Chapter 44 One Litter of Tears

The smell of freshly brewed coffee wafted from the kitchen, Taylor and Lindt were assisting Julia with her pancake cooking while Mrs. Woods readily arranged the breakfast table. Alan did not feel hungry at all, on the contrary he felt empty and hollow. He was so used to Jasmine's morning greetings and her cooking, his Jasmine did not return and the other member of his household noticed his gloomy disposition, Julia tried her best in cheering up her father enough for him to attend the rehearsals of Hamlet at RADA.

Thanks to Lucifer's amazing measurement skill, Jasmine found herself wearing a comfortable thermal 3/4 long sleeves.

"How he managed to know your lingerie size still amazes me." Tom Hiddleston gave her a teasing look as they drove along the streets, Jasmine giving him an eye roll in return. Tom found a new entertainment that he can't help but share it on twitter: It was a flower (Jasmine) and a LOL emoji. Benedict Cumberbatch as quick as his wits immediately contacted the prince of mischief, Tom purposely ignoring the latter's call, Benedict has gotten good at deciphering his tweets and that's unfavorable on his amusement.

Arriving at RADA, Tom stationed Jasmine backstage stating that she should learn from an actual experience, grateful for the opportunity the young lady immerses herself in observing how theater play works behind the scenes. The crew were all welcoming, knowing Tom to frequently bring his friends every now and then, Tom and the other casts began script reading and despite his teasing, Jasmine knew how. Tom puts his 200% best on his craft. The man in question took a glance at his guest and saw her fiddling with the make up brushes, their eyes met and the amusement in his eyes reflected his charming smile as he stares at her. Jasmine didn't bother stating at him for too long and continued her ministrations with the theater cosmetics and brushes.

Alan walked in, and Tom's eyes visibly widened halting him from saying his lines, he quickly signaled Jasmine to hide but Alan already saw her playfully applying some blush on her cheeks.

Jasmine froze. She hadn't seen him since the party, she wanted to angrily throw the cosmetic brushes but it was not hers to begin with so she rationally headed for the exit. Alan was quick and immediately followed her using the shortcut. Alan stood before her, blocking the exit door, coat still fastened and a red scarf adorning his neck.

"Jasmine."

"Mr. Rickman," she replied, pleased that her voice sounded compose. "Do you want to say something?"

"I have a lot of things to say," he said "but do you think we could somewhere more private?"

"Okay." He then opened the exit door as he guided her at the back entrance, she forced herself to turn and face him. All the thousand things she'd wanted to say to him suddenly flew out of her mind as she looked into those pale amber eyes of his. She missed him so much. "What was it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Where have you been this whole time? I was worried sick," he put a step forward, putting his trembling hands on her shoulders. She could see the sleep-deprived look on his face and how worried he really was.

"I was with a friend," she answered, noticing the warmth of his body emanates from his hands and she'd bet if she moved in a little closer, she could smell him too.

"I already sent Meredith in a hotel."

"Oh." It wasn't much by way of conversation but at least her voice and reason weren't in shambles.

They stood for a moment, their breaths leaving foggy wisps in the cold morning air. "I will be resigning my post as your maid."

"Jassy," he said, his eyes pleading.

She couldn't say a word, "In a place like this..." Alan looked around their surroundings. "No, because in a place like this." Jasmine instinctively steps back. "You're graduating in a year, aren't you? But until then..." Jasmine looked at him quizzically, he then held her hands and lifted it to his heart, "I would like you to marry me."

She let go of his hold, looking away "That's – "

"I'm proposing to you." All of a sudden he showed her a clifton box where a simple yet beautiful ring lay, holding it in his hand, "an engagement ring," she gasped, bewildered.

"Marry me, Jassy."

"I... I'm- Don't make fun of me."

"Why?" Alan took hold of her shoulders, her right hand caught in one of his arm. "Did Meredith say anything to you?"

