Chapter Twenty-One

**DISCLAIMER - This chapter involves themes that include violence and blood. 

The next morning I wake up early to go for a run, putting in my earbuds and losing myself in the monotony of running in circles. It's easier to deal with my emotions when I'm training or running, or, I guess in this case, it's easier to try and ignore them. I didn't spend long at the dance after my conversation with Bakugo, pinning it on an upset stomach, and once I got home, I buried myself under mountains of blankets until I finally fell asleep. Now, my focus is on my muscles propelling me forward, heart pumping and breath quickening. I can feel the energy inside me like its own living and breathing entity, steady and strong, but it's strange to me that I can be stronger than ever before and simultaneously more out of control. It seems like lately, the more insane my personal life has gotten, the more expertise I gain over my quirk. I run for a while, so long that I start to feel like my legs may actually give out under me, and when I finally stop, I have to double over to catch my breath. Sweat drips down my forehead and I wipe it with the back of my hand as I stand, lungs aching with the marathon I just put them through. It feels... better.

"You're up early" I hear Shoto say faintly, just over the music in my ears. I pull out one of the buds, turning to stare at him in surprise.

"Hey" I greet, remembering the last time he caught me training. Things were so different between us then... it seems like a lifetime ago even if it was only a matter of months.

"How are you?" he wonders, still stretching as he gets ready to start his own run. Looking at him like this... it makes my heart flutter and guilt makes it sink. How can I feel this way about two people? I clear my throat.

"I'm good. Fine... um, what about you?" I ask, scratching my arm absently. Shoto smiles a little, but it's a bitter sweet look. In an instant, I wish I could kiss him. Wish I could just walk over there right now, wrap my arms around him and tell him without a single doubt... it's you, Shoto. It will always be you. But I don't know that it is. All of a sudden, I realize that I can't say something like that, even to myself, because every time I see him and imagine myself with him again, Bakugo's eyes flash through my mind and the memory of his kiss burns against my lips. It makes me think Shiori was right when she called me a monster... what kind of person does this to someone?

"Are you really alright?" Shoto asks, hand under my chin. I blink in shock at the unexpected touch, not realizing I'd fallen so quiet. I swallow, looking into those unbelievably caring and concerned eyes. It's the gaze that drew me in, in the first place.

"Yeah" I murmur, turning my face away in shame. I don't deserve to be handled with respect or concern. Not by him or Bakugo.

"Did you enjoy the dance?" I wonder before he can ask any more questions. He lets out a tense laugh.

"Ah... it was okay" he replies. I raise an eyebrow.

"Not your scene?" I ask. The look he gives me makes me feel instantly nervous.

"It felt... incomplete" he admits and my heart thumps. I catch my breath, looking away again.

"I'm sorry" I murmur and he laughs that laugh again. It's a painful sound and I'm sad hearing it.

"Don't be... I'm glad you enjoyed yourself" he says and I flush, my entire body red with embarrassment. Is he... talking about Bakugo? I look up at him and he shrugs, a pained look in his eyes.

"I told you to figure it out, right?" he adds and it feels like a blow. I want to collapse in on myself or throw myself through a window, anything to get rid of the guilt and confusion lying heavy on my chest.

"Why... why aren't you angry?" I whisper, hands shaking. Shoto just sighs, that stupid understanding look on his face.

"I can't be angry at you for doing what I told you to do. You were so dead set on ignoring what was obvious to everyone else... it wasn't fair of me to let you keep going with that. And it wouldn't have been fair to me either. To have you without having all of you? It would've tortured me" he murmurs, reaching forward to brush the hair out of my face. I flush, blown away by him.

"You should have!" I snap suddenly, backing away from his touch. Anger makes me clench my fists and my body tenses. How could he say something like that? Think something like that? I would've been perfectly fine if he would've just let it go.

"I would have loved you!" I shout. He flinches, eyes wide and my heart pounds unevenly in my chest. I've never said the words out loud before but I know they're true. I know in my heart that if Shoto had fought for me instead of giving me my space or planting the seed in my head, I would've loved him for maybe the rest of my life. I would have fallen for him without a second thought and I never would have dared to hurt him. I wouldn't have dreamt of it. But now? Now I'm standing in the middle of the track, confused and hurt, sweating and angry, and wondering why in the hell I can't stop thinking about the sudden softness in Bakugo's gaze last night when Shoto is standing right in front of me.

"Kaida..." he murmurs, but I can't stick around anymore.

"We have our work study soon" I mutter, embarrassed by my outburst and angry at the turn of events. I run away again, storming back off to the dorms to shower and get changed for the day. Running might prove ineffective when we have to work together on mission, but at least for now, I don't have to face him.

