Chapter 57

A/N: Sorry it is late cause I was so tired last night. It might happen a lot as I usually go out on Friday night...but I will make sure to update the next day don't worry:)

Jade's POV

I walked out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around my body. I went to get my clothes that I placed neatly on my bed beforehand, including my favourite 'SANTA IS A GEORDIE' sweater that I wear every winter break. I hurriedly put on my clothes, eager to see my blonde and spent some quality family time with our mams. My lips curved up at the thought of few hours later, we will finally declare our relationship to the world. We decided to announce it on Christmas, because well, it's when magic happens and the love we have is just magical so...why not?

I walked down to the living room, frowned when it was awkwardly quiet, my face dropped when I saw them...they all have tears on their face.

"What happened? What did I miss?" I sprinted over to Perrie, wrapping my arms around her, gently rubbing her back

"Jade. There is a place I wanna take you to" Perrie sniffed.

"Right now? Can you please tell me why you are all crying I am so worried babe" I raised my hands to wipe the tears off her face, but she grabbed them and took them in her hands instead.

"Yes. Right now. I will tell you everything once we are there I promise"

The serious tone in Perrie's voice really concerned me. I looked at our mams and they nodded, hoping I will go with her. I bit my lip and mumbled a quiet 'yes', feeling nervous of what she might tell me. It must be something very serious and upsetting by the look of their faces. Why after just one bloody shower, everything had changed?

After putting on our coats and shoes, I followed Perrie out the door but my mam grabbed my arm to stop me before I walked out, I turned my head and frowned at her

"Jade. Always remember Perrie loves you no matter what" She whispered

"What? Mam you are scaring me. Why would I forget that? What happened?" I gasped.

"Just remember that yeah?" She asked hopefully. I gave her a nod even though I was really confused right now.

"Now go"

She smiled and let me go. I turned around and Perrie was waiting for me with an outstretched arm. I took her hand and let her take me to wherever this special place was.

She didn't swing our joint hands like she always does and her palm was really sweaty, which is usually a sign of her being nervous. I peeked at her and she seems to have a lot in mind. I frowned and thought of millions of different things she might tell me. What my mam said to me earlier frightened me. Why would I ever doubt her love? There is no way. But I knew she said that because she was afraid whatever conversation we are having...might ruin us. I don't know how bad it's gonna be but I will try my best to prevent anything to tear us apart that's for sure.

We walked for around 5 minutes and stopped at a park, which I remembered spending most of my childhood in. This is the place she wanted to show me? She led me inside and we sat down on a bench, which happened to be the one I used to sit on. What a coincidence? I looked around and we are the only one here, everyone else probably stay at home to celebrate Christmas Eve with their families. I wondered why Perrie had to bring me here right now. My body shuddered slightly at the sudden wind, but the cold didn't last long as she immediately engulfed me into a warm embrace.

"Better?" She asked tenderly,arms rubbing my back to warm me up

"Um Hmm" I buried my face at the crook of her neck, brushing my nose against her porcelain skin.

I always find it comforting and calming when I was wrapped in her arms, even from the very beginning. When she hug me for the first time because I was getting nervous about going on stage...it calmed me immediately and I didn't want to ever let go. It felt so right like...I was home. It 's like...I am meant to be in her arms and it didn't feel...new to me. It is so weird.

If only we could stay in this position forever and forgot about anything we needed to discuss...but I swore not to be a coward anymore. Not when it comes to her. I will not repeat my mistakes. So when I felt her pulling away, instead of clutching at her shirt and begged her to stay, I let her and looked at her with unwavering eyes. I am ready to do whatever to protect what we have

"Do you remember this park?" Perrie mumbled softly

"Yeah. I always come here when I was younger. Why?" I tilted my head. She took a huge gulp and looked down

"Do you...um do you remember meeting a girl here 12 years ago? A blonde girl with a flower crown" She murmured, fiddling with her fingers tensely. What? That's totally not the question I expected her to ask me.

"12 years ago? Wow that's a long time" I giggled, trying to lighten the mood, but it didn't seems to calm my blonde's nerve

"I-I..." Her mouth opened and closed for a few times, struggling to let any word came out

"Take your time babe" I took her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. She nodded and took a few deep breath.

"I...I am that girl Jade. We met here 12 years ago. In this park. On this bench" My eyes widened in shock. Did I hear it right? We met before?!

