Part 49

Clarke POV:

When I woke up the next morning I turned over to be faced with Lexa. Her back was flat on the bed and she was staring up at the ceiling. I could see her mind was elsewhere just by looking at her and god, it worried the shit out of me.

"Are you ok Lex?" I asked softly. I wanted to be as gentle as possible because she was in a fragile state at the moment and I didn't want to push her to much.

She didn't say anything but turn on her side to face me. And for the first time since it happened, when I looked into her eyes, I saw some of the life back in them. It wasn't a lot, but it was enough to put a smile on my face.

"I don't know," she said quietly as she looked away from me. "That's ok," I said as I put my hand on her cheek and moved some of the hair out of her face.

We sat in frankly uncomfortable silence for a moment before it was broken. "We should get Raven and Luna, they are probably freaking out and really confused" she said, looking anywhere but my eyes. I nodded my head. She got out of the bed without giving me a second glance.

I sighed quietly then followed her motions and got up as well. We got changed and told my mom we were going to get them. She was worried a bit at first but let us go.

Lexa sat in complete silence as I drove to Luna's house. I could see her fiddling with her hands in her lap as she stared of the window.

"Ready?" I asked her as we pulled up to her house. "Uh, you have to go open the door. I only told Luna to only open it if it was you or Abby," she said and I looked at her confused. Surely she wouldn't mind opening it for Lexa, that sounded a bit crazy. But she made no move to get out of the car so I unbuckled my seatbelt and knocked on the door myself.

I knocked on the door and there was no response for a couple minutes. I looked back to the car and Lexa was watching through the window. I could see her mind drift off from all the way over here.

I knocked again. I heard quite a few locks click before Luna barely cracked the door open. "Oh my god, Clarke!" She said so relieved when she saw me. She opened the door farther and pulled me into a tight hug.

I was surprised a little but hugged her back. "I will go get Raven," she said as she left me in the doorway.

A minute later, I heard loud footsteps running down the stairs and out of nowhere I was pushed into a hug that nearly knocked me over.

"Jeez Rae," I said as I laughed a little and put my arms around her once I knew I had the balance to do so.

"I'm just glad everything is ok," she said into the hug. I swallowed at her words because that's not exactly how I would put it.

"Where is Lexa?" Luna asked, watching me and Raven. I pointed to the car where Lexa had her face in her hands.

She let out a relieved sigh and Raven finally removed me from her grasp. I didn't know how much she compromised my breathing until her let go and I could breathe like a normal human again.

"Are you guys finally going to explain what the hell is going on?" Raven asked. She looked back to the car at Lexa and then to me.

"I-I'm not sure," I said and they both didn't like the answer. But it was what they got so they have to deal with it for now.

We got in the car and I drove all of them back to my house. When we got through the door my mom hugged everyone like she hadn't seen us in a month.

"We are ok mom," I chuckled a bit as she hugged me too close. Just like Raven but more protectively than her.

"If that was true I would be worried about you," she replied as she pulled away from the hug, placing her hand on my cheek and looking over my body like she expected me to be shot on the short trip we took.

"Why? what happened?" Raven asked. Her and Luna were so curious and dying to know what was going on. Neither my mom or myself answered, we both looked to Lexa to do so.

She shook her head a little and then went to sit down where she put her head in her hands. I didn't really know if she wanted us to tell them or not from that.

"What happened Clarke?" Luna asked, a little more sternly after seeing Lexa's reaction.

"Uh..." I started, looking at Lexa who didn't move. "Between all of our stories, only Lexa really knows what actually happened," I said. She held all the answers and the gaps in our stories.

"Ok but can you like summarize or something because Luna and I are completely in the dark here," Raven said, pointing to Luna.

Both of them were still happy, unaware of what had happened. They were so innocent and oblivious to the situation it was almost painful to bring them down.

"Ok, uh- well I was going out to get us some food for the movie when uh- someone put a bag over my head and knocked me out," I said and they both gasped. I forgot how intense that part actually was and I apparently kind of forgot about it, considering the shit show that happened after. It kind of felt insignificant.

"Ok calm down," I said, trying to get them to stop freaking out. They were definitely not ready for the rest of the story.

"So I woke up sitting on the floor and well, Lexa's father, he uh, he was holding a gun to my head," I said and Luna and Raven gasped again.

Raven looked like she wanted to murder somebody and cry at the same time. My mom cringed and put her hand on her head.

Lexa pushed the chair out from the table and got out of her seat. She walked out of the room, only giving me a small glance from the side.

