Chapter Nineteen

The next few days are kept busy by multiple hero association members and detectives from the police force. I talk to more people in that time than I think I've spoken to in my entire time at UA High school, but once it's over, life starts to feel close to normal again. Since the attack at Endeavor Agency, no one's spotted the masked villains or reported any unusual villain activity. Word spread fast around campus about those of us involved in the incident, but almost as soon as the chatter started, it dissipated with most of the kids throwing themselves excitedly into upcoming events.

"A dance?" I ask aloud, absently pulling my uniform skirt back down. Ashido grins, nodding enthusiastically.

"Yeah! Just like the ones you see in movies, you know? Some of the other classes came together and presented it to the teachers as a way to get all of our minds off of things. Isn't it fun?" she gushes, eyes sparkling. Ochaco laughs, looking over the flyer with her own air of excitement.

"It will be kinda fun to dress up. Besides, I know a lot of girls that'll be happy to finally have a good excuse to ask someone out" she beams. I make a face, shaking my head.

"Yeah... I'm probably gonna sit this one out" I say, earning a look of disappointment from both girls.

"What do you mean?" Ochaco asks and Ashido frowns.

"Yeah, you can't ditch out on the dance. It's gonna be so fun!" she complains. I sigh, scratching my head.

"I don't know... I don't exactly have luck with that kind of thing right now..." I admit, frowning at the thought of my complicated relationships. Ugh. I haven't talked to either Shoto or Bakugo in days and the distance is killing me.

"What? You mean with boys?" Ochaco wonders and my face flushes. She giggles.

"So what? We'll make it a girls' night then! Come on, don't let us go without you!" she pleads. She and Ashido both pout at me, making their eyes so big I can't help it. I groan.

"Fine! I'll go. But you can't make fun of me if I show up in jeans. I don't have any dresses" I tell them. Ashido's eyes widen excitedly and I instantly regret my words.

"Shopping!!!" she breathes with passion and I blink.

"Oh no... no, no, no, you can't" I stammer, backing away a step. Ashido just grins, a determined look in her eyes.

"It's a trip!" she insists, grabbing my wrist and starting to tug me after her.

"Ashido, wait!" I complain, trying to pull away, but on the way down the hall, my eyes meet my sister's. I pause, feeling like I've been hit. It's been so long since I've seen her... she locks gazes with me for a moment and the two of us just stare at each other. None of the hostility from before reflects back in her expression and the first thing I want to do is reach out to her... to talk to her... then she's gone. Disappearing amongst the other students, I lose sight of Shiori and feel a lonely ache in my chest. I swallow hard, unable to fight Ashido's insistent grip anymore.

"Maybe we can invite Momo and Kyoka to come too!" she exclaims, talking about the two girls who, up until recently, I hadn't known were together. I nod, deciding that maybe a distraction wouldn't be so bad. Even if it's something as awful as shopping.

"That could be cool" I say, eliciting an excited look from the girls.

"This is gonna be so great!" Ochaco beams. I smile, forcing myself to push the last couple of minutes out of my head.

"Yeah... I think so too" I say, determined to make today better. No matter what, I need to be able to stand on my own. That means with happiness and hero work. I can't rely on anyone to do it for me... not if I really want to be number one.

___________

"Oh my god, Kaida. I think that's the one" Yaoyorozu sighs, staring at me in the dressing room mirror. I make a face at my reflection, not quite sure. As it turns out, the shopping trip ended up inspiring even more of the girls in our class to come along, including Hagakure and Asui.

"I don't know... it doesn't seem... revealing?" I ask and she raises her eyebrows suggestively.

"Oh, it's definitely revealing" she replies. I roll my eyes, turning this way and that in the mirror, trying to find the right light. The dress itself is beautiful, a deep black with faint lace accents and dazzling sequins. It seems a little formal but the thin spaghetti straps dip into a plunging neckline and the tight bodice flares out into a classic A-line skirt at the hips, splitting on one side at the thigh and revealing a sizeable amount of leg. It's enough to make me blush self-consciously in front of the girls.

"It's not too much?" I ask and Ochaco grins.

"Not at all! It looks amazing on you!" she assures me, turning around in a circle in her own dress. I stare at her in surprise, astonished by how cute she looks. Her dress is shorter than mine, coming to a stop just above her knees and billowing out almost like a tutu. The top half is embroidered with flowers and tiny rhinestones all sweeping up into a sweetheart neckline.