"What? Are you sure?" I gasped in disbelief. Why can't I recall that? If I saw her I must have remembered...there is nobody like her. She gave me a firm nod, her free hand reached out to her back pocket and pulled out a photo

"This is...me?" I spotted my favourite Princess Jasmine T-shirt right away. I looked really young and skinny, wearing a big grin on my face

"Yeah. Your mam was showing me pictures of yours and I recognized this. Then I started to remember things and then I recalled all of it. This was taken on the day we first met"

Perrie started telling me everything about our first encounter. How broken yet beautiful I looked when she first laid eyes on me. How she held me in her arms to comfort me when I broke down. How we shared sandwiches together and chatted about Disney and X Factor. My breath hitched as fragments of memory started flashing back. That's why we have this special connection when we met on the X Factor. That's why I have always been so attached to her...

"We promised each other we will meet up everyday after school, but something happened and I broke the promise"

Perrie gulped and looked down, and when her head lifted up again, she was in the verge of tears. My heart clenched in distress and I brushed the tears off with the back of my hand when they started falling down on her face. She took my hand and held it so delicately in her slightly bigger hands, leaving a lingering kiss on each of my knuckle, more tears coming out from her sapphire eyes and dropping on my hand. Gosh it tears my heart apart when I see her like this...

"My dad took a new job but it was in another country. He told me we will move to New Zealand and had to leave on Sunday. I didn't want to go. I wanted keep seeing you and got to know you better. I fought, I cried, I begged...but I couldn't change their mind...I had to go. The next day I came here and sat on this bench all day, hoping maybe, maybe you will come here again, even if it was Saturday and we were supposed to meet up on Monday. I won't be here by then and I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye...but I never get the chance to do it"

Perrie sniffed and started sobbing. I pulled her into my arms and gently stroking her hair, trying to calm her down and simultaneously taking my time to process all the words as my mind was going overdrive. Fragments and pieces started to glue with one another, my eyes widened when they all came together and relived in my mind once again. It all make sense now. What shocked me the most is not I forgot about it...is that it actually happened

"So it wasn't just a dream or my imagination" I breathed out

"No it did happen Jade. I wish I didn't but I did leave you when you needed me the most. I am sorry I am so so sorry" She wailed and pulled away, her tear-stained face spoke guilty and regret

"No Perrie no y-"

"No Jade. If I never left, I could have been there for you and comforted you when you were in despair. If I never left, I could have stopped you from hurting yourself and you wouldn't be suffering. If I ne-" I cupped her face and smashed my lips on her, kissing those soft and now salty lips of hers.

I can't stand it. I can't stand it anymore. I can't endure seeing her feel so culpable and blaming herself for what I had gone through. It wasn't her fault, it never was. It was nobody's fault. I was the one who decide to self-destruct. Every blame she put on herself is like a stab into my heart. Her body tensed for seconds but soon she grasped my waist and kissed me back so devotedly and passionately, head turning and moving to taste my lips in every possible angle, occasionally releasing her lips slightly to take a puff of air and pressing them on my full lips once again. It's like she is kissing me for the last time, trying to linger her lips as long as she could to memorize how it feels like to have our lips molded together. How could she ever think this is the end? How could she ever think I could live without her kiss, without her touch, without her.

"No pleas-" She protested and desperate to reconnect our lips when I pulled away, but I stopped her from leaning in

"You are an idiot Perrie Louise Edwards"

"I know. I am so sorry Jade please forgive me" She sobbed

"No. You don't know. I never blame you, there is nothing to be forgiven for"

"What?! But I left you and I-"

"What could you do? You couldn't just stay on your own you were a kid" I cut her off

"I...I-I could...um...sleep in the park and...eat the sandwiches you brought me. I would survive" She protested

"Well that sounds like an idea coming from an eleven years old, but not a twenty-three years old" I crooked my brows, smiled when I heard her groaned

"Was I disappointed when you didn't come to the park anymore? Yes. Was I upset when I never get to know why you disappear? Yes. Was I hurt when I realized I had lost you for good? Ye-"

"Gosh I am so sorry Jade I never meant to hurt you and cause you any pain I am so so sor-"

"But you never know meeting you is one of the greatest thing that could have happened to me, especially at that time, when I was in my darkest days"

"But I fucking abandon you. None of that would happen if I-"

