Chapter Twenty-Nine

I wake up slowly, squinting against the morning light filtering in through the window as I try to remember where I am. That's right... we're at the hot springs... my eyes widen as the memories of last night come back to me and I roll over, only now realizing that Bakugo is lying behind me, arm draped over my hip. I catch my breath, cheeks heating. Last night. I squeeze my eyes shut, remembering the way his hands glided over every inch of me, how hot his palms were, how urgent his mouth was on mine... I open my eyes again, covering my mouth with my hand. Oh my god. I look back at him, surprised by how serene he looks when he's sleeping, but he's also naked. OH MY GOD. I slept with Bakugo. I really went and had sex with him without thinking even once about it. Where in the hell was Mr. Aizawa?

"Morning" Bakugo mumbles groggily, not opening his eyes. I peek at him, face an embarrassing shade of red. When I don't answer, he opens one eye, eyebrow raised.

"What?" he demands. I clear my throat, looking away from him.

"I, uh..." I can't speak, can't even think straight. How did I end up here? Do I regret it? No, but... I'm torn. Torn between wondering why I just decided last night would be good and refusing to admit that I actually might have feelings for him that exceed anything I've ever felt before.

"Did I make you speechless or something?" he asks, stunning me. Not only is Bakugo not usually one for jokes, but this isn't exactly what I'd call the right time to be making them.

"Bakugo!" I hiss, face even redder now. Instead of defending himself or apologizing, he rolls over suddenly, pinning me to the bed and looming over me with an intense look in his red eyes, a look that makes my heart stall out.

"Don't tell me... you're having second thoughts already..." he murmurs, eyes trailing down to my mouth. My heart races and I know immediately that I'm not. That I'd even do it again right now if given the option.

"No... actually, I was thinking I might not want to leave this room at all today" I reply boldly, impressed with myself. Bakugo's eyes widen slightly, the look on his face satisfying in so many ways.

"You want to stay here?" he asks, a little uncertain. I reach up and run my hands along his back, basking in the warmth of him against my skin.

"Mhm" I nod and he grabs the side of my face with his hand, tilting my head up so that he can kiss me again. I make a small noise against his lips and wrap my arms around him for a moment, losing myself in his scent and feel of his skin.

"But we can't" I breathe, pulling away from him for a second. He blinks at me like he's trying to get his thoughts back together.

"Why's that?" he wonders gruffly and I can tell he's ready to keep me here by force if he must. I laugh, face flushed and heart fluttering.

"We don't want people to come looking for us. I have plans with Shiori today" I reply and he growls under his breath, leaning down to kiss and bite at my neck. I gasp, too weak willed to even try to fight him off.

"Katsuki" I groan and he pulls away from me, eyes on fire.

"Don't tell me you have to go and then say my name like that" he orders, glaring at me heatedly. I shrug, biting my lip. I can't help it. It just slips out... he sighs heavily, tearing himself away from me and sitting back on the end of his bed, trying not to continue touching me. I sit up, still holding the blanket around me and I flush, realizing belatedly that all of my clothes are back at the springs... we stumbled over here in robes. Seriously. Where in the hell was Aizawa last night?

"Bakugo... I can't go back to my room like this" I tell him, earning an arched eyebrow before the realization hits him too. His face goes blank.

"Huh... that's a problem" he notes. I gape at him.

"Bakugo!" I scold, still holding my blanket. He gets up, scoffing as he crosses the room and rummages through the wardrobe. I press my lips together, clenching my fists nervously. How did I get into this mess?

"Here" he says, throwing something at me. I jump as a balled up black hoodie hits me and I hold it up, brows raised. It's big, probably even a little big on him, with a red design scribbled across the front and back.

"Your jacket?" I ask. He just shrugs so I put it on quickly, holding it up to my nose to smell his soap. Hm... he really does smell good. I sigh, tilting my head at him.

"What about pants?" I ask and his eyes widen a little as I stand up. The jacket hardly brushes past my butt even though I'm drowning in the fabric and Bakugo's face heats at the sight.

"Right... take these" he mumbles, tossing me a pair of basketball shorts. Unsurprisingly, they're actually a little small in the hips, making it difficult for me to pull them up and roll down the waist as I try to avoid looking too frumpy.

"Thanks" I say, striking a pose. Bakugo makes a face, looking away immediately.

