32: Katie

KATIE'S POVMarch 21st

Under house arrest, life is extremely boring. At least in contrast to the last few days.

I call Jake a few times, but the last time I tried, Billy said he was out and he'd let Jake know I called him. So, I sit at the edge of my bed, plucking the strings of my guitar, playing simple melodies.

I can't face Edward or Bella. However awful that sounds... I can't do it.

He hurt her. Beyond repair. And she's worked her ass off these last six months to put herself back together. And, just as if nothing happened, he's back. They're all back.

It makes me nauseous. And, if I'm being honest, it also makes me scared. That he'll leave again, and we'll have to do this all over again. That he'll stay, and everything will be changed.

I know Edward's been here all night thanks to the incessant pounding in my head, alerting me of the danger he poses. It was nearly impossible to sleep because of it.

I don't realize, however, that he's approaching my room until I hear my door squeak ever so silently from behind me. I snap my head around, setting the guitar down quickly.

Edward must sense my unease, for he steps toward my desk and away from the door, giving me a way to exit. "Can we talk?"

"No thanks," I snap, stubbornly turning away from him. I don't care if it's childish— I don't want excuses or threats from someone who's only inflicted damage on the ones I love.

"I wanted to say that I'm sorry," he continues anyways. "I owe you an apology."

I turn towards him again, frowning, fighting the urge to scoff at him. "Not just me. You owe Bella an apology."

He nods, his golden eyes still locked on me. "I already gave her one. I..." he shakes his head, almost imperceptibly. "I didn't realize the mess I was leaving behind. I thought you two would be safer without me— especially after you told us your story about Johnathan. Not that you are in any way responsible," he rambles, and I think this is the first time I've ever seen him thrown off his game. "I didn't think Victoria would come back. It was wrong to leave you unprotected."

"We were not unprotected," I counter.

"And I owe my thanks to the wolves for that. Especially Jacob," he adds pointedly, obviously trying to appeal this to me. "Even if it was irresponsible and dangerous to trust werewolves, the second most dangerous thing after Victoria," he adds as an afterthought, very quietly.

I stand up, fuming. "The pack is not irresponsible or dangerous. Know what is? Leaving Bella in the middle of the woods. Trying to kill yourself because of Bella. What is wrong with you?"

He grits his teeth. "I love her. More than is comprehensible. I never meant to hurt her. I thought leaving was the only option. But she and I are too... connected now. I can't fathom living without her. Can't you understand? What would you do if Jacob died?"

I hate that he keeps bringing Jake into this. "I wouldn't leave to begin, that's what." I would be a wreck. But Jacob's fine, so I push the thought from my head.

Edward puts his head in his hands, in somewhat of a frustrated and defeated manner. "I know I messed up. Bella's apprehensive. You both have every right to be. But I won't hurt her again like this. I won't leave again. You don't need to... protect her from me."

I shake my head. "You have no right to tell me that, Edward. None," I snap, feeling the tears pricking my eyes. "Who was here consoling her every night, shaking her from her nightmares, trying to tell her that it's a dream while she's screaming at the top of her lungs? Coaxing her to talk to her other friends again? To talk in general? Who told her to get out of the house, even to go to school or work? I'll give you a hint: it wasn't you, Edward. So don't tell me to stop protecting her from you. I wish you had never called. Had never jumped to conclusions. Then you'd be far away from here, and we could go living as normal. Without you."

Somewhere in my anger I began crying, because my face is wet and I'm trembling by the time I'm finished talking. Edward just shakes his head in remorse.

"I know I can't make it up to you yet. Not with an apology. But please just let me try, Katie." His voice is soft, comforting. "Bella trusts you. My family does, too. I want you to be able to trust me."

I just shake my head. "You promised the Volturi you would change her. How could I trust you?"

That makes him pause. "We both know I didn't want to do that."

I do know. That's part of the problem. None of us want this to happen. "And what does Bella have to say about this?" I ask hysterically, wiping the tears from my eyes.

"She... she wants to put it to a vote. With my family."

That gets my attention again. I turn completely, assessing his body language. "When?"

"Tonight. That's part of the reason I came in here. She wants you there, too, Katie— Katelyn," he corrects.

"Fine," I agree, because what other option do I have? "Now leave. You're giving me a headache," I snap.

I know he's gone when I hear the door click ever so silently. I sit back on my bed, staring at my ceiling. I can't believe Bella actually wants to go through with this.

I knew, somewhere deep down, that Bella wanted to be turned. To be with Edward. I stopped considering it once he left, though. I never thought we'd be back in this situation. Putting her in a different kind of danger. If Edward left again, would Bella be able to recover?

The answer makes me feel queasy.

No. She wouldn't.

Even I couldn't help her.

——————————

Edward led us go the house, arm through Bella's. To his credit, Edward seemed nervous. Bella didn't— she was wide-eyed, happy. From being with Edward, I'd assume. I tried not to notice.

"Carlisle? Esme? Rosalie? Emmett? Alice? Jasper?" Edward called into the emptiness, and it made me doubt whether or not they had been warned about our arrival.