______________

Just as I feared, once the four of us arrive to our temporary agency office, Endeavor teams us up again to look for information on the new masked villain group and the one they call the immortal. A recent tip from someone inside the heart of Hosu City leads us in the right direction, but it's a trip that puts all of my teammates on edge. Even Deku, who's usually so carefree and kind, seems to be in darker spirits.

"It's been a long time" he says as the four of us make our way down one of the alleyways in town. Shoto makes a noise of agreement at the back of his throat. We haven't spoken since this morning, but I almost prefer it that way.

"He won't want to speak to anyone he doesn't know" he replies before eyeing Bakugo and me. I blink at him.

"We're coming with you" I insist. Deku turns around instantly, offering a guilty smile.

"I'm sorry, Kaida... but you and Kaa-chan should really wait outside. We can't afford to lose this lead" he tells me. I want to argue, but I can't. Not when he's so logical.

"Fine" I mutter, keeping my mouth shut until we get there. The entrance to the place is an old store front, the sign washed out but still readable and the door is chipped and weak, but it opens easily when Shoto grabs the handle, gritting his teeth.

"Stay here" he commands. He and Deku disappear inside at once, leaving me alone with Bakugo. I sigh impatiently, pacing.

"You're unusually quiet" I note. He scoffs.

"Are you really so interested in talking to me?" he retorts, causing me to look up in surprise at his tone. He sounds, and looks, really angry all of a sudden, a deep flame in his gaze.

"What's your deal?" I demand, confused. He rolls his eyes, irritation all over his face.

"I should know better than to get involved, huh? Did you and icy hot have fun this morning on your run?" he snaps, casting an accusing glare at me. I jump, shocked to realize he knew about that and then pissed that he thinks it's any of his business.

"So, what? You're spying on me? What gives you the right?" I bark back, clenching my fists.

"Like I'd run around spying on anyone! I came out this morning to train and it looked like I'd be interrupting a moment between you and your precious Shoto!" he yells, voice dripping with venom. I could hit him.

"It's none of your business! Even if anything did happen, that's my choice!" I shout and it's almost like something snaps in him. His eyes grow exponentially brighter, sparking a vicious red, and he clenches his jaw so hard I'm afraid he might crack in half, but I'm not intimidated. I hold my ground, glowering at him and fuming, ready to blow him away if I have to. I'm no one's object.

"You're really careless, you know that?" he snaps. I force a laugh, but the comment stings.

"And you're impossible" I retort and he practically explodes, incredulous frustration written all over his face.

"How can you not see it, Kaida?! Are you really not paying any attention or are you actually that dense? I'm standing here, just as I have been since day one, telling you I want you! Telling you, that I'm jealous of that bastard!" he shouts furiously. I swallow, still pissed, but speechless. Maybe I can admit that there's something there with Bakugo, but having him say it to my face? Having him admit to real feelings? It's too real for me. Too much for me to accept.

"GUYS!" Deku suddenly interrupts, busting out of the door with Shoto following close behind.

"Run!" Shoto commands. Without a second thought, the four of us take off running together, down one alley and behind several buildings trying to escape...

"What's going on?!" I shout over the sounds of us running away.

"It was another setup! Damn it! They're always two steps ahead!" Shoto curses. The four of us together are pretty fast, but the villains chasing us are faster. Before we can completely escape, a swarm of beetles burst out from the ground, immediately flying into the air and chasing after us.

"What the hell?" I nearly scream, ducking and running the other way. Another obstacle presents itself though, in the form of a massive wall of barbed wire, snaking and braiding together like ivy. We back pedal, the four of us trying to find a way out as a small group of masked villains appear behind us, one of them laughing manically.

"Would you look at that?" she giggles, tilting her head. Long black hair spills out from behind a purple and white mask as she zeroes in on us.

"Shit... what's the plan?" Bakugo demands, ready for anything. I immediately focus on my beating heart, knowing this will be the key to maintaining my quirk.

"The famous Izuku Midoriya... what a pleasure" she murmurs. I clench my fists. At this point we're surrounded, four of the masked villains against the four of us. We might be able to take them one on one, but they obviously already know a lot about us and we know nothing about them.

"Capture them" the woman lulls, voice low and sultry and the group of them is on us.