I swallowed and looked at the ground, the emotions and feeling of last night were all coming back and hitting me like a fucking truck that was set on fire and pushed off a cliff.

"Guys," I said in a quiet and calm voice to stop their panic and chatter. Raven and Luna were crying a little but my mom wasn't. She knew what happened as much as I did but I could still see the tears building up in her eyes.

"How is that not the worst part?" Raven said, getting a little angry and flustered by the whole thing. I didn't answer her and looked at my mom. She was giving me the same devastating look back.

"Thankfully, Lexa, she came in shortly after and I know lot of stuff happened. But it's mostly just a blur for me now but I just remember Lexa grabbing me as we ran through the house," I said as my face concentrated to try to remember. Raven let out a thankful sigh. I guess she thought it was over. I hate that she was so very wrong.

"Then he stopped us again before we could leave." I said, not giving them a minute to feel happy. I felt bad but it kind of felt like I was giving them false hope.

"She told me to run, she told me to but I didn't want to. I did it anyways. It was like my body was just moving for me as my mind was telling it no," I said as tears formed in my eyes, I tried to push them back to tell the rest of the story but it was strong.

"I ran to the door and was about to leave when a heard a gunshot. I was so scared, I didn't know what happened. I didn't know so I turned around and ran back. I know I shouldn't have, I know I should have run away but like I said before, my body just moved," I said as the tears started to fall down my cheek.

"Uh, when I got there, she was-uh standing over his body, with a gun in her hand," I said as my voice cracked and I put my hand over my mouth as the images of last night flashed in my eyes. That's really when my mind became clear again. Seeing Lexa standing there, not knowing if she was hurt or not.

They both stood there in shock as I felt my moms arms wrap around me. "So he is just gone? Gone gone? Like dead gone?" Luna asked hesitantly, I don't think she wanted to know the answer.

I gave her a small nod and she turned her head away and put her hand over her mouth. She grew up with Lexa so I assume she knew her father before the accident, when he was good. It's probably hitting her pretty hard.

"How?" Luna said, her voice cracking after taking a moment. "I-I-I'm not sure, Lexa was the only one with him when it happened," I answered.

"We went to the police station and they asked her questions. Again, she is the only one who knows what really happened, you should be talking to her," I told them.

"I mean I just can't believe she killed him, like she actually killed him," Raven said, her eyes wide, not being able to wrap her head around it as she rubbed her hands on her temples.

"It wasn't my plan to kill him," a quiet voice said and we all whipped our heads around to see Lexa. She was leaning against the wall and I'm guessing she has been there for a while. "Lex we didn't mean..." I was stopped by her hand going up in the air.

"I didn't plan on killing him, the plan was just to delay him long enough for the police to come and get him," she said, staying in her position on the wall, keeping her distance from all of us like she thought she might hurt us or something.

"What do you mean?" Luna asked. The details weren't as clear for her since she wasn't actually a part of it. I mean, I was still in the dark and I was smack in the middle of it so it must be crazy for her and Raven.

"I just wanted to give the authorities a long enough time to get to the house and surround it so he couldn't escape. That's why I went inside, that's why I let him find me, that's why I taunted him, and that's why I let him hit me," she said and I cringed at the memory of when her father hit her. I blocked that out and it came back to me when she said that.

"That can't be right though, no, you tried to get us out, you tried to escape," I said in confusion as I looked at her. If I remember correctly, she hit him and then ran with me to the exit. If she wanted to stall him, she wouldn't have tried to get out.

Everyone's eyes were on Lexa. Her face was dull like it has been since the incident. Her eyes lifeless again.

"No, I was trying to get you out. But even then I knew I wouldn't get out," she said as her eyes averted away from me. "I knew he would get to us before we left. He is stronger than me and the hit I gave him was only to prevent him from hurting you," she said, looking at the ground like it was more interesting than all of us.

"Lexa, he could've killed us, he had a gun. I would've rather been hit then shot," I said, trying to wrap my head around her incredibly smart and incredibly dumb brain.

"No, NO," she said loudly, waiting no time after I spoke as she stood up straight. "I wouldn't have let him kill you, not again," she said then her face slipped to horror at her words.

Wait a second.

"Hold on, back up. Again?" I said, trying to clarify her last sentence. I mean, last time I checked, I haven't been shot or killed by him let alone anyone, but I'm pretty slow on the plans at the moment so. I looked down at my body just to be sure like I expected a bullet hole to just appear.

"Lexa?" I said again because she went quiet and stared at the floor, trying to avoid the conversation that would inevitably come up.

"Clarke I'm going to need you to turn your back to me," she said, still looking down at the ground.

