Okay? Okay

Ed's POV

I hauled the fridge open and pulled out a can of beer. My aim was to get so drunk that I didn't remember anything of tonight. I had no idea what was wrong with her and it was doing me no good sat here worrying.

I just hoped she was safe...

I opened the can and chugged it down letting the heavenly liquid pour itself down my throat.

"Ed." Jamal snatched the can out of my hands. "Getting drunk isn't the solution."

"Yes, it is." I snatched it back.

"No!" He snapped and pulled the can from my hands and poured it down the sink.

"Why d'ya do that?" I hissed.

"Your girlfriend is outside somewhere in the middle-"

"Ex-girlfriend." I corrected.

"Whatever, Ed. She's out there in the middle of night in one of the most dangerous cities in the world and she's in a vulnerable state. Girlfriend or not, you need to go after her." He ordered.

"She could be anywhere." I told him. "Plus, she hates me."

"No she doesn't. She's clearly upset about something, she didn't mean what she said. I doubt she would have gone far." Jamal told me.

"But...what do I say?" I asked.

"Whatever your heart tells you." Jamal said. "Now go."

I paced out of the apartment and pressed the elevator button. Impatiently, I waited for the lift to come up.

"Ah, fuck it." I muttered and ran towards the stairs. My feet pounded againt the hard floor as I speeded down all the stairs. Breathing heavily, I swerved round the corner and continued to run. Panting for air I finally reached the bottom and pushed the exit door open.

I was hit with a harsh cold breeze and zipped my hoodie up. Where could she be? New York was huge. I had no clue where to start. The road was absolutely deserted and free from any sound. That was when the noise of quiet whimpers filled my ears.

Sitting on the curb a few metres down the road was Louise. Her face was buried in her hands but her sobbing was just about audiable.

Cautiously, I slowly walked towards her and sat down next to her not making a single noise. Her arms were still bare and covered with goosebumps and she shivered slightly. I zipped my cosy, warm jacket off and wrapped it around her. Her head shot up instantly.

Her lip was trembling and her face was stained with tears. Her eyes were red and she looked petrified.

My heart broke.

"What are you doing to me Lou?" I whispered quietly.

"You... you shouldn't be here." She shook her head but clutched my jacket around her tightly.

"Neither should you, but you are." I replied.

"Ed, didn't you hear me before? I'm breaking up with you." She harshly commented.

"Well, I'm not going to let you." I defiantly spoke. "Unless you give me a valid reason why."

"I don't have to tell you anything." She said.

"Why are you crying?" I tucked the hair that was in her face behind her ear.

"Why do you want to know?"

"How about because I care? Because I love you? Because your behaviour is so out of character. Just let me in Lou." I persuaded. "Please."

"No, this is for the best." She began to stand up but I held her wrist, pulling her down. "Ouch!"

"Shit, I forgot." I apologised referring to the cuts on her arm.

"It's fine."

"Why did you do this to yourself?" I tried to get her to open up.

"Because life sucks." A tear trailed down her face.

"Why?" I asked. "What's so terrible?"

"Me. I'm terrible. I'm cursed and I'm just going to hurt those around me. I'm gonna hurt you." She replied. "Why won't you just listen to me and leave me alone?"

"You could never hurt me." I ignored her question. "Please Lou, it's breaking my heart seeing you like this."

"You don't want to know. You think you do, but you don't." She shook her head.

"I'm not moving until you tell me. I'll stay here the whole night if I have to. I'm not letting this slide so you might as well tell me now before we both freeze our butts off." I told her.

"I guess you'll be here all night then." She tried to stand up again but I securely wrapped my arm around her waist so she couldn't move.

"I'm not letting you go." I shook my head.

"We'll just sit here then shall we?"

"I guess so." I replied.

We fell silent as nightfall began to spread. Luckily the street lamp made it clear for me to see Louise and vice versa. The silence was unbearable as the street was quiet too; I decided to break it.

"Do you remember the day you told me that you might have cancer?" I asked.

Louise remained silent.

"I said that I wouldn't let anyone hurt you, I promised, remember?" I looked at her.

She was staring at the ground, blinking back tears but she nodded.

"But, I didn't keep my promise though, did I?" I told her and this time she turned to look at me.

"Why do you say that?" Her voice was quiet.

"Because you hurt yourself." I said. "And I didn't- wait."

Something clicked in my brain. The day she told me she might have cancer. She said she would find out the results in a few days to a week. It had been long enough. She knew, didn't she?

"Oh my gosh." Reality struck me. "The phonecall."

"Ed, don't start with that again." Louise said.

"It was your doctor, wasn't it?" I asked her. How could I have been so blind?

She just nodded her head, giving in.

"You... you have cancer, don't you?" I realised as my heart began to pound in my chest.

"I..." She trailed off.

"L-Lou?" My eyes began to sting. "Tell me it isn't true."

"I can't..."

"No." I shook my head in disbelief and stood up from the curb. "No. This isn't happening."

"Ed..." Louise stood up too and looked at me, pain filling her eyes.

I couldn't help it, I wrapped my arms tightly around her and embraced her in a warm hug. I felt my shoulder gradually become wet and heard her sob.

"I won't let anything happen to you. I mean it this time." I whispered in her ear.

"No." She pushed me back. "You shouldn't get close to me, I'll only end up hurting you."

"I don't care. I'm already close to you. You're not getting rid of me that easily."

"But... what if I die, Ed?" She cried.

"I won't let that happen." I promised.

"You can't be sure." She sniffed.

"I won't let you go through this on your own." I told her.

"You don't understand, Ed. This is history repeating itself. I can't let this happen again." She leaned again the side of the wall.

"Let me understand then. Explain." I pleaded.

"My mum died from cancer-"

"That doesn't mean you will." I cut in.

"My mum died from cancer on Christmas day, then my dad committed suicide the day after because he couldn't handle being apart from her." She briefly explained. "I can't let that be you and me."

"Lou..." I was speechless. That's why she hated Christmas.

"I won't let it happen." She shook her head.

"Neither will I. " I promised. "I love you with all my heart and I won't let anything happen to you. Okay?"

"Ed-" She started.

"Okay?"

"Okay."