"No. She didn't. It would be impossible for me to marry you." Her voice was firm uttering those words, looking at him she continued, "we live in completely different worlds!"

"What's different about it?"

Their conversation began heating up, voices suddenly raised. Jasmine looked at Alan with contempt which surprised him, "I'm – Alan. I can't make you happy. I won't be happy either."

"Why?" he looked so hurt but still asks. "Are you saying you've never been happy up until now?"

Tears began forming in her doe-like eyes but her resolute gaze was unshakeable, Alan gently shook her shoulders, "Listen to me, Jasmine."

"I don't want to hear!" she turned her back at him, pressing her hands on her ears, blocking his words whilst he began closing his eyes and utter his next words with utmost sincerity, "I love you." Jasmine didn't move. "Do you not love me?"

Finally, slowly while her hands are still pressed on her ears, she turned around to face him, staring at his pale amber eyes maybe for the last time. They are both hurting and Alan called her name. Lovingly.

With a shaky voice she replied, "That's right. I could NEVER love you. I never had any feelings for you." He didn't know what to do, those were obviously lies but still hearing it from her own lips, hurts like hell.

"We can't be employee-employer anymore." Glancing at him, she left him right there and there. Alan couldn't will himself to scream as the ring fell on the snow.

The ordeal of moving out from Alan's house was painstakingly difficult especially when Julia started bawling her eyes out, the sweet child even had a hyperventilating fit because of it and it broke Jasmine's already broken heart, knowing full well it's her fault but her decision to do so was for the benefit of all, in the first place she came into Alan's life with nothing at all and she will leave with the same belongings she had with an addition of a broken heart.

Jasmine opted to stay inside the dormitory of KCL Strand Campus begging Chloe Decker to help her, applying her scholarship grant and her one year left in the campus, her request was granted and Jasmine will eternally be grateful to her. Alan's teaching career was smoothly getting by, students are swarming in his office as they race to list their names on his lecture for the next semester. Each of them got what they deserve. Or not?

Emma Thompson was having a conversation (via google meet) with the rest of the Harry Potter Cast when she notices Alan Rickman's miserable state, Chloe mentioned his booming career in KCL but apparently, he isn't that thrilled about it.

"A penny for your thoughts?" Emma sat beside him, Alan lifted his brow, the corner of his lips slightly turning up. "How do I look?"

"Ghastly."

He hummed in agreement looking twice as tired just seconds ago.

"How's your heart these days?"

"Broken into tiny miserable pieces." He glanced away as though his answer embarrassed him. "I thought her love for me would be enough for her to accept a leap of faith." He said, with more sadness adding to his already pitiful state.

Emma felt sorry for her friend, Jasmine pieced-up his broken heart only to shatter it once again. He couldn't even know when to start moving on without hurting himself from broken shards she left. Changing the topic, Emma reminded Alan of Julia's upcoming New Year presentation, he will personally invite Jasmine on the event using Julia's begging and that will give him an excuse to talk to her.

Jasmine decided to finish her thesis at the Maughan Library walking straight to the self-service kiosk on the ground floor she began to check in with her library account after which she went to find an ideal spot in the individual study spacer, she began her work. As someone who is engrossed in her work, Jasmine didn't notice Alan's presence until he taps on her desk, she almost bit her tongue in shock.

Alan quietly spoke to her, "Julia begged me to ask you if you could come to her New Year presentation. She said you helped her with her vocalization and she wanted you to see her be Annie. There's going to be a little party at my hose afterward, everyone in the play will be there."

"I don't know – "

"It means a lot to her," Alan added when Jasmine attempted to refuse.

But how could she refuse Julia? "I'll try." She nodded and dropped her eyes, finding it difficult to look directly at him. An uncomfortable silence followed. "Well," he finally said when the silence started screaming, "I guess I should be on my way."

Not trusting herself to speak, she simply raised her eyes, he took a step towards the stairs, turning his back on her. By the time his silhouette completely disappeared it was only then she allowed herself to cry, blurring her vision.