Chapter 66

A/N: Leigh Anne is in Hong Kong right now O.M.F.G.

Imagine I saw her when I was walking down the street and I talked to her, took a picture with her, hug her...

But unfortunately I am at home and I am nowhere near where she is and even though I go out right now she probably had left and go to somewhere else...

So I am gonna sit my sorry ass down and post a new chapter:(

Perrie's POV

476 days ago

"Jade. Do you have to put on the blindfold?" I whined, my body shifting uncomfortably on the car seat.

"Yes. It is a surprise so no.peeking." My lips curved up as she let out a few cute giggles. Aw

"I am not. I can see nothing. How long does it takes to go to the house?" I whimpered

"Not long babe. Just hang on for a bit yeah?" She cooed, my body froze when I felt her small hand slipped into mine despite the warmth radiated from it

"O-Okay"

I murmured and held her soft hand, heart racing at the sweet nickname and the feeling of our hands connected, which I ferociously missed and long for since the day I left the house.

Zayn broke up with me a few weeks ago and I was devastated. Although I never loved him, I did see him as a really close friend so I would never expect he would cut me off over the phone, just like that, considering we have been 'dating' for years. But that's not what shattered me the most, it's the fact that I realized how dumb I was to ruin my precious friendship with Jade for a man like him, and yet my feeling for her never go away but grew stronger everything single day we were apart...so what's the point of leaving her for someone else in the first place?

I am so fucking stupid

The girls had been really supportive, Jade particularly, despite how badly I had been acting towards her. I remembered the moment when I told them the news, I was immediately being wrapped in her arms, quickly followed by Jesy and Leigh Anne, Jade was the one crying the hardest, even harder than me, like she was the one suffering. I was sobbing too, a small part being the happiness of finally being so close to her once again, but the main reason was the immense guilt of her still being so caring when I was being such a bitch to her.

She even allowed me to move back to the old flat when she knew I had no place to stay after the split, but I had to refuse her no matter how desperately I wanted to move in with her...I would be the biggest asshole if I still took advantage of her generosity after what I had done just because she let me. I would never forget the look on her face when I told her no, I had to look away and left the room immediately as one more glance at her would completely smashed my heart.

And that's not the first time I saw that face, I saw it when I told her I wanted to move out and lived with Zayn, when she stood at my door in silence watching me packing my bags, when I said one last goodbye to her before opening the front door and stepped out of the house that had been our home for almost two years...the look that spoke disappointment and sorrow, even she quickly put on her best fake smile and pretended she was delighted, I knew she wasn't. She is too selfless to allow me to do all that just because I told her that's what I want...

I can't let her do me any favors anymore...I can't. How selfish could I be?

I was hesitant at first when she told me she knew a house for me, but she emphasized it's actually Danielle who found that and she didn't do anything, I agreed to let her take me to the house when she pulled out those puppy dog eyes I could never resist to. I told myself this is the last time, the very last time I would owe her, then I am going to rely on myself, and myself only.

Of course that never happens.

"Can I take the blindfold off now?" I asked eagerly once I heard the door closed, so I assumed we were inside the new house.

"Um...Y-Yeah"

I frowned at Jade's uncertain answer, but she let go of my hand so I took it as my cue to take it. My eyes widened once my eyes got used to the light and took in the familiar sight.

"T-This is...W-Why?"

"Danielle is going to move in with her friend so you can move back in an-"

"No! J-Jade...No I can't!"

"Why not? We shared a house before why can't we now?"

"I-I...No Jade I...I just can't...I can't anymore...I am sorry"

I swiftly turned around to open the door, wanting to escape as quickly as I could because I couldn't think of any good enough excuse to explain my reaction without pouring my whole heart to her, that I am so in love with her I can't bear to be this close to her, that I don't deserve her kindness after everything I did

However, her tiny hand grasped on my wrist tightly to stop me.

"Why can't you just let me help you?" My heart clenched as her voice was trembling like she was at the verge of crying.