"What?" I said a little shocked and amused. She can't be serious. "Please Clarke, I can't look at your face when I explain this so please just turn around," she pleaded and I knew she was serious. She still wouldn't look at me.

"Fine," I said after a minute of debating. I turned my back to Lexa and faced Luna, Raven and my mom who were looking past me. I assume to Lexa.

"My dream a couple nights ago, the panic attack. It wasn't me per say, that he hurt." She said, taking a pause.

Wait that doesn't make sense. I swear nothing makes sense with this girl. Then why was she freaking out that night? I looked up and all of them were looking at me with wide eyes.

"What?" I said as I looked at them. Then I clicked in my head.

No.

I wanted to turn around so bad right now to know if it was true, I wanted to see it in her eyes but she told me not to and I wanted her to continue speaking.

"I- I held your lifeless body in my arms as your blood surrounded me," she said as her voice started to crack as she spoke and it broke my heart.

"I saw the life fade from your eyes as my hands became covered in your blood. I tried to wake you but your eyes wouldn't open, they just wouldn't, no matter how hard I tried," she said and I could tell there were tears coming down her face as her voice sounded faded towards the end like she was giving up on the sentence.

"I turned around and he was there, holding a gun with your blood on his hands, and he told me it was my fault and that he warned me I would get you killed." She said and I was battling tears at this point.

I turned around but as soon as her eyes met mine she turned her back to me and gripped the wall for support. "Sorry," I said as I turned back around.

It was silent for a while. I just assume Lexa was gathering up the strength to continue.

"I wouldn't let that happen again so I put my body in front of yours for protection, THAT was always part of the plan," she said, emphasizing the word that. I could hear her try and stiffen up to wipe her tears.

"We got lucky that I backed you around the wall so you could run though," she said and I could hear a faint laugh I think.

"I wouldn't call any of that experience lucky Lex," I said with a laugh with her. I may not be able to face her but that doesn't mean I can't read her.

"Trust me, we got lucky. I put my body in front of yours so the only way he could hurt you was if he shot and killed me first because there was no way I was letting him hurt you. And if he did do that, the police were ready on stand by and would've kicked in the door at the sound of the gunshot. He wouldn't have time to kill me and then you before the police got to him. You would have been saved, just like I promised Abby," she said and my head turned to my mother because I couldn't look at Lexa. She was crying.

"That's why you didn't give me your name," Luna said quietly at the floor like all the pieces were coming together for her. I turned my head towards her.

"What?" I asked her.

"I have been thinking about that day, trying to figure out what happened. I went over every detail to try and piece it together. And I kept thinking back to what you told me. You didn't give me your name to open the door to because you didn't believe you were going to make it out of there did you?" Luna said, ignoring me and getting louder and angrier as she spoke to Lexa.

I could practically feel their gaze meeting each other as their eyes dig into each other. I could see the silent conversation passing between the girls in silence.

"I never planned on making it out," Lexa said and I turned to her. I didn't care that she told me not to. She planned on dying and I had to see it in her eyes.

"You what?" I said, trying to be angry but I was just broken instead. "I have already lived longer than I was supposed to," she said and I couldn't believe her words.

"Don't say that," I said firmly. "It's true Clarke, I should've died in the car accident with my mom but I am still here, and I would have gladly given my second chance to make sure you were safe, any of you," she said as she looked at all of us.

"And I didn't hesitate," she said quietly. I think she was talking to herself because she was looking at the ground but the room was so quiet, we would have heard a paper clip drop in the next room, that's how quiet it was.

"He attacked me and for the first time, I actually fought back against him. And I won," she said almost proudly.

*flashback*

Lexa POV:

"Clarke now!" I said and Clarke took off, around the corner and to the door. But importantly, out of aim of my fathers gun. "You bitch," he snarled at me and I gave him a small smirk back.

He flipped the gun around in his hand and hit me in the face with the end of it. I stumbled to the floor and put my hand on my cheek.

My blood came down my hand as I felt it on my skin. I stood up again and faced him. I put my hands up in a fighting position, ready for his attack.

"Really? You think you can beat me?" I questioned with a smug look on his face. To be honest, I had no idea. I had never fought him before. But it didn't look like I had much of a choice and this was the plan, all I had to do was stall him, that's it.

I didn't answer him, I grabbed his wrist while he was distracted and pushed the gun out of his hand so it landed on the floor a few feet away from us.

He looked mad. I hit him in the face and in the gut and he stumbled a little but didn't fall. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

He backed up and used his force to kick me in the gut. I fell on my back as my body was sent across the floor, sliding until my back hit the wall.