"Kaida!" Shoto calls and I know exactly what he wants me to do. I take a deep breath, focusing on my heartbeat and as my pulse steadies, I send out a wave of energy. It washes over the villains, shoving them backwards, but one of the masked villains, a shorter one with brown spiked hair sticking out behind a black and orange mask, flings his hands out towards me. My eyes widen, concentration breaking as strands of barbed wire break through my pulse and wrap around my arms. I flash back to the practice battle and the way the chain wrapped around my wrist, but this... this is so much worse. Razor blades bite into my skin as I'm yanked forward. No one has time to come after me though, not with the other three villains going after them. I crash to the ground, shouting as the wire tears into me. Damn it. The villain yanks me to him so that he's standing over me and I pay attention to the rhythm of my heart, blasting out a few quick pulses that throw him sideways. He laughs, landing in a crouch.

"You're good" he rasps, his wires disintegrating as soon as he loses his focus. I flex my fist, confident in my own abilities against him. Even if his quirk is dangerous, he's beatable as long as I don't let my guard down. Behind me, I can feel the heat of flames and hear the sounds of explosions as my teammates take up their own fights. I crack my neck.

"Try me" I growl. In an instant he throws out more barbed wire, even faster than I anticipated, and I almost miss dodging it, a stray strand lashing me across the face. I swallow hard, cheek stinging with the fresh wound. I don't have time to dwell on it, instead, I lunge forward, sending out pulses in response to my racing heart. The villain dodges most of them, laughing when he gets pummeled by a series of blasts. I glare at him incredulously, wondering how he can be so cocky.

"Your quirk is interesting... but it's limited, is it not?" he asks, out of breath and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. I step back, prepared for another blast, but his laughter unsettles me.

"Do you know what's interesting... about mine?" he breathes. A chill breaks out over my skin as my intuition begins to scream. The villain stands up straight, cocking his head at me and splaying both of his hands, curling them under.

"I don't need physical contact... to win" he snarls and all at once, as he twists his hands again, my entire body feels like it's being ripped apart. I yelp, falling to my knees as invisible wires tear into my flesh and squeeze, blood dripping out of each wound and dripping down over my skin and hero uniform. I gasp, the pressure of it making it hard to breathe. He shouldn't... he shouldn't be this strong. I cough, hunching over on the ground and trying to focus. Come on, come on, COME ON. He begins laughing again, a laugh that says he thinks he's won, but I won't let him. I close my eyes, letting my heart race as wildly as it wants to. Come on, just a little more! I try to catch my breath, fighting against the deepening wounds, and as soon as my heart rate is high enough I release a pulse directly from the center of my body. It shoots forward, a faint and shimmering white light blasting out of me like a rocket and launching into the razor blade warrior. He flies back, body convulsing as my pulse thunders into him at the same speed as my racing heart. I push another out, watching him fly backwards into another building and crash into the wall with a heavy crack. I gasp, barely able to breathe as I'm freed from his wire. How the hell did he do that?

Behind me, Deku faces the masked woman and in a matter of moments, she takes off, soaring into the sky before any of us can tell what's happening. Deku crouches, body lighting up with a sparking green ribbon of light.

"Deku!" I scream after him, but it's too late. He launches himself off the ground, leaping up and over skyscrapers to chase her. Damn it! I go to chase him too, knowing I can't let him go off alone, but as I start to run, another wire circles my throat, yanking me back. I choke against it, wincing as it bites into my skin yet again. I twist around, tearing up my fingers as I try to pry them under the metal strands. The villain just laughs again, shaking his head. This goes on for what feels like hours, the three of us fighting against villains that we're no match for, and I take more wounds than I feel like my body can bear. Every inch of skin burns and bleeds and it's twice that I find myself in his invisible trap, screaming out against the pressure before I can land another blow. Still, no matter how hard I try, he won't stay down. I launch another attack, body exhausted as I pull back a fist, loading it full of rapid energy produced by my thundering heart. I slam it forward, rocking his head back and gasping in relief when blood spurts out from behind the mask, but I don't stop there. I keep hitting him. Over and over, I send my fists flying into his face, shattering the mask in the process and screaming at him in fury when he grins at me, bloodied teeth and tired eyes. Just die! Just die! I find myself wishing for it desperately in a way that disgusts me and in my desperation, he finds another opening.

"It's over" he rasps. I cry out as the wire laces itself around me again, binding my arms to my body and squeezing so tightly that my fingers start to go numb. Blood seeps out of me and he throws me backwards, watching as I crumple to the ground helplessly. I shout, furious and in pain as his grip tightens.