"You can't help me Jade"

"I can. I will do anything to h-"

"You can't Jade. I am so broken it's beyond repair"

Ever since I started dating Zayn, the hate never ends. I received loads of criticism saying I am ugly and fat, that I am the worst singer in Little Mix, that I am an attention whore and only use Zayn for fame, that I do not deserve Zayn, and I even received dead threats because of that...

At the beginning it really destroyed me, I hadn't even got used to be thrown at the celebrity world after we won the show and I already received so much loathing, attacking me at every possible way, and I might have already quit the group if it wasn't for the tremendous support I got from the girls, who kept telling me how untrue the comments were, that they need me and the group would only work with all four of us. Since me and Jade was sharing a house, she was the only one there when I had my breakdown off work, and every time she would hug me and tell me I am beautiful inside and out, that I am one of the best person she had ever met, that she would always be there for me no matter what

I was still hurt by the harsh critique, but I could endure it as long as Jade doesn't think of me like that

It's her that matters

As time gone by, I thought I was immune to all the hate...but I was so wrong. I am absolutely defenseless without Jade, but together we can conquer the world. However, I didn't realize that soon enough. I was dumb enough to throw away my only lifeline. The hate got even worse when I was engaged with Zayn, and even though the girls still tried to make sure I was okay when we were at work, it wasn't the same. Jade and I was barely alone because I would always look for Leigh Anne or Jesy and followed them to wherever they were, she was hesitant to talk to me when she sensed my apathy, she wasn't there when I was bawling my eyes out in my room...

And it was all my fault

I should have never left the love of my life for a man I don't love, and now it didn't work out the way I thought it would be after going through so much hatred, and the worst part was I had ruined my friendship with Jade.

I fucked up so bad.

I loathed myself

And Jade still wanted to salvage what we had, but I don't deserve to be saved.

I am not worthy at all.

I gasped as she pulled on my wrist, hard enough to make my body turn so my hand slipped off from the door handle. I was facing the gorgeous brunette once again, my heart cracked at the sight of her glassy brown eyes staring at me with pain and confusion. She took both of my hands in hers, with so much force to make sure there is no way I could reach for the door again.

"I don't care if you think you can't be fixed because I know you can! And I will do anything to make sure that" She said solemnly

"There is nothing you can do..."

I lied. I knew deep down she is the only one that could mend me, no matter how tattered I was.

"How do you know that? You don't even give me a chance to help you! Do you really despise me this much you don't want anything to do with me?!"

My eyes widened at the last sentence, she was too so I guessed she didn't intend to say it out loud. However, I knew this was the one question she had been dying to ask me for so long, she just didn't dare to

"W-What? NO!"

I knew I had made so many wrong decisions and withheld most of my true feeling, but I could never tell her something so malicious like 'I hate you', that was too far from the fucking truth

"Really? Because I am pretty sure you have been avoiding me" She scolded, I gulped as her gaze was so intense she was determined to get an explanation from me, and I don't think I could think of anything to cover up this one.

"No. I am not"

I lied again and averted my eyes to anything but her face, but she loosened her grip on my hands to cup my face, turning my head to face her

"Then look me in the eyes and tell me you haven't"

"I-I....hav..."

There is no way I could deceive those brown eyes as she looked straight into my eyes like she wanted to look into my soul, my stomach knotted up when I saw a tear ran down her beautiful face, a wave of guilt hit me knowing I am the reason for it

"Don't cry for me baba. I don't deserve it"

I immediately wiped the tear off, I shivered when my fingers made contact with her smooth skin as it sent tingle to my body.

"Don't say that. Don't say like you were nothing" She frowned

"But I am. Or even worse..."

I looked down, finding it hard to look into those pure and innocent brown eyes when the guilt and remorse were consuming me. She gasped and lifted my head up so our gaze met again

"Stop saying that! Why would you think so low of yourself?!"

"How can I not?! You have stayed by my side when I was going through the lowest point of my life but what did I do to repay you? I left you. I fucking left you! And you are right, I avoided you and ignored you when all you have done is to help me, can you see that's why I can't live with you anymore? Because I can't fucking face you I felt so ashamed!!"