I was struggling to breath as I tried to get up. He walked over to me and he had a devilish smile on his face. I couldn't move, I was absolutely frozen in this moment.

I heard the door open on the other side of the house. Clarke. He looked away from me and in the direction of the sound. No, he can't get her, no way, no fucking way.

I moved my leg around and kicked him in the back of his knees which landed him on his back.

I used whatever strength I could muster up to stand up all the way and he was starting to get up too.

I kneed him in the jaw which made him fall back down again but I knew it wasn't for long.

I quickly ran over to where the gun was on the floor. I picked it up and pointed it at him as she got up. He had blood running from his nose and mouth and the look on his face terrified me.

It was like he found some sick joy in this.

"Please stop," I begged as I pointed the gun at him, tears falling from my eyes.

"You won't do it Alexandria," he said, using the back of his hand to wipe the blood from his mouth. I clutched the gun harder as he took a step forward.

"I don't want to but I will if I have to. Go outside and hand yourself over," I said, trying to be strong but I was pointing a gun at the only father I ever had so tears were in my eyes even though I hated his guts.

"Why would I do that? You're too weak to actually pull the trigger." He practically spat at me. "You're too weak to be in this world. That girl out there is making you weak. I taught you to be strong, to fight, just like me." He said and I felt my arm slowly lower. The adrenaline was starting to wear off and I could feel the pain invade my body. Every muscle aches, especially my arm. I think it might be broken.

"I don't want to be just like you. You have become my worst nightmare and I would give anything in the world to not become you," I yelled back as my vision blurred by the tears filling them quickly.

"You should be grateful to have a parent like me. I taught you to fight, I gave you strength, I gave you all the fight you have in you. And you throw it away on that pitiful girl. God! I should have killed her when I had the chance!" he yelled spitefully as he lunged closer to me but he didn't have time to finish his speech.

*BANG!*

A loud sound shot through the house, shaking it and me along with it.

His body fell to his knees on the ground. On his way down I could see his eyes.

They were familiar, friendly and hurt. Those weren't the eyes that hurt me time and time again, they were the ones that loved me and my mother. Before she died. Before he became what he is.

But his body fell. My arm had come back up and was still pointing at where his body used to be standing. My finger was still in the trigger, holding the gun firm as my arms were steadily held up.

"Your fight is over," I muttered to him. I saw his eyes close and only then did I relax my arm as it fell to my side.

That's when everything started to fade in and out.

I heard muffled voices and everything around me blurred.

All that was left was pain.

I felt it in my body, in my heart and in my eyes. Another loud sound came into the house and multiple police officers ran in.

I felt hands on my shoulders and didn't have any fight or care left in me to worry about who it was. I don't even remember dropping the gun, it just slipped from my fingers.

Mg gaze followed the arms on my shoulders back to her face. As soon as I saw her I pulled her into a hug.

"Are you ok?" I asked as I held her tighter, not wanting to ever let her go ever again, even for a second.

I know she responded but I wasn't listening. I was just glad she wasn't hurt, and I couldn't believe we both made it out. Alive.

*end flashback*

Clarke's POV:

She was crying. She looked into my eyes and I could actually see emotion. I would be jumping for joy right now but the emotion in her eyes was of devastation.

"I didn't hesitate to pull the trigger and end his life." She said, her gaze not moving from my eyes. "I gave him a choice to go outside, to turn himself in, to do it peacefully. He refused. Then he threatened to kill Clarke once again and I pulled the trigger. No hesitation, no questions. Just death. And I would do it again," she said as she straightened up and her eyes never faltered from mine.

I still don't know what to say. I have never been in this situation before. Has anyone been in this situation before? Probably not.

"As he took his dying breaths and fell to the floor, I could see him. The real him. The one before he lost the love of his life, before he became this mad man, before he became a drunk. He was the father I grew up with before. And now he is gone, forever. And it is my fault but I don't feel guilty. I feel relieved," she said as she looked away.

"That's why I can't be around you guys anymore. I have the same darkness he had and I don't want it to affect you guys. You are all too good for this world and I don't even deserve to be in it. I'm sorry." She said as she picked up a bag that I didn't even realize she had and went to the door. I wanted to stop her but my legs weren't working. I was still in shock.

She stopped at the door after she opened it and turned to me. "I love you Clarke, and I will always be with you," she said before she shut the door.

"I-" I tried to say but I couldn't make any actually words to stop her, I was in too much shock.

All of us just stood there, absorbing all the information given to us and wondering what the hell just happened.