think I'm as courteous as you," I said quietly, smiling at him as I finished the potion. I glanced at it with a horrified face. "Look!"

        "What?"

        "It's not even the right shade of blue, it's a little bit too dark!" I exclaimed, pointing to it. Remus shrugged.

        "I didn't even notice."

        "Well, Slughorn will. I'm a failure." I said as I placed my head on the desk in front of me. Remus put a hand on my back hesitantly.

        "I think it looks fine. Plus, we don't have enough time to redo it now." Remus said, his hand still resting on my back. I raised my head up from the desk and began to scoop the potion in a small flask. I carried in to Slughorn.

        "This is great! Five points to Ravenclaw and Gryffindor! And honestly, I don't think it's too dark at all, so don't worry!" Slughorn said as he winked at me. I could feel my face turn bright red as I smiled and turned away, sitting back down.

        It was lunch time. The day couldn't go on any longer like this, I couldn't keep putting it off.

        I spotted Remus's lanky figure and assumed he was with James, Sirius, and Peter. I walked up to the group quickly and began to walk beside them the best I could since they were walking very fast.

       "Um, can I borrow Remus for a second?" I asked them. They nodded as I smiled and grabbed Remus's hand, leading him to somewhere that no one else would be. I decided on a broom cupboard. I pulled him into the confined space and casted Lumos to see better.

"They're gonna think we're snogging," Remus said with a smirk on his face.

"Good, it will give them something to talk about," I said as he laughed. I sighed and prepared for what I was about to say. "Remus, I need to ask you a question."

He perked up and made eye contact with me. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes for a few seconds.

"Remus, what I'm about to say is blunt and I'm kind of guessing. But, I don't really think I'm wrong..." I said, he nodded and waited for my question. "Remus... are you a werewolf?"

All of the color drained from his face. It was completely silent for a few seconds.

"How did you find out?" Remus said quietly. I took a step closer to him.

"Once I had all the information in front of me, it was easy to put together," I began, "why you're always sick and why the three other boys you share a dorm with have never caught it. Then I realized it was always around the full moon. And the scars..."

I reached up and brushed my fingers over the scars on his face. I couldn't believe my audacity. We stared at each other for a few seconds, both blushing profusely, speechless. I dropped my hand quickly and cleared my throat, trying to recover.

        "I see. I'm assuming you're gonna stop hanging out with me now?" Remus said, a solemn expression on his face. I furrowed my eyebrows.

        "What? Are you crazy?" I said, smiling up at him. He had no clue what I was going on about. "Remus, I literally don't care. I meant what I said when Sirius asked me a few months ago about my opinions on werewolves."

        "But— I'm a monster—"

        "Monster? Remus, you're anything but a monster," I said, still smiling. "You enjoy reading books, and hot chocolate. You have really good grades and your section of the room you share is very clean. You iron and fold your clothes, even your socks! Your favorite food is chocolate! What I'm trying to say is that you're the nicest person I've met at this school. I don't care at all that you're a werewolf. You're the opposite of a monster, Remus."

        Remus was looking down upon me with an indecipherable expression. I felt slightly intimidated under his gaze.

        "What? Is my mascara smudged?" I asked, touching my face gently. He smiled.

        "No. Just— thank you. It means a lot," He said quietly. I smiled and pulled him into a hug. My head was buried into his chest as he wrapped his arms around me. He rested his head on top of mine. I let out a content sigh. He was a really good hugger.

        We pulled away and looked at each other for a few seconds. He was blushing. We were pretty close to each other, and I'm sure I was blushing too. I took my hands off of him and sighed. "We should get back to the others. We've been here for a while."

        "Yeah. And you didn't tell anyone about me?"

        "No." I said, scoffing. "I would never tell a secret like that."

        He smiled as I muttered 'nox' and opened the broom cupboard, stepping out into the light. They were still waiting there, talking amongst themselves.

        "You guys took ages," James said as I rolled my eyes. "I swear, how long do you need to snog, can't you just wait until after lunch?"

        I laughed a bit and shook my head. "We should get to lunch."

        We walked to lunch. We said our goodbyes and walked to our separate tables. I feel a lot better. I don't know why I got so worked up about this. I glanced at Remus every once in a while. He was really good at hugging.

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