25

Six hours passed. Six surreal, horrific hours spent with tears and silent prayers. It was in the middle of the night and they haven't slept a minute yet. Most of them were guided out because visitors weren't allowed to stay during the night, so it was only Beau and Scott sitting on the white corridor as Mitch's family. Nel and Mike haven't arrived yet.

The two boys have never been terribly close to each other. It was frustrating to wait in silence and not know what to say, especially because they both knew how important their role was is Mitch's life. Or at least used to be. Scott was texting Mark who was waiting in the parking lot with the others. Beau just kept staring at the wall, his mind racing. Mitch deserved better, he thought. Better in every way. He didn't know how their relationship was going to be after this.

A nurse opened the door of a hospital room with papers in her hand. "Dr. Farrow is going to arrive in five minutes. Mr. Grassi needed an emergency surgery, luckily everything went well. His stomach is damaged and he has two broken ribs but he'll recover for sure."

Beau didn't know what to say. Scott took the lead, he even had the presence of mind to ask questions from Dr. Farrow. Soon Mitch's parents came inside the building which meant that they had to leave, too. On the way to the car Beau's phone rang and everyone's breath hitched as he answered the call.

It was the police. They've caught the man that nearly killed Mitch. After running away, he broke into Mitch's house again, and when the neighbors saw someone entering the building, they called 911. Two officers had found him in Mitch bedroom.

His name was Brett Talbot. He's been diagnosed with maniac depression when he was 16 and had been hospitalized with paranoid schizophrenia at the age of 22. After being released, he stopped going to therapy. His ex-girlfriend called the police on him once before leaving him, so they knew his name already.

The guy following and threatening Mitch for months had a name finally. He was a real person, and no one ever believed Mitch when he told them. It almost caused losing his life.

Now the police wanted Mitch to face him again.

***

Mitch had to stay in the hospital for two weeks. In the first couple of days he was mostly just sleeping, but whenever he woke up, there was someone next to him. He was doing quite alright in the beginning.

Things started to get more interesting after he wasn't in a need of so many medications anymore. At first, he thought it was a side effect of painkillers that he felt so numb. On the day he got his hospital discharge summary, he realized that it wasn't the case.

He hated that everyone was making decisions about him behind his back. Scott had been talking with Nel, Mike and Beau but not with Mitch. They agreed on staying at Scott's place for a couple of days without even asking Mitch if he wanted to. How did they think they could make him go back to where he was nearly killed?

At the same time, he was too exhausted to express what he really thought. Words took too much effort, and he still wasn't convinced all those people he called friends and family would think he was able to make responsible decisions on his own.

Being with them was so hard. He couldn't feel like he had a place there anymore. They all treated him as if he was a different person now. Maybe he was. He didn't feel like singing, he was unmotivated to talk about clothes or photoshoots. Even if he put on some music, he switched it off because it was bothering him. Lately he lost interest in everything he loved.

The police recommended him visiting a therapist before they would make him face Brett. Mitch couldn't say his name out loud. He felt sick only by the thought of it. However, they only had a week to prepare before he had to meet him. Mitch wasn't ready at all.

They said he only needed to take a look at Brett's face to assure everyone that they've caught the right person. On that day Mitch was allowed to take a higher dose of meds than usually but still, he didn't feel like it was enough.

He saw him standing there, his hands cuffed behind his back, escorted by two police officer and with the darkest grin on his face. He looked Mitch in the eye but didn't say a word. Suddenly, Mitch was unable to speak. Beau held his hand stronger. Seconds passed in heavy silence until Mitch collected enough strength to open his mouth. "It was him."

Brett didn't even flinch, his face was still. The officers grabbed his upper arms both side to lead him out of the room, but before he stepped out the door, he turned back."Once I'll get out and find you again," he growled. The officers pulled him outside, and all Mitch could hear was his stalker's laugh filtering through the closed door.

It was over.

Or at least he thought.

Three weeks later he was diagnosed with complex PTSD. The long-lasting trauma caused it, his therapist explained. Living in constant fear, being threatened frequently was not something he could cope with, which was understandable. He saw no way out, but when it suddenly ended, his mind was still stuck at its terrified state.

Brett was in prison, but so was Mitch. Even if he knew he was at a safe place now, all the feelings, the memories were haunting him the same. He was stuck in a whirlwind of thoughts from the past, living them as if they were the present and future. It didn't matter now many times he was assured that Brett was arrested, he still felt that freezing fear from weeks before.

There was no way out.

Did he forget to eat or was he starving himself on purpose? He felt so ashamed, sometimes he just couldn't catch his breath. He felt so guilty. He should've done something way before. He was risking Beau's and his friends' lives. Was it all his fault?

The flashbacks of pictures and emotions were tearing him apart each day. He wanted to jump off a bridge. He wanted to take all his meds. He wanted to bleed out. Anything to stop feeling this hopeless.

No one really cared about him anymore. They all moved on. They didn't know what to say or how to act, so they just ignored Mitch. They couldn't put up with him. At least that was how he felt. Their words sounded empty to Mitch's ears, he didn't believe when they said they loved him and that they were worried about him. Cutting them off was so much easier. Sometimes he wanted to cry for help, but he never did.

He felt ridden. Abandoned. Worthless.

His breath hitched, his muscles tightened anytime someone walked past by him. Every sudden movement and noise made him flinch. His heart was beating out of his chest every time a stranger made eye contact with him. There was no place he could feel safe anymore.

He was terrified of anything and everything. He couldn't sleep in the dark, he didn't feel comfortable between Beau's arms and smiling at Scott was painfully impossible. His chest hurt all the time, he was sore of trying to force back the tears all the time. Then a sudden smell hit him, or he heard a familiar sound and there he was, hysterically sobbing and suffocating in the fear his own mind made up. It was almost like he heard those words again. He sensed Brett's touch on his arm, on his mouth and he felt his fingertips digging into his neck. Of course, it was always over eventually, and he found himself in the fake security of the room.

It was tiring to relive all those memories day by day.

However, sometimes he couldn't decide if they ever happened at all. He looked into the mirror, but his own face looked unfamiliar. Some days he felt completely empty, like he didn't have a past. Like he was trying to read a bright, white page with small, blurry letters on it and he couldn't make out a single word. He was dizzy and numb.

Was he even alive?

A/NI was so nervous posting this chapter lol

Some very short side info about complex PTSD:- its symptoms are very similar to borderline personality disorder, and because c-PTSD is quite a new term, it's often confused with BPD (but it does matter which one is the case because the treatment is different) - c-PTSD is caused by trauma that lasted long time and escaping seemed impossible, for example kidnapping, domestic violence or wars (while PTSD develops after one traumatic event, for example a car crash)- if you're experiencing this, seek out for help because it can get so much better :) for me only a year of therapy has made such a huge change that I could've never imagined if I don't experience it myself

Remember, no one deserves to be abused. Dm me anytime if you need someone to listen ❤️