Chapter 1

Jax's point of viewThe sun is starting to rise as I drink another cup of coffee. I've already drank one pot and am starting in the second and it's only 5:30 in the morning. As usual, I didn't sleep last night. In fact, I couldn't tell you thr last time I got a good nights rest. I can't sleep because I either see my wife's lifeless body lying in a pool of blood on our kitchen floor or my mother's lifeless body lying in the rose garden at my grandfathers. I have even moved houses hoping that would help me sleep better but even that hasn't helped. The only things that helps even the slightest is drinking but I can't just stay drunk all day and all night. I did that for about two months and almost lost my children because of it. My children. My reason for living. My reason to keep going. Looking at my children, I see so much of their mothers in them. Abel and Thomas have different mothers by blood but Tara will always be Abel's mother. And Thomas, he looks so much like his mother that it pains me to look at him at times.

Picking up my coffee mug, I walk down the hall of my home and to the rooms of my boys. They are both sound asleep. Today is Abel's first day of first grade. Last school year was rough on Abel. He got in trouble multiple times and even got in fights. I later found out that was because he was trying to process the fact that my own mother has killed his mother. At five years old, Abel overheard my mother telling Thomas that she had killed Tara. Abel didn't know how to tell me so he started acting out. Once I found out what he knew, I put Abel in theropy. As much as I hated those goddamn head shrinkers, theropy had really helped Abel. He still had his bad days but nothing as bad as the day he took a fork and dragged it down his arm drawing blood. He still has the scars on his right arm from that. I'm really hoping that this year goes better for him. Shit, I hope it goes better for all of us.

Satisfied that the boys are safe, I make my way back to the living room. Sitting down on the couch, I look around at the home I'm living in. I haven't hung any picture on the wall. I haven't even unpacked everything. Decorating was Tara's thing. Just thinking about my wife makes my heart ache. It's aches for the future that was taken from us. It aches for my boys who will grow up without a mother. It even aches for the loss of my mother even though I did what had to be done. Yes, I could have gotten any of brothers in SAMCRO to kill her for what she did but I knew it was something that I needed to do. Yes, he death was brutal but it wasn't anywhere near as brutal as the way Tara was murdered. A fork to the brain multiple times I'd what my wife got because my mother thought that she was going to eat on the club. She didn't know that I was the one who made the deal with the DA. A deal that ending up not being needed. So yes, my wife was dead because of me. She was dead because of the life I live.

Propping my feet up on the coffee table, I leaned back and closed my eyes. Visions of my wife flash before my eyes. I must have dozed off because I was woken up by Abel tapping me on the shoulder. "Daddy, it's the first day of school.""I know buddy. Are you excited?" "Yes.""That's good. I'm glad you like school. Are you hungry?""A little bit.""What do you want for breakfast?""Poptarts.""Ok, go make you're bed and get dressed while I get your poptart and milk.""Ok daddy"

Poptarts have recently became a favorite for both the boys. Although they probably need something more nutritious, I won't argue with them. At least they are eating. As I was toasting Abel's poptart, there was a knock at the door. Walking to the door, I grab my pistol from the waistband of my jeans and peep through the peephole. I don't recognize the woman standing on the other side. She doesn't look to be seeking anything and doesn't look like a threat so I stow then pistol and open the door.

"Can I help you?" I asked.

"Umm, I hope so. My name is Savannah. I'm new in the neighborhood. Ive locked myself out. I was wondering if you had a phone I could use to call my landlord."

"Sure." I said.

"I really appreciate this. I'm so embarrassed. I mean how do you walk out of the house and leave your keys, phone, and wallet knowing you have to have the keys to unlock the car?"

"I don't know. Come on in. The phones on the table by the couch." I said as I went back to the kitchen to check on Abel's Poptarts.

"Thank you for letting me use your phone. Unfortunately he's out of town and it's going to be later today before he gets back. He said I could call a locksmith but that I would have to pay for it. Well, I don't have the money to pay for one."

I took in her appearance for the first time. She was a beautiful woman. She looked to be in her thirties. She was on the short side, maybe only 5'2 or 5'3. She had hair the color is the sun that flowed down past her shoulders in loose curls, and eyes as blue as the sky on a clear summer day. The black eyelIner and makeup only amplified the effect of her eyes. It was almost as if she could see right though me in a way no one other than Tara ever had. In a black pencil skirt, some type of flowy pink top, and black leather heels, she was gorgeous and not in a "I know I look good" way. What the fuck is wrong with me? Why did I just turn into some poet, waxing on about this woman's beauty? I need to get a fucking grip.