"You're so beautiful!" I tell her. She blushes, brushing it off.

"Not as beautiful as you, stop!" she gushes and I shake my head.

"No seriously! I love that on you!" I insist and she grins again.

"Aw, you guys! This is gonna be so fun!" Hagakure gushes, clapping her hands together so that the bracelets on her wrists clink together. Asui nods in agreement, smiling warmly.

"A girl's night should be really fun" she says. Ashido pokes her head out from behind another row of dresses, raising an eyebrow.

"That is if some of you can stay away from the boys..." she replies, earning a startled look from Ochaco and an embarrassed sort of wiggle from Hagakure.

"Ojiro already said it was fine!" Hagakure insists, causing most of us to erupt into giggles.

"What?" she demands, pouty.

"I didn't say you and Ojiro specifically" Ashido laughs, coming back around to rejoin the group.

"Even if you do end up with your dates at the end of the night, it's fine. I'm not gonna keep you all to myself" I insist, earning warm looks all around. Ochaco grins at me and grabs my hand, squeezing it happily.

"I think we found our dresses then" she beams and I nod, turning to look at myself again. I guess the dress does suit me and while it is more revealing than I'm used to, it's the first thing I've worn in a while that actually accentuates my curves instead of just failing to hold them in. It almost makes me feel... sexy. After Ochaco and I make our purchases, it takes a bit longer for the other girls to find their own dresses, but once we're all satisfied and far beyond shopped out, we head for home.

"That was so fun! We should definitely do that again" Ashido grins on the way back. I laugh, shaking my head.

"How many dances do you think we're gonna have?" I wonder. She rolls her eyes, smacking my arm.

"I mean shopping in general. It's fun hanging out just us girls!" she beams and the rest of us laugh, agreeing for the most part. If I'm honest, it really was fun hanging out with girls for once and doing things girls our age are supposed to be doing. I spend all of my time training and hanging around the guys... it's easy to forget sometimes that I can be feminine too.

"When is the dance again, anyway?" I ask, already forgetting what the flyer said. Yaoyorozu gives me a funny look, shaking her head.

"It's this weekend, silly" she reminds me and I gape.

"This weekend? But I'm not even talking to..." I stop short, face flushing.

"To Todoroki?" she wonders, giving me a knowing smile. I return her smile tensely, but I'm honestly not sure which of the boys' names I was going to say. And that's a thought that terrifies me.

"Y-yeah..." I mumble hesitantly. Ochaco gives me a sympathetic glance, squeezing my arm.

"I'm sure you'll work it out soon" she assures me, ever the optimist. I laugh a little shortly. If only you knew. It's hard to feel like I can reveal that to them though. These girls have known Shoto and Bakugo for a lot longer than they've known me. How would they react to the uncertainty going on inside my head? I let the other girls take control of the rest of the conversation as we make our way home, lost in thought. I don't know what I'm doing at this point or even what I needed all the extra time for, of course I was mad at both of them before, but now? Now I feel like I'm just avoiding them to avoid the discomfort of having to face my own feelings. It's a horrible feeling.

"Hey, Kaida, wanna come up to Ochaco's room and look at ideas for our hair?" Asui asks once we get to the dorms. I smile tiredly, wishing I could extend my energy, but I'm already worn out and not in much of a mood to try and keep up with the small talk.

"Maybe tomorrow, guys. Sorry" I say. The girls don't take it hard though, instead, they all wish me a good night and wave me off, starting inside. I wave back then turn to look out at the front yard. Night's already fallen over the campus and I try to embrace it, taking deep breaths to calm my racing thoughts.

"Hey..." Shoto says, coming up the stairs. I flush, smiling hesitantly.

"Hey" I reply as he comes up to stand next to me.

"How have you been?" he wonders and I laugh a little bitterly.

"In the last few days? I've been better..." I admit. Shoto smiles a little but the look in his eyes is a sad one. It hurts to look at.

"Can we talk?" he asks and my stomach immediately knots up, anxiety gnawing at me.

"Sure" I reply, preparing myself for the worst. He sighs heavily, a faraway look coming into his eyes as he tries to find the right place to start. I swallow.

"I know you have feelings for Bakugo" he tells me. My face burns a bright red and my chest throbs at the mention of it. No... I don't... Shoto...

"It's understandable given all that's happened in the last few weeks and I know it's part of the reason you've been avoiding me..." he continues, giving me a forced smile.