I exclaimed as tears finallycame out, torn down the wall I built up since the day I left the house, revealing the painful truth that had been hidden for so long. Her hold loosened and I instantly covered my face not wanting her to see me like this.

"Y-You shouldn't feel ashamed...I-I don't want you to" She stuttered, clearly shocked by my confession

"That's exactly why I should. Why are you still being so nice to me Jade? I hurt you." I muttered

"I-I..."

"See? There is no reason a fucked-up like me deserves someone like you. It's better for you to just...g-give up on me...give up on us" I sneered and wiped the tears off my face, it killed me to say those words but I had to, she deserves someone a lot better than me.

"Goodbye Jade"

I breathed out, after taking a deep breath, then turned around and reached for the door handle again. The ache in my heart was almost unbearable, because I knew once I stepped out of the house today, I would never come back and thing would never be the same between us.

"You are not leaving"

She pushed away my hand and blocked the door with her petite body, the perseverance in her eyes told me she was not gonna let me walk out that door. I shut my eyes and let out a frustrated sigh. Why is she so damn stubborn?!

"Listen to me Jad-"

"NO YOU LISTEN TO ME!" I winced at her sudden burst out

"I won't give up on you, and neither on us. I would never no matter how terrible you think of yourself! Because you meant so much to me Perrie. So Fucking Much and nothing would change that! I can't stand the thought of you staying in a hotel without a proper house. I can't stand the fact that I can only see you at work and not knowing if you are alright or not. I can't stand you keep pushing me away when I don't know what I have done wrong. I can't stand living in this house without you because it is suppose to be OUR home" She sniffed, tears kept running down like there was no end, just like the agony in my heart.

"Don't leave Perrie. Please. I regretted not saying it to you the first time but I am saying it right now. Please don't leave me again. I need you so much I can't fucking live without you!" She sobbed, gripping my hands so hard like her life depends on it.

Why would she need me? I am worthless.

And she can't live without me?! I don't think she meant 'survive', she would never, she probably think she couldn't 'live alone' in the house without me but still...why would she think that?

I am not that important to her...am I?

But seeing her like this made me really question about my decision, that if me leaving is another mistake I am going to made...

"B-But I am not the Perrie you used to know...I-I don't even recognize myself anymore...I am a horrible person" I wailed, wanting to pull out my hands to bury my face in them because I felt so remorseful and deplorable, but she didn't let me and shook her head frantically

"No you are not horrible. You never was and never will be. A few bad don't take away all the goods or define who you are, and you are still the best person I have ever encountered in my entire life" She paused and placed a hand on my chest, to where my heart is

"The Perrie that I know and love is still here. The Perrie that is always so bubbly and happy that never fail to make me laugh, the Perrie that would patiently listen to me venting and give me hugs to make my worst days a lot better, the Perrie that would come to my rescue right away every time I need help...you are still that Perrie, only it's now hidden because of all the shits you have been going through. You just have to let me in, let me help you to clear the dark clouds in you so you will be a ray of sunshine again, and I promise you I won't stop until I succeeded and found the real Perrie...will you let me?"

I don't think I have ever heard anything more beautiful and heartfelt than that...

How can I say no to that?

No I can't.

Not when she is willing to give me her all to help me find myself

I placed my hand on top of her small one and gave it a squeeze, I could feel how hard my heart was beating. I have never felt so alive. I flashed her a wide and genuine smile, that's when I realized it had been so long I smiled like this and I almost forgot how to...she already made me happier.

She believes in me.

And I believe in her.

So maybe I should give myself a chance.

To be a better me that might deserve someone like her

I gave her a nod, while weeping with tears of guilt, realization and happiness. My eyes widened when she pulled me into a hug, grasping my body so tight like she was afraid of me vanishing. I clutched at her torso as firmly wanting her to know I am not going anywhere, that I am here to stay, with her, that I fucking need her just as much as she does, and even more. I don't care if I am still not worthy of her. I need her. I want her. I love her.