"No problem" he mutters and I wonder how the two of us can manage to flip so easily between steamy and awkward.

"Will I... see you later?" I ask. Bakugo looks up at me and for a moment, I can tell he doesn't know how to respond. The two of us... what we are... I don't think either of us are sure, but I know that last night was a first for both of us. The question is, how do we proceed from here?

"Yeah... later" he agrees. With that, I discreetly excuse myself from his room, looking up and down the hall before trying to find my own. I walk quickly and quietly, hoping no one sees me when I stumble into Deku. My face flushes immediately and I freeze, staring at him.

"Kaida? Is everything okay?" he asks, hand on his own doorknob. I nod a little too quickly.

"Yep. Totally fine. Super chilly out this morning, huh? I'm pretty hungry so I think I'll change and get breakfast. What about you?" I blurt, definitely talking too fast. At first he just watches me in surprise, but then his brows knit together as he examines the sweatshirt.

"Hey, isn't that Kaa-chan's?" he asks. My blush kicks it up a notch and I immediately start marching away.

"Nope, good to see you, bye!" I shout over my shoulder, booking it down the hall and around the corner, finally finding my own room and throwing myself inside before slamming the door, heart thundering a thousand miles a minute. Damn it. Not even Bakugo and I know what we are to each other... we don't need anyone else trying to make guesses too. I sigh, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger. Great. Well, there's nothing left to do, but get ready for the rest of the day, so I do just that and hope that no one else saw something they shouldn't have.

____________

Shiori and I sit at one of small tables in the dining section of the main resort and share a small lunch, the two of us reminiscing a bit over the last month or so without each other.

"So what about you and Todoroki?" she asks. I stare at her, chest aching at the mention of him. Oh my god... Shoto. I suddenly feel so guilty that I feel sick and put down my chopsticks.

"What do you mean?" I ask, pretty positive that we never told anyone about us. Shiori shrugs, face heating a bit.

"I might've... seen the ice rink... and you guys... you know..." she mumbles, busying herself with her food. I hold my head in my hands, both mortified and ashamed. That night was so perfect... that moment with him so happy... how can I even think about it after being with Bakugo the way I have?

"I'm sorry, it's not like I meant to pry, I was just walking home and..."

"It's not that... I..." I sigh heavily, shaking my head. It's not that at all. Almost on command, I see Bakugo, Kirishima, Kaminari, and Sero walk into the dining area, looking for a seat. My eyes widen when Bakugo looks my way and I can hear my heartbeat in my ears, breath slowing. I can't help imagining last night, guiding him into the water behind me and pushing him to sit, the water around us starting to bubble up... I look away quickly, cheeks burning. Jesus, help me.

"Holy shit" Shiori says suddenly. My eyes dart to her, eyebrows raised as she gapes at me.

"You and Bakugo?!" she starts but I fling myself across the table, clapping a hand over her mouth just in time.

"Shiori, you dummy! Shut up!" I hiss, heart racing. The group of boys doesn't even seem phased, except maybe Bakugo, but he hides it well. Shiori yanks herself away from me, giving me the eye.

"Where? When? You really had sex with him? Already?" she demands, more hushed now. My whole face practically rips apart with the amount of embarrassment coursing through me.

"How do you even know that?" I demand through my teeth, still trying to be quiet. Her expression grows even more exasperated.

"I didn't, but now I do!" she snaps under her breath. I almost slam my head down onto the table, world spinning. Oh god. Oh god. I feel nauseous.

"Please don't yell at me. I'm so fragile" I whine, feeling like I might pass out. Shiori just stares at me for a moment, expression torn between so many emotions I don't have a clue what she's thinking.

"A lot's happened since I left, huh?" she wonders and I look up at her, pouting.

"Everything has" I agree, nodding pitifully. Shiori sighs.

"Okay. Boy drama. Spill it" she instructs, lacing her fingers together all business like. I make a face, but there's no arguing with her like this. I sit up and take a deep breath.

"Okay... so basically, I'm a ho" I start. Shiori laughs but it doesn't last long and as I delve into all of the boy drama, the indecision and the heated feelings, my happiness and my confusion, I leave out all of the broken bits. This version is definitely more cut and dry, but ever since Shiori left, I haven't been able to bring myself to bare my soul to her again... not the way I used to. I can't burden her like that. So I keep it simple, talk about the uncertainty and Shoto pushing me away and the guilt and indecision on my part... I tell her almost everything.

