Part 46

Lexa POV:

I don't know what happened or how it happened. Something was just incredibly wrong.

I shot up from the bed, I was intensely sweating and freezing cold and burning hot all at the same time. And somehow, that wasn't even the most terrifying part.

I could barely see through the dark that consumed the entirety of the room but my heart was racing profusely. I looked around the room and it looked so unfamiliar in the complete and utter darkness and I just kept looking around in hope I found something I could recognize and hold onto.

All sounds started to fade away behind me, all I could hear was my heartbeat. It was beating too fast and was beating so loud in my eardrums that it was hard to focus on anything else so I couldn't think to get enough air in my lungs.

My head was killing me in painful throbs and I was starting to freak out because I still didn't know where I was because the room was just a giant blur.

My breathing started to get faster to the point I was struggling to get any air in my lungs at all so I placed my hand on the nearest wall and the other on my heart to try and control it somehow.

I couldn't breath. I kept trying but it felt like there wasn't any air left in my lungs at all. All my senses started to fade away at that moment. Everything went blurry, I couldn't hear or see anything, and everything I touched felt numb on my body. I don't know what's happening to me.

My body felt so weak. I hate being weak. The one hand on the wall started to trace it until it hit another. My hand resting in the corner of the wall, the only thing keeping me up I'm sure.

My body stumbled around until my back was pressed tightly up against the corner. I was still breathing fast and hard and my legs eventually gave out and my knees buckled. My feet fell from under me and I felt my back slide down the cold wall until I hit the hard ground under me.

I could feel hot tears flow down my face and they clouded my vision completely, I couldn't fight it so even if my vision came back, I would be able to see.

I was trying to hold onto something, anything, but my arms couldn't move from their spot pressed on the wall. It's like there was a magnet holding them in place. I could feel myself kicking my legs to try and get them to work but nothing was happening.

I was completely paralyzed.

I heard muffled noises but I couldn't make out any of the words over the rapid beating of my heart that was starting to cause more pain in my head.

I looked around to find the source of the sounds but the view was still blurry and my mind wouldn't let me focus on anything. It was all moving too fast and my eyes were darting all over the place.

"LEXA!" Someone yelled and it pierced my ears, making them ring in my head.

It wasn't faded anymore, the voice was very clear and very loud making me immediately focus directly on the sound. Which is the only thing I could do in the moment.

I felt pressure on my shoulders as my body began to shake. My head hit the wall a few times before my eyes focused on the person in front of me.

She had beautiful blonde hair that curled around her face and breathtaking blue eyes that were fixated right at me.

I focused on those and only those eyes as I felt hands on my face, cupping my cheeks. I was starting to get my senses back. But I was still trying to breath straight as my vision came back around the girl. I saw more people all facing me.

"You're ok," she said in a soft, delicate voice. My eyes finally focused all the way and I realized who was in front of me.

"Clarke?" I asked, barely audible but enough for her to hear. My voice was shaky in my throat and it broke as words came out of my mouth as practically just air.

"What's going on? What happened?" She said and my eyes started roaming over the room. Abby, Luna and Raven were standing behind Clarke, looking down at me with concern. I was sitting on the floor apparently, in the corner of her room.

"I-I-I don't- I don't know," I stuttered and I put my hands on my head to control the constant throbbing.

I had no clue what just happened. I didn't know what I was feeling or how exactly I got to where I am. I wasn't able to breath, see or feel anything right now. It just felt like I was dying slowly from the inside out and there was nothing I could do to stop it.

"Lexa," she said and I looked back up into her electrifying blue eyes. "You're ok," she said calmly.

I nodded and wiped the tears from my cheeks and used her as help to pull myself up. I shook my head a little to try and get rid of what happened. It clearly didn't work.

Clarke POV:

I woke up alone in the bed. I heard whimpering and loud breathing and I searched the room with my sleep filled eyes. It was almost to dark to see.

"Lexa?" I said as I saw her, leaning on the wall, breathing hard with a hand pressed against her heart.

I squinted, looking harder into the room to see if what I was seeing was right.

"Lexa?" I said again because she didn't seem to hear me the first time. She put her back against the wall and I could see her face now.

She had tears coming down her face, her eyes were moving fast, searching to room rapidly for something to hold on to. I could just see the panic all over her face and my heart started to fall in my chest. I didn't know what was happening.

"What's going on?" I said louder, getting out of the bed. She didn't seem to register me or my voice again or anything for that matter.

