1 . No Room for Regret

[before you read this, lookism is not mine. this is a fanfiction. this story is written around park jonggun and kim joongoo and takes place after chapter 550 from the manhwa. this is bl so if u aren't in to it dont read ahaha. and also since we don't knw goo's backstory yet i will be making it up on my own to help the plot :) and somethngs will change and not follow the manhwa about their past too. enjoy~]

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You dont realise how much something means to you, until it slips right through your fingers like grains of sand.

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Gun's POV

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The old light in the prison library flickered on as the nostalgic scent of old wood mixed with dust and paper welcomed me to the quiet and somewhat gloomy chamber.

The wood creaked beneath my feet as I sat in front of the old wooden table, my fingers gracing across it's creases and dents.

I opened the newspaper, my eyes searching for anything familiar amongst numerous articles.

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It has been 2 months since Charles Choi chose to suicide, marking the end of the Gapryong Kim fist gang, Elite's story.

It was a story I wanted to see to the end and I'm glad that I did.

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I absent mindedly flipped the thin pages.

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I still remember that fateful day that my whole life turned upside down, as if it was just yesterday.

The eyes of my father shone fiercely as he stood tall in front of me, laying down his own life to save mine.

And I still remember how my mother's eyes shone similarly,  just a bit gentler, as she looked at me, after confronting a strike that was never meant to hit her.

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To this day, I still can't understand the meaning behind those gazes. It would have made more sense for those eyes to hold confusion,  doubt, pain, or regret. 

If it were those feelings that burned behind those dying eyes, I wouldn't have been so confused. 

Instead, those eyes burned brightly with conviction, contentment and a mix of emotions that I couldn't name. 

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Why? 

I simply dont know. Maybe I never will.

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Maybe they were just too stupid.

Maybe my father, feared and worshipped by all was an idiot. My mother, though she appeared cunning and calculating, was an idiot.

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But what if they weren't so stupid?

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What if my father didn't do something so utterly meaningless as saving the life of a child he barely even acknowledged,  and choose the more suitable choice for a leader?

If he saved his own life, even after everything that was built over generations had collapsed, would he still be able to regain his previous glory?

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This was the question that I searched an answer for, through the life of Charles Choi.

Even though I didn't receive the answer that I had anticipated, I am still glad to have witnessed it, from beginning to the end.

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All my actions and every sin I had committed while searching for those answers, were all done on my own accord.

So I regret nothing.

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Prison isn't that bad of a place either. The place is quite different from juvie but the basics stayed the same.

"The strong decides the rules."

I didn't come here to get stronger this time so the first thing I did was taking down the man praised as the strongest, and that earned me a peaceful life in prison.

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I glanced back at the news paper which lacked any news that piqued my interest.

Evening light seeped through the small window, illuminating the old library with a faint golden glow. The air was thick with serenity and the only sounds that accompanied me were the sound of my own breathing and the occasional rustling of paper.

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'....It's too quiet'

I paused at the sudden thought.

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'too quiet'? ...since when did I find any atmosphere 'too quiet' ?

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Since when has the comforting silence which used to calm my heart become so foreign that it actually unsettled me?

Have I spent too much of my time around loud people these past few years that I have actually gotten used to the noise ?

So much so that I find solace in the chaos rather than the calming silence?

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I closed the paper and got up to leave to my cell while thinking about the absurdity of my situation.

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"Boss...." I turned to look at the man who's name I never bothered to remember.

"New comers are coming in.." . He said keeping his head low.

"...Ok. Leave."

"Yes sir.."

Newcomers... I hope some skilled people got in. Even though the peace is nice and a break from my usual life of constant fighting and blood felt good, it also feels quite dull.

I'm used to the life of violence and I have grown to love feel of the adrenalin rushing through my veins long ago. Fighting is not something I can ever let go, it's what my whole life was built upon from the very beginning. This is a life that I can't just escape, a path that was predetermined regardless of my own desires.

Well regardless of what kind of life I was born into, the path I was given is also the one I choose to walk on. so I have no complaints.

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A few days passed and no trouble arose much to my disappointment. So much for my hope for a good fight after a long time. I sighed as I decided to go outside for a smoke.

As I stepped outside I noticed a commotion which looked more like a one sided beat up than an actual fight. Such scenes were very common in prison where small fries eat smaller fries.

These quarrels were way below my level so I decided to pay it no mind .

I lit a cigarrete leaning to a wall, taking in the feeling of the smoke burning it's way into my system and letting the familiar scent soothe me.

...

"Oi stop smoking that shit! the smell is disgusting!!!"

My eyes snap open at the sudden flashback.

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Kim Joon Goo

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.....That idiot

...Why did he of all people have to switch sides?...

Goo Kim...I could never fully understand the man . We have spent years fighting beside each other and he betrayed us just for a half assed reason like being pissed about Charles Choi taking all the profit?..

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But on the other hand Goo Kim has always been a psychotic bastard so I guess it isn't that surprising.

I would be lying if I said I didn't regret having to fight him. Back then I did consider siding with him for a second, but doing so would mean letting go of the only purpose I've had for years, since I came to Korea, and also breaking the promise would mean betraying the only virtue I've had since I was a child.

Goo Kim requested to meet me after I got my sentence, but I refused. It was too awkward and I dont think I can answer his questions yet.

That..and... I don't think I can face him yet either. As much as I hate to admit it, Kim Joongoo was not someone I didn't give a fuck about.

I don't know how to name our relationship.. friends? colleagues? rivals?... whatever it is, it's not wrong to say that he mattered to me most out of all the people in my life, though I would rather quit smoking than admit it to the blonde.

Either way, I was glad to know that the blonde was still alive.

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But sometimes I feel an unfamiliar feeling , a feeling that I can't quite put my finger on. It makes my heart slightly clench in pain every time I think of the blurred memory of my former partner in a pool of his own blood, his own sword piercing his body.

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Is it guilt? probably.

yes.. that's it. there is nothing more...

I told myself and took another puff of my cigarette.

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Some time passed and I smoked about 3 or 4 cigarettes while lost in thought. As I got up to leave I noticed that the commotion hasn't died out yet.

...Are they killing someone? beatings normally didn't drag this long. It didn't look like the victim is putting up a fight either.

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'Heh. That's some pretty good endurance for a small fry.'

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I decided not to bother with it anymore and left to my cell.

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[ author notes : hiii hope you enjoyed the first chapter :) <3

English is not my first language so please excuse any mistakes • . •]