"Hm" she says, tapping her chin.

"What?" I mutter, feeling exhausted already.

"Well, I definitely think its Todoroki's own fault for pushing you away. You obviously liked him and he didn't take advantage of that... so it's only natural for you to move on. As for Bakugo? I kinda saw that one coming, though... I'll be honest, I thought it'd be more of a fling type thing. You never used to catch feelings like that for anyone, let alone hotheads like him" she shrugs. I give her a flat stare, feeling hopeless.

"But he pushed me away for a good reason... he was being chivalrous" I argue, earning another pesky raised eyebrow.

"Then do you love him?" she demands. I jolt a little, recoiling from the word.

"What? No!" I retort and she makes a gesture with her hand.

"See?" she says. I roll my eyes.

"That doesn't make sense though. I don't love Bakugo either" I protest and she sighs.

"So you lost your virginity to a guy you don't have feelings for?" she asks. The question makes my entire body feel hot and uncomfortable. When she puts it that way...

"I don't know! I just know there's something" I pout, frustrated and angry and confused all at once. Damn it.

"Hey" I hear from behind me, Bakugo's voice, just as annoyed and presumptuous as always. I turn around, meeting his gaze and not knowing what to expect.

"You want this?" he asks, holding out a fresh sweet bun wrapped in simple paper, the dough still glistening. My cheeks heat, but he refuses to give me even the smallest of fond looks, just stares down at me like he could be doing anything else.

"Um... thanks" I murmur, taking the bun from him and watching him turn away, shoving his hands in his pockets as he leaves. I stare after him, only faintly noticing the other guys gossiping to themselves. My heart thuds unevenly, my stomach flipping over several times as I turn back to my sister.

"It kinda looks like he knows" she notes, pointing after him. I blink, completely at a loss.

"Can we leave please?" I practically squeak. Shiori just nods, getting up with me and following me back into the main resort as I stare down at the stupid bun. Why did he give it to me? Why even buy it if he isn't gonna finish it? And if he wanted to give it to me at all, why did he have to do it so publicly? The whole mess makes me feel so unlike myself that it drives me insane.

"Are you okay?" Shiori asks, eyeing me cautiously. I groan, tearing into the sweet bun to try and quell some of my emotions. It doesn't work, but the bun is damn good.

"I'm the opposite" I mutter, mouth full.

"What's so difficult about this for you, anyway?" she demands, confusion coloring her tone. I make a face. I obviously can't tell her about the panic attacks or the fact that I don't want to make anyone else feel used by me. I can't tell her about how afraid I am of being left alone or about any of my unresolved feelings about mom, or dad, or even herself.

"I guess... guilt... uncertainty?" I shrug, feeling bad about the lie, but preferring it over the alternative. She frowns, completely unsatisfied.

"Those are terrible reasons" she tells me and I laugh bitterly. Yeah. I guess I shouldn't expect help when I can't give her the whole story anyway so I just nod.

"You're probably right" I mutter. The two of us stay quiet for a few minutes while we walk. I can tell Shiori doesn't know what to say and I don't really know how to let her in any more than I already have, so I change directions without a second thought.

"What about your boy drama? You and Shinsou?" I ask, still feeling a little bitter about him. Shiori flushes, but she doesn't shove me off the topic right away this time either.

"He's pretty pissed at you actually for yanking him out of the ring" she giggles, shaking her head.

"I told him you were stubborn... I just don't think he believed me" she adds, a fondness in her eyes I've never seen before. I smile, heart happy that she seems happy.

"Guess he outta learn to listen to you more often" I reply, nudging her playfully. Her blush deepens.

"He listens" she argues, but her voice is so quiet, it's almost laughable.

"Shiori, it's okay for you to like someone, you know" I tell her and she gives me a narrowed stare.

"Says the one who is literally in so much denial it kills me" she retorts. I hold up my hands, sucking my teeth.

"Fair" I concede and the two of us smirk at each other. Regardless of the past or the hidden feelings and regardless of what the future may hold, the two of us will always share these moments. So alike in so many ways and different in so many others... it's no wonder we butt heads so constantly, but Shiori will always be my best friend and closest confidant. That much I'm finally sure of.