"Welcome back, girls," Carlisle said warmly, appearing at the bottom of the staircase. "What brings you here?"

"I'd like to talk to everyone at once, if that's okay." Bella asks politely. "It's about something important."

"By all means," Carlisle allows, glancing behind him. "Why don't we go to the other room?"

Carlisle leads us all to their dining room, which is dark and spotless. He flicks on a light, illuminating the room in a soft glow, and takes a seat at the large table in the middle of the room. The rest of the family starts filling in, taking seats, until it's just Edward, Bella and I standing. Edward sits, prompting Bella to take the head of the table. I glance around at the available seats and decide that hovering by the wall is good enough for me.

"The floor is yours," Carlisle says, giving Bella a small smile.

Bella looks to Edward, trying to compose herself, and lets her eyes roam around, glancing over each of the seated vampires. She swallows hard before saying, "Well, I'm hoping Alice already told you everything about what happened in Volterra?"

"Everything," Alice assures her.

"And before Volterra?" Bella clarifies, eyes darting my direction.

"Everything," Alice repeats.

"Good," Bella exhales. She pauses, glancing down at her hands, before addressing the room again. "So, I have a problem. Alice promised the Volturi that I would become one of you. They're going to send someone to check, and I'm sure that's a bad thing— something to avoid. So, now, this involves all of you. I'm sorry about that."

Her expression is genuinely apologetic. She makes eye contact with the vampires, eyes darting over their faces with concern. "If you don't want me, I'm not going to force myself on you, whether Alice is willing to change me or not."

I lift my eyebrows in surprise just as Esme opens her mouth to object. But Bella just raises a wary finger at her, eyes darkening. "Please, let me finish. You all know that this is what I want. I'm sure you know what Edward thinks, too. But, I think the only fair way to decide is for everyone to vote. If you decide you don't want me, well... I guess I'll head back to Italy myself. We can't have them coming here. So," she breathes out, "taking into account, then, that I won't put you into danger either way, I want you to vote yes or no on the issue of me becoming a vampire."

Hearing her say the words aloud makes my heart feel heavy.

"I'd like to make an adjustment to one of Bella's statements," Edward interrupts. He then briefly explains how he could hide Bella from the Volturi, as they'd be blind to find her with their abilities.

That's when the arguing happens.

Bella attempts to take control of the room back. "Let's vote. Edward, do you want me to join your family?"

Edward's eyes narrow. "Not that way."

Bella seemed unfazed. "Alice?"

"Yes."

"Jasper?"

"Yes."

"Rosalie?"

"No," Rosalie says, surprising me.

Bella blinks, but prepares herself to move on.

"Wait, Bella. Please let me explain." Rosalie suddenly pleads. "It's not that I don't want you as my sister. It's just... this is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I wish there had been someone there to vote no for me."

Bella nods slowly, taking this into consideration, before turning to Emmett.

"Hell yes!" Emmett shouts. "We can find some other way to pick a fight with Demitri."

Bella, grimacing, nods. "Esme?"

"Yes, Bella. Of course. I already consider you part of the family."

The numbers are not looking good. Only two "no"s in the bunch. "Thank you, Esme." Bella says, but hesitates before the next vote. "Carlisle?"

I pause. This could be the one. His vote meant more than any other member of the family's— whatever Carlisle said would throw the majority.

My hopes fade as soon as I see Edward's face drop.

"Edward," Carlisle warns.

"No," he growls, clutching the table like a lifeline.

"You've chosen not to live without her, and that doesn't leave me a choice, Edward."

I already knew how the vote would pan out before we even arrived. Still, I feel gutted.

Edward stands up from the table and leaves, the room becoming all too silent. "Well, I guess that explains my vote. Yes."

"Thanks," Bella says.

I snap my head at a crash from the other room. Edward, being melodramatic. I wish I could join him. Just start smashing breakables on the ground in anger.

"Katie?" Bella asks.

I can feel everyone's eyes on me. I can't even look at her. "I can't vote against you leaving me, Bells."

The room goes silent. I can't make myself look up, or move from my spot.

"Well, thank you everyone," Bella says after a moment. "I value your input. And I feel the same way about you all. I'm glad you decided to keep me."

The world around me goes blurry. The roaring in my ears is so loud, and the more I try to block my tears from coming, the more they threaten to spill down my cheeks. It gets to the point where I feel dizzy.

I can't imagine a world where Bella's dead. Where she's one of them. I would never be able to see her again. Not for years, at least. But what then? Charlie will be devastated. I'll have to go through her funeral, and pretend she's gone for good. Knowing she's really still... here, just in a different way.

I come back to consciousness as I hear the argument break out. On when to turn Bella. Its so sadistic, I can hardly make myself listen. Listen as they agree that she'll be turned after graduation. Which, I realize with a jump, is about two and a half months away.

Somewhere along the lines, we leave the Cullens', and I'm back in my room, listening to Charlie yell his list of grievances with Bella. Threaten to ship us to Jacksonville to be with Renee.

If he asked me my opinion this time, I'd go to Jacksonville. If only to keep Bella from becoming a vampire.