Luna and Raven burst into the room now and looked around the room. They took one look at Lexa who was freaking out against the wall before looking at me with panic written all over their faces. I had no idea what to do.

Lexa fell to the floor and I immediately ran over to her. "Lexa!" I said again but I could see her eyes run around me, not landing in anything, not landing on my face which was right in front of hers. I put my hands on her shoulders.

"LEXA!" I shouted and shook her body to try and wake her up from whatever she was in. It seemed to work because for the first time, she looked at me. Her face was still panicked but she could actually see me.

My mom came in next. "What is going on?" She asked as she looked at all of us. Raven and Luna were still completely speechless.

"I don't know," I said, turning to look at her. I put my hands on Lexa's face and she flinched a little before settling into them and seemed to calm down a bit.

"You're ok," I said as I wiped the tears from her cheeks. She looked into my eyes and I could see her green eyes focus on them.

"Clarke?"

My heart broke at the sound of her voice, it was so weak and scared. I did feel a wave of relief come over me that she finally spoke so I let out a big breath I had been holding in since I woke up.

"What's going on? What happened?" I asked her, trying to stay as calm as possible as to not frighten her again.

I could see her eyes unfocus from me as she tried to recall what was going on. She put her hands on her head as I could see her trying to remember.

"I-I-I don't- I don't know," she managed to mumble out. She looked so scared and I didn't know how to help her.

Lexa POV:

I finally got to my feet and I could feel my head throbbing.

I started to remember what happened a little bit but I couldn't put it into words.

"I-I uh, I need to- uh..." I couldn't find the exact words to say. Clarke just nodded her head and led me to the kitchen with her hand in mine. She poured me a glass of water as I put my hands over my face to cool myself off and calm down.

"What was that?" Luna asked after a couple minutes of silence as they all circled around me. I shook my head, not able to think of any words to say.

I drank the cold water and felt it as it slowly went down my throat and cooled of my body that I'm pretty sure was steaming. It all started to come back to me. Very slowly and painfully but it came back.

"That wasn't like anything I had ever felt before," I said quietly, but since the room was completely silent, everyone heard. Loud and clear.

"Was it another nightmare?" Clarke asked. I slowly looked up into her eyes. When they met, something happened.

Once again, I didn't know where I was. All I could feel was cold and darkness surrounding me. An all too familiar feeling washed over me.

I looked around and my vision started to fade back in. I realized I was back home, well back at my house anyhow. I don't know how I got here in the first place but somehow, I did.

I was sitting on the cool wood paneled floorboards and I went to get up but something was stopping me.

Pain.

That's what was keeping me down. My whole body ached and I didn't know why. I don't think I want to know why.

I looked down at my body and I had blood all over my hands, like they were completely soaked in dark crimson blood.

I began to panic and I searched my body for the wound. Nothing. I wasn't the one bleeding. So where was the blood coming from? I looked around and only until I looked behind me did I find the source.

No.

Please no.

Blood was covering the floor. Layering the once tan wood floor with a deep red liquid that was poring over it.

She was just laying there with her clothes soaking in her own pool of blood, the colors of her shirt unrecognizable now.

Her eyes were closed as blood not only flowed out of her body, but her mouth too.

"No," I whimpered quietly as I crawled over to her side, my muscles aching but I pushed through it.

I put my already blood soaked hands through her beautiful golden hair, staining its color but lifting her head up.

"Clarke," I was barely able to choke out her name as tears fell from my eyes and bounced off her smooth, beautiful skin that was now tainted with blood.

"Clarke wake up," I pleaded as I shook her shoulders. She didn't move.

"No," I sobbed again as I kept trying to wake her. Nothing worked but I refused to give up on her.

"Clarke please," I said again but I stopped shaking her body. I set her back down so her back was in the ground all the way. I put my hands on her face and the blood from my fingers stained the soft, rosy cheeks that I loved so much.

Tears came faster as I realized I would never see her beautiful blue eyes again. I would never feel her touch again. Never feel the electricity coarse through me as her lips pressed passionately on mine.

"Goodbye Clarke," I barely said through tears and I placed a kiss on her head and held her hand in my own, squeezing it for any sigh of life that I was praying to find.

Still, nothing.

Nothing but death.

I heard footsteps behind me but I didn't care right now. All my focus was on the blonde girl I had fallen in love with laying dead in my arms in front of me.

The presence behind me didn't leave so I looked over my shoulder to see who it was. I could feel their eyes watching me, watching Clarke. I looked and I was absolutely terrified.