"Now, watch" he commands, knotting his fingers into the hair at my scalp and forcing me to turn around to see Bakugo and Shoto fighting. Shoto's flame and ice is barely enough to hold off never ending swarms of beetles and the man who controls them and Bakugo is taking blows from a guy who looks like he's hitting him with cement blocks. No. Panic floods through me and I fight against my restraints, yelping when the razors dig into me. We've been fighting forever... the three of us are exhausted and the two of them... Bakugo lets off another explosion, leaping around his opponent and peppering him with his flames, but... he's so fast. In seconds, he whips around, landing another heavy hit across Bakugo's face. He falls, for maybe the first time that I've ever seen and it feels like my heart's being ripped out. He shakes his head, blood all over his face as he tries to snap out of his daze. Shoto's flames light up the battlefield but all I can see is Bakugo... all I can see is what might happen to him. My heart slams out of my chest and the wire around me is only squeezing me tighter... I instantly know what I need to do, forcing myself to take command of the energy that's been coming so naturally to me since I've learned to control it and I release it without reservation.

"KATSUKI!" I scream, gasping as the energy leaves me in violent pulses, tearing through the earth at my knees and rattling the buildings around us with the force of it. Bakugo's head whips up to stare at me, the look on his face completely at a loss. I've never called him by his first name before and I don't know why I do it now but something about seeing him so close to losing... he snaps out of it, yanking Shoto by his uniform and throwing him to the ground as my energy blasts over them. I collapse to the ground, the wire around me disappearing as the villains around us are catapulted at all angles. The pulse lasts a bit longer than expected and my whole body shakes as I try to lift myself up. Come on... as the pulse begins to dissipate, I can finally stand, my skin screaming as each wound stretches and bleeds with my movements. I try to hurry though, ignoring the pain as I race to my teammate's sides. Shoto and Bakugo both start to rise as soon as the ground stops shaking and once they do, the three of us stand back to back, ready for anything.

"Your body..." Shoto says and I shake my head, unwilling to focus on it.

"Not now" I say and just on time, the razor blades guy comes sauntering back, a wild look in his eyes.

"You thought... you won?" he laughs, eyes bulging and smile a terrifying and wide split across his face.

"Do you want to experience... the same pain?" he snaps, throwing out his hands and wrapping all of us together. I hear the boys struggling at the same time that I cry out with the repeated agony. Damn it. The sharpness of it over and over again brings tears to my eyes but I refuse to shed them, hatred burning through me.

"I'll kill you!" I snarl, thrashing against the wire anyway.

"Kaida! Stop!" Bakugo shouts, a warning in his voice, but I don't care. I want his head. The wires squeeze tighter and I glare at him, spitting blood in his direction.

"Razor. That's enough" a smooth voice clips. The squeezing stops suddenly and the tall form of a man with slicked back blonde hair tucked behind yet another mask, steps out of the shadows. He saunters towards us as the pain disappears and he stares at the three of us so calmly, that none of us move a muscle. Who is this guy?

"They already have Hiroto" he adds flatly, making a small amused noise under his breath.

"Gather your team and leave. We'll come back for them sooner or later" he tells Razor, earning a glare.

"Hey, asshole! Where do you think you're going?!" Bakugo snaps, stepping forward. I grab his arm, fear making my whole body rigid and he looks back at me, shock all over his face. He doesn't understand... but can't he feel what I'm feeling? The tall man laughs menacingly.

"You'd be wise to follow her instincts, Bakugo, Katsuki" he replies, a dangerous sense of humor in his tone. Bakugo stiffens the same as the rest of us. He knows who we are.

"Consider this a gift. A chance... to lick your wounds before we meet again" he adds. I can hear the smile in his voice and it terrifies me. My hand tightens on Bakugo's arm as the man disappears with his group and my body vibrates with fear. What was that? Who was that? How can we go home... having lost them all? Once the villains have finally gotten out of earshot, my adrenaline stops pumping, forcing me to sag. I gasp, barely able to stand. I've lost a lot of blood... I look down and my vision blurs when I see the blood soaking through nearly everything I have on.

"Kaida!" Bakugo says suddenly, turning around to hold me upright by my shoulders.

"Hey, you okay? Look at me, dumbass! Look, right here" he commands worriedly. I meet his eyes, exhausted. How do I always end up doing this? I swallow, shaking my head.

"I'm fine" I insist.

"You've lost too much blood, Kaida. You can't go on like this" Shoto interjects, matter of fact. I nudge Bakugo's arms away from me and glare at Shoto.

"I'm fine!" I snap, shaking my head to clear the fog. I refuse to go down this time and I refuse the entire way home, forcing myself to walk with the guys without help. It doesn't matter what we've been through. I won't collapse after every fight. I'll keep going. And I won't stop until I'm the best. The pain becomes distant as we walk, the burning numbing itself as I focus on staying upright. I'll show them... I'll show everyone... that I don't need to rely on anyone to stay standing.