Chapter Eleven

[Liability. - Sparks.]

.

.

.

.

. Jerry lays on the living room sofa, eyes staring out the window - the last few days flying by. He sighs, hugging himself as he waits for his parents to come back home. Him and Beth had decided to take a bit of a break, agreeing that they needed to think over their lives together. He loves her, he thinks of her as a lovely woman, a strong mother; but she scares him, he feels he cannot open up to her without her either showing no care or her simply making fun of him for telling her what he's feeling.

He feels as if they had to move on, separate and go on with their lives. Their love is a ghost and their relationship is forced, but he cannot tell her this, knowing she would have another outburst. He fears being alone, but knows it would be best to take a step away from this. Couple's counselling isn't working, it never was; rather it only made things worse in a sense. He cannot explain why, possibly just him noticing Beth growing more frustrated with him every time they go to a session, perhaps she assumes them having a third party in their arguments would solve their problems, but he could only assume. She never tells him when he asks.

The man walks through the room, remembering his mother's instruction to sweep the kitchen floor. He takes the broom and begins sweeping, the silence weighing on his shoulders. In an attempt to clear his mind, he puts on the radio, continuing to clean up as the song plays - sounding familiar to him.

'Did I drive you away?

"May I have this dance?" Kurtis asked Jerry as he extended his hand, the teenager smiling at him.

I know what you'll say

You say, "Oh, sing one we know,"

Jerry starts gliding through the kitchen, holding his broom dearly as the memory plays out in his head. Purple and blue lights shun on their tuxedos, Kurtis pulled Jerry close to his chest as they swayed from side to side.

But I promise you this

I'll always look out for you

Jerry stared into Kurt's eyes longingly, quickly hiding his face his [Kurt's] the nook of his neck, a blush on his face as he felt the vibration of his chuckles.

Yeah, that's what I'll do

They danced into the center of the hall, a few people whistling at Kurt once his plus-one shows his face again. His blush hidden by the lights, he watched Kurt as he softly sang along to the song - he had always loved Coldplay.

I say, "Oh"

I say, "Oh"

Jerry gently clings to the wooden pole, Kurtis fading into the kitchen with him. He sets the broom aside and lays his arms around the man.

My heart is yours

It's you that I hold on to

Yeah, that's what I do

Kurtis stroked Jerry's heated cheek, thumb brushing against his lips. He smiled softly, "You look lovely tonight," Kurt whispered to him, he stumbled a bit, gripping onto Jerry tightly, but gently, accidentally putting too much pressure on his healing leg - pants leg hiding his bandages.

And I know, I was wrong

But I won't let you down

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I will, yes, I will

"We could have stayed home, Kurt..." Jerry sighed, Kurtis shaking his head with a smile.

"I want tonight to be special. I want to spend it with you - here." He spoke in a gentle tone and leaned down to Jerry's face, planting a kiss to his lips.

I said, "Oh"

I cry, "Oh"

Jerry sweeps across the kitchen with Kurtis, tears in his eyes as he presses his chest against his.

Yeah, I saw sparks

The man smiles up at the farmer, a warm feeling in his chest as he reaches out to touch his cheek, feeling nothing but air against he translucent skin.

Yeah, I saw sparks

Kurtis pulled away slowly, looking into his eyes, "Just go along with it, okay?" Jerry nodded, too flustered to speak.

And I saw sparks

Jerry twirls around in his spot, eyes closed as he takes a deep breath.

Yeah, I saw sparks

Once he had finished turning, Kurt gently dipped the teen, the two looking into one another's eyes.

Sing it out.'

He leans back in his position, eyes opening to find no one holding him, no one there. He lets out a quivering breath as he stands straight, his grip on the broom tight. He touches his cheek, sniffling whilst he wipes his tears off his skin. He stands there a moment longer before shaking his head, memory fading away as the radio anchor provides the necessary announcements.

Kurtis lays on his sofa, arms on his stomach as he keeps his heterochromia eyes shut, opening them when hearing his aunt's voice call out from the kitchen. Standing from the sofa, he moves to the kitchen, fixing the red Christmas sweater he wears. "Yes, Aunt Quinn?" He replies in almost a whisper, the light in his eyes faint.

The woman sighs, "I decided to make you a cake before I go," She speaks gently, leaning against the counter despite her wounded leg - the two alike in certain aspects. "Would you like to lick out the icing bowl?" She smiles warmly. Glancing down at the bowl, he shakes his head, catching the woman by surprise.

"No thanks, I'm good..." He clears his throat and shoves his hands into his pockets and turning around. "I'm going out for a bit, I'll be back in an hour or two." He informs her, shrinking under her gaze. She sighs.

"Be safe, baby," Kurtis nods, leaving the house without another word. He cannot believe he walked out on him [Jerry] again, drowning under the guilt. He sets his helmet on his head and drives down the dirt path as he leaves his plot, slowing down to open and close the gate with his remote. Was this really how he was going to leave him? Was he really going to admit to loving this man, finally saying it back, after all these years, just to leave him crying in the living room?