"I may be able to help you with that." I said.

"Really? How? I can't ask you to pay"

"I'm not offering to pay. I'm just offering you a ride to work."

"Oh. Well now I feel like a freaking idiot. But I can't possibly ask you to carry me to work. No matter how much I can't afford to lose this job."

"So let me drop you off. I have to carry my sons to school and daycare. I'm heading into town anyway."

"I mean if it's not too much to ask, I would really appreciate the lift. I'll pay you or the gas."

"No payment needed. Let me get my kids straight and then I'll be ready. What time do you have to be at work?"

"Not until 9."

"Ok. Have a seat and I'll be right back.

As I went into Abel's room, I found him sitting on the edge of his bed. He was dressed in jeans and a T-shirt, trying to tie his shoes. After helping him tie his shoes, I walked into Thomas's room. He was sitting in his crib, playing with his favorite teddy bear. I made quick work of getting him dressed. As I was getting him dressed, I heard the moment Abel went into the living room.

"Who the hell are you?" Said Abel.

"Abel Teller, watch your mouth." I shouted from the bedroom.

"My name is Savannah. I locked myself out and your daddy was kind enough to let me use the phone. Long story short, your daddy is also giving me a ride to work."

"Okay" said Abel.

When I walked into the living room, I apologized to Savannah for Abel's behavior.

"Sorry about that. He's a little protective since his mom died."Why did I just volunteer that information? And why did it give me a little thrill for her to know I was single? It's not like I'm going to act on anything.

"Oh my god. I'm so sorry. How did she die? Oh shit, that's not any of my business. Shit, I shouldn't cuss in front of the kids. Dammit, I did it again."

It's all good. They have heard much worse words than shit. And to answer your question, it's not something I like to talk about all that much. Maybe one day I will tell you all about it."

"No, it's not any of my business. I shouldn't have asked."

"Don't worry about it."

I placed Thomas on the floor and walked into the kitchen to check on Abel. He was sitting at the table eating his poptart and drinking his milk. Grabbing a pack of mini muffins out of the cabinet and a sippy cup full of milk, I opened the muffins and carried them into the living room and handed them and the milk to Thomas who immediately started eating them like he was starving.

"Abel, you about done?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Go brush your teeth and grab your backpack. We're leaving in five minutes. Don't wanna be late for your first day"

"Yes sir."

"You have two beautiful boys" said Savannah.

"Thank you. I can't take credit though. They both are spitting imitates of their mother's."

"Don't sell yourself short. I see a lot of you in the oldest child. He has your eyes."

As if my eyes had a mind of their own, they locked with hers. Again, I was struck by the color of them. Was she flirting with me or was she just making a statement? I'm no stranger to women giving me looks. I am in fact the president of SAMCRO and I don't look half bad if I do say so myself.

"Thanks" I said. Shanking myself from the trance I seemed to be in, I turned towards Thomas's diaper bag and began putting items in it for the day.

"Can I help do anything?"

"No, I got it" I said.

"Are you sure? I can at least help you get ready"

"No, I got it."

"Ok."

Once I had Thomas's bag packed and made sure Abel had all his schools supplies, i flipped the switch on the coffee pot and made sure the back foot was locked.

"Everyone ready?"

"Yep." Said Savannah who had picked up Thomas.

"Yep" said Abel.

"Alright, let's roll."

"Which side does he go on?" Asked Savannah as she nodded her head towards Thomas.

"Drivers side."

"Okay."

After I buckled Abel into his booster, I walked around to the drivers side. Savannah was just finishing up buckling Thomas which allowed me to sneak a peak at her ass. And it was a very nice ass. It was perfectly round and I couldn't see any panty lines. My thoughts immediately went to what type of underwear she wore. Did she wear thongs?Did she even wear panties?Thinking about her and her underwear made my dick twitch. It was god to know the thing still worked but I definitely didn't need to be sporting a hard on with a girl I didn't even know. But for some reason, I wanted to know her. I wanted to know everything there was to know about her.