"No Perrie. I had problem eating and I was already hurting myself before I met you. Would I stop if you stayed? Maybe. But you were never the reason for it. I was. On the contrary, you made me wanted to stop...even though I thought you were never real"

"But I am...real?" I giggled as she looked completely startled. I moved my hands and looped my arms on her neck, gave her a peck on the lips and continued

"I remember kept coming back here everyday, but you never show up. At that time, I was really depressed and I was barely eating. Not only because of you, but also the bullying was getting worse and my parents were fighting all the time and then my granddad...passed away. A lot of horrible things had happened and I felt like everything around me was all messed up and I thought maybe eating is the only thing I could still have control of...so I started eating less and less, and lied to my mam saying I had eaten so I could skip meal. Sometimes I ate an apple a day, sometimes I didn't eat at all. My mind was so fucked up without proper food in my stomach and I started having hallucination..."

"So you thought I was one" Perrie mumbled. I nodded, confirming her inference.

"The time we spent together was just too good to be true. I thought it was just a dream or my imagination, too desperate for an angel to rescue me. So once I persuaded myself the angel had flied back to heaven, I stopped coming back"

"I ain't no angel...even though you used to call me that" Perrie murmured and looked down

"No baby you are" I whispered and lifted her chin up.

Looking into those agonized eyes, it took me back to twelves years ago as she had this same painful look on her when I told her about all the bullying. If I never presume all of that is unreal, I would have recognized her when I met her again 7 years laters...those marvelous blue eyes could only belongs to her. But at least our connection still remain and fate pulled us together so we got a second chance to know each other all over again...otherwise I might never find out the truth. Now I finally have the opportunity to thank her for what she had done and I will not stop until I take away all her pain and guilt.

"Your words were what kept me alive. Every time when I wanted to just give up and ended all the misery...I remembered what you said to me. That all the harsh and nasty words were entirely untrue, that I was beautiful even when I ate, that I was strong enough to get through all the struggles. It's your words that kept me hanging on long enough so I could finally realized I was not only hurting myself, I was hurting everyone who loves me. So I decided to get help and made a change. Fighting anorexia is difficult. It's hard to let go of the obsession of being in control and pushed away all the negative thought that was consuming your head. But I succeeded. Because of my family, because of my friends, because of you...my angel"

When I finally snapped out of my deep thought and drifted my gaze back to her gorgeous face, the corners of my lips curled up as her eyes were returned to my favorite blue, all shining and sparkling.

"Then I started to focus on pursuing my dream as a singer. I had a lot of defeats but they didn't bother much. After winning my battle against anorexia, I knew I could do anything and your words always stick in my head" I smiled and cupped her face, caressed her face gently

"That I can succeed if I have the courage to pursue my dream"

"Oh my god! Are those the Arabic words on your tattoo?" She gasped

"Yes. I carved your words on my back to remind myself not to give up every time people told me no. That's what motivate me to keep trying for X Factor. Thank god third time's the charm and I found you again" I grinned and leaned in to place a sweet kiss on her lips

"I changed it a little bit though, because I thought it could inspire anyone."

"Do you know how amazing you are Jade Amelia Thirlwall?" She smiled. I could no longer see any guilt or pain, only pride and admiration. Mission accomplished

"Umm nope. You tell me" I said cheekily, playing with a strand of her loose hair

"You" She pressed her lips on my forehead

"Are" Then my nose

"Fuck-ing" Then each of my cheek

"A-ma-zing" And finally my lips, pecking them for three times

She pulled away but I locked her neck with my arms, pulled her head back and connected our lips. She smiled into the kiss and pressed her lips against mine so tenderly. I didn't feel any remorse this time. Only love, and more love. We pulled away shortly and pressed our foreheads together. She grinned brightly, showing her cute dimples

"Honestly I didn't expect you to react like this. I had mentally prepared for the worst, that you might want to br-" I smashed my lips on her

"Don't you dare say the words. You are forever forbidden to say those words do you hear me" I pulled away slightly to scold her

"Only when you do the same" She murmured softly and affectionately brushing my nose with the tip of hers

"Deal" I mumbled the word in absolute certainty

And we sealed it with a kiss. A promise that won't be broken and forgotten for eternity

A/N: And with that Jerrie is intact once again~

You know I hate to write sad stuffs so I think you all expected this lol