"There is always a place for you in my heart Jade. I know you will find me, only you can, so will you let me stay with you? Because I need you too, so fucking much"

She nodded frantically, I smiled and stroked her hair gently. Soon enough her body was calmed and relaxed and so was I, she pulled away slightly to look me in the eyes, arms still wrapping tightly on my torso, her brown eyes were sparkling and brimming with joy that made my heart fluttered, and it almost jumped out of my chest when she flashed me a bright smile that I returned immediately.

Needless to say, she kept her words and fixed my fragmented self

So I made a promise to myself

That I will love her and cherish her with all my heart.

A heart that is hers and only her to take

Because it had her name written down the moment she made me whole again

--------------

"Perrie you alright?"

Danielle's voice brought me back to reality, and she was looking at me bemusedly.

"Thank you Danielle. Really. Not only for the house, but also for bringing me and Jade back together. I don't think we would ever realize our own feeling if we weren't...Wait. How did you find out she had feeling for me?" She smiled proudly at my question.

"Like I said she talked about you a lot so it's really natural the conversation shifted to you and Zayn, but she avoided to talk about him and changed the topic every single time, and by the look on her face I knew I better shut my mouth than brought his name up again. And after her breakdown, I had my suspicion but was never too sure, because she could be jealous of him stealing her best friend and miss spending time with you...Until one day we were watching movie and she fell asleep in the middle of it, she kept mumbling your name in her sleep. That's when all the dots connected and I knew you aren't only a close friend to her. I mean you won't just mumbled anyone's name unconsciously if you weren't thinking about or missing that someone all the time" She laughed

"It meant that much? Can't she just see me in her dream or something?" I asked confusedly

"It could be. That's why to be sure, I suggested we would have a movie night every Saturday night if we both didn't have work, and let say your name is the only name that came out from her mouth...or you can say you appeared in her dream quite a lot or even doing something to her in the 'dream'" She smirked and used air quote at the last word, I blushed as I knew what she was implying at

"R-Really?! I didn't think it would be anything important. I did hear her mumbling my name in her sleep while we were sharing a bed back then. Did s-she oh my god" Sometimes I am really oblivious...

"It's a possibility. And you thought it was normal?" She watched me in amused while taking another sip on her drink

"As I said, I thought she was just dreaming or something...But now I don't know what is normal anymore" I murmured bashfully

She clutched at her stomach with her free hand and laughed uncontrollably at my response, my cheeks were burning in embarrassment, as her loud laughter caught attention and now all eyes were on us, including Jade's as she started to walk towards us

"What happened to her?"

She slipped her small hand in mine, wearing a small smile on her face as she watched Danielle laughing her ass off

"Um...she..."

"Perrie just told me a very good joke!" Danielle exclaimed and gave me a thumb. Yeah I am the joke

"Wow baby you really did a great job then. I rarely see her losing her shits like this" Jade smiled proudly at me, and her compliment for sure made Danielle laughed even harder

"Why are your cheeks so red baby?" She frowned once she noticed my crimson cheeks and cupped them with her soft hands

"J-Just feeling a little bit hot. You enjoy the party birthday girl?" I quickly changed the topic, trying to block out Danielle's annoying laugh

"Yes. And you know what I love about it the most?" She beamed and wrapped her arms around my neck. I shook my head and held her waist

"That you are here with me as my fiancé and I can do this in front of everybody" She pulled me closer and connected our lips, causing a big cheer in the room as I smiled and kissed her back. I tilted my head a little bit to deepen the kiss, wanting to give her every ounce of me in the kiss, not able to control my infinite affection

"Wow...W-What was that for?" She asked once we pulled away for air, giggling a bit

"For existing in my life"

A/N: This chapter is kinda an unexpected one. I came up with it because I wanted to write something that might make people cry. I don't know why but I just felt like it and I hope you are crying now

lol

And it took me wayyy longer than I thought- -