"I told you Alexandria," he said firmly and an anger coarsed through my veins. He did it. He killed her. He killed Clarke. He killed my love.

His hands were laced with her blood as he dangled the gun by the side of his body.

No.

Please no.

I refuse to believe she is gone. She can't be gone. I turned back and as much as I tried to believe her heart would start beating again, her lungs would fill with air or her eyes would open.

But deep down, I knew they wouldn't.

"Lexa?" Luna said and I shook back into focus of the room and people around me. I was looking directly at Clarke and realized I was staring so I turned to look at Luna who had called my name.

It was hard to see and I realized I was crying again when I felt the tears roll down my cheek.

"Uh, what was that?" I said as I wiped them away. "Was it another nightmare?" She asked, repeating her question that I didn't bother to hear the first time.

I moved my head to glance at Clarke and she gave me a look that said 'was it?'

"Yeah," was all I could say as I turned back to Luna. I tried not to look at Clarke.

"Was it like the others?" Luna asked. I gave another glance at Clarke from the side but I couldn't keep the gaze because her bloody, lifeless face flashed in my eyes.

"Uh, no," I said, refocusing on my friend instead. I could feel Clarke's eyes on me but I couldn't look at her. Not after what I saw.

Raven was looking between me and Clarke, trying to figure out the same thing as everyone else in the room because it was weird for me not to go to her for help like I had on so many other occasions.

Abby was quietly standing across from Clarke but behind me. She clearly didn't know what to say, nobody really did but she finally chimed in.

"I think you had a panic attack," Abby said quietly. We all turned to look at her. "Yeah, probably," Clarke added and I tried my hardest not to look at her but I couldn't help it.

The blood on her face, flowing from her body and mouth, coating my body. No. I looked away quickly, scrunching my face at the violent memories that kept flashing in my eyes.

"Do you know what prompted it?" Abby said as I turned to face her.

"Uh..."

I gave a side look at Clarke. "Yeah," I said as I answered Abby and looked at the ground. "Do you want to talk about it?" Clarke said as she got closer to me.

I started to panic again. I looked away from her face the best I could but I could feel my heart pick up it's fast pace again.

"No," I said quickly and walked out of the room. I went straight back into bed and laid down. I put my back to the door and I just laid there.

I couldn't close my eyes because every time I did, I saw her laying there. I felt the pain of loosing her. I heard the door open but I didn't turn around. I heard Clarke get in the bed and I still didn't move. I couldn't turn around to look at her so I just forced myself to sleep.

***

I woke up again in the morning in a light filled the room. I sat up and put my legs over the side of the bed.

"Fuck" I mumbled to myself as sharp pains invaded my head. It felt like the worst hangover ever. I put my hands on my head and rubbed my temples as I got up from the bed and walked out of the room.

"Morning sunshine," Raven joked as I walked into the kitchen. I chuckled a bit but stopped when it made my head hurt more.

"Uh, did that really happen last night?" I asked, really hoping it was a dream. What a fucking nightmare that would be. Luna and Raven shared glances before Luna nodded her head solemnly. Great. Fucking perfect.

Clarke walked into the kitchen and gave me a sympathetic smile. I saw the flashes of her dead body in my eyes. I tried to smile through it but it was very difficult.

I looked away until the memories of my dream cleared before looking back. She smiled more when her eyes found mine again.

"Hey," She said softly as she came to stand next to me. "Hi," I replied, giving her a small smile in return.

"Are you ok?" She asked as she put her hand on my arm and rubbed circles with her thumb. I nodded my head but it was a lie. I didn't want it to be a lie though.

I grabbed her hand and took her out of the kitchen. "What's going on Lex?" She asked with curiosity and concern as I led her away from Luna and Raven.

"I just need to try something," I said before I stopped walking. She looked at me, even more confused and nervous than before.

I brought my head down and placed my lips carefully on hers. She immediately kissed back and I could feel the heat spread through my body as our lips collided. My lips tingled at the connection and the sensations flowed down my body as we moved together. The electricity pulsing through me. That's exactly what I was looking for. I needed to see if it was still there, if I would feel that electricity again after what I saw.

I pulled away from her and she still looked confused, but like a kind of happy confused. "Did you find what you were looking for?" She said with a smirk as she cocked her head and looked up to my face.

I smiled and nodded my head and bit my lip. Our faces were still centimeters apart and my eyes bounced between her eyes and her lips.

