14

Mitch couldn't help but wonder if the band members didn't trust him anymore. They were sitting in the living room area of the tour bus but no one dared to look into his eyes after the incident. They all knew that organizing things behind Mitch's back was something that will really deeply hurt the tenor. Beau knew it, too. He didn't get much information about planning the break but he got a long message from Scott, explaining what they had in their minds. It was already too late to warn them that Mitch wouldn't appreciate it.

The air was filled with unsaid words and heavy emotions. Usually the tour bus was loud from music and laughter but this time they all sat in silence, occasionally talking quietly. Mitch was staring at the screen of his phone, leaning to Beau's chest. The boy wrapped an arm around his waist, gingerly stroking Mitch's stomach with his thumb.

After a couple of hours they were all bored. Kirstie started to open envelopes that she got after the concert, so did Scott. Within five seconds Matt and Kevin joined them, too. Mitch acted like he didn't notice until Kirstie spoke. "Mitch, do you want to read yours?" she asked with a soft smile, only making Mitch's stomach flip uncomfortably."No, thanks," he answered and tried to look very buzzy with his phone so no one would question why he was rejecting it. Beau's arm tightened around his waist: he sensed something. Mitch looked up and his eyes met his boyfriend's concerned stare. He didn't know what to say.

Only one thing was for sure: Beau will break up with him. Mitch promised him that he'll talk after they got home but now he couldn't. As soon as the thought hit him again, his eyes filled with tears no matter how hard he tried to resist, and the fear gripped his lungs, rushing through his body as ice cold water. He impulsively gasped out for air, and that was the thing that Beau noticed again. He pulled Mitch closer to his chest without a word, as an attempt to prevent whatever was going to happen next. Mitch was quite calm for some time now and Beau didn't want it to end.

Mitch wanted to shout and tell him not to touch him. All he wished was to disappear and never give Beau the chance to say the words that will end their relationship. Mitch knew that it was going to happen. Emotional pain can be so heavy. He didn't know how long he could take it.

When they arrived to Los Angeles, it was dark again. Kirstie was planning to spend the night at Scott's place with Ben and Floof since they were living in New York. Saying goodbye was the weirdest because none of them had an idea when they will see each other again. All of the bandmates hugged Mitch without a word, not knowing what to tell him. Silence was better than anything else – hearing pitying words would've made Mitch feel so much worse and ashamed than he did this way.

Beau took his hand and led themselves to a taxi waiting for them. They both sat in the backseat, and Beau didn't miss a minute to touch and comfort him. It surprised Mitch. They've been together for two years now but Beau never really needed to handle him this way. It was more Scott's thing to do after Penatonix became popular. It felt like Beau instinctively knew how to make him feel more relaxed and it broke Mitch's heart. He wished he would have the chance to give everything back but they didn't have the time anymore.

Mitch didn't let him to pay for the ride. He knew that Beau often felt uncomfortable when Mitch was taking care of the financial stuffs but it was a reasonable thing to do for the tenor. Money wasn't a question for him anymore. Despite that, they sometimes had small arguments about it and Mitch saw on Beau's face that this time he was forcing himself to hold back what he was going to say. He took their luggage instead and went to open the front door.

When the door opened and Mitch saw the dark room, his legs nearly gave up on supporting him. His breath was shallow, he felt dizzy, almost like passing out again. Beau switched on the lights and stepped inside. Mitch followed him but his eyes were automatically searching for something – or someone. When no one came to attack them, he blew out the air he was holding inside. Beau already kicked his shoes off but Mitch rather sat down for a while."Are you hungry?" his boyfriend asked, looking back at him. Of course he wrinkled his forehead immediately. "You're so pale, sweetheart.""I don't wanna eat yet," Mitch answered, trying not to make a comment on Beau's statement."Okay. Let's take a bath then," the younger boy proposed, only earning a smile.

Beau really tried his best to make Mitch feel more comfortable. He filled the bathtub with perfectly warm water and bubbles, he lit the candles and cuddled Mitch until he almost fell asleep in his arms. It happened a lot lately but Beau was the only one he felt safe with. He closed his eyes and tried to soak in as much peace as he could before everything was over.