Of course not. He didn't want to wait any longer to be with him - his man... But he's with someone else. The memory of looking at Jerry - the tears in his eyes as he held Summer in his arms - it breaks him, but walking out on him was the only way he could protect him. He had lost his mother, for she had gotten caught up in his problems, the thought of that Rick taking Jerry as well, it haunts him. You did what you could. He tells himself as he parks his bike, sitting there for a moment longer. Even if it hurts, you're protecting him. He's safe now. He walks into the bar, taking a seat at the counter. But what if he wasn't safe? What if the way to protect him was to stay by his side when he needed him most?

"Jerry, I can't do this!" Kurtis shouted, tears in his eyes as Jerry sat in front of him, Summer bursting into tears at the sudden outburst. "You're with Beth, I can't-" He orders a drink, taking a sip of the bottle once it's placed in front of him.

"What do you mean?" Jerry asked, quickly moving to get Summer from her crib. "We're still friends- That's not going to change!"

"That's the problem, Jerry," Kurt takes a deep breath, staring down at the coaster on the wooden counter. "I don't want to be your friend. I know it's a lot to ask- but I'm not throwing away what we had, 'cause you're with her! Think about what this is doing to me!" Kurt's tears slid down his cheeks, he couldn't help the sniffle he made. "I love you, Jerry..." Jerry stared at him with a shocked face - he had always thought he didn't feel that way - that he didn't love him back. But there they stood, Summer crying in Jerry's arms as his love stood across from him, breaking down before him. "And I want you to be happy, but I just can't watch you be with her." The farmer gathered his emotions as he took a deep breath, looking away. He hadn't meant to make Summer cry, and he didn't mean to ruin Jerry's night; but the pain he felt seeing the love of his life be with someone else, it weighed on his shoulders.

"Kurtis, I..." Jerry's glossy eyes begun overflowing, lips quivering. "Please, we can talk about this..."

"What's left to say?" Kurtis asked, voice deeper as he struggled to hold back his sobs. "I'm an ungrateful bitch who can't stand you being happy with someone other than me." He balled his hands into fists, looking away as shame fell atop of him, Jerry bouncing his daughter as he struggled to keep her quiet.

"Look, maybe we just need to calm down a bit?" Jerry asked, forcing a smile. Kurt saw right through him, he could tell he was breaking on the inside. He sighed, looking away.

"No, I-I think I should go..." He rubbed his eye and walked to the front door, taking his jacket off of the clothing rack.

"No, please stay!" Jerry begged and ran after him, standing outside in the cold as he watched Kurtis get onto his bike. "We can sit down- t-talk about this! Beth'll be home in a few minutes-"

"Jerry, please!" Kurtis throws back another sip of his beer, taking a deep breath after. He put on his helmet, heaving. "Just-... Just go, be happy, okay?" He lowered his voice, staring at Jerry with sorrow filled eyes.

"This can't be the end, Kurtis, please come back inside..." Jerry pleaded, the look in his eyes scarring the man in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Jerry..." He whispered before riding away, Jerry standing on the sidewalk.

"Ugh..." Kurtis groans, rubbing the side of his head. "I'm such a mess..." He mutters under his breath. He loves Jerry, with every fibre, every bone in his body. He slams his head against the counter, squeezing his eyes shut as the impact gives him a headache. He lays there and stares at his bottle, eyes watering. The world speeds up around him, feeling as if he was in slow motion, he sits up straight, his vision a blur. He takes a deep breath, remembering the pain he had felt that night, the pain in his chest returning, but worse. He stood there looking at Jerry, the tears in his eyes brought him back to the first time he left. He shakes his head. I did it to keep him out of things. I can't let the same thing mom went through happen to him. He deserves so much more than me - than what I can give... He thinks to himself, finishing the last of his beer and setting it next to a pile on the counter.

Feeling a hand rubbing against his chest, he looks beside him, eyes watering as Jerry smiles at him. "What's wrong, sugar?" He asks, cupping his cheek.

"Nothing..." Kurt looks away quickly, This is fake, this is just an hallucination... He takes a deep breath and faces the bartender. "Is there someone next to me?" He asks, voice slurring. The man nods, tossing Kurt's bottles into the trashcan. The farmer looks at Jerry, taking a deep breath. This isn't Jerry then. My mind's just messing with me... 'Jerry' turns his stool to face his and leans to his ear.

"Why don't we take this some place else?" He asks in a seductive voice, Kurt sighing softly as he moves away from him.

"No, thanks. I'm good." He says politely, the person scoffing and walking away. Kurtis leans against the counter, head in his hands.

"Kurtis?-"

"Go away, you're just in my head or whatever..." Kurtis mumbles, silent for a moment, before raising his head, tears streaming down his cheeks. "Wait, Jerry?" The man stands before him, a saddened face on his features. Kurt looks away instantly.

"Yeah..." Jerry says hesitantly, rubbing the back of his neck, "Are you okay? It's... been a minute." He smiles softly, Kurt stares at the counter, looking broken.