"I know you're probably pretty confused right now... but there is something there for him. I guess... I'm saying I don't expect you to choose me right now and I won't force you or make you feel guilty. You've avoided your feelings so much recently just for my sake..." he shakes his head, making a face.

"Shoto..."

"I'm not saying I'm giving up. I wouldn't dream of that" he laughs, a somber look on his face even as he does so. It makes my heart hurt to see it.

"I'm just saying that maybe you and I need to take a break for a little while... at least until you figure out what you want" he adds. I take an unsteady breath, guilt closing in on me and making it hard to breathe. How can he be so understanding? How can he even assume that I don't want him? I do... I just...

"I want you, Shoto" I whisper. He gives me that smile again, bringing his hand up to gently caress my cheek.

"I know... but you also want him" he replies and the words leave me frozen in shock. Me? Want Bakugo? It doesn't seem possible, not with the way we argue, but at the mention of him, I instinctively remember the way he looked at me in the elevator... how he grabbed my waist at the agency and the feel of his jaw and neck against my face when he saved me. I swallow hard.

"Goodnight, Kaida" Shoto says, leaning forward and kissing my cheek before leaving my side again. I stare after him a moment, watching him go into the dorm building with a pit in my stomach. Why? Why is he so kind to me? Why does he make this so hard?

I sink slowly onto the porch steps, a sudden heaviness weighing on my chest. He's known all along how confused I've been... always able to see right through me and now, all I can do is sit here wondering how I could've hurt him like this? I was so sure about him a few weeks ago and now? I drop my head into my hands, the hot night air making my brow just a bit damp with sweat.

"Everything okay?" Bakugo asks. I lift my head to see him walking up the stairs and I frown when he sits next to me, tired of the back and forth between us. There's no good reason for me to feel anything for him, but sitting here, as close as we are, I can see why Shoto might've seen it that way.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, but I already know the answer to that. I know that he saw me and he had to stop because that's exactly what I would've done if the roles were reversed. I curse myself mentally, chest aching from the pain caused tonight by the very same feelings that are making me feel so whole all of a sudden.

"Looking for you" Bakugo replies, not even an ounce of compassion in his voice. I clench my fists, rage and frustration bubbling over within me.

"How can you be so casual, huh?! What's your problem?! You doing this? You being here? It's confusing and hurtful and unfair to the both of us!" I snap, shocking myself with the words coming out. Bakugo stares at me for a moment and I can see the surprise written on his face. I've never admitted anything close to how I might feel about him, regardless of what my actions might've said for me. But now...

"I don't care if it's confusing. I don't care if you have to figure it out, over and over. I don't care if being around me makes you furious half the time! I'm not gonna give up that easy! I've already shown you..." he pauses, watching me closely. My skin flushes and my heart races. I know what's coming but I don't want to admit it. Not now... not after I just sat here with Shoto, listening to him trying to let me go.

"Bakugo..."

"I already made it clear... that I want you. And I'm done trying not to be selfish about it" he interrupts me, his hand coming up to cup my cheek. I gasp as he pulls me into a kiss, not gently or bashfully, but with purpose and awareness. Bakugo kisses me deeply, tilting his head and pulling me closer so that I might not slip away. For a moment, I'm suspended in disbelief, wondering what the hell he thinks he's doing and why the hell he thinks it's okay, but in the very next moment, I find myself kissing him back. My body melts into him, my hands knotting themselves into the front of his shirt as I kiss him back hungrily. I don't know why and god knows I feel like shit for it, but kissing him in this moment feels like everything I've been missing. I lean into him, needing more, craving it even, then, I pull away abruptly, trying to catch my breath.

"I have to go" I say suddenly, getting up and starting back inside. I can't just kiss Bakugo outside of the dorms. I can't kiss him period! Bakugo is the whole reason I'm in this mess anyway, the damn idiot.

"Kaida..." he says my name so huskily that I have to look back and when I do, it takes my breath away all over again. Bakugo's looking at me like he's never been hungry for anything until now and the unwavering, unashamed eye contact makes my whole body flush. I swallow.

"I'll see you" he tells me, an intense promise behind the words. The force behind it makes my body shake and I rush into the house before he can see me fall apart, sure that it's only a matter of time. What the hell is this? What is he doing to me? I don't know when or how the feelings I have started, but I do know one thing. Now that Bakugo knows they're there... he's not going to let them go. Not ever.