They ended up having evening snack in the bed. Mitch still wasn't particularly hungry but he barely ate all day and Beau was starving. They made small sandwiches together, cut some fruits and opened a wine bottle, too. That night was literally everything Mitch longed for. Nothing but calm coziness, warm inside jokes, soft touches and love. Neither of them wanted to get drunk but both ended up a little bit tipsy, just enough to kind of forget everything and relax. Mitch leaned to the headboard of his bed, Beau laid his head on his lap, their hands were loosely clasped and Mitch drew small patterns with his index finger on Beau's chest. He was deep in his thoughts and took a breath to talk but changed his mind. Beau obviously noticed though."What is on your mind?""Just-" Mitch sighed. "Are you mad at me? We haven't been together in such a long time and- Yeah.""What do you mean? We met couple of weeks ago." Beau raised his eyebrows in surprise. He was studying Mitch's face with all of his effort but couldn't read it. The brunette looked away."Not like that. I mean... having sex or something?" His whisper was more of a question, like he was afraid of the answer.Beau sat up, cross legged. "Don't be silly. Why would I be angry? You never have to if you're not in the mood, and you obviously haven't been lately. It's okay."Mitch was avoiding his look. It was Beau's turn to inhale deeply but he ended up staying in quiet. He felt like he was making the situation worse with each word being said.

Besides, they still haven't talked about the guy in Mitch's room who sent Beau a text message two days ago. He didn't want to force the topic now that Mitch was relaxed but his calmness faded away as his boyfriend pulled up his legs to his chest, creating some distance between them. He was visibly disturbed.

They needed to talk about the new mental health professional for Mitch, too but it wasn't the right moment. Beau was planning to wait until next day with the heavy topics like these two. He wanted to get off Mitch's mind of whatever that made him so anxious but it didn't last long enough.

"Can I hug you?" Beau asked, opening his arms but for his surprise Mitch shook his head."I don't want you to touch me," he said. He wiped his cheeks with his palm and sniffled, visibly forcing himself not to cry but the more he tried, the harder he failed. He hid his face behind his knees and couldn't stop. Beau was helpless. He was biting on his lip, thoughts racing as he watched Mitch silently sobbing, too far away from him. What now if he couldn't touch him and words didn't work anymore?

This time Beau decided against Mitch's wish. He moved so he sat right next to his boyfriend and pulled him into his arms as softly as he could."No, don't touch me!" Mitch tried to resist but only with words. His body was longing for Beau's presence. "I hate him so much!" It slipped out of his mouth and he couldn't take back, it was too late. Beau pulled away a bit, just enough to see his face."Who?"Mitch didn't answer."Who do you hate? Did someone hurt you?"

The worst part was that Mitch was crazy for answering the question. He desperately, really wished with every inch of his body but he couldn't. Not when it was so dangerous."I don't understand," Beau admitted. He ran his fingers though his hair but suddenly stopped. "The letters are something triggering for you, right?""What?" It was so unexpected that Mitch literally forgot to cry for a minute."The letters! Can I see them? Where do you keep them?"Mitch saw the light in Beau's eyes. He jumped up from the bad and stared down at Mitch, waiting but he got no answer."Would you please show them?" he asked again."No! They- They don't matter," Mitch raised his voice and silence filled the room. Mitch never talked like that before. He covered his mouth with his hand."I think they do," Beau said slowly. He stepped backwards without any intention to turn around but it was the closet that Mitch used for hiding the envelopes. The panic gripped his chest."No, they don't!" This time he was shouting. It was useless. Beau already knew that he was hiding something. That was it, he is either going to break up with him or Mitch's stalker is going to kill him. "Get the fuck out of my room! Go!" He saw the shock on Beau's face and it was just enough to push him into breaking down.

Mitch was losing his mind. He was sobbing uncontrollably and screaming at Beau to leave who was standing in the middle of the room, completely frozen, eyes widen."Don't you hear what I'm saying?! Just fucking leave! Leave! Get out!"For a second he thought that Beau actually left. The only thing he noticed was that he was out of his vision but he couldn't process the things that happened anymore. Then he felt the strong arms wrapping him into a hug and holding him close, he smelled Beau's cologne. He wanted to fight, to push him away and make him disappear but he wasn't strong enough."You really are a singer, aren't you?" Beau chuckled lightly. "At least your lungs are still the same."

It was unbelievable.Mitch was still sobbing and he literally melted into Beau's hug in surrender.He was too tired to take it anymore. All he wanted was a way out of this craziness.Just a way out, it didn't matter anymore which one.