"What are you doing here?" He asks, trying to seem sober - but of course Jerry sees right through him, that's something they share, they could easily look at one another and tell if they were fine or not - if they were lying. Jerry sits down beside the man, trying to find the words. He clears his throat, turning to Kurtis with a caring look in his eyes.

"I needed a drink," He says slowly, "But I think you need a friend more." A little smile forms on Kurt's face, he shakes his head.

"You're adorable." Kurtis looks at Jerry, he misses him. The moment he got on that bike, this longing to be with him grew. He accepted it as the end, hid himself the best he could, but seeing him again in the grocery store, that single moment, brought back what felt like home. He understood he didn't have a place in Jerry's life, but he really wanted to try and be there for him, even if it hurt seeing him with Beth, wearing his wedding ring. He shoved that hurt deep down, put on a smile and showed happiness. He had always wanted Jerry to be happy, and all these years later, he came to acceptance with the fact that he may not be the one to bring that feeling to him. It was hard to swallow at first, but just seeing him smile again, as silly as it sounds, that made it easier.

Jerry places a hand on Kurt's, taking a deep breath. "Um, our song played on the radio." Jerry's eyes tears up, Kurtis nodding.

"I listened to it." He locks eyes with Jerry, a sense of comfort between them. "I'm sorry," The farmer sighs, "I thought leaving would be fine, I didn't want to hurt you, but I didn't realize that, by going away, it'd hurt you."

"It's fine..." Jerry sighs, rubbing the back of his neck. "I hated seeing you go, but... it really opened my eyes."

"Oh, yeah?" Kurt turns to Jerry, raising an eyebrow. The man nods, moving his hand to Kurt's cheek, thumb on the corner of his lips.

"I love you, Kurtis. I-I knew that before, but... I've never thought of it." Jerry smiles softly, Kurtis raising a hand to Jerry's.

"I'm way too drunk for this, Jer," Kurtis chuckles.

"It doesn't matter, Kurt, I called you when I was drunk,"

"That was pretty odd," Kurtis nods slightly, Jerry laughing softly. "I love you too, Jerry." He says softly, the two colliding with a kiss. They break apart, Kurtis finding himself in the back of Jerry's car, pinning his wrists above his head. They pant softly, clothes still on, but Jerry's sweater lifted slightly and jeans zipper tampered with. Kurt looks away as a blush spreads across his face, What am I doing?

"A-are you okay?" Jerry asks, sitting with his arms propping him up when Kurt lets go of him.

"Yeah, I-..." Kurtis sighs, "I don't think I can do this. I need to get home, Aunt Quinn's waiting for me." He takes a deep breath. His pants feels tight, he hates this feeling. The main thought in his mind, one distracting him from his 'urges', is going home to take his aunt to the retirement home. He cannot leave her alone any longer, he's already in a drunken state, and now flustered. He frowns. "And you're married." Kurtis says, the statement stinging as it rolls off his tongue. It was more of a reminder for himself, his love being married.

"But..." Jerry tears up, covering his mouth after a sob escapes his lips. Kurtis impulsively turns to Jerry.

"What's wrong?-"

"I-I want a divorce, Kurtis," Jerry gulps, the man on top of him stares at him with a shocked face, "I mean, I love her- I love our family, but she... She just makes me feel terrible..." Jerry looks away, "We got divorce before, got back together- but I think she just did that, because she was scared..." Kurtis sighs and moves to sit down, Jerry sitting next to him. The two remain silent for a moment, trying to calm themselves. Kurtis steals a few glances of Jerry, unable to say anything in response. Jerry sighs. "Is it wrong that I love you?" He asks aloud. "I'm a married man, but..."

"It's fine to love someone, but loving someone whilst you're married, that's- that's technically cheating." Kurtis says bluntly, "Emotional cheating. Falling in love with a whole other person, it's not the same as just sleeping with another person."

"But they're both cheating..."

"Yeah, I know..." Kurtis sighs, "Honestly, I'd much rather have someone cheat on me by sleeping with someone else, rather than find out they've fallen in love with someone else. Both are bad, and they'd both break my heart, but... You know." He shrugs and opens the door, Jerry following him. He watches the farmer walk around the car and up to him, feeling his hand touch his cheek gently. "Call me once you've spoken to Beth about this," He whispers, Jerry nodding slowly, "And if you choose to stay quiet, like, not even mention that you want to end things... just don't call me. And consider what we have gone again." Kurtis sighs, pulling his hand away from the man as he walks away.

"Wait-..." Kurtis looks over his shoulder and at Jerry, waiting patiently for a response. "When will I see you again? I-if I don't say anything?.."

"Try another seventeen years," Kurtis laughs bitterly, Jerry humming softly, a hurt smile on his lips. "It'll be a while, Jer, but we'll meet again. Whether it's seventeen years from now, or two months. Or maybe we'll be in the same retirement home, maybe... Maybe we won't meet again in this life, or the next. But soon, we'll be together again." Jerry takes a deep breath and nods, unable to speak. Kurtis gives him a little salute, before climbing onto his motorcycle, and riding off with his helmet on his head - feeling at ease by this, their gentle goodbye.

[30 June 2022.]