"Then I am happy to help," she said before pulling me into another searing kiss. It was just as passionate as the last one. I didn't have to be afraid of my dream. That's all it was, a dream right? Clarke was here, with me now and she wasn't going anywhere.

We heard someone whistle and we broke apart in a laugh. Raven and Luna were watching us and clapping. "How long have you been here?" Clarke asked with a laugh but also a little irritation in her voice.

"Long enough," Raven answered as she wiggled her eyebrows. "Ew," I said quietly so only Clarke heard me. She laughed a little before we moved from our position.

"Hey, are you ok Lexa?" Abby asked me as she entered the room and placed the back of her palm on my forehead.

I nodded my head but I could feel the stares of everyone else in the room. "Are you ready to talk about it now?" Clarke said softly as she placed her hand on my arm. I had to tell them something, they would never give up until they knew.

I nodded my head a little before I sat down. "Uh, I dreamt of my dad," I said and they all surrounded me.

"He came back and he was at the house" I said, my eyes almost fluttered to Clarke before I stopped myself.

"I was there and..." I said as I started getting choked up. Clarke put her hand on mine. "It's ok," she said. "He was hurting you and that's all we have to know," she said as she looked to Luna and Raven who nodded their heads.

I wanted to correct her. He wasn't hurting me exactly, well, not directly. He was hurting her but I couldn't. I couldn't face it. Not yet.

"Why don't we just chill today? Maybe watch a movie," Luna suggested. "Yeah," Raven chimed in. "Um, ok," I said, looking to Clarke who had sympathetic eyes.

I don't really feel like it was needed but if it makes them feel better then ok. "Go sit down, I will go pop some popcorn," Raven said, motioning me and Clarke to the couch and Luna with her to the kitchen.

I sat down on the couch and Clarke sat next to me. I could feel her watching me and looked over to her. Her eyes were sad when they looked at me, they were filled with pity, sorrow and nervousness.

"I'm ok Clarke I promise," I said to her, trying to put her mind at ease.

"I know," she said but she didn't change the look on her face.

"Really? Because your face says otherwise," I said with a forced chuckle, pointing to her face. Her hands shot up to her face to try and stop the emotion from showing or something. "What do you mean?" She asked.

"You're looking at me like I'm broken," I said quietly, looking away from her because I couldn't handle it anymore.

"I don't think you're broken Lex," she said as she crawled into my lap and wrapped her arms around me. I put my arms around her and put my face on her shoulder.

"It was just a dream," she said into my body. It was just a dream. It was just a dream. I repeated that over and over because it didn't feel like just a dream and I needed to believe it was.

"Alright," Raven said as she put a bowl of popcorn down and sat on the couch with Luna. Clarke looked up to her friend but did move off of me and I was glad she didn't. I liked holding her close. Making sure her heart was still beating.

Raven turned on a movie. It was sappy and romantic and Luna and I groaned when she picked it.

"What?" Raven said with her hands defensively in the air. Both Luna and I gave her weird looks at her movie choice.

"Ok relax, you both have beautiful girlfriends, suck it up and watch the movie," Raven said.

Clarke smiled as she snuggled farther into my body. I kissed her on the temple and I could feel her smile against my skin. "Yeah we do," Luna said as she kissed Raven and put her arms around her.

After the movie was over, Clarke got up. "Hey," I said in protest at the loss of Clarke from my body.

"Sorry, I am going to get us some food" she said as she pecked my lips. "We have food," Raven said, motioning to the popcorn and chips sprawled out on the table.

"Real food Rae, we need to eat something real," Clarke said and Raven crossed her arms but didn't protest any further.

Clarke grabbed her keys and opened the door. "Don't start another movie without me, I should only be gone 30 minutes," Clarke said as she walked out. Luna and Raven quickly went to their room to do things I really did not want to hear so I went to take a quick shower.

I got out and my hair was dripping down my back, causing it to arch as the cold droplets slid down my spine. I threw on some sweats and a large hoodie and went down stairs.

"Hey, have you heard from Clarke? She should be back now," Raven said as I got down to the bottom of the staircase.

"No," I said as I pulled out my phone to check for messages. Almost insync with the conversation, my phone rang and Clarke's profile appeared on the screen.

"Speak of the devil," I said as I showed the screen of Clarke's profile to Raven who let out a sigh of relief. "Hey Clarke where are you? Is everything ok, you should be back by now?" I said into the phone.

"Hello Alexandria" the voice said back.